Light in the darkness
by Tania Hylian
Summary: High school AU. I've lived in the darkness most of my life, not knowing happiness... never seeing the light. But at least it was more bearable than seeing it out of my reach in the shape of a redheaded goddess whose presence is both torture and blessing for me. Elsa's POV of my other fanfic, "The One". Eventual Elsanna.
1. First day

**A/N: This is Elsa's POV of this story, so if you want to read Anna's POV you should check my other fic, "The One". I hope you like it :)**

**This will represent Elsa's dark side.**

_This will represent Elsa's good side._

* * *

**Chapter 1: First day.**

Hi, I'm Elsa but my friends call me… well actually I don't have any friends, but most of people call me loser, moron, idiot… and their favorite one "The heartless ice queen". This is the first day of my third year of high school and I already want to go home. I'm thinking about any excuse that could bring me out of this hell full of bad people, but nothing convincible comes to my mind. Anyway, it's not as if there was someone waiting for me at my house, I'd just sit there all day regretting the day I was born. I can do that here too.

I'm scanning my surroundings trying to locate my classroom when suddenly I see the most beautiful thing I've ever put my eyes on. She is a gorgeous redhead with her hair combed in two twin braids, her fair skin is decorated with thousands of tiny and adorable freckles, her lips are curled at the ends creating the brightest and nicest smile I've ever seen, she is dressed with a pink blouse with a neckline that accentuates her pair of beautiful breasts, and blue tight jeans that hold very nicely her perfect curves. However, the best part of her and the one thing that captures my attention almost instantly are her sparkling teal eyes so full of joy, so full of life, hope, love… full of everything I lack.

I'm put out of my thoughts when someone pushes me so hard from my back that I almost fall to the floor. I turn around to see who it is.

_Great. My favorite bully. Hans. _

"What were you looking at, _Ice Queen_?" He says with a mocking voice and a wicked smile.

_Nothing of your business, just a strawberry blonde goddess that immediately stole my heart. Now, if you excuse me, I'd like to return to the most joyful moment of my life._

I don't say anything. I just glare at him the most intimidating way I can, hoping he'll leave me alone, even if I know that probably won't happen.

"I asked you a question, _dyke_." I clench my teeth; I hate when he calls me that. "Were you staring to that redhead over there?" He points towards the girl of my dreams.

I shake my head and turn to leave, but he grabs my right shoulder very hard and makes me face him.

"I don't like people ignoring me or lying to me. Do you understand?" I nod just wanting to go away. This is stupid. "Well, to make sure you don't forget it, I'll give you a lesson."

He takes his hand off of my shoulder (_finally_) and starts walking in her direction. I know this isn't good. Anything involving Hans isn't good. What will he do? Will he bully her? Will he hit her? Why didn't he just start insulting me or stole one of my books as he usually does? Why does he have to bother the girl to punish me? I'm afraid for her and I want to do something but I can't, I'm frozen in my place.

Then I see how he stays on her way so she hits him and is sent to the ground. Well, it wasn't _that_ bad.

_Come on, Hans, you've obtained tour little revenge, now just walk away. _

He doesn't. He helps her to wake up and starts talking to her using his best flirting tricks. I almost would've preferred him to hit her. It would've been more merciful. Poor girl, she'll be one of Hans' "special friends" before she ends crying in a corner with her heart torn into pieces.

I'd like to do something, but if I tell her that Hans is a bad guy she won't believe me. However, there's another way of saving her. I could try to gain her heart, that way she won't have anything to do with Hans in a romantic way... Yeah, right, as if I could compete against Hans (or anyone else, for that matter). He is the most handsome guy in the school, he is an expert at the art of conquering young women _and_ he is a man, and judging by the way the redhead is holding to his elbow as they walk, she is probably straight.

_Or she could be bi… Yeah, I don't think so. And even if she is, it doesn't matter, she'd probably never love someone like me, I mean, I'm the ice queen, I'm heartless, cold and have a complete lack of social skills, while she is like sunshine, and she is friendly, and she is beautiful and I bet she is very nice and..._

**Okay Elsa, stop. You sound like a total creep. You can't love someone you just met... Well, not even met, ****_saw_****. You don't believe in love at first sight, remember? She could be a total jerk like the others for all you know.**

_Right, I'm being stupid. A whole period of vacations isolating myself is no good for me. I should probably just go to my class and forget all about this redhead girl. _

* * *

Many hours pass without me caring even a little bit about what's happening around me. The teachers are just explaining how they're going to evaluate us, and I don't really care because I'm going to have perfect grades anyway. The students who know me are murmuring awful things about me, I know because I can hear them even if they think I'm not paying attention to their voices. The students who don't know me just don't notice me. Good. I'll enjoy this before the entire High starts hating me for no reason.

Finally, I get one free hour, so I head to the cafeteria. I don't have money to buy anything and I didn't bring something from home either, I just want to read a book. Sure, I could do it in the library too, but if I'm really honest with myself, I want to see if the gorgeous girl I saw in the morning is there.

I arrive and notice Hans and his friends gathered at the table where they usually sit. Meg is pointing at me and I see the other girls speaking, probably about me, but I don't care because suddenly I see _her_ standing next to Hans, and my cheeks warm a little at the sight. It's as if I'm hypnotized, I want to walk towards her, introduce myself and beg her to be my friend or at least let me know her name, just so I can hear her probably amazing voice. However my trance is finished by one single glare from Hans, which reminds me my position in the school's hierarchy (exactly at the bottom) as well as hers, which is now almost in the top just because she is speaking with the most popular guys around here.

I don't want trouble, so I just go to sit at an almost empty table, open my backpack and pull out my favorite book. I've read it like a thousand times, but I don't care, it's my favorite so I read it every year: "The call of wild". I like it because it's bitter-sweet, the story is kind of crude and very sad at some parts, but that's how life is, it has bad times and good times, that's what makes it worth it. Plus, I admire Buck's loyalty, I bet he really loved his master.

While I'm reading I notice that the two other people who were at that table leave. I feel like I'm some kind of plague. Probably I am. I try not to pay attention to it, in order to not feel worst, so I continue reading, more immersed this time. I am, however, promptly interrupted by a hard hit on the table that makes it shake. I turn expecting to see one of my bullies just trying to upset me, but what I see is _a lot_ better.

It's _her_. Yes, the girl who'd been in my head all day. The girl with the most adorable freckles and the most beautiful teal eyes. _Her_. The strawberry blonde goddess.

She starts to apologize for hitting the table. There's no need for it, I didn't mind in the slightest. God knows I couldn't even mind if she had hit me instead. Actually I would probably even enjoy it. However, I'm capable of keeping my feelings inside of me, using all my concentration not to let them show.

"Okay... Uh... Can... Can I sit here?" She asks.

_Gods! Her voice is so precious! It's sweet, and kind, and warm. How can anyone be so perfect?_

**She asked you a question. Stop staring like a creep and say something!**

I don't say anything, not trusting my voice (I'd probably stutter and make a fool of myself), so I nod instead and return to my book, too scared to start a conversation with her. I can't read though. Her mere presence is enough to distract me every time I try to make sense to the letters. My mind is right now full of many thoughts about her, most of them impossible fantasies.

_Why did she come here with me instead of staying with Hans and his gang? Maybe she likes me? Maybe she wanted to be with me? We could start being friends, then we'd have dates and eventually we'd both confess our unconditional love for each other and we'd become girlfriends and after some years we'd get engaged, and after the wedding we'd have babies and…_

**Stop! Stop right now! Geez, how can you imagine all that just because she sat beside you? I'm sure that, if she became aware of what you're thinking, she'd be so scared that she'd think about moving to Mars just to be far away from you.**

_You can't really live in Mars._

**Whatever. Just admit I'm right. You can't let her know your feelings, she'd be disgusted. Just act normal.**

_I can't act normal._

**Well, then just act the way you'd act with any other person.**

"So... uh… Hi." She says.

**She said hi! Now just be normal, BE NORMAL! Conceal, don't feel. Don't let her know. Think Elsa, what do normal people do when someone says hi? **

(Seconds pass).

_…__They answer?_

"Hi" I answer, trying to keep my voice at a neutral tone.

"H-hi me?"

God, she is cute when she is nervous, even if I'm not seeing her, I notice it on her voice and it makes me even more defensive, seeing that it's harder to hide my feelings with her being so adorably awkward.

"Oh!... uhm… Hi." She says again.

_You already said that._

"D-did I?"

_O-oh. I said that out loud, and it made her look ridiculously cute again._

**It's okay, Elsa, just don't let her know.**

"Do you have some memory issues?" I say.

_Fuck_ (did I just cursed?) _I didn't mean to sound that rude. I hope she doesn't get mad._

"Well, excuse me, miss I'm-the-smartest-girl-in-the-school, but not everyone can be Einstein."

I internally laugh thinking about Hans and his pack of stupid animals he call friends.

"I can see that."

"Excuse me? What do you mean with it?"

_Wow, she sounds upset. She probably thinks I said that because of her._

"I mean there are lots of stupid and reckless adolescents in this High School."

_Good, now you've clarified yourself._

"Including me?"

**Well, she ****_is_**** an adolescent of this High School. Maybe that didn't sound so well.**

_No, of course not, I said it because of Hans, not you. You're so perfect. I bet you're at least as intelligent as me._

"Maybe."

_Why. Did. I. Say. That?_

She pushes out her chair, probably to go away, presumably upset with me and my lack of social skills. Why can't I just act as the rest of the world? I hate myself. I pushed away the only person I've wanted to be with in a while. Why am I so inept? If there was a subject called "Friendship and human interactions" I'd probably fail it. I want to say something, to tell her to stay, to tell her I'm sorry, but I'm a coward. Besides it's probably for the best, this way I'm not gonna embarrass myself even more and she won't think I'm a disgusting stalker. Just a heatless ice queen.

_She pushed her chair. I heard the sound. Why isn't she leaving?_

"You know?" She says. I'm surprised to hear her talking, I thought I'd made her mad. I thought she didn't want to be with me anymore.

"I was thinking about just going away since I'm obviously upsetting you, but I felt sorry for seeing you here so lonely."

_So… _that's_ why she came._

**Of course. What were you expecting? You're just a loser, who would ever want to be with you? To be your friend? She is just so kind and heart-warmed that she decided to try to make you feel better. She pitied you. It's the only reason someone could ever approach to you. How pathetic. **

"I don't need your pity." I answer bitterly. I lied. I actually need it, but I don't want it. I'm heart-broken. I wanted her to speak with me, but not like this, not because she felt she was obliged to do it.

"I know, you're independent." _No, I'm not, I'm just incapable of making friends._ "I get it. But I also clearly see you can't interact with humans properly." Okay… hearing it from myself is something, but hearing it from her is a completely different thing. It hurts. "And I want to help you." She finishes, getting my hopes up again. "Can we at least be friends?"

_At_ least_?! Did she just say that? Is she implying she'd like to be something more than just my friend? I'm not hallucinating, right? Please, tell me I'm not hallucinating._

"N-not at least be friends, more like just be friends, like not being lovers or girlfriends or anything else. J-just friends."

**There you have it. She didn't mean it like ****_that_****. Stop getting your hopes up! You'll end up hurting yourself!**

_Well… That hurt. But still, she is adorable when she does all that stuttering and word vomiting. Besides, she wants us to be friends!_

**Well, now don't look so eager. Don't scare her away.**

I sigh, then I turn to face her (my heart skipping a beat seeing her face flushed in embarrassment) and answer:

"Fine. I think it can't hurt." I smile a little, but I'm unable to keep the expression for more than a second because the walls I've built all these years quickly rise up again.

**One normal answer! Congratulations! Let's hope you don't ruin it again.**

"Anna." She extends her hand for me to take it.

_Her name is beautiful, made for a sweet girl. Totally suits her._

"Elsa." I say, feeling ashamed if my simple, ugly name.

When I hold her hand, I can't help noticing how it complements mine, it's as if we were made for each other. Also, her grip is gentle, yet firm. It feels _so_ good.

It looks like she has a strong hand. I bet it would feel amazing caressing me, as she leans in and kisses my lips…

**Stop! I'm not letting you have those repugnant thoughts about an innocent girl like Anna. You are disgusting. **

_You're aware we are the same person, right?_

"I like your name. It's beautiful, just as the rest of you." She says.

_Did she just complimented me? Wow, calm down. What do you say in this cases?_

**You compliment her back. Just try not to sound like a stalker.**

"Thanks, you are beautiful as well."

Polite enough, without being a lie. I feel proud of myself, it's the second normal thing I've said to her, even if I'm now a nervous wreck with lots of tiny butterflies inside my stomach. I know I won't be able to hold conversation a lot longer. Quickly I think of something to say so I can stop talking without sounding too rude.

"I… will… continue reading."

"Yeah, sure, do what you want." She answers.

_Did she just sound nervous? Her voice came out a little high-pitched._

**It must have been your imagination. Just pretend you're reading, with a little bit of luck, she'll realize you're busy and leave you to continue talking another day, when you are more calmed.**

"You know? You have very beautiful hair. I hadn't seen a color like this before."

My heart skips a beat, only to then start racing faster than ever, making my face warm with the blood rushing to my cheeks.

_Wow. This girl knows how to make me nervous._

"Y-yes. It-it's a family thing."

_Did I just stutter? Conceal!_

"Where are you from?"

_Should I tell her the truth? I can't hurt, right? She won't tell anyone, I hope._

"Norway."

"You know? I think a pretty hair like this would look even better down."

_Then I'll let it down for the rest of my life, if it means you'll find me attractive._

**Conceal, don't feel! I don't understand why you want to please her in everything. At least put a little bit of resistance.**

"I prefer it braided." I say after shaking my head.

"Could you at least let me unbraid your hair for a moment? Just to see how it looks like. Then I'll leave it just as it was. Please?

I turn only to find her pouting, making me blush again. How could I ever say no to that cute expression? I sigh to hide my eagerness, then I agree with her and return to pretend I'm reading my book.

I tense when I feel her soft hands touching my hair, undoing my braid and brushing my hair gently. This gesture feels so intimate, so deep, so tender, so loving… I don't remember the last time I felt something like that, which age I was? Eight, maybe? I hadn't had physical contact with humans since then, not beyond the typical shaking of hands. I had forgotten how good it feels. I almost feel like a person again. I almost feel like I am worth something. I almost feel like someone actually cares about me.

I start feeling a maybe-too-much-pleasurable sensation in my lowers regions and I'm disgusted with myself. Why I'm getting this turned on? She is not doing anything sexual, and yet here I am, like a creepy-old-pervert with the hormones of a teenage boy. I'm ashamed. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I just take this gesture as a friendly one? Why my body reacts to it this way? Someone should take me now to a mental institution. I want this wrong feelings to end this instant.

My prayers are listened, but I'm not sure if it's a good thing. Suddenly the way she is touching my hair changes, it's not gentle like before, it's rude and with each stroke my hair feels as if it's been pulled a little. Then I feel my locks starting to weigh a little more, as if something were being put on them. I look her from the corner of my eyes and see her kneading a ball of brown plasticine with her left hand, to then grab some of it with the other, and daub it in my hair.

My heart breaks. I feel utterly betrayed. Why is she doing this to me? What did I do to her? Why? Why? Why?

**Why? It's obvious. Even if she is new here, she can still see you're a loser, even she, the sweetest girl in this planet, recognizes that you deserve it. You're an ice queen, you're rude, you're heartless, you are a monster with disgusting and naughty thoughts, you're despicable, you deserve it, you deserve it, you deserve it!**

_No, no, no, no... please tell me this isn't happening. She could never do this, she was so nice, so gentle, so caring… she isn't like this. I'm sure._

**You're sure? You don't even know her. Hans probably told her to do it and she agreed because she thought it would be funny to bully the infamous ice queen.**

I want her to stop, to get her hands off of me. I want to yell at her to let her know how betrayed I feel, to make her see this isn't fair, but I can't. If I open my mouth two things can happen: I can get so angry I end up hurting her or I can start crying miserably. None of them is an option. I have to keep my reputation as a heartless girl. I have to let them think nothing can hurt me. I have to make them believe not even the cruelest thing can take me down, even if I'm breaking inside.

I see Hans and his friends in the distance taking photos with their cell phones and laughing at me. I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life. I feel tears burning in my eyes, but I don't let them go, I can't cry, I can't give them the satisfaction of seeing me crushed, I can't let them know they can make me feel this way. I have to keep the little dignity I have left.

I feel Anna starts removing the plasticine and I shut my eyes, trying to last without crying until she finishes.

_Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know._

I repeat the old mantra several times in my head, trying to calm myself down, to follow its command. Finally, after what feels like ages, but probably were just a few minutes, Anna releases my hair after tying it into a braid again.

"Are you done playing with my hair?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from trembling, but it proves to be a useless task. Hopefully she didn't notice it.

"I wasn't playing, I was just admiring it." She answers innocently, like she had done nothing wrong.

_Yeah, right. Do you think I'm stupid?_

"Well, then I should get going to my class. Goodbye Anna."

I grab my book, place it inside my back pack, stand up and walk away, all of this without daring looking at Anna one single time, afraid that I'll break if I do. This was the worst day of my life, but I find, surprised, that I'd never change it for nothing in the world, because it teached me something: don't trust someone just for their appearance, don't ever believe there's kindness in this world, don't believe that you deserve mercy, do not ever expect things to go in the way you want them, don't expect life to be happy… because it'll always be sad. But the most important thing of all: don't ever, under any circumstances, trust Anna again. _Never_.


	2. Chocolate

**Chapter 2: Chocolate.**

It's the second day of classes. Why can't time pass faster? Oh… right; time flies when you have fun. Well, clearly I'm _not_ having fun. Why? Well, let me tell you. This morning I was walking to my first class pretending I didn't exist, hoping no one noticed my presence, and everything was going just right when Snow White, Aurora, Ariel and Cinderella appeared. They hate me since they saw me, but after last years they started bulling me worse than ever. They blame for something I did, and it's totally unfair; if it wasn't for me, they would've failed English, but I made the final work with them. The teacher obviously noticed that I made practically the whole job, so he tell them he'd give them a 80, while I'd get a 100. The problem is he actually asked me if I was okay with it, and I thought it was fair, so I said yes, without realizing I was getting myself in hell… well, another hell, worst that the one I was already.

Whatever, the point is, they hate me since then and don't waste one single opportunity to bully me. I wouldn't have cared at all if I weren't more sensitive because of what happened yesterday. I didn't think I could bear another humiliation, so when I saw them the first thing I thought was to run and hide, maybe in the bathroom, but I had class in a few minutes and they were standing in front of my locker.

"Excuse me." I said. "Could you please let me get to my locker?"

"Oh, Is this your locker?" Snow answered, trying to look surprised.

"Sorry, we thought it was some other loser's, given what's written on it." Aurora said.

"Not that we think you're a loser or anything." Cinderella added.

"Oh, no! That would be terrible. We're friends after all, right Elsa?" Ariel said with an innocent smile.

_No, we're not. You hate me, I hate you and all of us know it, so stop this nonsense. I'm tired of your hypocrisies._

**You can't say that. You don't want them to hate you even more, do you?**

_But I don't want to tell the girls who have make so many__bad things to me that I'm their friend either._

**You'll have to. They're in front of your locker, remember?**

I sighed in resignation. Then I put my best expressionless face and prepared my coldest voice.

"Yes, we are. Now, can you please move?"

"That didn't sound very nice, right girls?" Snow asked with a tone that let me know she was up to no good.

"She did say please." Ariel stated.

"Oh, shut up." Snow said annoyed and then turned to me. "Now you, ice queen, get on tour knees and ask nicely if we can let you use your locker."

I frowned. Maybe I'm used to people bothering me and being rude, but even I have a little bit of dignity. I decided to just ignore it.

"Please move. I really need to get going to my class."

"Are you deaf, or something? She said _on_ _your knees_." Now Cinderella spoke pointing to the ground.

_I'm getting mad. Who they think they are? Who gave them the right to treat me like a piece of trash?_

**Elsa, calm down. You know if you let your emotions control you, you'll do something you'll regret later. Just do what they want, we don't want problems.**

I saw them staring at me, waiting for me to humiliate myself. I saw their faces, gleaming with anticipation, showing how wicked they are inside, and I made my decision.

"If you don't move at the count of three, I'm going to force you." I said with a serious expression, even if I was far less confident inside. "1... 2..."

I couldn't say 3 because suddenly two pairs of strong hands grabbed me by my shoulders and arms tightly, keeping me from moving. I turned my head to see who was doing it, and it wasn't a surprise when I found John and Febo.

"Let me go!" I shouted, trying to get away. They just ignored me.

"Is this loser upsetting you?" Febo asked gallantly to the four brainless bitches in front of me.

"Actually, she said she was going to hit us if we didn't move out of her way." said Snow.

"That certainly deserves a punishment, don't you think so, Febo?" John said.

_O-oh this isn't good._

**Look at the things your stupid decisions cause.**

"Yeah, what should we do to her?" Asked Febo.

"Force her on her knees." Aurora said maliciously.

"Make her say she is sorry." Ariel chirped in.

At that moment I felt their strong arms making me get down on my knees. I tried to resist but it was a useless task. I felt desperate and helpless. I tried to keep my calm mask, but I'm sure it dropped for a moment. Soon enough I was on my knees, in front of the spiteful girls.

"Say you're sorry." Cinderella demanded.

_No. You are the ones who should be apologizing, not me. You should be on your knees, begging for forgiveness, not me. I've done nothing wrong._

**Nothing wrong? You threated them to hit them if they didn't move. You deserve this. Say you're sorry. That's what father would want you to do.**

"I... I'm sorry." I said defeated.

"Sorry for what, bitch?" Snow said with her voice full of poison.

They're enjoying this, I can tell. One thing is to apologize for something you made and other very different one is to humiliate yourself unnecessarily. This makes me get angry.

_I'm sorry for trying to get to my locker when their majesties, the four Queens of whores were standing in front of it._

I didn't meant to say that out loud, but I'm pretty sure the girls heard it, if the upset and offended expressions they made where any indication of it. I know I only worsened the situation, but it wasn't on purpose.

"What did you say? Ariel glared at me, offended.

"N-nothing." I stutter.

**Don't let your fear show. Stop trembling, they'll see your weakness. Conceal, don't feel.**

"That certainly didn't sound like nothing." Aurora said. "You'll pay for that."

"Yeah." Snow smiled. "Guys, make her kiss my shoe."

My heart skipped a beat, but this wasn't a good sensation like when I was with Anna yesterday (forget that, I'm not thinking about Anna. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be so irritable and I wouldn't be in this situation). It was a sensation of fear, anger, frustration and desperation. I didn't want to be even more humiliated.

_Wait, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't do this to me. Please._

I felt the boys' hands pushing my neck and shoulders to make my face be lower, almost at the level of the ground. I tried to put resistance, but they were stronger, so I resigned to what was going to happen. The top of Snow's black shoes was everything I could see. I saw it getting closer and closer till my nose was in contact with it, but it wasn't enough for them.

"She isn't kissing it yet." Snow complained. "Make her lips touch it."

I felt a hard pull on my bangs and I involuntarily moved my head backwards, however, they took advantage of it and quickly pressed my face against her shoe again, with my lips touching it this time. I felt repulsion instantly. You'll see, I've got a thing with dirt, I totally hate it, and believe me when I say her shoes weren't precisely clean. I also felt denigrated, it totally insulted my pride and destroyed my dignity. Again, for the second time in the week I was at the edge of tears, but I was somehow able to keep them inside by squishing my eyelids while repeating my mantra: conceal, don't feel.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they released me and walked away laughing at what they had just done. I got up and looked around. All stares were pointed towards me, waiting to see if this time the Ice Queen had finally been broken. I buried my feelings, raised my mask again, walked to my locker (which had hurtful words written on it that I consciously ignored), opened it, took off my books and walked to my next class.

* * *

So now here I am, at the cafeteria, trying to do some homework with a stain of coffee on my t-shirt (courtesy of someone who threw it at me, but I really don't know who), so... nnless you have a very strange concept of having fun, my day totally lacked it. Anyways, it's almost time, so I should probably go to my next class before something else happens.

I arrive to my English class, only to find a not totally unpleasant, but not really good either, surprise: Anna. Yes, she is with me in this subject, just as Megara and Ariel. The last two don't matter to me because, even if they laugh about the things other people do to me, they have never made anything to make me feel bad. However, it's Anna the one who worries me. If she was just a bitch, like Snow or Aurora, I would just have to ignore her. The problem is, she seems so sweet and innocent that my instinctive reaction is to trust her, to protect her, not to protect myself from her. Besides she is a good liar, normally I can tell easily when someone is lying, but yesterday all the time I felt her intentions were honest. I really don't know what happened to me.

**Maybe it has something to do with the fact she is exactly your physical type of girl and she ****_acts_**** as your personality type of girl. You wanted her to be sincere, so you convinced yourself she was sincere.**

Sometimes I wish I could be wrong, but my reasoning is so logical it must be true. I sigh. Sometimes is so easy to convince myself to believe in my own lies.

I walk to the farthest sit on the classroom hoping Anna and her friends (who she is talking to right now) don't note my presence. It seems my pleas are listened, because they don't interrupt their chatting and I'm able to arrive at my chair without being seen. I sit just as the teacher enters and I prepare myself for an entire hour of boring explications about the evaluations rules.

The class finishes and I quickly grab my belongings to get out of there as soon as possible, however, when I'm about to get through the door, I hear a beautiful... er... forget that, a _familiar_ voice calling my name.

"Elsa! Elsa, wait!"

I keep walking as fast as I can, not wanting more problems for today, but it doesn't work, because suddenly I feel a soft, warm and strong hand grabbing mine. My heart starts racing at the contact.

"Where you running away or something?" Anna says half-joking.

_Yes, I was running from you. I don't want you to hurt me again._

I just turn my face towards her, not saying anything and hoping she doesn't notice my blush.

"It's incredible we're going to have English class together." She seems honestly excited about it. "I didn't know you were a junior, though. You look older, actually." suddenly her eyes go wide, as if realizing what she just said. "N-not that you look old, or something, j-just more mature. You look more mature than the others."

_Please don't stutter like that, and don't do that rambling thing. You look so illegally cute._

**Control yourself. She hurt you just yesterday, remember? And you're already thinking she is cute?**

_... Yes? _

"So..." She says awkwardly. "I... I heard about what happened this morning." Her voice actually sounds kind of sad. "You know, about Snow and the shoe... and... well I just wanted to say I'm sorry. They were cruel and y-you didn't deserve it, so I-I'm sorry about it."

"You don't have to say you're sorry." I say, not wanting her to feel bad about it. "It wasn't your fault. You weren't even there."

**Why did you say that? It was probably her fault, she probably planned the whole thing. She is just being hypocrite. **

_No, she is not! Shut up already!_

"I-I know, it's just… they are my friends, so…" She looks at the floor and sighs. She seems really sorry. "Don't worry, I talked to them about it and they promised they won't do it again."

_I can't believe that._

**Of course not, because it didn't happen. She is lying.**

_She seems honest. Just look at her. Those beautiful teal eyes are incapable of lying._

***Sigh***

"Anyways…" She says with a sigh. "Let's forget about those awful things."

**See? They sent her to convince you to forget about the whole thing, so you don't tell anyone about it and they don't get expelled.**

"I bought you something." She continues while she searches for something in her backpack. Finally she finds a bar of chocolate and gives it to me. "I-I know It isn't too much and it doesn't compensate what happened in the morning, b-but my mother always says that even the worst pain can be bearable with a little bit of chocolate, so…"

I reluctantly take it. It's a Hersey's bar of cookies &amp; cream, it's not really my favorite, but it's a close second. Besides, any chocolate is good, even more during the hard times. The words of Anna's mother are true, I know it because I've put them to test myself many times, and I'm truly touched and thankful because of this little gesture, so much that I can actually feel happy tears appearing in my eyes.

**Don't. You. Dare. Cry. You can't let her see you have feelings, it might make you look vulnerable.**

_I can't help it. She is so sweet… I knew she was a good person, I told you so. She never meant any wrong towards me, she is the nicest person in the world. I think I'm falling in love with her._

**Stop it! Do you realize how silly you're sounding? She just daubed plasticine in your hair ****_yesterday_****, but you keep forgetting that. Now, this is probably some trick she made and she'll laugh later about how you miserably fell in it.**

_It doesn't seem like a trick, so shut up! She is being honest, I know it!_

"S-sorry if you don't like it." She says interrupting the fight I had with myself. "I didn't know which was your favorite or if you even like chocolate… wait… You like chocolate, right? Please, tell me you like chocolate. It would be so awkward if you don't." Her face shows real concern.

_Of course I don't _just_ like chocolate. I _love_ it. It's the best thing in the entire world! Even more if it comes from you._

I notice she is waiting for an answer, so I swallow trying to get rid of the knot that formed in my throat.

"T-thank you." I say. My voice actually sounds strange, but with a little bit of luck, she won't think it's because I'm about to cry from happiness.

She seems satisfied with my answer.

"Well, then I think I'll go to my house now." She says happily. "See you tomorrow."

She squishes my hand (which she had been holding the entire time), then releases it and walks away, turning just once to wave at me. I wave back and smile lovingly before realizing I'm not concealing my feelings and placing my mask again. Then I turn to leave too, thinking about what just happened, and I can't help but think that all the humiliation and angst I went through this morning was worth it, just because of the chocolate _she_ gave me.

She… Anna…

I don't know how she can cause so strong feelings on me. Yesterday she made me feel attraction, pleasure and pain, and today she made me feel comfort and love. That makes four good sensations versus one bad. Maybe she isn't such an evil person as I thought after all. I think I'll give her another opportunity, who knows? Maybe we can even be fiends… or something more.

**You're dreaming if you think she'll ever see you in that way.**

_Maybe, but what if it happens? She gave me a chocolate today, she tried to comfort me, and she hold my hand all that time. It _must_ mean something._

**Yes, but more likely not what you think.**

_What I think is that she cares about me. She is the first person who's cared about me in years, is it really that bad to want also love? I doesn't have to be romantic love, I'd be happy just with a friendly kind of love. Just let me dream about it, at least for today. Let this day be the happiest of my life._

I smile, staring again at the chocolate as I press it against my chest, just where my heart is. Then I close my eyes and imagine Anna's perfect face, and suddenly it's as if she were here with me, making me feel special again. I can't wait to get home and eat the chocolate.


	3. A trip to the mall

**Chapter 3: A trip to the mall.**

One month has passed since the classes started and everything has been... Well, I can't say it has been wonderful, but definitely better than usual, mainly because of Anna. If you're wondering if I'm saying this because she really made her friends not bully me anymore, then you're incorrect.

Anna's "friends" have been making even worse things to me than before, the only difference is that now they don't publish photos and videos of it on Facebook (even if they still take them) and are very cautious of not even coming near me when Anna is around. I suppose she doesn't know that I'm still being bullied, but I'm not going to tell her otherwise because I know she won't believe me; she obviously prefers her friends over me.

She's been spending almost every second of the day with Snow and the other brainless girls, and let me tell you it hasn't done any good to her. At first their influence wasn't too bad, it started with new clothes which were tighter than the previous ones and that actually made her look more sexy, but then she changed her hairstyle, no longer having it in her adorable braids, but letting it fall free in stylized waves. That change wasn't bad either, because now she looked more mature, though I'd liked it if she wore her braids sometimes. Then came the makeup. Makeup could have make her look even better if it actually highlighted her qualities, rather than simply covering her "flaws", which are her cute freckles that in reality made her look prettier.

That's only concerning her physical appearance. The changes that actually saddened me most were the ones concerning her attitude. The first days she was always happy, optimistic, confident (true, sometimes she was a little unsure about things, but she still knew what she could be certain of), and very kind. Then, as the days passed, she became sadder, her eyes lost part of that spark that could brighten the cloudiest day, she became unsure about herself, and she started thinking she wasn't good enough at anything, mostly at being beautiful or knowing what was best for her. She stopped having her own opinion about everything; all what she said she had taken it from Hans or her other friends, how do I know it? Because she'd always say "Hans thinks that…" or "Snow told me that…" and I think it's because she believes that they know best.

She also started skipping classes to be with Hans and now it seems she doesn't care about school. Lately she always talks about trivial topics like the personal lives of popular singers or the upcoming romantic movies. I'm not saying she shouldn't talk about it, if she wants to, who I am to blame her? But I don't think it's good for her to just repeat what she sees on internet _all the time_. If she isn't careful, she'll become just as Snow and the others, and that would be a pity.

If you're wondering how I know so much about Anna, it's very simple actually. The reason this past weeks have been better for me even if Hans and his friends have bullied me more than usual is that during English class I talk to Anna… well, actually she talks to me and I try to take notes while still paying attention to what she is saying. I remember the day it all started.

* * *

It was the next day after she gave me that chocolate. I arrived at my English class as usual, my mood a little bit darkened because Hans had made me fall that morning and I had scraped my palms with the rough concrete floor of the parking lot. However, I forgot about all that the moment my eyes landed on the gorgeous redhead that was sitting in front of Meg and Ariel at the right side of the classroom. She saw me too and waved at me, I blinked confused and turned around to see if she was waving at someone else, but I was the only one getting through the door at that moment. When I looked again she was giggling at my reaction and I blushed, ashamed of my insecurities. She then pointed at the chair beside her and I mouthed confused "Me?", she nodded, so I walked towards the seat and placed myself on it. As I did it I quickly waved at Meg and Ariel to prevent having to kiss them as greeting.

"Hello." Anna said happily "How's been your day?"

_Better now that I'm talking to you._

"Uhm… good." I almost whispered. I supposed she wanted a more elaborated answer, but was too nervous to talk too much. My heart was running rather fast.

"Oh… good." She said, clearly not knowing what else to say.

We stayed silent during an awkward moment, while I got my belongings out of my backpack, and I glanced at her to see she was biting her lip, clearly trying to think about something to say. Adorable. I wanted to speak normally to her for once and end this awkward silence, but the only things that came to my mind were 'I'd like to kiss you right now', 'has someone told you how beautiful you are?', or 'I really, _really_ like you'. When something normal came to my mind I opened my mouth to speak, but in that moment the teacher came inside and the lesson began.

I sighed and proceeded to take notes, expecting Anna to do the same, but she clearly had other plans. After just a few minutes she got bored and started moving unsteadily at her seat, obviously wanting to be anywhere but in that classroom. I paid no attention to it and continued writing on my notebook. However, she then began to speak, taking advantage that the teacher wasn't looking in our direction and that the noise that some other classmates were doing.

"Oh, my god!" She said quietly but making the impression to be screaming. "I never thought school was this boring." I started nodding in agreement, but then paused.

_What did she mean? Has she never attended to school before?_

As if reading my mind she continued speaking. At the same time I wrote something about the style of the renaissance literature, not really thinking about what I was writing.

"You know? I was teached at home all my life until now, and let me tell you that, even if my teachers were a little boring, at least sometimes I could make some conversation with them and, that way, the lessons weren't so hard to endure."

I smiled, hiding my little grin behind my hand, pretending to be thinking about something. She made it sound as if lessons were torture. I certainly wouldn't say that most of them were pleasurable, but at least they were useful… well, some of them; I really don't think that knowing sonnets have eleven syllables per line could ever be helpful. Not for me at least.

She stayed silent for a moment, and I wondered if she expected me to say something, and I really wanted to speak with her, but I was afraid; afraid of being caught by the teacher, afraid of losing the poor concentration I still had on the class, afraid of saying something incredibly stupid or gay… Just afraid. I'm always afraid, and the fear prevents me from doing things I want to do. So, I kept my mouth shut and my pen rubbing against the pages of my notebook. Once she realized I wasn't going to say anything, she continued speaking.

"Do you want to know why I was teached at home and my parents didn't even allowed me to get out of my house without them for ten years?" At that I froze.

_She was trapped inside her house for ten years?! I couldn't have guess it, she is so friendly and social..._

**Unlike you.**

I ignored my own comment.

_Though it makes me wonder, what kind of parents do that? They must be really overprotective._

**Unlike your father, who sent you all the way across the world as soon as he was able to, just to get rid of his despicable daughter.**

I felt my heart twist at my own hurtful words, mostly because they were true. I know, sometimes I'm my worst enemy. I felt a little sad all of a sudden but I didn't let it show, and I tried to focus on the question Anna had ask me. I nodded as a response once I had remembered it.

"It was because when I was five years old I…" There was hesitance in her words, as if she wasn't sure if she should tell me or not. "Mmmhh… let's just say I made a bad decision, which almost resulted on my death, and since then my parents don't trust me to take care of myself."

_Wait, do you mean you almost died and I almost wasn't able to meet you? That would have been terrible. I would certainly lock you in a house to keep you safe forever. I understand your parents, one single bad decision can be disastrous._

**Yes, and you've experienced it by yourself, haven't you?**

I internally sighed. It seemed like the voice inside my head was being even more hurtful than usual that day. I wanted to silence it.

_Stop remembering our hurtful past. This isn't about us, it's about Anna._

**Anna. The girl you like so much without a real reason. I'm making you a favor, stop thinking about her and pay attention to the class, you've already missed how rhyme in sonnets is.**

I returned my gaze to the chalkboard to see the teacher was already erasing the things about the rhyme, which I hadn't copied because I'd been listening to Anna instead. A sudden and irrational fear flowed through my whole body at the prospect of not knowing something that would certainly be an exam question. The most rational part of my brain said that I still could study it on books, but I feared not to be able to understand it completely and, because of that, not being able to get a perfect score on the exam. I know that was worrying too much, since it was just the third day of classes, but I just couldn't help it. I decided to stop paying attention to whatever Anna was saying in that moment and return my concentration to the class.

My concentration, however, didn't last long. After a few minutes my mind unconsciously started blocking out the teacher's words, instead giving all my attention to what Anna was saying.

"… So that's how it went. After of years and years of begging them to let me attend to school just as every girl of my age, they finally agreed and here I am. The most convincing argument I used was that I'm a lot more mature than ten years ago… obviously" She giggled a little under her breath, trying not to be so loud.

I turned to see her and felt my cheeks blush at the adorableness. That girl will be the death of me… though if I have to die, why not to die in her hands? There must be not better way, I mean, she is _gorgeous_, and kind, and funny…

**Stop it. You've said it at least ten times since you met her.**

_I can't help it, I mean, just look at her!_

And look at her I did. She was now staring at me with a weird expression.

"Do I have something on my face?" She asked slowly, somewhat worried.

Suddenly I realized she had caught me staring, so I quickly shook my head and turned to my notebook in embarrassment, pretending to be taking notes.

After that she continued speaking about many things, mainly about her years of childhood (I wanted to burst in laughter when she told me about how she rode her bike down the stairs and broke an expensive vase, but fortunately I was able to control myself, biting my pen instead), and sooner than I expected (or wanted) the hour was gone. While we were putting our belongings inside of our backpacks, I looked at her and noticed she was a little sad and disappointed, maybe she wanted to have some real conversation with me instead of just talking all the time while I remained silent.

**Well, of course she wanted some real conversation. I bet she's now realized the paintings on her house are a lot more talkative than you. Good job, she'll never speak to you again, you've disappointed her just as you've done with everyone in your life.**

_Maybe you're right, but it's not my fault, we were on class, I couldn't speak… however, now we're not in class._

"I…" I started saying before she walked out of the classroom, however, when she turned to look at me, I completely forgot what I was going to say. "I liked hearing your voice."

**Way to scare her away even more. You sounded like a total creep.**

"Oh! uhm… thank you." She said smiling. "People normally say that I ramble too much and that I can't stay quiet for more than three seconds, but… well, maybe that's true, but it' not my fault, is it? I mean, there are lots of things I want to say and, being all my life inside my house, I've almost never have the opportunity to talk to someone and… gosh, I'm rambling again. You know what? I'm just going to shut up before I say something embarrassing like how gorgeous you are or how much I like the color of your eyes…" Her eyes widened realizing she had already said what she didn't wanted to say. She blushed and looked away. I blushed too at the compliments and fought to find something coherent to say.

"I didn't mind your rambling. It was actually a welcomed distraction from the boring class." She just nodded, clearly not trusting herself if she opened her mouth. I decided to continue. "And talking about that, I was very surprised to find that this is your first time going to school, really, you're too friendly to be someone who has spent ten years just inside a house."

She smiled and said with a playful tone:

"Well, maybe to be antisocial you have to spend all your life locked in a room all by yourself, without even paintings to talk." She giggled.

"Talking about that, what did you do so that your parents had to confine you inside a house? I know you almost die, but I'm curious, what provoked it?" I asked, wanting to know her more.

"I'd… preferred not to talk about it." She said, sounding sad for the first time since I met her.

"Okay, I'm not going to push. Though, whatever it was, if your life was indeed in danger, I think your parents made the right decision."

"The right decision?!" She screamed in disbelief. "It was an exaggeration. I actually hated them every time they didn't allow me going outside to play with the other kids."

"Don't hate them Anna, you're lucky to have parents who actually care about you." I said with a sad but reassuring tone and a soft voice.

Anna's expression became blank, as if she couldn't quite understand my words, I supposed it was because she had never even thought about the possibility of a parent not caring about their child before.

I turned around and walked away before she could question me about it.

* * *

So that's how our first conversation went. After that, she's told me about many things during English class… even though I would have preferred not to hear some, for example that she is falling for Hans. Yes, she told me that. How did I reacted? I almost broke my pen because of how hard I was squishing it. My fingers actually turned white… whiter. I was so mad and hurt, I mean, I knew it would eventually happen, but I didn't think it would be so soon and, deep inside, I wished she didn't like Hans, but _me_ instead. That day I wanted to cry, but I concealed my feelings and just stayed there, with my head resting on my right palm, not wanting to do anything, not even paying attention to the class, nor to the redhead beside me. When I arrived to my house that afternoon, I cried badly, even if I had promised myself not to do it anymore. My heart had been broken.

As the days passed the pain I felt in the chest placated a little, but it would come out with the same force as before each time I saw Anna speaking with Hans, a huge smile on her face, one I had never seen directed towards me and that I probably never will.

Even if the confession about her feelings towards Hans crushed a little my mood, I'm still happy to have Anna as a friend. She is the first friend I've ever had and it's really wonderful not to feel so lonely for a change. I know we won't ever be anything more than friends, but that'll have to be enough for me; I've knew since the very beginning I didn't stand any chance with her.

So, that's how things have been going the past month. Today is Saturday, and it was as normal as any other Saturday until Gerda (the woman who owns this house) came knocking at my door saying that a letter for me had arrived. I opened the door and politely thanked her for bringing it, then I practically threw myself at the individual sized bed and quickly opened the envelope. It was from Norway.

_Elsa:_

_The director of Arendelle High School just told me that you have received a constancy for your impeccable notes and some others for winning the state competitions of mathematics, chemistry and physics. I'm so proud of you. I put money on your bank account, use it only if you need it._

_Adgar Frost._

I felt tears wanting to fall from my eyes, it has been months since the last time I received a letter from my father, and _years_ since he told me he was proud of me, but I couldn't cry, that's not what he'd want. I'm not supposed to feel, not even happiness. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal don't feel.

Now that I'm more calmed down, I ask myself what I should do. I've already finished my homework, and it's a very beautiful day, I can't stay inside the house. I don't want to stay inside, not today. Today is a good day, a day in which many good things could happen.

* * *

I decide to go first to the bank, to get some cash, and then to the mall to buy a new shirt, since one of the three I have, I've been using it since three years ago and it's a little worn out. I don't go to the mall nearest to my house, but to the one nearest to the school because I also want to buy some books, and there is a huge library near there.

When I arrive I get into one of the best clothing stores there are in the place. Their clothes are made with the most resistant fabrics and, therefore, they last longer. I can't give myself the luxury of buying new clothes each year. I walk straight across a familiar aisle until I find the plain white shirts. I quickly search for one of my size and, when I find it, I take it without even bothering on trying it on. I go to the exit, ready to pay for my shirt and go, when I hear something that catches my attention just as I'm passing near the fitting rooms.

"Don't be ridiculous Meg." It was the unmistakable high-pitched voice of Snow. "Her legs are too short to be attractive, and not slim enough. Besides, they also have freckles, and there are scars at the knees."

I feel curious at hearing she was tormenting someone else who wasn't me and I went to sneak a peek. Who could it be? One of her "friends"? I know that secretly they all hate each other, but I've never before heard one of them criticizing another so directly, they've always been the hypocrite type.

When I am able to see from behind a mannequin who is Snow's victim, my heart stops. It's Anna cladded on a beautiful summer dress, it's white with yellow flowers, an orange ribbon holding her waist and accentuating her curves, a cleavage that shows perfectly her pair of delightabl… I mean, _her breasts_, and don't make me start describing how good her legs look. I've always seen her wearing jeans before, and it's a shame because her legs are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, they shouldn't be hidden by those aggravating pieces of cloth. That stupid Snow is just jealous because she'll never have legs as beautiful as Anna's, I mean, they _are_ large and slim and, even if she does have scars at the knees, they are almost invisible and doesn't make her look ugly.

"I'm a little bit clumsy." Anna says softly and obviously sad because of what Snow said. Hearing her tone of voice and looking at her expression, so different from the cheerful girl I'm used to, I want to jump over Snow and kill her that instant for make her feel bad. However, I refrain myself.

_Conceal, don't feel._

"Also…" Snow continued. "Her legs have hairs. Anna, dear, how long has it been since the last time you depilated your legs?"

"Mmmmhhh… never?" She says with an ashamed tone. "I shaved them… a long while ago."

"At least she was honest." Ariel says, looking closely at her legs "A _long_ while ago."

_Well, they are right, Anna has hairs on her legs, but they are thin and very few. They are not really noticeable. _

Then they continue talking about ways of getting rid of the hairs and why depilation is better than shaving, but I'm not listening to them anymore. I'm angry, really, _really_ angry. No one has the right to make a girl as beautiful as Anna feel ugly.

"Fine." Anna says after a while. "I will depilate my legs, and now I think I should take off this dress and find something else." She sighs. "I really liked this dress."

_Of course you do, I've never seen anything that fits you as good at that thing. You really should buy it. To hell with their stupid opinions, they are full of venom, they just want to make you feel bad because they can't accept you're a lot more beautiful than any of them. _

"Some clothes are just not for you, and you must accept it." Snow says.

Anna turns to go to the fitting rooms, walking with a defeated poise and a down casted expression. I know she won't buy that dress and that she'll think less of herself for the next days. Or months. Or years. I can't let that happen, I couldn't live with myself if I just stay here doing nothing, and that's what make me step out of my hiding place and say:

"I-I think she looks gorgeous in that dress."

She turns around to face me, and the other girls do the same. In some other circumstances so much attention directed towards me would have made me turn into a trembling mess (even more if the attention comes from my bullies), but not today. The smile that appears on Anna's face when she sees me gives me the force I need to face them.

"What are you doing here, Ice Queen?" Snow asks in a hostile tone.

"I was just buying something." I answer. I'm surprised at hearing my tone of voice, more confident than how I really feel.

"Well, no one here wants your useless opinions, _dyke_." Cinderella spites.

I'm taken aback for a moment, but I somehow manage to keep my face expressionless. Supposedly no one knows I'm gay; I've never told anyone and I've never had a girlfriend, so what they say it's just to upset me… it doesn't make it any less true, though. I just hope that Anna doesn't know what a dyke is and, if she does, she doesn't believe them or doesn't care.

"Yes, Anna won't listen to a stupid nerd who doesn't know the first thing about fashion, so _fuck off." _Ariel growls at me.

_No, Anna won't listen to a pack of jealous girls who make her think less of herself just so they can feel better about themselves._

I don't really know why, but I'm sure she will listen to me instead of them, so I turn to look at her, anticipating her answer.

"Do you really think I look fine with this dress?" She asks hopefully.

Now that she technically gave me permission, I start gazing at the beautiful redhead. Every perfect curve, every inch of soft exposed skin, every beautiful contour highlighted by the dress, every freckle that makeup wasn't able to cover, every scar; every perfection and every perfect imperfection that make her look like a real goddess or an angel fell from the sky. I wouldn't say she looks just fine, that would be an insult.

Finally, after what I think was a long time spent just staring at her in awe and almost drooling, I take my eyes off of her, blushing badly because of how good she looks. Then I answer with all honesty:

"No, you don't look fine with that dress." I almost sigh with longing. "You look _very_ beautiful… even more than you usually do."

She smiles and looks me at my eyes. I want to deviate my gaze so badly, you know I'm pretty shy sometimes, mostly with Anna, but her beautiful teal eyes are like magnets to me. I think I've been hypnotized.

"Hello? Earth to Anna!" Ariel says moving her hand up and down in front of Anna, interrupting the magical moment.

"S-sorry… W-what?" She asks blinking, as if getting out of a trance.

"I was saying you should take off that dress so we can go to find something else on another shop." Snow repeats.

"Y-yes, of course." She nods quickly. "I'm gonna change then."

I feel a little disappointed that she is not buying that dress, but as I tell myself, at least I made her feel better.

She goes into the fitting rooms and I stay there, standing a little far off Snow and the others, pretending to ignore them while they openly ignore me. It's good for a change, at least they are not trying to hurt me. I tune out their conversations and start talking to myself instead.

_What should I do now? Should I leave?_

**Of course you should leave, what else could you do? Stay? They will only bully you.**

_But if Anna is here I doubt they bully me, besides I have to protect her from them._

**Fine, so Anna protects you from them, you protect her from them too, but who protects you from Anna?**

_Anna is a good girl. She would never hurt me, not on purpose at least. The incident with the plasticine is in the past. We're friends now._

**Fine, do what you want, but don't say I didn't warn you.**

In that moment she comes out of the fitting rooms wearing her jeans and a green t-shirt, holding the dress on her right hand.

"Should we get going?" She says and all her friends nod.

They all head to the shop's exit and I walk behind them, feeling really strange and awkward of being with my enemies on the mall is if we were friends. I was starting to regret my decision of staying when Anna slowed my pace to walk right next to me. I look at her confused, and she gives me a little smile. My heart jumps. Maybe she prefers my company after all?

_Should I say something? Make a little conversation?_

**Of course, unless you want her to think you're mute or incredibly rude. She slowed her pace to be at your side! Now it's your turn to do something.**

So I open my mouth her but Ariel interrupts me before I can utter a single word.

"Anna, aren't you going to give that dress to an employee, since you're not buying it?"

She looks briefly at her dress and then at me, as if trying to decide something. I thought she had already decided not to buy it. Could she be considering buying it just because of what I said?

"I'm going to buy it." She says, confirming my suspicions and making a big smile appear on my face.

_Take that, bitches! She takes in count my opinion more than yours._

"What?!" All of them except Meg scream in disbelief. Meg only smirks as if she already knew that this would happen.

"I like it, so I'll buy it." She repeats. I've never seen anyone talk to them like this.

"But Anna, didn't you hear a thing of what we said?" Snow asks.

_Of course she did, but she won't believe the stupid lies you tell her. I won't let you destroy her self-steam._

"Yes, I heard you, but I still want to buy it."

_That's right, Anna, don't do what they want. Make your own decisions._

She turns away and walks towards the cashier, leaving her "friends" with shocked expressions on their faces. I can't help but smile like crazy seeing how upset they look at this moment, almost as if Anna had slapped them.

I start giggling, covering my mouth with my right hand, and suddenly I remember that I also came here to buy something, so I walk to the line and stay behind Anna. She turns to me and sees me still giggling, but what she does next catches me out of guard. She winks at me and smiles. I don't think she realizes how sexy, and cute at the same time, that little gesture is. My laugh dies and I turn away blushing. Seriously, with this girl I'm almost the color of a tomato all the time.

She buys her dress and I buy my shirt, and then we all exit the shop. Once we are a few meters away Anna speaks:

"I think I should go now. It's getting late and I have homework to do, so I guess I'll see you the on Monday."

I don't know why, but I really don't want to say goodbye to her just yet. It's the most normal interaction we've had and I don't want it to end. Maybe I know, deep inside, that once we get back at school all will go back to being the same. This last thought is what makes me say:

"I could escort you to your house, if you want." Suddenly I realize that I sounded like a stalker or something, so I quickly make up an excuse. "It's on my way home and I was also leaving." True, I was also leaving, but my house is very far away from hers, at least one hour by bus, but I don't care. If I get to spend time with her every little sacrifice is worth it.

She was going to give me an answer when Snow interfered:

"Actually, Elsa, we wanted to ask you to hang out with us a little more."

"I'm sorry, but I also have homework to do." I say quickly, knowing that, if they want me to stay, they are up to no good.

"Oh, but _I insist_. I know we haven't treat you very nicely, but we really want to change that. We want to be your friends, right girls?" They all nod and I gulp in fear. If I refuse I know they will take revenge, but if I stay it could be even worse. I'm doomed, no matter what I do.

"She could hang out with you any other day. I want some company on my way home." Anna comes to save me.

"I could accompany you if you want" Meg interferes.

_Fuck you Meg! Sorry for my language, but I really want to be alone with Anna. Now my only hope is that she refuses to let Meg come with us._

"You can both come with me."

_Goodbye to my time alone with Anna._

Don't be silly Anna." Cinderella says. "Meg is more than enough to keep you company. Let us borrow Elsa for today." She places her hand on my shoulder making me shiver. I've never liked people touching me, let alone the ones who have done so many awful things to me, but I don't say anything. However, I know she did it as a threat, as a way to say that, if I refuse to stay they'll make my life hell.

Anna opens her mouth as if she wanted to disagree, but a glare from Snow makes her stay quiet. From the looks the other girls have, they all want her to shut up too, otherwise, they won't hesitate on hurting her. Suddenly I understand. The threat from Cinderella wasn't directed to me, what more awful things could they do to me after all? It was for Anna. If I don't stay they'll hurt Anna, and I can't let it happen.

"I… suppose it's a good idea. I'm sure you can become friends, don't you think so, Elsa?" Anna says, a little bit afraid. I suppose she understood it too.

_Good, now she'll be safe._

**Yes, she will, but what about you?**

"Yes, I… I suppose we can." I can't help the resigned tone of my voice. I know I probably look sad right now, and I try to put on my mask again but I just can't. Father was right, once I let my feelings come out, it's more difficult to hold them back.

"Well then we should go now." Meg places her arm around Anna's shoulders, as if calming her as her property. I frown.

_Anna is not anyone's' possession, let alone Meg, she has a boyfriend!_

**You're only saying that because you're jealous.**

_Shut up._

Deep inside I know that, indeed, I'm jealous, so I cautiously stop frowning. I can't let them know how I feel.

"Goodbye, girls." Meg says, proceeding to kiss them all on the cheek and Anna does the same. I freeze when she kisses me, even if it's just a kiss on the cheek, it feels so special, it makes my heart beat so hard that I'm sure all of them can hear it, and when her lips linger on my cheek a little bit longer than what would have been normal, I feel like I'm in heaven.

"See you." she says once she separates from me. I can still feel her soft lips and I suppress the urge to touch the slightly wet spot on my cheek to make sure it was real.

Then she turns around and walks beside Meg towards the mall exit. Suddenly I feel lonely and all the happiness I was experimenting before vanishes without leaving traces of its existence, leaving only fear inside me. Why am I in fear? Because of the dreadful words Snow just whispered on my ear.

"Now, now, what could we do to have fun with you, _Ice Queen_?"

* * *

They practically drag me to the ice-cream shop. I want to escape so badly, but I can't because all of them are holding me with iron grip. What are we doing here? I have no idea. I don't think they're going to buy me an ice-cream.

Only Snow gets in and, when she comes out, she is holding a gooseberry ice-cream… well, it's not really an ice-_cream_, since it's not made with milk but with water. I don't know why, but that shop has very exotic ice-creams. How do I know it's gooseberry? The color is unmistakable: a pink so intense that it's almost red.

I wonder why she bought an ice-cream if she almost never eats sweets, instead following her strict diet of only eating apples, but in that moment Snow then tells us to follow her and leads us to a bench on a secluded place of the mall. There she tells her friends to sit down and they make me do the same, so now I have Cinderella and Aurora at my right side and Ariel at my left side, and Snow White in front of me, grinning with a wicked smile. I glance around, noticing almost no one comes around here, and even the shops are closed. I'm even more afraid now.

"Why did you want me to stay?" I ask them coldly, trying to hide my fear.

"Obviously not to be your friends." Snow answers, wrinkling her nose, as if the mere thought disgusted her. "You'll see, we are worried about the influence you have on Anna."

"So this is all about the dress." I state, not surprised.

"It's more than just a dress. For all I care she could be going around the mall wasting her money on things that doesn't suit her. No, it's not only a dress. She disobeyed us, because of _you_."

The way she says that last part literally makes goosebumps appear on my skin, not to mention the glare, it could intimidate even the bravest men. I don't know how I'm able to reply.

"S-s-she did it b-because she wanted to. N-not because of m-me."

"Same thing. She did it because _she wanted_ to please _you_, when normally she'd want to please us." She makes a dramatic pause on her speech. "Elsa, you are a threat to our plan, so let me tell you what we'll do. You interfere on our way to make Anna one of us again, and you will_ both_ regret the consequences."

"I-I'm not interfe…"

"You won't speak to her again." She cuts me off with an authoritarian tone of voice. "We'll be watching you, and if you disobey us… well, let's just say that what we've done to you until now will seem like _heaven_ compared to what we'll do… to Anna."

I look at her with pleading eyes, totally terrified. I don't want them to do anything to her. I am going to assure them that I won't even come near Anna again when Snow takes the paper bag with my shirt off of my hands. She takes the shirt out and says while looking at it:

"You really don't have any sense of fashion, do you? I suppose it's better this way, It would be a pity to ruin a fine garment, but since it's not…"

She nears her gooseberry ice-cream to my shirt and it only takes me one second to realize what she is going to do, however it's too late. She presses the intense-pink-colored coldness on my white shirt, instantly forming a huge spot that will be really difficult to wash. I wanted to stop her, but her friends grab me by my arms, preventing me from move. I fight against them, but they are three and, even if I could surpass any of them alone, I can't with all of them. Snow spreads the ice-cream all over my new blouse, staining it with the pink color to the point it will be impossible to bleach it perfectly, even after many washes.

"Stop!" I scream in anger and despair while she is doing it, forgetting completely about keeping my feelings inside. "Wait, please stop!" I won't be able to buy another shirt, I have some other necessities and the money my father sent me will barely be enough to cover them all. I have to stop them at all costs. "I promise I won't even come near to Anna ever again!" This promise hurts me immensely. Tears of sadness and impotence threat to fall from my eyes, but I'm barely able to keep them in.

"Oh, you won't." Snow says with that evil smirk I hate so much. "This is only a warning. If you say anything to Anna, and I don't care if you only asked to borrow her eraser, believe me, this will be _nothing_."

I want to hit her so badly, but I know I can't. I'd be in trouble if I do and if my father finds out he'd hate me. Again. So I just control my emotions, not allowing myself to feel, saying inside my head that it's not that bad, that it's only a shirt and I can survive the rest of the High School with only three old shirts. I also tell myself that keeping my distance from Anna won't be that bad, that we are not really that close anyways, but deep inside I know they're lies, and I'm just trying to conceal my suffering without really getting rid of it.

Finally, Snow finishes ruining my shirt and the girls release me. They get up and see me with their wicked faces showing how satisfied they are of what they did to me. Snow throws my shirt at my face and I'm just barely able to catch it before the wet cloth hits me. They turn around and walk away, not sparing another glance at me.

I keep sitting there, remembering what just happened minutes ago and an uncontrollable rage surges between me, together with a deep felling of sadness. I feel hot tears running down my cheeks. I try to keep them in, but I can't, it's like a river that flows with so much force that no human power could ever stop it.

I lay on the bench, curled, and I cry. I cry so badly that I tremble. I cry because now I don't have a new shirt to use, I couldn't even have that small luxury. I cry because I'm not going to speak to Anna again, because I will return to my lonely life, my life without friends that was so sad I don't know how I managed to survive with it. I cry because I couldn't do anything to stop this from happening. I cry because I'm angry, with them and with myself. I cry because it upsets me that they were able to make me cry. I cry because I'm weak. I cry because I feel.


	4. The most difficult thing

**Chapter 4: The most difficult thing.**

All I've been thinking about since Saturday is Anna. And it's already Tuesday. Even if it's normal for me to think about her (since I'm madly in love with the girl), the fact that she is on my mind all the time worries me because of what I'm supposed to do from now on. All I want is to talk to her, to laugh with her, to give her compliments, but I can't if I want to keep both of us safe… well, _relatively_ safe from Snow, Hans and their friends.

Yesterday Anna called me from the distance cheerfully and all I wanted to do was to run to meet her and spend some time in her company, but I did what I had to; restrain myself, walk away and pretend not to have listened to her calling my name. That was very difficult even for me (and I'm used to deal with difficult situations), but surely it was nothing compared to what I'll have to do today. Today I'll have to go into that damn classroom, see her sitting there with that beautiful smile she always has and ignore her. I won't sit with her, I won't talk to her, I won't even look at her. I'll just walk past the girl and sit at the other end of the classroom pretending I don't give a sh*** about her, while in reality it's the opposite.

Today is gonna be a longe and difficult day. To say the least.

English is the last class of the day, so I spend all of the previous hours wanting to disappear spontaneously just to avoid the confrontation that will most likely happen; Anna doesn't seem the kind of person who would just let it slip without at least questioning me about it.

Time passes faster than what I would've preferred, as if the universe is against me, and the dreaded English class finally comes.

I walk slower than usual while I head across the hall towards the classroom and, when I arrive, I pause, not daring to get in. For a moment I even consider skipping the class, but I know I can't; father would kill me (maybe literally) if he knows, so I just sigh in resignation and walk through the door frame.

As soon as I enter, I'm greeted by the most amazing voice in the entire planet, the one I want to hear less and most at the same time.

"Elsa, Elsa!" She shouts while standing up and waving enthusiastically at me.

You can't imagine how hard it is for me to ignore that voice, even more after seeing her hopeful gaze and radiant smile. How could I ever destroy such happiness? I'd never forgive myself if I'm the reason of her sadness.

**Do you really think she would feel sad if you stop talking to her? She'll probably be glad for not having to carry with such a burden like you anymore.**

The voice in my head might be right, even if it hurts me badly to hear it. She doesn't need me. She won't miss me… well, maybe a little at first, but only because she is a good person. Then she'll forget about me and she'll be happier than she could've ever been at my side. It makes me sad to think about it, to have to keep my distance from her, but it's necessary; I don't want her to be one of Snow's victims, because it's horrible.

I try to keep my impassive face intact as I walk past her, resisting the urge to say hello or to even look at her once more. As I sit at the end of the classroom I feel relieved and miserable at the same time; relieved because now that I'm not near her, it _should_ be easier to stay away, and miserable because I miss her. If I were at her side she'd already be rambling awkwardly and cutely, making me blush and smile like crazy. Here I feel so... alone.

**You should be used to it. You've been alone half of your sorry life, and don't even start lamenting over it because it's your fault.**

I sigh. I was used to be alone, but Anna changed everything. How am I supposed to return to the darkness I was living in after she showed me the light?

In that moment the teacher gets in and I get my notebook out of my backpack. The class starts and I take notes, or try to anyways, hoping it keeps my mind from thinking too much about certain redhead, but no use. She's in my head all the time, so I end up just writing her name repeatedly at the margin of the sheet.

I glance at her and wonder what she's thinking about. Am I in her mind too? Does she feel lonely without me at her side?

**Of course not. She has Meg and Ariel. Why would she possibly miss you?**

_Yes, you're right. I'm stupid for even considering it._

In that moment she quickly grabs her belongings and stands up walking to the front of the classroom, briefly saying something to the teacher, though I can't hear her from the place where I'm sitting. He nods briefly and Anna rushes out of the classroom, as if she was suffocating inside.

**Probably she wanted to run away from your undesirable presence.**

_No, I think she was sad because of me and didn't want our classmates to see her cry._

**You're too hopeful, aren't you?**

_No. I'd preferred it if you were right. I don't want her to feel bad._

I was hoping she would come back, but as the class goes on, it's more obvious she won't. I wasn't expecting her to run away, but I don't know if I should be glad she did or not. Is her running out of the classroom better than a direct confrontation? Probably, but only for me. I'm such a coward.

There are only fifteen minutes left until the class ends when I see Ariel getting out her cellphone from her pocket, probably because she received a text message. I don't pay it any mind, since it's relatively normal for her to be texting her friends during class. However, after about ten minutes, someone's pokes at my shoulder and I turn to see him handing me a piece of paper. I take it and turn around to see who sent it to me, since I've never gotten one before, only to find Ariel's malicious gaze pointed towards me. I'm tempted to just crush it and throw it away, but my curiosity gets the best of me and I reluctantly start to read it.

_Hello, Ice Queen. _

_I suppose you haven't forgotten about Snow's little threat from Saturday, have you? Well, at least for now you have stayed away from Anna, but it isn't going to be enough. When the class ends she'll be waiting for you to ask you why you ignored her. Whatever you do, _don't_ tell her the truth. You will answer that all this time you've been acting, pretending to be her friend, just to make her suffer later by ignoring her. If you don't do this, then Anna will have to deal with all her friends turning their backs on her instead of just one. You don't want that for her, do you?_

_Ariel._

And here I was thinking this day couldn't get worse. Now I will have to let Anna down for her own good, just when the lack of a direct confrontation seemed more than just wishful thinking.

I take a deep breath trying to prepare myself for what I'll have to do next, but it's useless. I could never be ready to hurt Anna's feelings; I care for her too much to do it. But I have to. There's no choice, because I know she will feel worst if all of her friends abandon her instead of just me (and it's just me, so I hope she won't feel _that_ bad). She'd be suffering anyways if I don't do it and it'd still be my fault. I have to do what they told me. There is no other way.

* * *

The class comes to an end, too early in my opinion, and all the students start heading out. I quickly stand up and try to mix with the crowd, hoping that'll keep Anna from seeing me, but as soon I step out, our gazes meet. I try to run away, but Hans (who is at her side, even though I hadn't noticed him) grabs my hand with so much strength that it hurts, preventing me from going anywhere.

_Well, f***. Escape plan failed._

"My friend here wants to speak with you." He says motioning at Anna. Then, thankfully, he releases my hand, but I don't dare to try running away since I know I won't like the consequences if I do.

"I don't want to speak to her." I say with a cold voice avoiding their gazes, trying to keep my feelings concealed.

"Well, she doesn't wish to waste her time talking with you either, but she does want to know why you ignored her earlier after _acting_ as her friend during a month."

"Was it all an act, Elsa?" She ask with a sad tone that breaks my heart into pieces.

I have to spend a few seconds to regain my composure before speaking again. I'm thankful with my father for teaching me to not let my emotions lead my actions, because if he hadn't done it, I'd probably be telling everything to Anna after hearing how sorrowful her voice sounds and seeing her redden eyes, probably because she cried all this time.

It takes all my strength, as well as almost ripping my heart out of my chest, to say the following words to the broken girl in front of me without collapsing myself:

"Yes. It was all a plan I made to make you feel bad."

I see how the tiny hope that remained in her pained eyes disappear to be replaced by utter agony. I didn't think she'd be suffering this much for my rejection, does she really care that much about me? Why? I'm not worth it. She shouldn't feel pain because of me. Something is wrong here, something that doesn't match my previous believes. Maybe she cares about me more than what I thought?

**Yeah, right. Are you stupid? Why would she care about you? ****_You_**** of all people in the world?**

Just as I see tears appearing in her eyes, and I'm actually considering telling her the truth and comfort her, I see Hans whispering to her ear something. And, as he does, her gaze changes completely, not showing grief anymore, just indescribable anger. She couldn't have switched moods so quickly right? Maybe she wasn't about to cry from sadness after all, but from indignation and fury.

"Why? What did I ever do to you?!" She snaps in a way very unlike her. She is _really_ pissed off, I can tell.

"I don't have to answer that question. I'm not wasting my time with you." I force myself to answer, to avoid telling her some another lie.

I turn around and start walking away as calm as I'm capable of, trying to seem cold and maybe even intimidating, so that Anna won't dare to press the topic and just let it go. I'm not that lucky; she roughly grabs my hand to prevent me from running away.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" She yells.

_What does she means? I've never consider myself more than a pitiful presence who doesn't even deserve to be acknowledged. Why is she asking that? And in such an angry way?_

"Who gave you the right to speak like that to me?! You are just a loser, a disgusting crap at my shoe sole, you are nothing!" I feel real pain in my heart, and I have to clench my teeth so I don't get out a pathetic whimper at her words.

**She obviously interpreted your coldness as a way to say that she's not worth your time. She believes you think of yourself as someone too good for this place or something like that.**

_At__least she realized what I truly are, though it hurts ten times worst to hear it from her than from anyone else._

I feel tears threatening to fall from my eyes at her words, but I can't cry. Not here, not now. I have to end this as soon as possible so I can go somewhere to drown in sadness and self-loathing. I have to stay calm at least a little more, I have to keep my feelings in.

"Answer my fucking question! What did I do to you?!" She asks again completely out of her mind.

"Do you really want to know?" I ask turning around, my voice sounding softer because of the soreness of my throat caused by my about-to-cry state.

I sigh because I really don't want to tell her some lie to justify why I "supposedly" pretended to be her friend, since it'll have to be really hurtful to prevent her from questioning me any further or trying to speak with me again. I close my eyes trying to make up something before I start speaking.

"The first day of classes I was reading my book when you came to me and started disturbing my concentration with your clumsiness, your annoying voice, and your silly conversation." I open my eyes preventing myself from remembering the event I'm going to describe next, since it was the first and only time Anna has hurt me. "Then you started playing with my hair when I didn't want you to." Partially a lie, but I don't want her to know that I noticed it when she was smearing plasticine on my hair, even though I know it would justify doing something awful to her. I'll just have to add something more to make this more believable, even if I have to say the contrary of what I really think. "And finally, you kept trying to distract me during English class. I simply can't bear your presence, it's so irritating. I hated you since I first saw you."

SMACK

All the agony I've felt since I arrived here doesn't even come close to the moment when Anna's hand hit my cheek. It's not about the physical pain which, even if considerable, at least is somewhat bearable. No. This is about the fact that _Anna_ just slapped me. Anna hit me. Anna inflicted physical pain on me on purpose. Anna, the only person who I care about, the one I love, the one who I'd do anything for.

I'm in shock because of the amount of confusion and pain that's currently clouding my mind, preventing me from moving. After a moment I regain control over my body and slowly turn my head to see her, touching my sore cheek in disbelief. I was expecting her to be at least surprised of her actions, maybe even a little regretful, but all I see is coldness.

_And they seriously call _me_ the ice queen? She just slapped me and now is seeing how hurt I am, since I'm pretty sure I'm not concealing my feelings at this moment, and yet she doesn't show even a little compassion. How did I make her hate me so much in just a few minutes? Maybe she has hated me all this time. Maybe _she_ was just pretending to be my friend out of pity._

"I should have never trusted you and I swear I'll take revenge on what you did to me. You will always regret the day you dared to mess up with me." She continues still sounding angry. Doesn't she see how much this is hurting me?

All I want is to curl up in the floor and cry until I can't even breathe, but I know I can't show weakness now; she's just threated me with more punishment, so I cannot let her know how much influence she has on my feelings. I need to chill out. I close my eyes for a moment, take a deep breath, and repeat 'Conceal, don't feel' in my head. Then I open them again and say as cold as I can:

"Fine. It doesn't matter after all. I'll only have another brainless girl to add to the list of people who hate me." My voice quivers at the last part because I know how large is the list of people who hate me (actually in my case it would be easier to have a list of people who _doesn't_ hate me), and I really wouldn't want to add Anna, but there's nothing I can do; she'll end up despising me anyways. "Now, if you excuse me…" I continue, pulling away from her hand, which is no longer warm and comforting for me, as it used to be. "I have more important places to be at right now."

I turn and walk away, trying to get out of this hell called High School as fast as I can.

* * *

All the time I'm in the bus I'm fighting the tears that form in my eyes every few seconds and trying to get rid of the knot in my throat, but it's impossible with the scenes of what just happened earlier still fresh on my mind. I don't hope anymore to even finish this day without crying, just to arrive home before the tears start flowing like a mighty river. I know all these people around me are just strangers and that I'll never see them again, but I just don't want anyone to see me cry and take pity on me. I've always consider myself as a strong person and I don't want anyone to think otherwise. Besides, father said I should never show weakness.

Finally after an hour spent first in the traffic and then walking (almost running) a few blocks, I arrive to the house where I live, quickly retreating my keys from my backpack and opening the door, slamming it behind me in my urge to get in.

"Elsa is that you? Are you home already?" I hear Gerda's voice coming from the kitchen, but I don't stop to answer, just run upstairs as fast as I can to get to my room slamming that door as well.

I roughly toss my backpack to the floor, not caring where it lands, and collapse in my bed crying desperately.

The sounds escaping from my mouth are so sorrowful that I'm sure they could make even the most heartless men feel a little bit sorry for me, and I know that in some other circumstances, I would've felt ashamed of them, but right now I don't care. In fact in this moment I don't really care about anything, not even the fact that my cries are so loud that probably the entire block can hear them. All that's in my mind is that today I lost my first friend forever, and nothing in the entire world could ever repair the damage that has been done today to the both of us.


	5. I'm worth nothing

**Chapter 5: I'm worth nothing.**

It's been two months. The worst and longest months of my entire life… well, maybe that's not entirely truth, but they've been definitely the worst two months of my life here. If I thought I was depressed and literally going through hell before, it's only because I never imagined it could be even worse. Guess what? I was _so_ wrong.

Hans and his friends bulling me was bad enough, even if I never cared in the slightest about them and procured to ignore them as much as I could, but to be mercilessly harassed everyday by the one I love is just… I can't bear it. I've been crying myself to sleep almost every damn night, just thinking about what Anna did to me.

On top of that, I've seen the once always-happy redhead almost depressed lately. At first I wondered if it was because of me, since I was too harsh to her the first few days in order to push her away from me, but soon I found out the real reason. I saw her kissing Hans. What's the problem with that? You may be asking, well the problem is I've seen before how he treats his girls. He has never had a girlfriend and I doubt that's going to change with Anna. They are all "friends with benefits", but the truth is that they are just objects to Hans, objects to be used by him as he pleases. They are always sad, even if they think they are happy, and as soon as they show signs of not agreeing with Hans, or if he simply gets tired of them, they are thrown away as some kind of trash and despised by the entire school.

Obviously I don't want that happening to Anna, and I've tried telling her the truth, but honestly, would she believe me? Of course not, she hates me now and thinks that I hate her too. She'd think that I'm just trying to separate her from her friends.

_Maybe not. What if she listens? Shouldn't we at least try?_

**Your memory is failing you or what? Even if she listened to you, her fate has already been sealed, and if they discovered she's been talking to you, it all would be worst for her, remember Snow warnings.**

This conversation has repeated on my head at least every time I see Anna, and it always stops me from warning her about Hans.

I'm sure you're wondering why do I still care about her if she's done so many bad things to me. Well, it's because I know none of this is her fault; she's only been doing what her friends tell her to do. Sure, she could've not listened to them, but then who knows what they would've done; she'd be even more unhappy, and that's something I don't want. Besides, she must feel very upset and frustrated, and takes it all out with the only person she can do it without consequences or regrets: me. Yes, I'm her punching bag… literally. I accept it, because I know this way she feels like at least she has power over someone, even if that someone is at the slowest rank on the hierarchy of this High. It still hurts a lot, of course, but at least it's a solace to think I'm being helpful to her in some way. That's what I tell myself, anyways. The truth is this line of thinking only prevents me from hating Anna.

But forget about her. To continue thinking about the redhead would only lead me to yearn for her company and I'd end up hurt hurting even more.

Today I'm especially sad, I'll tell you why. Yesterday was a bad day, like a _really_ bad day. As soon as I arrived home after a day full of insults and some other awful things done to me mainly by Anna, Gerda greeted me with a letter from Norway, from my father. I opened it at my room and read it.

_Elsa:_

_I'm very disappointed of you. You were doing well at school, but now your grades are far less than acceptable. I told you when you left that I expected only the very best from you, otherwise I wouldn't help you anymore. Well, I will stay truth to my word; I won't send any money to you unless you get perfect notes in all subjects. The principal will give me a full report next week, and if your grades haven't improved by then, they I suggest you to start packing your belongings, since you won't be able to pay the rent and you'll have to live on the streets._

_PS. Don't even try finding a job, because if I get word of it, I will make sure you're punished properly. _

_Adgar Frost_

At first I had been excited when I saw such a large letter, but I soon realized the meaning behind it and a dreadful sensation possessed my entire body. I can't say I wasn't expecting that; he did warned me, but it didn't make it any less shocking. I started trembling badly, dropped the evil piece of paper, and cried for the rest of the evening, not stopping until I fell asleep at some point.

It isn't my fault that my grades aren't perfect now; subjects that once were easy for me, like maths and History, now seem to be downright impossible to comprehend, and my concentration keeps slipping through my fingers as soon as my thoughts wander around certain redhead (though not like in a daydreaming way as they used to, but more like in a fearful and depressing mess, which crumbles me down in a way I'm left as an useless piece of nothing) and her friends… who are also to blame for this because they stole a very important homework from me.

As you see I'm very stressed, sad and angry, but I can't worry about my feelings right now. Conceal, don't feel. I have an English exam to study for, and I'm planning on getting a 100, not mediocre 90's and 80's as I've gotten lately in all subjects, but the perfect score. So I woke up early today and studied everything I could from my notes, then I went to school and I planned on studying from some books I had borrowed from the library during the two free hours I had, so I went to my locker to get them out and started heading to said building, but just as I am walking through a lonely hallway, I hear hurried footsteps approaching me. I try not to pay attention to them, keeping my gaze at the floor and hoping it is someone who doesn't knows me, but I'm not that lucky.

A strong shoulder collides with mine and I drop the books. I don't even dare to look who was the one who did it because I don't want a confrontation. The best would be pretending nothing happened. I start picking up my books, when I hear the voice I wanted to hear less at that moment:

"Watch where you're going." Anna says angrily, stopping and probably looking at me with that vile grimace she always has lately. I try to ignore her, hoping this way she'll leave me alone, but it doesn't work. "What? You won't even say sorry?" I stand up and walk away, trying to escape before it gets worse, but I should've known better; Anna never loses hold of her favorite prey. "Hey! Now I don't deserve even a small apology?" She says furiously, running to stand in front of me, keeping me from getting away. I just continue looking to the ground, not wanting to see her face so full of hate.

In that moment, she quickly grabs my headband and holds it out of my reach saying:

"Now, say you're sorry and I'll return it to you."

_Why would I say I'm sorry? You hit me on purpose! And now you stole my headband. Give it back or I will kill you!_

**Stop being so impulsive. You will hurt her and we both know you couldn't possibly live with it, not only because, stupidly, you still love her, but because your father would send you to the Antarctica this time.**

I almost lost my composure at this, unable to keep a hold on myself, despite my mind reminding me of the consequences of letting it go. That headband is very special for me, since it was a present from my older brother for my eight birthday, and he was the only one who's ever loved me. I don't say anything, though, not trusting myself in that moment, but I do try to reach for it, even jumping a little, and, since I'm slightly taller than her, I almost get it back, but she promptly puts it behind her back. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and try to keep calm. I don't wanna do something I'll regret latter. Once I've convinced myself that it's not that of a big deal, I finally open my eyes and look at her face, saying with the coldest voice I manage to emit:

"Give me my headband."

"No." She says curtly.

I'm taken aback by her answer. Normally that cold voice is enough to tell anyone (well, anyone but Hans and Snow) that they shouldn't mess up with me because I'll have no mercy. However, Anna doesn't seem to be impressed by it. This makes my barriers fall for a moment and my vulnerability shows against my will.

"P-please." I plead. "I… I'm sorry for hitting you."

For a moment I think she's going to oblige, due to her brief look of sympathy, but then she turns back into her previous (and evil) self.

"Well, now that you said it so nicely…" She feigns to be thinking, putting a finger behind her chin. "Mmmmh… No, I won't."

"But I already said I'm sorry." I say very upset, but trying to keep it cool.

"Yes, but it's not enough." She smirks, and in that moment I know she's planning something bad. "What about you get on your knees and…?"

_Are you serious?! You tried to comfort me when Snow did this to me, and now you're copying her actions?_

**She isn't even original when it comes to think of ways for tormenting you. I told you she was ****_exactly_**** as the others. **

This last thought makes me really upset, with myself for being so blind and with Anna for wanting me to do something so humiliating just because she learned it from Snow.

"Give that to me now, Anna!" I say with a loud voice, extending my arm towards her, wanting to end all this now.

"Or what?" she asks with the attitude of a little brat, clearly wanting to press all my buttons. Well, it works. I'm so angry that I don't even think my next words until they have already escaped from my mouth.

"Or… or I'll tell everyone you're sleeping with Hans." I regret it the moment I say them, but it's already too late.

Her smile disappears in that instant and the color leaves her face. It's clear as the day that I hurt her badly, and that she is shocked at my words.

**Well, what were you expecting? You practically called her a whore! You know how much she must be hating her situation, but you just ****_had_**** to remind her of it, and why? Because it's always in your mind because you are jealous! You are just a selfish idiot, a monster who keeps hurting the ones she loves.**

_No, I didn't want to hurt her. _

**Well, congratulations! You did it anyways. You better apologize before she starts crying or something.**

"I… I'm sorry." I say, deviating my gaze to the floor, ashamed. "It's just that I saw you kissing him and…" And I got jealous._ "_Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I close my eyes sighing, disgusted with myself.

"Don't be." I hear her saying, sounding confident, crossing her arms over her chest. I look up to see her and I'm surprised when I find no trace of the previous pain she had in her eyes. "There's no need for that." Now I am confused. I don't understand what's going on in her head. "Actually I'm not sleeping with Hans _yet_, but it honors me that you thought that. Hans is a fine gentleman and, as you must know, quite handsome, smart and charming. So, nope, it wouldn't bother me if you told everyone in this High that I've been in his bed. Actually I'm proud to say that someone like him placed some interest in someone like me, even if it is only in a sexual way." At first I thought she was telling the truth, but I soon found a glint of doubt at her own words in those beautiful eyes of her. She is trying to convince herself at the same time she convinces me. She doesn't want to admit just how miserable she really is.

"Don't you feel… y'know… degraded?" I ask carefully, wanting to see if this time she'll tell the truth.

"Of course not!" She says, but her eyes tell otherwise. "I mean it's Hans! What about you? Don't _you_ feel degraded?" What? I'm not the one being some jerk's toy. "I mean no one ever have expressed their desire to sleep with you, and honestly who would? I mean, you're… _you_." She eyes me with despise and I'm unable to conceal the fresh wave of pain that comes through my chest.

_Is that what she really think about me? That I'm not attractive at all?_

**Were you seriously expecting something different? **

"You should be thankful if an ugly and dirty tramp ever dared to rape you."

Those words are like a big stab to my heart. For a moment I can't even breath because of the big amount of real pain in my chest, and I think I'm having a heart attack. But no, it's just my heart breaking to splinters.

I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears and get rid of the knot in my throat, but it's just too painful. She thinks of me as some kind of ugly monster, a freak which who no human would ever want to even touch. Now I know for sure I don't have even the smallest chance of being her friend, let alone something more. The feeling of sadness is just too overwhelming, I won't be able to repress my sobs longer. I have to get out of here.

I open my eyes and run away as quickly as possible, completely forgetting about my headband, not knowing nor caring where I'm going as long as it is away from Anna.

I get to the bathroom just as the first tear gets out of my eyes and a sorrowful sob escapes my mouth. I clench my teeth and put a hand over my mouth to keep myself from crying out loud and letting all the school know my pain.

I then look myself at the mirror with hate and despise.

**Why can't you be a handsome prince in shining armor? Why can't you ****_at least_**** be pretty? Why will you never be worthy of Anna's or ****_anyone's_**** love? Why are you just a useless piece of crap? **

Another tear comes out against my will.

**Look at those ugly and unnatural blue eyes, that ill-colored skin resembling the one of a corpse, that white hair of yours that makes you look like an older woman, that skeletal body that would make even the most merciless men give you a piece of bread.**

Another muffled sob. That's all true, after all no one has ever told me that I'm beautiful.

**And that's just concerning your physical appearance. You are way too broken and crazy. What kind of person has two voices in her head just to be able to have some conversation, even if it is with herself? You are weak and you are cold. You push people away as some human-repellent because you're clueless when it comes to human interaction. You hurt everyone who comes near you.**

**Tell me, Elsa who could ever want to be with you when there are so many normal girls in the world?**

Another two tears come out from my eyes, and I can feel more forming in my eyes, but I push them back, using all my will to keep them inside. Finally, after a draining fighting with myself, I'm able to conceal my feelings and stop crying. I feel terribly bad and tired, to the extent that everything is just pointless to me; being at school, getting good grades, standing at my feet… even breathing. Living. I've never cried at school before and it's just horrible. I am lucky that no one was in this bathroom the whole time I've been here, because they would've seen my weakness… does it matter, though? If I feign to be strong they still bother me, so if I show the real me, the _weak_ me, there should be no difference.

I quickly wipe my tears and wash my face, trying to erase all signs of having cried to avoid someone (the teachers, probably) asking me if something is wrong. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

* * *

I get out of the bathroom and walk to the library, looking at the ground and dragging my feet. I don't know if I'm really going to study, but anyways, I don't have anywhere else to go right now. In the way there I see many people and I can tell all of them are looking at me, whispering about how broken the Ice Queen seems. Who cares? They can talk about me all they want, I deserve this. I'm just a monster.

However, just as I'm about to reach the library, I feel a pair of slim arms evolving my waist, just as a voice of a young man says:

"Hi, I'm Olaf, and I love warm hugs!"

My reaction is instantaneous, I don't even think about it until it's done. I shake violently, shuddering at the foreign touch, almost afraid of it. The guy who tried to hug me, notices it and releases me. A look up just enough to see him. His is short, his head just reaching my chest, and very thin. He has black hair, round cheeks, an elongated nose and a big smile with front teeth resembling a rodent. Olaf… I think I've had one or two classes with him in the past.

"Why did you shudder?" He asks sadly, his smile now gone. "Don't you like warm hugs?"

_No one has given me one in eight years, so I'm not sure. It was just strange. I don't even know why I reacted that way._

I just shrug as an answer.

"I'm sorry if I caused you discomfort." He says apologetically. "It's just… you seemed so sad that I thought you could use one." He smiles, but I don't return the gesture, I'm not in the mood of dealing with this. I just nod and walk past him, almost regretting the way I treated him when I see how much it affected his high-spirited attitude. Almost.

I get into the library and stay there for the next hour, trying to study, but not retaining anything in my head, my mind going to darker thoughts every time I try to concentrate. I collapse over the pages of my book and stop trying at all. After all, what's the worst that can happen? That I fail the exam and my father stops sending money at all? That I won't have money to pay the rent anymore? So what? I'd just have to live in the streets for a while, because with no money to even pay for food, I don't think I would live much. My suffering would end and everything would be alright.


	6. Living on the streets

**Chapter 6. Living on the streets.**

It's been a month since I received my father's letter, and truth to his word, he hasn't sent any money. I've tried to improve my grades, I've really tried, but because of the amount of stress so great that it feels as if the weight of the world is over my shoulders, they have been just getting worse and worse. Now, instead of 90's, I'm barely able to obtain 80's, being my average grades around 60's and 70's. I'm so depressed that I've stopped doing works that require to team up with my classmates, just to avoid talking to them, and I don't pay attention to classes anymore; I just sit there, wanting to disappear from the face of the world without leaving traces of my existence. On top of that, my brain isn't working as it used to, probably because of lack of nutrition, not only because I feel like I don't deserve the food because I didn't pay for it, but also because I don't see the point on eating anymore.

So no, I haven't got any money and by the looks of it I won't any time soon.

By now I should've paid Gerda the rent, but I haven't and she hasn't reminded me of it either. I think she knows I'm not just forgetting to do it, I think she knows I can't pay her anymore. I've been waiting for the day she decides I've lived there for free long enough, but it doesn't comes and the anticipation is literally killing me. I'd prefer to get over with it quickly, that's why I came to the resolution of confronting her today.

Today bulling at school wasn't that bad and, fortunately I barely saw Anna. Besides no grades were given to me, so I'm pretty calm and the less depressed I've been in weeks, so it's a good day to face what will happen anyways even if I don't accelerate the process.

As I arrive home, I go to my room and put my back pack on my bed, sighing at the thought of what I'll have to do next. I open it and gather all my belongings inside; clothes, books, shoes, my towel, a photo of my brother, the only souvenir I brought from my former life..., all what I own. It all fits perfectly in the small backpack and is packed in a matter of minutes. Once I'm done, I grab it and head down to the kitchen, where I know Gerda is preparing the food for the evening meal.

As I arrive, I stand awkwardly at the doorframe, waiting for her to notice my presence, but she has her back turned at me, and the suspense is literally eating me alive. Suddenly I'm trembling badly and sweating cold, my mind not deciding if it wants to do it or not. On one hand, it's better this way because I won't have to pressure myself any longer, but on the other… I don't like confrontations, I don't want her to demand me her money, because I know I won't be able to give it to her. Maybe it would be better if I just leave for good, no confrontations and no goodbyes, just a note I'll leave to avoid seeming ungrateful and rude.

I decide on it and leave the kitchen, my ragged breathing normalizing considerably, and go to the dining room, where I take out of my backpack a notebook and pull off one page, then taking a pen and writing on it:

_Mr. and Mrs. Andersen:_

_I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, but I have no money left and my father won't send more. I can't pay you anymore and I'm so sorry for living in your house for free during a month. If I could find a way to pay you, not just for the room I've been living on, but for all the things you've done for me, believe me, I'd do it without thinking it twice._

_I'm sorry I didn't tell this to you in person, but I'm not good at goodbyes._

_So, this is the last you'll hear about me, I'm sorry if I caused you any discomfort, but now I won't anymore. Goodbye._

_Elsa._

I don't realize I'm crying until one tear lands on the little note. I quickly put it at the table, under the salt, and wipe my tears, hurrying to leave the house before I start sobbing noisily, alerting Gerda about my departure. As I close the door, I face the snow covering the streets, but I'm resolved to keep walking and not looking back, and that's what I do; walk with no direction, just away from my former living place, until the night falls.

* * *

It's cold, like freezing cold, and the stone benches of this park are really uncomfortable, and covered with snow. The white and wet powder keeps falling from the sky continuously, as it's been for hours now. Many would think it was stupid to leave the house at December, but for me it isn't; with this cold I will die faster and that way I won't suffer that much.

I smile at the thought, my first smile in months, and close my eyes, grateful to the little snowflakes, so beautiful they seem harmless, but that will soon help me leave this world. It reminds me of my childhood, when winter was my favorite season because there was just so much snow and the lake would freeze, and I could build snowmen and ice-skate with my brother. Then I learned ice was also very dangerous and could kill, so I started despising the cold. What an irony that I will die by it, but loving it anyways.

I close my eyes, hopefully for the last time, my last thought before drifting to sleep being that I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for being worth anyone's love, specially certain redhead's… who now will be sad, lost and confused forever because I couldn't save her from Hans. I regret that deeply.

_Goodbye Anna. I__wish I could have helped you._

* * *

I'm walking on a road completely covered by snow and surrounded by tall pine trees. I know this road, it's the one I used to take to go to the frozen lake with my bother when I was a child, the one that always brought bad and good memories back whenever I wandered over here all by my own. This time, however, I don't remember or feel anything, I'm just walking, not even thinking or caring where I'm going.

Finally, after a while, I arrive to the lake, which is frozen, but empty. Usually there'd be many people here ice-skating, but not today, and this time I know why; winter is coming to an end, making the ice very thin and treacherous, so to do ice-skating right now would be suicide.

There's a pair of ice skates at the shore. My ice skates. Suddenly I want nothing more than to put them on my feet and use them. I approach to them and do so, but just when I'm about to step into the lake, a hand on my shoulder stops me. I turn around and see my brother staring at me, his grey eyes showing deep concern.

"Elsa, what are you doing? Don't you know the ice is too thin for you to skate?" He asks.

"Yes… I know." I answer softly casting down my eyes, not wanting to explain him my reasons for doing it anyways because I don't want to disappoint him.

"Then why were you going to do it?

"B-because…" I want to lie, but there's something about him that makes me want to tell him everything, to cry in his arms, to let him comfort me. I close my eyes and speak with a broken voice, showing vulnerability in front of another person for the first time in years. "Because I want to die." As I say so, tears start escaping from my eyes, but just as I'm about to wipe them, my brother hugs me tightly, stroking my head soothingly.

"Elsa, please don't say that. You have plenty of reasons to keep living, please don't give up."

"Which reasons? No one loves me anymore, father is disappointed and mad at me, my classmates are making my life a living hell, and on top of that, I'm homeless now! Which reasons would someone like me have to keep going?"

"I know that all might seem awful right now. Believe me, sometimes I thought about giving up too, I know how harsh our father can be, and that he's only making it the more difficult for you, but there's light in all darkness, there's hope even in the most desperate situation. You just have to see it.

"I… I c-c-can't." I say between sobs. "I can't see any light."

"Is that why you're now wearing a black headband instead of the blue one I gave you? Because it's dark, as your perception of the world?"

"N-no. I… lost your present."

"You lost it?" He asks unbelieving, clearly noticing my hesitance at saying the lie.

"Well… someone stole it from me. Anna." As I say her name, I tighten my hold on him, searching for more comfort.

"And who is this Anna to you?" He asks, though I have the feeling he still knows the answer. I open my mouth, but only whines come from it. "Do you… love her?" He asks.

"I-I… s-she… It's… complicated." I manage to reply.

"How so?"

"I loved her, b-but she's… ch-changed."

"What's wrong with that? Everyone changes."

"She is b-being manipulated and u-used by b-bad people." After admitting it, I cry harder, and he gives me time to gain my composure, just holding me, and caressing me. "Sh-she doesn't seem to realize it." I say when I'm able to speak again. "B-but because of it she's b-being mean t-to me, wh-when she was the k-kindest person in the world before…" I start remembering the short month we were together, all those times that just being with her made my day a lot better. No matter what had happened, if Anna was there, I could go through it a lot easier. I didn't notice it, but thinking about it, made my sobs reduce considerably because now I don't feel so helpless, I have a little portion of hope, even if it's almost inexistent. Suddenly, an idea pops into my mind. "S-she's the light." As I say it, whoever, I remember the past three months, and all the bad things she's done to me as well. "And the darkness." I add bitterly.

"We are all both." He says after a moment of thinking. "We're good and bad at the same time. It depends on the circumstances which one is dominant. You said she's being used by bad people, and because of it I'm sure she's going through a lot too, and that she can't see the good either, not even in herself. I bet she's lost and scared, just like you. But if you help her, maybe she can help you too, and that way you will both be happy. Together. You don't have to die to stop suffering, Elsa, you just have to believe in the possibility of a better future. You have to see the light, even in the darkest night. Promise me you will at least try it, Elsa."

"I-I'll try." I say, wanting to keep this promise with all my heart.

"Good. I love you, sis.

"Thank you. I love you too." I say breaking the hug and wiping my tears. Being with him has always made me feel better. I even manage to give him a little smile. "I missed talking to you like this… I miss you so much." A tear escapes from my eyes at this bittersweet statement, but he quickly wipes it and smiles.

"I miss you too, but please don't cry. This should be a happy moment. We should be having fun!" His smile then intensifies and turns into a mischievous one, and now he looks exactly as I remember him, that cheerful and happy boy who was my best and only friend at Norway. "Do you want to play snowball fights? Or- or maybe find a sled and slide down a hill?" He is very excited about this, I can tell. "Or do you want to ice-skate?" He points to the lake, which now is covered by a layer of ice thick enough to skate safely.

I smile, momentarily forgetting about my sadness, about all the things that have happened the past years, and suddenly I'm eight again; I have no worries, no responsibilities, no awful memories. I let it all go to live in the present and just have fun for once.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" I ask with the widest smile I've had in a long time.

* * *

I wake up when I feel someone shaking my shoulder. For a moment I'm confused about where I am, half-expecting to wake up at my room, back there on the mansion at Oslo, where I used to live, but finding only a stone bench, where I currently lay on, and the view of a foreign street. All comes back to me, including the unbearable pain, stress and sadness, and I just want to go back to sleep and forget about all that. However, I remember the reason because of which I woke up, and turn to look at the person who was shaking my shoulder.

"Hey, girl." An intimidating cop with a serious tone of voice says, while shaking because of the cold. "You can't sleep here. You must get back to your home before this snowfall kills you." I sit up, because I feel less vulnerable this way, before answering.

"I… don't have a home." I answer sadly and desperately, hoping that he just let me stay here. He frowns at this.

"How old are you?" He asks.

"Eighteen." I lie.

"Do you have an ID?"

"I lost it." I say getting nervous. I don't like his unbelieving tone.

"Where are your parents?"

"I don't have parents." I lie again. He eyes me with suspicion, before standing up from his kneeling position.

"Follow me." He says turning away and walking towards the parked police car near here.

"B-but…" I start, not wanting to go anywhere.

"I won't ask a second time." He says in a strict tone, letting it clear that I really don't want to mess up with him.

I quickly get up, grab my backpack and get into the back seat of the police car. As I do it, I notice the other cop, who is at the passenger seat. He seems younger than the one who woke me up and kinder, and is looking at me with a welcoming smile.

"Hello." He says as his partner gets into the car. "I'm Joseph, and this grumpy man here is Marshmallow."

"M-Marshmallow?" I stutter. That name doesn't suit him in the slightest. Said man turns to see me when I say it and I flinch at his glare.

"Hey!" Joseph scolds him while hitting his shoulder. "Don't frighten her. She seems pretty troubled without your help." Marshmallow just growls and starts driving. "Please forgive my friend, he just isn't very sociable, but don't worry, in the inside he is a good guy, right Marshmallow?"

"It's MARSHAL!" He yells, and I retreat into the sit, hugging my legs and wanting to be invisible.

"Okay, geez, there's no need to shout." Joseph says covering his ears. Marshal just growls again and keeps driving. After a few moments of awkward silence, he speaks again, turning to look at me. "So, what's your name?"

"E-Elsa." I reply.

"Well, Elsa, why were you sleeping at the park? It's very cold outside, you could've died!" I just close my eyes and say nothing, hoping he understands that I really don't want to talk. He seems to take the hint. "Okay, if you don't want to talk about it, it's alright." He says, slightly disappointed by my refusal to say anything.

The rest of the drive is spent in silence, only broken occasionally by the sound of Joseph trying to warm up by rubbing together her hands or blowing on them. It's terribly cold here, but I don't care. I can't feel it.

We arrive at the police station, and they lead me into it, indicating me to sit on a chair, and then going to speak with their superior, informing him about my situation I guess. When they're done talking, the Police Chief comes to me and looks carefully my face, as if trying to memorize every detail before speaking:

"Which was your name?" He asks. For a moment I consider on lying, but I'd already told Joseph my name, so there's no point on telling something different now.

"Elsa." I say reluctantly.

"Do you know someone named Gerda Andersen?"

My heart pace quickens as well as my breathing. How do they know her name? Did she call the police to search for me in order to make me pay her my debt? I have to lie, it's the only way to get out of this.

"… N-no." My answer sounds very hesitant, and he obviously doesn't believe me.

"Oh, really? Because she's been calling all night asking if we've seen a sixteen-year-old girl named Elsa with platinum blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin and a slim complexion."

So my supposition was true, then. Well, I'm screwed. I could try pleading them not to let her know my location, but they're here to make sure the law is obeyed, so there's no point on trying.

"I'll ask you again. Do you know this woman or not?" His thunderous voice makes me retreat further into my seat, as I prepare myself to answer. It's pretty obvious that I know Gerda, so why should I lie?

"… Yes." I sigh in resignation. He nods thoughtfully and then goes to his office, to retrieve a paper, which he gives to the cops who brought me here saying:

"Take her to this address. Make sure she gets into the house." They both nod and Joseph tells me to follow him. I don't want to, of course, but honestly, which option do I have?

* * *

After 15 minutes of driving in silence (I didn't answer any of the questions Joseph asked me), we finally get to the Andersen's home. I want to escape, or to just disappear, but unfortunately for me, both options are equally impossible. Marshal gets out of the car and opens the door for me, I reluctantly get out and look at him with pleading eyes for a moment before he points to the entrance of the house with his head. I sigh and start walking, turning back my head when I arrive to the door, to see if they are still here. They are. Right behind me. Joseph smiles encouragingly and Marshal only nods. I sigh again and press the doorbell, waiting with a dreading sensation for it to open.

Finally it opens and Gerda comes out. Her eyes widen when she sees me and, without warning, she hugs me. I obviously flinch at the unexpected contact, but she doesn't let go of me.

"Elsa! Thank god you're okay. We were so worried about you!" She says. I'm so confused, isn't she mad at me? Doesn't she want her money? After a few seconds she breaks the hug, but keeps grabbing my shoulders, as if fearing I'll run away if she releases me. I feel a little guilty, actually. "Thank you for finding her, I wish I could repay you somehow." She says to the cops. Joseph is just about to reply, when another voice comes from the inside of the house.

"Gerda, honey, who is it?" Kai asks while coming to the door. As soon as he sees me, he lets go a sigh of relief and turns to the cops, thanking them as well for bringing me home safe and sound.

After the adults have thanked the cops plenty of times and the cops assured them it was nothing, the Andersens push me into the house, and Gerda says as she walks to the kitchen:

"Elsa, please take a sit on the couch. You must be freezing! I'll make some hot chocolate for you."

"Y-you really don't have to do it." I say tiredly, but she doesn't answer, going to prepare the hot beverage anyways.

Suddenly all what happened that day comes to get me, and I end up shivering from cold (my clothes have been wet because of the snow this entire time, but I was blocking all my feelings until now) and wanting nothing more than to sink into blissful slumber, because I'm really, really tired. Kai notices it and tells me:

"Go change into some dry clothes, but come back down once you've finished."

I nod, not being able to speak because of my chattering teeth, and run to my old room as fast as I can, taking off my wet clothes as soon as I close the door and desperately putting on warm and dry ones, quickly rubbing my limbs in order to be able of feeling them again. Once I'm not about to freeze, I go downstairs slowly, still trembling, and sit on the couch. Instantly, Kai puts a blanket over me and Gerda hands me a mug of hot chocolate. At first I don't want to accept it, but then I think that, if I have to go out there again after (somehow) I convince them to let me go, I at least have to be able to run further away and find a suitable place to hide so no one can find me. So I drink it without minding that it's so hot it burns my tongue. Once I'm finished I place the mug at the coffee table in front of me, thanking Gerda for the chocolate and feeling the blood slowly returning to my limbs and face.

Since Kai and Gerda, who are now sitting in the couch in front of me, obviously notice that I'm not trembling anymore and that now I can bear whatever they have to say, they shoot each other a couple of glances before Kai speaks to me in a reprimanding and severe tone:

"What were you thinking, Elsa? You could've died today!" Not exactly what I was expecting. When are they going to demand their money?

"Honey, don't be so harsh to her, I'm sure she's already learned the lesson." Gerda says touching his arm in a placating manner. "You won't do that again, right Elsa?"

I'm not sure about what to answer. I could tell them the truth; that I'll leave as soon as they let me, but I have the feeling it'd make them angrier, and I don't want trouble. But it doesn't make sense! Why wouldn't they want me to leave? Didn't they read my note? Maybe I should ask them.

"D-did…" My voice comes hoarse and too soft, so I clear my throat before speaking. "Did you read the note I left?" I ask ashamed and nervous, not really wanting to discuss this. However, I relax a little when their gazes become softer, but also… sad?

"Yes, Elsa, we read it. That's why we called the police." Gerda answers.

"Sorry." I say desperately, not wanting to go to jail or something. "Please, I'd have give you the money, but…"

"Elsa, you're misinterpreting this." Kai cuts me. "We were not-… _are_ not worried about the money, but about _you_."

_M-me? Why would they worry about me?_

As if reading my mind, Gerda answers my unspoken question.

"Elsa, you've been living with us since you arrived from Norway three years ago, and during that time… we've grown fond of you. We _care_ about you." Kai nods, agreeing with what his wife said.

As I look onto their eyes, I see something that I haven't seen in a long time, something that I can't quite tell what is it because I barely remember the sensation of someone looking at me like this. Something warm and comforting. Something good… but could it be true? Do they really care for me?

**Of course not. You've been just a burden for****them since the day you arrived. How could they possibly, even slightly, cherish you? They are just trying to make you feel guilty for not paying them.**

_You're right. No even my own father loves me or even cares for me, why would two complete strangers who have been supporting me for the past three years do?_

My expression, which just a moment before had been hopeful, falls. It's like this depressive thoughts that give me so much sadness, could never go away. No matter what the others say, or which the circumstances are, I'm just always negative, pessimist, always thinking about the worst possible scenario. I don't notice that Gerda has gotten up from the couch until I feel her arms around me for the second time in the past hour. I almost jump at this and she quickly lets go of me, noticing my discomfort. I turn to see her and find saddened eyes.

**Great. Now you hurt her feelings because you're a weirdo who can't bear a simple hug without freaking out.**

"Elsa, please believe us." She says. "You're important for us, can you see that?" I keep staring at her, the voices on my head again making me doubt of her words. She reaches to pull a strand of my hair behind my ear, and continues speaking while doing so. I want to back away from her touch but somehow I'm able to stay in my place. "Aren't we important to you as well?"

This makes me feel terribly guilty because, even if I really want to say that I do, I would be lying. It's not that I don't appreciate their company, or that I don't think they're good people, actually they are very nice, and they are not completely indifferent to me either. It's just that I'm not used to feel anything, so I consciously avoid getting fond of people because it's more difficult to control my emotions when I'm with someone who I care about.

"Sorry." I say looking at the floor. "I-If I were someone else, you probably would be, but… but I just _can't _feel."

"Elsa what's going on?" Kai asks, serious and concerned. "You've been acting very strange lately; you seem distant and depressed, a few hours ago you escaped to the cold night without even having a proper jacket, and now you're saying that you can't feel when obviously it isn't true. What's happening?"

"N-nothing." I stutter, nervous because of the interrogation.

"Elsa please, maybe we can help you? Whatever it is, you'll have our support." Gerda assures me.

_Why are they __doing this for me even after I told them__that I don't really care about them?_

"F-fine. My grades are…" I swallow loudly because I'm about to admit a part of my problems out loud, something I've never done before. "I'm doing poorly at school."

"Is that why your father won't say money anymore?" Kai asks. I nod slowly. He nods as well, thoughtfully. "And why exactly have your grades been lower lately?"

Well, that's the delicate part of the story. I want to tell it so someone, since it's too difficult to keep it all inside, not to say painful, but I can't just say that I have a crush on a girl who has been making my life hell because she's in love with some jerk who just wants to use her as a sexual toy, and who resents me because I didn't accept to be his friend with benefits a few years ago because I'm completely gay. No, definitely not a good idea to say that, what if they are homophobic?

I decide to say a partial truth.

"J-just the usual. My classmates have been bullying me…" My plan was to stop there, but my mouth continued talking against my will. "A-and someone who I care about is in trouble, but I can't do anything to help her because she hates me now." I'm very aware of how vulnerable my voice sounded, but I can't do anything about that. My emotions are too strong to be kept in.

"Oh Elsa." Gerda says with a compassionate tone while rubbing my back. "This must be very difficult to you, but don't worry, I know that if this friend of yours realizes how much she means to you, everything will be solved sooner than you think."

"M-maybe." I say uncertainly. Then I remember the other problem, the most pressing one, the reason that made me leave today. "But what about the rent?" I anxiously alternate my gaze from Gerda to Kai, waiting for their answer.

"Don't worry about it, dear." Gerda says. "We can't just let you live on the streets while we have one spare room and an extra chair on our table." I'm about to protest but Kai interferes.

"My wife is right. You're too young, Elsa, you need someone to take care of you and we'll be happy to do the job." He smiles. "After all we always wanted to have a daughter."

"D-daughter?"

_Do they want me to be their daughter? But I'm terrible at being just that, that's the reason my father sent me here in the first place. I wouldn't know how to act as a daughter should, and I know I could never completely see them as my parents._

"Don't worry, we are not asking you to see us as your parents." He continues. "Just please don't leave again like that, because you really scared us."

"And if you talked with us about your problems, it would be nice. We want to help you." Gerda reassures me.

"F-fine, if it's okay to you… I'll stay." I say, relieved for not having to go out to die at the streets. I didn't admit it before, but I'm afraid of death; even if it means that my suffering would end, it's something I'd prefer not to have to face yet. "B-but I _will_ pay you as soon as I get some money." My father taught me not to have any debts ever, and I'm not going to dishonor his instruction.

"If by that you feel more comfortable, then we have no problem." Kai smiles at me.

"Thank you, this whole rent thing was really eating me alive." I say really grateful. "But now I think I really should go to sleep, I'm tired and I have school tomorrow."

"You don't have to worry about that." Gerda says. "We'll call and tell the principal that you're sick. You can stay home tomorrow."

"I can't…" I stop at mid-sentence when I look at their faces, which tell me they won't take a 'no' as answer. "If I feel good enough tomorrow, I will attend to school. If not, then I'll stay." I partially give in. They seem satisfied with this.

"Then, by all means go to bed. You deserve a good night of rest." Gerda says pointing to the stairs. I stand up and wave them goodbye before starting to walk towards my room, but Gerda's voice stops me just as I reach the first step. "Oh, and Elsa?" I turn to see her. "Please try to work things out with your friend. Give yourself the opportunity to be happy, will you?"

I smile, remembering the dream I had about my brother.

"I'll try."


	7. The truce

**Chapter 7. The truce.**

It's been a week since that day when I escaped from the Andersen's house, and I haven't attended to school since then. I was careless; I didn't think what could happen if I just went out there but didn't die, and so I got sick.

The cold had never bothered me before, not that I remember, but now I've spent seven days lying on my bed, trembling from cold but burning in fever, sneezing loudly and wasting too many tissues which aren't even mine, but Gerda's and Kai's. I wanted to literally kick myself for being so irresponsible and becoming such a burden and, on top of that, missing school, which would probably result in lower grades.

But today I will finally attend, even if I'm not completely recovered yet.

This brought up another problem. I don't have any money left, not even a dollar, so how am I going to get to school? Well, I decided to walk. Yes, I'll walk the 12 kilometers that separate this house from the school, so yesterday I set up the alarm clock to wake me up two hours earlier than usual so I could arrive in time.

So I wake up without being able to totally get rid of the slumber. If it is because of the disease or the hour, I'm not sure until I see the clock.

_What? 5:30 AM? Why did the alarm sound at the usual hour? Now there's no way I'm going to arrive to the first two classes!_

**That's you fault, useless piece of pseudo-human being! Where was your head last night when you were supposed to be changing the time where the alarm should've woken you? Probably pitying yourself, thinking at how unfair the world is with you. How pathetic.**

_B-but I was sure I changed the time!_

**Guess what? You didn't! You probably just dreamed about it and aren't even capable of differentiating reality from your stupid imagination.**

I try not to panic because it would only make it worse, and quickly get up from bed, dress myself, do my hair into my usual braid, gather all my belongings and run downstairs as if someone was chasing for me, all of this in less than five minutes. When I'm about to open the door, I realize it's locked and I turn to see Gerda and Kai standing there, apparently waiting for me to come down.

"Aren't you going to have breakfast first?" Gerda asks.

"I don't have time." I answer out of breath.

"You were planning on walking all the way to school, weren't you?" Kai speaks this time.

"I don't have money to pay the bus." I state.

"Why didn't you ask me to drive you there?"

"B-because I didn't want to be more of a burden that I already am." I answerer ashamed, lowering my head.

"That's what we thought." Gerda sighs. "But even if we appreciate that you don't want to give us any problems, we _really_ want to do all that we can for you. That's why we changed your alarm."

_So it was them after all. Good, I thought I was getting crazy._

"B-but…"

"We won't take a no for answer." Kai cuts me off. "Now go have breakfast, then I'll take you to school."

I realize there's no point on arguing, since it's already too late to walk anyways. So I just sigh in defeat and follow Gerda to the table. Actually, if I'm very honest with myself, I'm kind of glad that they ruined my plans, because I'm very tired because of the cold, and I know that the unpleasant chill of the outside won't be good for me if I want to get over this disease soon. However, just as I'm taking the first bite of my sandwich, the voice in my head speaks again.

**You're such a parasite, imposing yourself upon these people who don't have to pay for your mistakes, and then making excuses to defend your selfish behavior. You are worth nothing, you are a parasite, a monster, a selfish comedy of a human being. You should be locked in a dungeon where you couldn't hurt anybody, or better yet, DEAD!**

Suddenly I lose all my appetite as an overwhelming sensation of sadness and disgust towards myself seizes over my mind and body. I'm despicable. I'm not worthy of eating this sandwich or drinking that coffee. I don't have the right.

"I'm not hungry." I say pushing my plate away from me. My growling stomach disagrees, of course, but I'm so used to hunger that now I don't even feel it anymore.

"Elsa, you need food to get better, we've talked about this." Gerda tries to convince me.

"I'm sorry, but even if the food is really good, I don't want more."

"At least drink your coffee." She says placing the mug in front of me. "It'll help you warm up."

I was going to refuse again but I'm still somewhat asleep, and the caffeine would help me wake up and put more attention to my classes, so I accept it and drink all the bitter beverage, even if I'm not a big fan of it. Then I thank Gerda, go to the restroom and wash my teeth, but just when I'm heading to the entrance, a hand stops me. I turn around to discover that it's Gerda.

"Elsa, please take this." She says giving me a paper bag. "It's for you, in case you get hungry at school."

"I can't…"

"Please Elsa, you didn't have breakfast. I can't let you starve yourself." She seems to be very concerned about me, and I don't want to fight with her and make her upset, so I decide to take it, even if I probably won't eat it.

"Thank you." I answer very grateful, not really because of the food, but because of the care they show to me.

So once I've placed it inside my backpack, I exit the house, together with Kai.

* * *

The first five minutes of ride were very silent and awkward. It's not that I didn't want to talk with Kai, I wasn't sure what so say, and I was afraid of rejection if I dared to talk, so I just kept quiet. Finally, Kai decides to break the silence.

"Elsa, can I ask you something?" He asks. I just nod. "Are you at school just as you are with us?"

_What kind of question is that?_

"O-of course." I answer.

"Is that why you don't have friends?"

_What does he mean? Is my attitude some kind of friend repellent?_

"No… I don't have friends because I don't want to. They are all mean to me."

"And have you ever thought that maybe that is because you are too… antisocial?" He asks cautiously.

_Antisocial? Me? They are the ones who bully me with no reason! I don't do anything wrong to them! Is he trying to justify their behavior?_

"You don't know anything about me or my story. You don't have the right to judge me like that." I say coldly, yet calmly.

**Maybe he does have the right. Besides, you're only fooling yourself; you ****_are _****antisocial. It's your fault that people find you so despicable that they don't care if they hurt your feelings. Now say sorry to him.**

"S-sorry." I say ashamed of my foolish outburst. "I-I didn't mean to say that."

"No, it's okay." Kai interrupts me. "I didn't mean to assume. I just want to understand the problem better, but I don't know anything about your life at school. Maybe if you told me some of the things that have happened to you, I could understand your situation and, I don't know, maybe help you?"

I consider this for a second. It's true that I don't want to talk about this with anybody, but if I don't tell him anything, I could hurt his feelings, and he'd think I don't care and I don't want him to help me.

"F-fine." I say. "I'll tell you how it all started." He nods, indicating he's listening. I take a deep breath, preparing myself to confess all this for the first time. "When I first arrived, I wasn't used to the language or the culture. I knew English, of course, but I had difficulties with pronunciation and, mostly, understanding what other people said, since I mistook some words for other which sounded similar. That's why I didn't spoke to anyone the first day, or the second, or the third. All the first week I tried to avoid speaking, afraid of being laughed at if I did. Then, a guy named Hans came and tried to seduce me, but I rejected him many times, and apparently I was the first one to do so, so he became angry and turned the whole school against me." I sigh, not wanting to remember those painful things.

"So it was fear the reason you isolated yourself from people?"

"Yes.""

"I thought it had been sadness. After all, I remember you crying every day for a while after you arrived."

Now I feel pretty embarrassed. They heard me! No one was supposed to see my weakness. This isn't good, now they'll think less of me. He must've noticed my embarrassment because his next words are:

"Don't feel ashamed, Elsa. It's okay to cry, and you had very understandable reasons. You had lost your family, your home, your friends, your country… all of that in just one day! I know you want to appear strong, but you can't keep the mask all the time."

"It's not a mask. I'm strong." I say defensibly.

"I'm not saying you're not, actually, you're the strongest person I've ever met. I just think you don't know what 'strong' really means. It's not to pretend that nothing can harm you; it's to take the harm but keep going even if it hurts."

_Father wouldn't agree with you._

"You know? I'm sure you think that your father never cried or showed any feelings at all, and that for that you consider him as a strong person. The truth is that he was very week when I met him. He even thought once about committing suicide."

_What? My father? Are you sure you're talking about him?_

"W-what?"

"I met him when he was very young. He came to the States when he was eighteen, also sent by his father, as a test to see if he was strong enough to endure being by his own. The conditions in which he lived were pretty similar to yours, actually."

_I don't think so. After all, the reason I am here is because he can't bear my presence._

"But his attitude was different." He continues. "He was mad at his father for doing this to him, and he was pretty aggressive, towards other people and towards himself. I tried to help him, and we became friends, and when he returned to his country I went with him as his driver." He sighs. "I thought he was getting better, but then it all became worse when your grandfather told him he was a disgrace to the family because he was dating a non-wealthy woman. However, he knew that his father would be very angry if he committed suicide, so he attempted it just to piss him off. He was saved of course, but after that, his father's rage towards him increased to the point he was forced to become cold-hearted in order to survive. He went through a lot and changed too much. I lost my friend because of it." Kai hangs his head, looking saddened. "Please Elsa, don't let him, or anyone, turn you into something you are not."

I have been listening carefully all what he told me. I don't want to believe that, but at the same time I do. I had always thought of my father as someone who was powerful, to whom the others weren't important, who had accomplished perfection by killing all his feelings and becoming someone cold and calculating. When I was younger I didn't like it, because all I wanted was to be loved by him; I wanted him to show me affection. But then I grew to admire it, mostly after I came here and realized how important it was to keep the feelings at bay… but a part of me still wanted his praise, so all I did was to gain his favor, to make him be proud of me. To _love _me.

So, being honest, this all just made me confused, but I'm glad he told me, because it let me know something about my father's life before I was born.

"Thank you, Kai." I say.

* * *

The first hours went… well, not too bad. I mean, people teased me about thinking I had died and how it was a shame I hadn't. Others asked me in a mocking tone if I had caught a cold, but then laughed because as "The Ice Queen", the cold shouldn't bother me. As always, I tried to ignore them, but I realized it was harder than before because of the vulnerability I feel inside of me and the great sorrow I've been exposed to lately, so I soon gave up on concealing my emotions, even if it only increased the bulling, because I couldn't keep them in anymore. I was tired.

Finally, English class arrived. I got in later because I had been speaking with another teacher about how to make it up for my week of absence, but as soon as I entered the classroom, I handed the medical certificate to the English teacher and explained him the reasons of my nonattendance the past few classes. He told me that there was no problem, that I only had to give him the homework later and copy someone's notes, and sent me to my seat.

I sat there, really wanting to do absolutely nothing, but knowing that I've promised Gerda and Kai that I'd get money somehow, and the only way was getting better grades. But that wasn't the only reason; I'd promised my brother that I'd attempt to be happy and to make things work, and for me that includes improving at school. So I tried to pay attention, even if it was very difficult not to simply let myself drown in pessimistic thoughts.

Just the hour is about to end, the teacher makes an announcement that makes all my hope go away, because I know I won't be able to do what he is asking:

"Now, before you go, I need to tell you about something you have to do during winter break. You'll have to prepare a little conference about a subject that'll be assigned to you, and you'll work by pairs, pairs of _two_ people, no more, no less." Are y_ou sure there can't be pairs of only one person?_ "You'll present it in front of the class the first two weeks after vacation, so you have plenty of time and, therefore, I expect it to be an excellent work, original and creative. Am I clear?" All nodded with defeated and upset expressions, including myself, though I suspect the others have different reasons. "Good, now please write your names on a paper and give them to me so I can give you your topics."

They all started talking with their friends, but I stood there alone. I knew everyone already had their partner chosen, and that no one would want to team up with me, so what was the point on trying? Besides, there's no one I would want to pair up with. Maybe in other times I would have wanted Anna, but I know that if she wanted to be with me it would only be to bully me even during vacation. Besides, she has Meg; the brunette is already giving the teacher the paper with their names. There's no point on dreaming.

However, suddenly I feel someone staring at me, so I avert my stare from my notebook, where I placed it after realizing my lack of opportunities at having someone to prepare the talk with, and raise it only enough to face a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt. Even without looking at her face I know who those slim and downright perfect legs belong to. It doesn't surprise me that she is here; I knew she wouldn't miss the opportunity of bullying me after a week of absence.

So I prepare myself for the attack… but it never comes. I'm starting to get nervous, not knowing what she's up to or even why she's here, and since I really don't like the suspense, I decide to say hello and see what happens. However, it takes a lot of courage on my part to even say one simple word.

"Hi." I say as I raise my head to look directly at those beautiful teal eyes.

"Uh… uhm… hi." Anna answers nervously. This is strange; I hadn't seen her acting nervously in months. I wonder what she wants with me. "Uhm… look, I came in peace, okay? I just don't have someone to make this talk with and I think you don't either, so… what do you say?" She smiles as she says this, but it seems somewhat forced.

_Does she really want to be my partner? Or is she just trying to get my hopes up and then crush them?_

**Don't trust her. She only wants to hurt you. Besides, who would want to work with you? You are a very disgusting person to be with.**

"Don't try to fool me like that please. It won't work." I say sadly, knowing she is only trying to wrong me.

"I'm not joking!" She says defensively putting up her hands. "I swear, please, I need a partner."

I look at me for a moment, trying to decipher if she's being honest, but it's too difficult, because she does seem to be really expecting an answer with a hopeful expression, but this could be either because she really wants me as her partner or because she is here to bully me.

"How do I know you won't try to wrong me?"

"How do I know you won't try to gain my trust just to hurt me?" She retorts.

_Okay. I wasn't expecting this. It's really unfair to have lost her trust because I wanted to protect her from her supposed friends. And now she's using this to make me agree with something that's more likely a joke._

She sighs, apparently exasperated.

"Look, I know you don't want to do this, and honestly neither do I; I'd prefer to work with Meg, but she's angry with me for no reason, so…"

_Ouch. So that's why she wants me; I'm her only choice._

**Yes, and now you're making it the more difficult to her with you absurd suspicions. And also, what were you expecting? For her to voluntary wanting to work with you?**

"Fine." She says, trying to calm herself. "Let's just call a truce, okay? I won't bully you and you won't try to harm me in any way while we make this. Deal?" She asks with a false smile, tending her hand to me. I look at her hand, then at Anna, trying to decide.

If this was about what's easier for me, then with no doubt I would say no. But I promised to get money and, therefore to improve my grades, and I can't do that if I refuse this opportunity to have someone to pair up with. Besides, I should also consider Anna in this case, because if I stay stubborn, she won't have anyone and the teacher won't let her do the conference alone. Finally, but not less important, I promised my brother (and Gerda too) that I'd try to work things out with Anna, and this could be a good start… Oh! And she said she won't bully me while this truce remains.

The positive arguments overpass the negatives by far.

"O-Okay." I say taking her hand reluctantly and I'm surprised to discover that the feelings I had for here are still there, as strong as ever, calling at me with desire. However, they are somewhat numb because of my tiredness and sorrow. I don't want her to know about my feelings, because it would make me more vulnerable to her, so I decide to say something more to make her think that this temporary union doesn't matter to me at all. "After all I don't have a partner and there seems to be no one available except you… I have no choice." I sigh and look at the floor.

"Good." She says smiling and releasing my hand. Only then I notice I hadn't let go of her and I want to kick myself for my carelessness, but instead I just blush. "Then I'll write our names." She does so and gives the paper to the teacher, who in return gives her another one smaller. She returns and gives it to me. "See, this is our topic." I read it: Pirates. I don't mind it, but I don't particularly like it either. "Let's exchange phone numbers so we can contact each other during vacation. I want to start this as soon as possible."

"F-fine." I say grabbing my pen. "Dictate it to me."

She does so and then takes out her phone to have save mine. Since I don't have a cellphone, I give her my hose number.

"Uhm… won't you give me your cellphone number?" She asks.

"Uhm… actually I don't have a cellphone."

"Oh. Why? Because you don't like technology?"

_Do I seem like a grandma to you?_

"No, i-it's just…" I look at her for a second before deviating my gaze. The reason I don't have a cellphone is because my father won't give me money to buy one, and it makes me sad and ashamed, because it reminds me of all my problems and about the day I escaped and almost died. "I don't want to talk about it." I say, hoping that she'll remain true to her word and won't try to take advantage of this knowledge to make me feel bad. "Besides, I don't get out of my house too much on winter break, so you'll be able to contact me at every hour and every day."

"Okay, thanks." She says. "Expect my call soon. See you before Christmas!" She waves me goodbye, smiling, and quickly leaves the classroom. I just keep sitting there wondering what will come out from this. Is there a possibility to be happy with Anna, as a friend of course, at least for a little while? Or will she end up hurting me deeper this time? Those are questions I have no answer for, but I wished with all my heart I could be certain of the results of this unexpected deal with the redhead.


	8. Pirate women

**Chapter 8. Pirate women.**

I've been sitting in front of the phone for half an hour now. I have the paper where I wrote Anna's number and I also have the thing the teacher told us to base the talk on. I have my notes, I have the information I've investigated during the past two days of vacation… I just lack the guts to pick up the phone and type her number.

_Why am I so nervous? It's not like I'm going to ask her out! We're just going to prepare this talk, hopefully in no more than one day, and get over this affair._

**You are nervous because, foolishly, you ****_still_**** love the girl. You're such a masochist.**

_I don't love her anymore! I just feel attracted to her, I mean, it's not as if her good looks have changed in the slightest._

**Tell yourself that all what you want. It won't make it true. You are a disgusting person who can't even resist her primitive urges towards another ****_woman_****, no less. You are an abomination. **

_You are not helping. I really need to call Anna._

**Yes, but you won't, you are a coward.**

_Enough! I'm sick of you. Go away! You don't ever let me do anything._

Finally, I take the phone and type the number as quickly as possible, trying not to think too much about it. I anxiously wait for her to answer, my palms sweating, my heart racing and my stomach twisting as the beeps keep going. One, two, three, four… What? Isn't she going to answer? Suddenly the mail voice answers me and I quickly hang off the phone.

Now what? I've been here half an hour trying to call her, and now that I did, she doesn't answer. I will be here another thirty minutes trying to gain the courage to call her again! I bit my lip and twist my braid nervously, eying the phone with fear and uncertainty. I'm so focused on the difficult task of convincing myself that I need to use the device to arrange a meeting with my favorite redhead that, when it starts sounding, it startles me so much that I actually jump.

It sounds three times before the voice in my head finally urges me to pick it up.

**Come on, you stupid girl, answer it! You don't wanna let the person calling waiting, do you?**

So I pick it up saying:

"H-hello?"

"Elsa?" Anna's voice can be heard from the other side of the line.

"A-Anna?" I stutter, my voice sounding almost scared due to my anxiety of talking to her.

"Did you call me?"

"I… uh… uhm…" Suddenly I'm on a loss of words.

**Say something before you embarrass yourself more!**

_I'm sorry, okay? She really makes me nervous._

"Did the kitten get your tongue?" She asks on a teasing tone, giggling slightly.

"I… I don't… have a kitten." I dumbly answer, not really processing what she just said.

"No? That's a shame because they're really cute. I don't have one either though, because my mom is allergic and when she's near one of those she starts sneezing and there are these hives that appear on her skin and… sorry, I'm rambling again. It happens when I'm nervous. N-not that you make nervous. I-I mean you are _you_ and you are nothing worth getting nervous over… sorry, I promised I wouldn't be mean. I'm just not used to have normal conversation with you. Sorry, again. Whatever. Why did you call me?"

I actually didn't understand half of what she said, and her rambling only served to confuse me, so I decide to just answer her last question and ignore the rest.

"Uh… To talk about what we have to do for English?" I didn't intend it to come out as a question.

"English…?" She seems to be processing the information, as if she couldn't remember what I meant with my words. "Oh, right! English! Pirates! What about it?"

"When do you wanna do it?"

"As soon as possible."

"So… when are you available?" My heart skips a beat. It actually came out as if I were asking her on a date.

"Let me see… Everyday. I mean, we're on vacation. I have nothing to do these days."

"Tomorrow, then?"

"Yes! Tomorrow is perfect."

"At… nine?

"Nine?! Are you crazy? I'm still sleeping at that unholy hour! Midday."

"Eleven." I retort. I really want to end this in just one day and it won't be possible it we meet at such a late hour.

"Half past eleven. Otherwise I will still be half asleep when we meet."

"F-fine." I sigh in resignation. "Give me your address."

"Why does it has to be in my house?" She retorts.

"Because mine is too small."

_And I also don't want to disturb Kai and Gerda._

"Okay." She gives me her address.

"Half past eleven in your house then." I confirm. "See you."

"See you Elsa!" She answers on a cheery voice before hanging up.

I hang up too and sigh, partially relieved and partially stressed, while closing my eyes and placing a hand over them. Tomorrow I'm gonna see Anna outside school. I'm going to her _home_. I'm going to spend the _whole_ day with her. With my worst bully. With the one I love and fear most. I hope this turns out well… or at least not _too_ bad.

* * *

It's the day. The day when I'm going to Anna's house.

I'm ready; I'm dressed with my usual clothes, I've done my hair, I've had breakfast and I've put all what I need in my backpack. Now I just have to figure out how to get to her house. It's not like I don't know where her house is, but I still don't have even a penny, so I'd have to go walking, but her house is even farther away than the school. I sigh. I must get going if I don't want to be late, even if it's 8:30 in the morning.

I descend the stairs and find Kai and Gerda still sitting at the table just talking.

"Elsa?" Gerda says when she sees me. Kai turns around to face me too. "Where are you going?"

"I… I'm meeting with someone." I stutter nervously.

"Oh? Do you have a date?" She asks excited. At her words, my heart starts racing without me having control over it and my cheeks turn pink because of the thoughts of certain girl whom I'll be seeing today. It's hard for me to stay calm and answer as casual as possible.

"N-no I-I just…" Well that didn't go as I planned it. I clear my throat and focus on concealing my feelings. "I have to do something with a classmate. For English class."

"Really?" She seems disappointed. "Because yesterday I heard a part of your conversation over phone. I thought you were inviting him on a date".

"I-It's a her actually." I have the urge to clarify, though I somewhat feel like this conversation is more about my sexuality than the gender of my schoolwork partner. "A-Anna." I add softly.

"What a shame. With such good looks as yours I'm sure there should be thousands of men trying to win your favor." I force a smile, not really wanting to discuss this. First, there isn't even one single man after me. Second this doesn't matter anyways because I'm lesbian. Third, I'd preferred it if only one woman (a redhead) thought that I'm at least somewhat worth her sympathy, but this doesn't happen either, so… yeah.

Kai obviously notices my discomfort because he interferes.

"So, Elsa, where are you going to meet her?"

"At her house." I answer, glad to change the subject.

"And how are you going to get there?" He eyes me suspiciously. I don't like that stare.

_Not again. Please, I don't want to abuse of your time and kindness._

"I'm taking you." He says when I don't answer. I open my mouth, but as usual he cuts my protests even before they even start. "I won't accept a 'no' for answer. I know you were planning on walking, and I can't allow that. Come on, give me her address."

I sigh. I know how stubborn he can be, and that there's no use on arguing with him… besides, if I am completely honest with myself, I really need his help if I want to arrive in time to Anna's house.

"Fine." I say with resignation. "But just to make it clear, I really don't want to take advantage of your kindness."

"Don't be silly, dear." Gerda interferes. "During all this time you haven't asked for one single favor from us, and we are helping you willingly now, so there's no reason for you to feel like you're taking advantage of us."

I disagree, but still I don't want to argue with them and so I just stay quiet for a moment and then give Kai the address and tell him the hour when I'm supposed to meet her. He nods and tells me we're leaving fifteen minutes before eleven. I suppose I have enough time to go over the information I found in case there're any flaws.

Anna's house is _huge_. That's the first thing that I think as I look at the three-stored house in front of me. Then, when I arrive to the front door to be met with a fingerprint scanner, a password device and a keyhole, all of them for the sole purpose of opening the door, I get convinced that Anna's parents must be very wealthy. When a butler comes to attend after I press the ring bell, I'm reminded of my old house.

"Hello." He says. "How can I help you?" I swallow audibly trying to get over the nervousness that suddenly took control over my whole body before answering.

"I-I… I'm here t-to see A-Anna."

"What for?" He asks with a distrusting gaze.

"I… She… We…" I totally lose control over my mouth. I can't make the words come out right. Why am I so damn nervous? Because soon I'll be seeing Anna? Or because this man eyes me as if I were trying to kidnap her?

"Elsa?" Comes a voice from inside the house and the butler turns around, searching for the source, letting me see the girl I came here to see. "Let her in." She orders. "We'll be making schoolwork together."

"As you wish, Ms. Summers." He says taking a step back in order to allow me getting in. I do so and stay awkwardly in front of the door even after the butler leaves while Anna just stares at me intently without saying a word.

I look at her and take in her appearance. She's not wearing the provocative clothes she usually wears at school. No short skirts or shorts, nor jeans so tight they probably cut off her circulation; no revealing cleavage or no high heels; just normal clothes for a girl of her age: blue jeans which aren't too loose but neither too tight, a white shirt underneath a green hoodie and sneakers. I really like how she looks like at school; she is so sexy and mature that could literally make anyone drool for her, but I've missed so much her innocent look; she looks so damn cute that for a moment I consider that the girl who has been bullying me this past months is Anna's evil twin and that this girl in front of me is the one I came to love after spending just one month with her.

I deviate my eyes at the ground and lower my head trying to conceal the blush that appeared on my cheeks and slow my heart rate. I try to remind myself that this is the same Anna that has hurt me as no one else (besides by father) has before… but looking at her innocent smile and adorable looks I can't bring myself to resent her, or even fear her, and I let my guard down. After all she _did _promis that she wouldn't do any harm to me, so there shouldn't be a reason to be afraid of her… right?

"Uhm…" She says making me look up, expecting her to continue. "We should… get started. Follow me." I notice she is looking at everywhere but me as she says it, and when she turns around and starts walking, not looking back even once to see if I'm following her.

**She must be disgusted by your looks. After all she said so herself; she thinks you are so monstrous that no one could ever have any interest on****you.**

I ignore myself and start walking, trying to suppress the pain that the stupid voice inside my head caused on me. I'm proud that I didn't break in the spot as I do when I'm alone in my house, but my mood still darkens a little.

Anna leads me to a large room where there's one couch, a table covered with books, notes and a red laptop, and an unordered bookshelf at the furthest wall. All the house was decorated for Christmas, but this place has way much more decorations than the rest; two pine trees with many different spheres and lights of diverse colors, plastic mistletoe delineating the walls, a false chimney with three different boots with candies inside them, a toy train on it's tracks, which occupies almost a quarter of the room, and many different snowmen all over the place. There are many wooden ones hanging from the walls, others stuffed lying around, one made of ceramic sitting on the table, various plastic ones, three climbing up a wooden stair at one wall, and even some of the spheres at the trees are snowmen.

"Do you like it?" She asks. "Since this is where I spend most of my time during vacation I wanted to decorate it myself. I even made some of the snowmen." She states, smiling proudly.

"That explains the disorder." I mutter to myself, but regret it noticing how Anna's smile disappears, obviously having heard what I said. "B-but I like it." I clarify. "Really, it's…" How can I describe it? "Warm. And cozy."

"Do you really think so?" She asks with a hopeful expression. I nod. "Thank you." She smiles again, that bright and wide smile that I missed so much.

"I just have one question." I say. "Why snowmen?" I'm curious because snowmen have a really deep meaning for me.

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that winter was always my favorite season because I could make snowmen at the garden and pretend they were my friends." She says it as if didn't matter to her, but it actually pains me to imagine a redheaded little girl with no more friends than snowmen. It reminds me of myself. She laughs nervously and without happiness, which makes me want to say something to cheer her up again, but I don't know what, so for a few moments we just stay in an awkward silence for the second time since I arrived a few minutes ago. "Anyways." She sighs. "We should get started."

"Oh… right." I say, glad that she changed the subject. "I've been doing some research, and I think we should focus on the pirates' golden age." She looks at me questioningly and I rush to explain it, knowing that she probably didn't search information beforehand. "You know, when they practically ruled over the Caribbean…"

"I know which the pirates' golden age is, Elsa." She says looking offended. "I've been reading about pirates half of my life and I bet I know more about the subject than you." I shrink at her outburst. I didn't mean to sound like I thought she didn't know anything about pirates.

**But you accomplished just that, though. You, deep down, think that she's stupid.**

_Well, she _is_ Hans' friend with benefits and part of his circle of brainless girls. Plus she's been doing poorly at school. She hasn't done many things to make me think otherwise._

**You did have some interesting conversations with her at the beginning of the year. I thought that was one of the reasons you fell for her in the first place.**

"Sorry." I say ashamed.

"It's all right. Now tell me, why do you want to focus on the pirates' golden age?"

_Isn't it obvious?_

"Because most of the pirate-themed famous books are about that time?" Great. I said it like a question.

"True, but do you remember one of the important points of the talk we need to prepare?" She asks. I stare in confusion. She sighs and rolls her eyes. "Be original! We are supposed to investigate about, not the most popular aspects of the subject, but about the less known things that, regardless, are still important to literature."

_Damn she's right. How on earth did I miss it but she didn't?_

**Now you're finally realizing who is the stupid one?**

"So… what do you suggest?" I ask, knowing that in this case it will be better to let her take the lead.

"Pirate women."

"W-why?" Of all things she could have said, this seemed like the less important to me. After all, everybody know most of pirates were men.

"First I'll tell you my selfish personal reasons: I've always admire their strength and adventurous nature, and I think that this world lack appreciation for women like that and that we should show to our classmates how this kind of women are a lot more worth than the submissive and helpless damsels." I arch an eyebrow. How does it has something to do with the points we have to fill? "Now, the real reasons, those that will convince the teacher about how valid it is for us to focus on them. On one hand, a legend about a Viking female pirate named Alvida inspired most of the fairytales that have been written, and on the other, a lot of famous writers of all nations and ages, since Miguel the Cervantes Saavedra to Daniel Defoe, have written about women being pirates. Not stories, though, just opinions that, due to their great influence, caused many people to despise these women even more than they despised male pirates."

_Wow. Those are very valid reasons. She has impressed me. You were right, her intelligence is one of the reasons I like her._

**I told you so.**

"Well, then I'll let you take the lead." I say. "We'll do it your way."

"Really?" She says in a hopeful tone. "Oh… uhm… A-are you sure? I mean, _you_ are the smart one here."

"I'm not." I say honestly, and it shames me to admit it out loud. "And I don't know a thing about pirate women, so it's best if you are the one in charge."

"Oh, great! This is one of my favorite subjects, right after Joan D'arc, so I was really looking forward to do it. C'mon, we should start!" She says excitedly pulling me towards the couch and making me sit on it before she goes grabbing some books and notes and sits by my side, ready to teach me everything she knows about pirate women.

* * *

During three hours Anna makes me learn the stories of various pirates, starting with the legend of Alvida, which, even if at first I was sceptic to believe inspired the fairytales, I'm promptly convinced otherwise. The legend says that there was a Viking princess who was so beautiful that her mother envied her good looks and her father was jealous of the men that would try to win her heart, and so the King locked her in a tower, guarded by soldiers during day and snakes during night, and said that the one who were able to rescue her, would marry the princess. As in fairytales, a prince of Denmark rescued her, but when he was planning the wedding with her father, she escaped, along with her maids, in a ship and became a pirate. The story, however, doesn't have exactly a happy ending because the prince found her and captured her, forcing the princess to marry him.

Then Anna told me about some other females with this 'profession', if it can actually be called that, and finally about the two most famous pirate women, which lived during the golden age and were part of the crowd of Captain John Rackman; Anne Bonny and Mary Read. Their stories are quite interesting actually (though I prefer Mary's), so we agreed to do most of the talk about them. However, Anna thought we must do something more, something to make our classmates remember them forever, as she said. The problem is that we spent half an hour trying to come up with something but nothing is good enough for Anna. I am getting a little upset with the girl when she says:

"There's no use. We must take a break, what do you say if we go eat some food and then keep thinking?"

"Sounds good." I answer because I was almost exasperated at that point, not because I'm hungry.

"Follow me." She says getting up. "The meal should be ready by now."

We arrive at the dining room, which is as well decorated for Christmas and has a very large wooden table (for at least ten people) with a tablecloth which has snowmen and reindeers printed on it. She motions me to take a sit and then goes to an adjacent room (the kitchen, I suppose), where I hear her telling someone to serve the food. She returns and sits in front of me just as a woman enters carrying two plates of soup, which she places in front of us. I turn around searching for a spoon and, in that moment, another woman places the silverware at both sides of our plates, and a man give us glasses which he fills with water. When they leave we start eating in an awkward silence, only broken by the sound of the spoons hitting the plate. When we both finish our soup (Anna a lot faster and not precisely in a lady-like way, which is so cute that I actually have to look away in order to avoid blushing at the sight), she calls for the servant to take away our plates and bring us the main dish, which in this case is hamburgers. As I grab my knife and prepare to cut it, Anna finally speaks.

"So… are we going to stay silent the whole time we eat? Because it's getting a little awkward." Until she says it, I was purposely staying quiet because I didn't think that she would want to speak with me when it wasn't strictly necessary, but now I regret it; she actually sounds upset.

**What were you expecting? Normal people talk while they eat, even if they are with someone they don't like at all. If you weren't a total moron you'd know that.**

"S-sorry." I say. "I-I just… I don't know what to talk about."

"Neither do I." She sighs. "After all we don't really know each other, so I don't have any idea of what would be interesting for you…" Her eyes suddenly brighten as if she suddenly had an idea. "We should ask questions to know each other! We'll do it for turns and it isn't allowed to lie. However, we can not answer the question if it makes us uncomfortable, what do you say?"

"Uhm… okay." I agree, not wanting to let her down, and liking the idea of getting to know her better."

"I'll start!" She says excitedly and then puts her finger at her chin, thinking. "This is an easy one, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue." I say smiling, glad that she didn't started with something personal. "And yours?"

"Green." She answers. "When is your birthday?"

"In three days."

"What?! 21th of December? No way!" She exclaims surprised.

"It is. I'm turning seventeen." I add.

"So you're one year and a half older than me; I'm turning sixteen on June 20th."

_Uh? I thought she was my age. After all, she is in the same class as me._

"If you are fifteen, why are you a junior?"

"I got excellent grades on the exam when I entered High school, so they decided that my knowledge was way over the ones of my age."

_That's surprising. I didn't know she was_ that_ smart._

"Now…" She says. "If you are as intelligent as everyone says and always get the best notes, then why are _you_ a junior? Shouldn't you be already at college?"

I pause at this. She's right; many teachers suggested me to take classes from more advanced years to graduate early and enter the University sooner. Even my father insisted me on doing so. But the truth of why I didn't do it… I never told it to anyone.

"I-it's okay if you don't answer." She says sensing my discomfort. "That was too personal."

"Thank you." I say, appreciating that she isn't forcing me to speak. However, I know that deep inside she's curious and, besides, I think it's time to tell someone about this; it can't be good to have so much secrets that doesn't even need to be secrets. "B-but I'll tell you if you promise me you won't tell anyone."

"I promise." She says raising her hand and smiling.

"Okay. I'm afraid that I won't get so much perfect notes if I skip one year; every bit of information can be crucial to understand something more complex, and I can't risk to have less than perfect grades."

"Why?" She asks curious. "I mean, grades can't always tell you how much knowledge someone really has."

_But they certainly help.__At least that's what my father think._

"I think it was my turn." I say, trying to avoid answering that.

"Oh… right. Sorry. Please, make your question."

"Why are you doing poorly at school if you are so advanced at most subjects?"

"I-I… uh…" Her face becomes pale and she swallows, clearly not wanting to answer. I open my mouth to reassure her, when she speaks. "I prefer not to answer that."

"It's okay." I say, though I'm a bit disappointed. "It's not my place to make such questions."

"Thanks." She gives me a little smile before proceeding to ask another question. "Do you…?" She starts but pauses, re-thinking what she is going to say, hesitating a little before continuing. "Uhm… You don't have to answer, and I understand if you think I am being rude but… uh… Do you hate me?" As soon as she asks, she shrinks and closes her eyes, as if fearing my answer.

"What makes you think I do?" I ask slightly mad at myself for making her think such a thing about me.

"Well… I'd hate me if I were you. I mean, I've done pretty mean things to you for no good reason." She pauses and inhales deeply, as if knowing she is getting into dangerous territory. "Besides, what you did to me… pretending to be my friend and all…" She sighs and lowers her gaze. "I can't think of another reason for you to do that." She seems sad, like this is really hurting her. I hate to see her sad.

"I-I don't hate you." I say before I can stop myself. "I've never hated you." She looks up with a hopeful expression and the most beautiful gleam I've seen.

"Really?"

"Yes." I say, not wanting to let her down. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you by doing what I did and saying what I said."

"I'm sorry too." She says. "I really am. I guess I was just mad at you for rejecting me and all, because I truly wanted to be your friend."

"I wanted to be your friend too." I answer without thinking.

"W-what?!" She almost screams, utterly surprised.

**Watch your damn tongue!**

"I-I… I just… I m-mean…" I try to make up an excuse and keep my lie intact, but I don't want to let her down again, and my mouth speaks without my consent. "I-I didn't pretend to be your friend."

"T-then why…?" She isn't able to complete her question, but I still know what she wanted to say.

"I-I..." What can I tell her? The truth? She'd never believe me. I have to think on something quickly. "I was scared. I'd never had a friend before, and I was scared of letting someone in and getting hurt. "I'm lying of course. A long time ago I stopped caring about getting myself hurt, but it's credible. "That's why I pushed you away. I didn't think you saw me as a friend though, and so I thought it wouldn't hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Oh." She stays silent for a moment. "That makes sense." We keep staring at our eyes for a while before she clears her throat. "Your turn."

_Oh. The game. I completely forgot about it._

"Do _you_ hate me?" I ask, and my heart skips a beat, afraid of a positive answer.

"No. I know it seems like it, but honestly I didn't mean anything I did to you. At first I was mad and then it was just to take out some anger and frustration. Sorry if you were the victim, but I just didn't know what else I could do. Sorry, again. I know I sound selfish." She sighs.

"I understand." I say truthfully. "It must be hard for you to deal with Snow's critics and Hans' harassment every day." She looks at me wide eyed and I know I shouldn't have said that. "Sorry. That was out of line."

"It's all right." She sighs. "And you're right; it _is_ hard. Mostly because I'd always been the type of girl who believes in fairytales. You know. True love, happy endings, wish upon a star... All those silly things. So when they showed me that all of this doesn't exist... that true love doesn't exist, I got really depressed." As she says it, she looks very sad, as if just saying it was draining her.

"Love does exist." I say with conviction, trying to reassure her. "Only it's always one-sided." And failing.

**You just had to mention your current situation even if she doesn't care about it and ruin it all, didn't you? You are useless when it comes to comfort someone.**

"Do _you_ love someone?" She asks unbelieving.

"I did. Now I'm not so sure. "

"Oh." She frowns for a moment. "You're lucky; even if it's one-sided I'd like to experience love myself. At least once."

"I thought you loved Hans."

"I liked him. I mean, he _is_ handsome, smart and has a very interesting personality. Not to mention he really knows how to seduce. But I don't think those are reasons to _love_ someone. Not when they only want to use you and don't really care about who you are." She seems to be getting sadder at every second, and I desperately want to make her feel better. The problem is that I don't have any idea about how, after all we are not even friends, shouldn't she be telling all this to someone else, someone who she trusts?

"W-why are you telling this to me?" I ask.

"Oh… sorry. I shouldn't… I just assumed… never mind." She sighs looking miserable.

**You fool, you can't just ask such a question when someone is telling this kind of things to you. You made it sound like you don't care about her.**

"S-sorry." I apologize. "I didn't mean to sound rude, I-I just…" I sigh. "I'm no one, and you have so many friends and your family… shouldn't you talk to them about this?"

"The only friends I have now are Hans' friends as well, and I can't exactly tell my family that I am the unwilling friend with benefits of a guy who fooled me making me think he loved me so he could have sex with me!" Now she seems angry, and I regret having opened my mouth. I retreat into my chair and I think she notices it because she calms down a little. "I'm sorry, I just… I was never one to keep my emotions bottled up and I thought I could trust you?" She says the last part in a questioning tone.

"You can." I assure her. "I'm not telling anyone about this if you don't want me to. And you can count on me to talk, or whatever you need. "

"Thank you." She says with a sweet smile. "I think you could be a very good friend."

_I disagree. I don't know anything about human relations._

"Who's turn is now?" She suddenly asks.

"T-turn?" What is she talking about? Oh, right! The game. "I-I think it's yours." I don't actually have any idea, but I don't know what to ask.

"Perfect." Anna's smile grow even wider. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

* * *

After finishing our hamburgers and having eaten two chocolate truffles as dessert, we exited the house and started playing in the snow. Anna let me borrow a pair of gloves so that my hands wouldn't freeze and a red jacket that she never uses.

It's been years since I last built a snowman, maybe five or six, and I was a little reluctant because it reminds me of sad times. But it was a long time ago and I shouldn't let my old fears get on the way of Anna's happiness, since this seems to be very important for her, so I agreed to her crazy idea and now here we are making the snowballs that will be functioning as the snowman's body.

Once we're done with the body, we proceed to make the head, though it ends up being a little odd shaped due to Anna's excitement, and I tell her we should make another one, but she insists that it's perfect and I don't have the heart to discuss with her any further. Once it's situated on top the other two snowballs, Anna urges me to search for some pebbles, which will be the snowman's buttons and eyes, and I obey. When I come back with the little rocks, I found her trying to carve a mouth on the snowman's face, which I find strange, since when I built snowmen back in Norway, I always made their mouths out of little pebbles, but I don't question her, wanting to see how _she_ prefers the snowmen.

Once we've placed the rocks in the correct places and Anna has put a carrot on the snowman's face as a nose, we finish our creation with some branches as his arms and smaller pieces of wood as his hair.

We sit on the snow, in front of him, trying to come up with a verdict. He is short, even for a snowman, and the lower part of his body is too large in my opinion, and his head looks very misshapen, not to mention his mouth is way too large and the single tooth that comes out of it makes him look just stupid. I sigh. What were we thinking? This was a stupid idea. I hadn't made any snowmen in a long time, and I lost practice, but I accepted because I wanted her to be happy. Now she is probably disappointed.

**You are a failure. **

"A-Anna I'm so-"

"Elsa." Her voice cuts me off just when I'm about to apologize, but I can't tell if she is upset or just shocked by the abomination in front of her, and I don't dare to look at her face to find out. Both options are equally discouraging. "Elsa… we did it!" She exclaims suddenly, throwing her arms around me and squishing hard, giving me the tightest hug I've ever experienced. Surprisingly I don't flinch this time or try to retreat… I do blush until my face becomes a tomato though.

I'm confused. Why did she hug me? Did she actually like the snowman? Is it possible that she doesn't see him as the greatest abomination that has ever existed among snow-built creatures? Why? Isn't people supposed to like only what's nothing less than perfect?

In that moment she breaks the hug and I'm able to see her beaming red face, so beautiful and happy that it takes my breath away. In that moment I'm convinced she isn't just pretending that she liked it; she really, _really_, loves it.

"D-did you like it?" I ask, wanting to hear it from her.

"Are you kidding me? He's perfect!" She exclaims while her smile grows wilder, if that's even possible.

"W-why?" I ask, still not comprehending her fascination over something that ugly.

"Why not?" She asks back, titling her head at one side, her smile not falling even a little.

"Well, he's… h-he's…" Upon seeing her innocent smile I can't bring myself to say that he is ugly. "He's not… like the other snowmen."

"Of course!" She says. "That's what makes him special, silly." She giggles cutely, making me want to giggle myself, but I manage to remain mostly unfazed… until she places a palm on my cheek. "He is the first snowman I've made with someone else… someone who is not a servant." The stare that she gives me is so intense that it makes me gulp and chuckle nervously. "And _that_ is enough for me to love him."

"M-maybe you're right." I stutter, turning to look at the snowman in an attempt to avoid Anna's gaze. As I do, I'm filled with a very strange feeling towards that unanimated pile of snow, like… proud? It's a very odd feeling directed towards such an imperfect thing; my father would say I'm stupid and crazy just for considering that this could be something to be proud of, but I can't help it. What Anna said it's true; it doesn't matter that he is very strange and different, and maybe even ugly in other people's eyes. He's mine and Anna's snowman. We made him together, as _friends_. He is the physical manifestation of our blossoming friendship and that's enough for me to love him.

Suddenly I feel an arm surrounding my shoulders and I turn to see Anna, who has a teasing smile on her face.

"I'm Anna Summers. I'm _always_ right."

_Self-confident much? I can't fool myself, though; I like this side of her._

"Do you wanna take a photo with him?" She suddenly asks.

"I'm not photogenic." I say, smiling shyly.

"Nonsense." She retorts, getting up and grabbing my arm to pull me with her. "Come on, this cute snowman deserves a picture with both of his mommies."

_M-mommies?_

I'm so nervous due to her hand grabbing my arm that I don't struggle when she places me at the snowman's right side while she goes kneeling to his left. I stay standing there as she gets out her cellphone, processing what's happening, and, when she's about to take the photo she notices I'm not at the same level as her and the snowman.

"Come on, Elsa. Kneel down!" She urges me, beaming. I do as she says and she hold up her phone. "Smile!" She says before touching the screen so the cell phone takes the picture. Once it's done, however, she sees it and turns to me. "It's not that bad, but it could be better. Care to take a second one?"

**I bet she looks beautiful, but your ugly and dumb face obviously ruined it.**

"I told you I wasn't photogenic. Why don't you take a photo of you alone with this snowman?"

"But you look good in that photo, it's just…" She bites her lip, not wanting to finish that sentence.

_I'm ugly, I know. I'm a monster, just say it already! It's not as if you haven't said__it before._

"You didn't smile. And you look beautifuller when you smile." Her eyes widen. "N-not fuller, you don't look fuller, but more… more beautiful." She frantically tries to correct herself, only making it worse. It's adorable. And funny. And I just can't help laughing behind my hand even closing my eyes and, when I open them, I see her taking a photo of me. "See?" She asks showing me her screen, where there's a picture of me laughing… and blushing. "I told you. I really like you when you're not all stone-faced."

"I like to smile too." I say. "It's better than to cry anyways. I'd even forgotten how it feels to beam like this."

_Only you can make me smile._

"Come on, now let's take some photos." She says excitedly.

Anna insisted on taking several pictures, not only of us and the snowman, or the snowman alone, but of me and her. She hugging me, me covered in the snow she just threw at me, me carrying her bridal style (I opposed to this but who could've said no to those illegally adorable puppy dog eyes?), of her kissing my cheek while I become impossibly red, of us making snow angels while holding hands (I told her it would look weird, but whatever, she really insisted on that one) and the last one, the one that really took me by surprise and crept me out; of her licking my cheek, while I closed my eyes in disgust.

**You enjoyed it, admit it. You're disgusting.**

_Shut up. I would've enjoyed it if she had licked me somewhere else, but… Oh perfect. She just summoned my libido. I thought I had gotten rid of it._

"Hey Elsa!" Anna interrupts my thoughts while we shake the snow off our clothes at the entry.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I think now I know what to do for the talk to be unforgettable."

"Oh." I completely forgot about it during the past few hours. "What is it?" I say with curiosity, smiling at her enthusiasm.

She smiles back, but it's a mischievous smile that shows clearly that she's up to no good.

* * *

"Seriously?" I ask raising an eyebrow as I see myself at the mirror of her bathroom. I'm wearing a black vest with silver skulls painted on it, brown tight pants that look pretty dirty (though I know it's just paint), boots and a toy sword tied to my belt.

"I think something's missing." Anna says while placing a finger at her chin. "O, I know!" She suddenly exclaims, takes a red paliacate out of her "magic bag" and ties it around my head, making me wince when some of my hairs are pulled. "There you are. The most handsome-beautiful pirate girl who has ever existed in this world." She is smiling proudly, but I'm just staring at her in disbelief. I think she completely lost her mind. Maybe the cold got in her head and damaged her brain?

"Y-you're just kidding right? We're not seriously gonna dress up like pirates."

"Why not?" She asks innocently.

"Never mind." I sigh. I'm not going to let down the girl who just made me smile like never before, even if it means I would have to wear a ridiculous disguise.

"Good." She says. "Now, let me change into my own pirate suit before we start the play."

"P-play?"

"Why else would we dress up? We are gonna play Anne and Mary."

_Please just kill me now. I don't want to die from embarrassment._

_Why does this girl have this kind of power over me? Why do I do everything she asks?_

"O-okay." I say before exiting the bathroom and waiting for her with my back pressed against the wall.

After about fifteen minutes she comes out, and what I look really makes me get… aroused. Yes, I know, I'm disgusting, but seriously she shouldn't be allowed to wear those black boots with high heels, that black short skirt that shows so much of her perfectly toned legs, that white shirt that, if it had a little more cleavage, would be showing her perfect breasts completely (…wait, did they grow since the last time I saw them this close? Because she seems to be a B cup now…), that tight brown vest that makes her waist look tinier and her hips stand up even more, that pirate hat and twin braids that make her look cute and badass at the same time...

"When you're done drooling we can start working with our little play." She says smirking, interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh? Oh! Yeah, totally, let's go."

She giggles and starts making some space in her living room to allow us to move easier, moving some stuff from one place to another. I would help her, but I don't know what can I touch and what not… I know what I _want_ to touch though.

_How does she expect me to concentrate when she is looking so sexy?_

**If you were a normal person you would be able to keep your eyes off of her ass.**

_I don't have my eyes on her ass._

**Creep. Abomination. Monster. You should be locked on at a prison on the artic pole, where your disturbing thoughts couldn't hurt anybody. She just made you smile and be happy for the first time in months and how do you pay her? By stare-raping her.**

"Elsa are you all right?" She asks me, stopping the voice on my head of keeping saying those mean things at me. "You're sweating." She places a hand on my forehead and I have to swallow to get rid of a part of nervousness and be able to talk.

"T-totally. Let's-…. let's just get this over with."

"Perfect!" She exclaims getting her hand off my forehead (thankfully) and retrieving her notes. "Well, so I was thinking we should do some narrating at the first part, since we can't perform it with just two people, and then act the part when they meet. I will be Anne and you Mary. Ready?"

"O-ok." I squeak.

"Do you remember how they met?"

"Uhm…" I trail off.

**Think, come on, it's not that hard to focus on something that isn't her chest!**

"M-Mary got into Rackman's crowd. R-right?" I answer unsure.

"Correct! But she did so dressed up as a man, so they didn't know she was truly a girl, you know, because of that sexist myth that women on board bring bad luck." I nod, urging her to continue. "And she fooled them… even Anne." I don't like where this is going. "Now, ready? This scene is mostly me doing the job. You just stand there and procure looking perturbed when it seems appropriate, okay?"

"F-fine." I stutter, casting my eyes to the side and blushing already.

"Here we go." She puts her notes aside, closes her eyes and inhales deeply. When she opens her eyes again I can see she's transformed into some ruthless, brave and… _horny_? pirate. "Hello handsome." She says with a flirty tone and half-lidded eyes, approaching me dangerously. "Captain Read, isn't it?"

"M-Mary w-wasn't c-c-captain." I stutter nervously.

"Oh! That's right." She drops her act for a moment. "Okay, let's start over. "She clears her throat and gets into character again. "Sailor Read, what are you doing this beautiful day?"

"N-nothing… at all." I improvise, wondering if this was the right thing to say. Seems like it was because now her beautiful eyes are mere inches away from mine and her right hand is touching my cheek. I swallow, and try to divert my gaze.

"Oh? I think we should fix that. We don't want lazy men on board, do we?" As she speaks, she leans in, getting so close to me that I can feel her breath on my lips. I close my eyes, trying to focus on what I am supposed to do next but I can't bring myself to think of anything slightly coherent.

**This is just an act goddammit! You shouldn't be getting all nervous and aroused. You are pathetic, in this state****of mind****you can't even remember what Anna told you about Mary's story. You are a failure.**

"Elsa?" Anna asks giggling and taking one step back, allowing my thoughts to be a little less sexual. "Did you forget what happens next?"

_Please tell me that they kiss! I mean…_

"Hum… Mary… No, Anne… She…"

"Mary shows her tits to Anne to prove that she's not a man." She says in a very serious and calm tone.

"What?!" I exclaim panicked. "I'm not going to do that!" She burst into laughter so hard that she even bends over and hugs her stomach, almost running out of air.

"Oh my god! You should've seen you face!" She says still gasping for air. "Priceless!" I see tears getting out of her eyes as she continues laughing.

"Well, I'm glad to see that making fun of me makes you so happy." I say in a serious tone, putting on an angry expression and crossing my arms, upset with me more than her, for not remembering that's not what happens… and also for getting turned on at the thought. Her laughter instantly dies when she sees me.

"Elsa, I'm sorry, it was only a joke." She says walking towards me and placing her arms on my shoulders. "Please forgive me?" She says in a sweet tone, batting her eyelashes.

"No." I say curtly, deviating my gaze to the left to avoid being enraptured by her charm, not wanting to give in yet just to see what she does.

"Please?" She says again, this time hugging me and placing her head at the crook of my neck, practically nuzzling on me. Instantly butterflies invade my stomach and a very pleasurable sensation runs through my body. I blush badly and I know I could just faint any moment, but I fight to keep myself calm and conceal my feelings.

"Alright, fine." I roll my eyes, giving up on my little act to avoid her getting even more… persuasive.

"Really?" She says excitedly letting go of me and backing up a couple of steps. I don't know if I should be glad or not.

"On one condition." Now that we're here I should as well take advantage of this situation.

"Whatever you want."

_A kiss._

**Focus!**

"Let's not do that again. Acting is really not my thing." And I don't want to lose control of myself and kiss you in front of our classmates.

"B-but…"

"It was funny and all, but I don't think this is what the teacher wants." I say with an apologetic smile. She pouts. "We could still dress up like pirates if you want." I partially give in; I'd really like to see her in that costume again.

"Maybe you're right. It was childish." She sighs. "But funny." She smiles. "And we _will_ dress up like Anne and Mary." She adds mischievously.

"Okay. Now let's continue with the information we have to study. It's getting late and soon I'll have to go." I really don't want to go, but I can't arrive late at home and Kai said he would be coming to pick me up around seven.

"Fine." She says. "But you will keep those clothes on as we do it." I open my mouth to protest, but she doesn't give me the chance. "You owe it to me, since you didn't want to make the little play."

"Okay." I sigh.

_As long as you don't start making weird things again... Weird things that really turn me on._

* * *

After two hours of just trying to learn every bit of information we can about women pirates, I watch to the clock to see it's already fifteen minutes before seven. I turn to see Anna reading thoughtfully one of the many books about piracy that she has, and tell her:

"Uhm… Anna, I think it's time for me to go.

"Uh? Already?" She says turning to see me. I nod.

"Well, go change, then. I'll wait here."

I do as she tells me, and when I come back I find her sitting on her couch with a very thoughtful and serious expression.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"What? Oh, yeah, totally, it's just…" She bites her lip. "I really enjoyed our time together and I was thinking… We should… be friends." She says the last part very anxiously.

"I'm sorry. That's not possible." I state sadly, remembering Snow's threatening.

"Why not? Earlier you said…"

"I know what I say, but…" Should I tell her the truth? I don't want to lie and hurt her again. I don't want us to be apart, because if I'm honest with myself, this was the best day of my life in High School. But, if I do the selfish decision of being her friend, she will be an outcast, just like me. I can't do this to her. "W-we… we belong to different status in the High School hierarchy, and I'm an enemy of your friends. They won't accept our friendship."

"Well, fuck them!" She exclaims getting up. "I want you." She walks towards me and takes my hand, giving my brain a hard time trying to process the intensity of her stare. She's not lying. "Please Elsa, I don't care about the consequences."

_Why do I feel__like__she's__talking of something else?_

"It's not possib…"

"There _must_ be a way." She cuts me off. "You make me happy, and only with you I can be myself. Please." She seems desperate, she must _really_ want this, but I don't understand why. Why would she pay any price just to be with such a worthless person as myself? "Pease, Elsa, I know you may me doubtful of my intentions, but believe me, the one who treated you like shit all this time wasn't the real me… Please."

"I-I don't know Anna." I say taking a step back, very surprised by the vehemence of her pleas. "I don't want any of us to get hurt."

_I don't want them to hurt you._

"Well, I think we're already getting hurt, so it doesn't matter."

_She has a good point._

"You don't understand. You haven't experienced the real High School, you are new in this world. If you mess up with your current friends, you'll seriously regret it." I finally see fear on her eyes, as if she finally understood how dangerous it would be for both of us to be together… as friends, of course. She bits her lip and looks away, clearly having a debate with herself. I kind of regret telling her this, but I can't be selfish and let her get close to me.

"If… If there was a way for us to be friends, would you do it?" She asks, still not looking at me.

I think for a moment. Would I? I know there's no way we could be friends without one of us (most likely Anna) getting hurt, but if there was a way, would I take the chance?

"Yes." I answer without a doubt.

"Well then promise me you'll think on ways for us to be friends and I'll do the same, but meanwhile, I think we should enjoy our vacations and continue seeing each other. What do you say?"

"I… I suppose it can't hurt." I shrug, pretending that it isn't that of a big deal, but actually I'm already exited and looking forward to our next meeting.

"Perfect!" She says smiling and I smile back. "Then let's meet in…" She pauses, thinking. "December 23th? Is that okay?"

"Yes. It's perfect."

_More than perfect. I will be anxiously waiting for that day to come._

In that moment I glance towards the clock. It's already seven. I sigh.

"I must really go now."

"Oh! Of course, follow me." She leads me to the to the entrance and there she turns to me, her eyes slightly sad.

_Could she be sad because I'm going?_

**Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!**

"So… I think this is the part when we say goodbye." She says with her hands on her back.

"Yeah…" I trail off. I really don't want to go yet. "It was nice spending time with you. Very different to how I supposed it would be. A good different." I give her a little smile and tend my hand for her to take. "Goodbye, Anna."

She doesn't take my hand, instead she hugs me tightly and says in my ear:

"Goodbye Elsa."

She lets go of me and we smile at each other for a moment before I turn around and step into the outside world. I see Kai's car parked on the street and I shake my head, remembering his stubbornness and knowing he is doing all this because he cares for me. Maybe my life isn't that bad after all. Not when I have two people who care for me and a redheaded girl who wants to be my friend no matter what. A beautiful girl with cute twin braids. I should tell her how good she looks like that, that's something friends do, right?

"Anna?" I say turning around, just a few steps away from the door frame.

"Yes?" She says with a hopeful tone, staring at me from the entrance.

"I... I really like your braids."

"Thanks." She says blushing adorably. "I like your braid better, though." She gulps. "G-goodnight."

"Goodnight." I answer, giggling a little when I see her just standing there, not making a single move to go inside the house. I suppose she's just going to stay at the spot until I get in the car, so I reluctantly turn around and walk away.

I already miss her. I can't wait to see her again.


	9. A merry Christmas

**Chapter 9. A merry Christmas.**

Today is the day I've been waiting for since my first visit to Anna's house; December 23th. Today I'll get to see the redhead again.

Time seemed to pass slower as the date approached, and I couldn't think about anything except Anna. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't do school work because I ended up daydreaming about her. My mind was even somewhat absent on my birthday when Kai and Gerda bought me a cake and gave me a present.

Talking about that… Kai gave me a car. Yes, a _car_. Why'd I need a car? If I can't pay the bus, much less all the gas the car would be using, and I don't even know how to drive. Not to mention, I don't deserve it; I'm already abusing too much of their kindness like a disgusting parasite, they shouldn't do anything more for me. I tried to refuse, of course, but they insisted that it was their son's car and that he didn't need it anymore (In case you're wondering, he's an adult now and has his own family, so he lives in another city), Kai even offered to teach me how to drive, arguing that, even if he is fine with acting as my driver, I should have some independence in case I want to go somewhere on my own. We argued for a while, but at the end I had to take it to avoid seeming ungrateful, which I wasn't, really! Actually giving me a car is the most generous thing anyone has done for me, and it made me happy to know they appreciate me enough to do it… but I'm just not worthy.

Anyways, on happier topics, I'm going to see Anna again! And I'm quite nervous about it, but it's a good nervousness… well, kind of; I'm still worried about somehow embarrassing myself or pushing Anna away with my boring and antisocial personality, but at least I hope that everything will run smoothly, just like the last time.

I arrive to her house just in time. Kai brought me here again and insisted on picking me up, even though I told him I didn't know the hour in which I would be ready to go. He just shrugged it off telling me to call him when I wanted to leave. I knew there was no point on arguing, so I reluctantly agreed and got off the car.

I stand in front of the door for several minutes before finally gathering the courage to push the ring bell. As it sounds, butterflies appear on my stomach and I have the strong impulse of running away, but I manage to stay in place until the door hastily opens… And I'm suddenly met with the gorgeous face that's been plaguing my dreams instead of the stern butler from the last time.

She's simply stunning. More than usual. She's not only beautiful; she looks utterly cute wearing those twin braids of her, but she's also indescribably sexy. Damn that short skirt! And those tight clothes! And that cleavage… So much freckled and smooth skin deliciously exposed for me to watch.

**Stop right there, you disgusting creature! That skin is not "exposed for ****_you_**** to watch" Those are her usual clothes and she's using them because she thought it was safe with you because you're both women. She wasn't expecting for you to ogle her like you're doing. You. Stupid. Pervert. Mons…**

"H-hi." Her beautiful voice interrupts my hurtful thoughts, making me forget about them completely.

"Hi." I say, my voice coming out timidly and much more softly than I intended, due to my anxiety at being in front of the most gorgeous girl in the planet. She stares at me for a moment before starting to speak.

"W-wanna come in? Well, of course you wanna come in, why else would you be here? I mean, if you wanted to stay out on the snow, you could've done it anywhere, not in front of my house… unless you wanted to stalk me. N-not that I think you're a stalker, on the contrary, I am more the stalker type, like I could easily get obsessed with you… o-or someone else really, n-not precisely you, just… Ugghh!" She screams in frustration and covers her adorably flushed face with her hands. I can't help laughter escaping from my mouth at her comical speech. It amazes me how easily she makes me laugh.

**Yeah, laugh at her! Don't you see she's quite embarrassed?**

_Oh, right. I should go to put her at ease._

I walk towards her, gently take her hands (which literally send shivers through my whole body) and remove them from her red face.

"Hey, it's okay. I know what you meant to say." I say. "And yes, I wanna come in."

She nods and walks inside and upstairs while I follow her close behind. Actually on the stairs I have a nice view of her rear, which I slightly exposed under her tiny skirt…

_Okay, I seriously should stop doing this. It's not right. Actually it's pretty wrong. _

**You think? You were just watching her rear, for god's sake! She shouldn't even let you be near her, much less bring you into her house. **

I lower my head in shame, taking care of keeping my eyes on the ground the whole time, until we arrive to a room which I assume it's hers. I look up, not placing my gaze on the girl and instead admiring the large space that's her bedroom. There's a queen-sized bed to the left, a wardrobe to the right, a nightstand and a small table. It's also very homey, with that wooden floor and pink walls and a good amount of Christmas things decorating the place, much like her studio.

As I take it all in, I can feel the awkward silence growing between us, so I have the urge to say something. Maybe compliment her room?

"You have a nice room. It's very… large." I say. It's true; my actual room is approximately half the size of hers and the one I had in Norway was just a little smaller than this.

"Uh… thanks." She says. "It's like every room, really." She smiles uneasily.

_Like every room? Really? The ones I've lived in my entire life weren't nearly as welcoming as yours. You should consider yourself lucky._

As my eyes continue to wander around the room (mostly because I don't want to see Anna and lose my mind again), something suddenly catches my attention; a blue half-circle shaped object resting on her nightstand. I have an idea of what it is, but could it be possible? After all this time?

Without noticing, my feet automatically start moving towards it and, before I can stop myself, I pick up the object while asking:

"Is this my headband?" Of course I know the answer, but I want some confirmation.

"Uh… eh… hehe." She stammers and laughs nervously, but I keep my eyes fixed on the thing. "Y-y-yes. I-I wanted to give it to you, really, but…" She sighs. "Hans… he b-broke it a-and I tried to repair it but it didn't end up well, so… yeah." She sighs again.

"You kept it this whole time?" I ask. How is it possible? In its current state, broken by the middle and poorly attached with masking tape, it's just a piece of trash, but she kept it nonetheless.

"Yes. It-it reminds me of you." She says and my heart skips a beat. "S-sorry… I told you I was the stalker type."

"I-its okay." I answer. "I think it's… cute." I do, and maybe in some other circumstances I'd be jumping from happiness at her words, but not now. Not with the broken gift from my brother firmly clenched between my hands. His last gift. The only thing I had left of him.

"You can have it, if you want." She offers. "It seems to be very important for you."

"Yeah…" I answer absent mindedly as memories start surging like a stream in my head. "Someone gave it to me, someone I l-loved… a lot."

More than that, my brother has been the only person who I've loved and has loved me back. I remember how we used to get along very well, even if he was six years older than me. He cared for me so much, always making sure I didn't hurt myself, defending me from the bullies, taking the blame of my mischiefs so father didn't punish me… In winter we also used to play on the snow, build snowmen, skate on the iced lake…

"Who was this person?" She interrupts my thoughts just in time for me to realize I was in the verge of tears. I blink rapidly to get rid of the wetness on my eyes and return the headband to its original place to avoid breaking down like the weak person I am.

"I… It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago." I say, trying hard to keep the sadness from expressing through my voice. "A-and no, I don't want it back. You can do whatever you want with it."

_Because if I as much as look at it again I may start crying._

**Pathetic.**

"Okay, uh… I have a present for you, a birthday present." She says before walking to her closet and producing a small box wrapped in blue paper from it. "Here." She hands it to me.

_A birthday present? I haven't gotten one (a normal one at least, not a _car_) since… No, let's not think about it._

"T-thanks." I answer taking it. "You really didn't have to."

"Nonsense, we're friends now. Friends usually give each other presents." Is she serious? She really thinks of me as her friend? "You can open it, y'know? I promise it won't explode or something." She says giggling.

I carefully open the box, trying not to tear the paper on the slightest, and extract a pair of blue earrings from it. They are breathtaking. My current earrings are nothing compared to this. These are glacier blue with the shape of frozen water drops, and are fairly large, but not too much. They remind me of the magnificent sight of the frozen forest back there on Norway.

"Oh Anna, they are so beautiful." I say sincerely.

"I'm glad you like them." She says smiling.

"I do, I do like them very much, but…" I feel pain on my chest at the words that I'm about to say. "I-I… I don't deserve them."

"What?! Why'd you say that? Of course you deserve them." She contradicts me.

"No, I don't." I sigh casting down her eyes.

"I dare you to tell me one single reason for not deserving a simple pair of earrings."

"I-I…"

_Because I'm a monster, because I'm disgusting, because I'm not even worthy of my parents' love, because I'm a parasite, because I'm a bad person, because…_

"See? Not even a reason." She interrupts the multiple possible answers going through my head, but before I can tell her at least one, she continues. "They are yours and you deserve them, so don't protest." I want to tell her that I really shouldn't have them, but I don't know how. However, before I can think about some polite but firm way to reject the present, she speaks. "Unless you don't really liked them?"

"No, I do." I exclaim, not wanting to make her think I'm ungrateful.

"Then you'll take them and won't protest anymore, am I clear?" She gives me a semi-serious expression, and I know that, if I refuse to take them now, she'd be disappointed and hurt, and that's the last thing I want.

"F-fine. Thank you." I say forcing myself to smile.

"Put them on so I can see how they look, will you?" She requests. I do as I'm told, putting my previous earrings on my pocket, and she leads me gently to where the mirror is. "See how beautiful you are?" She says as she leans her head on my shoulder, making my heart go wild.

I stare at my reflection, but all I see is a broken girl, weak, fearful and cold as ice. I don't see any beauty.

"Do you mean it?" I ask turning to look at her, searching for some kind of reassurance, hoping that, by some miracle, this wonderful girl finds me attractive.

"Yes, I do." She says smiling and turning to stare at my eyes. "And those earrings complement your eyes very nicely." The way she says it… it doesn't give room for doubts; she truly means it.

"T-thanks." I say softly while my face warms up and a smile appear on my lips. I still don't think I'm beautiful, but I'm really thankful for her compliment.

"Come on, I want to show you my house and then maybe we could build a snowman?" She asks hopefully.

"I'd love it." I answer.

"Good, what are we waiting for?" She exclaims excitedly getting off my shoulder (which makes me miss the contact instantly), instead taking hold of my hand and dragging me out of the room.

* * *

She showed me all her house, including a painting she introduced me to. Apparently "her" name is Joan D'arc and she's her best friend. I didn't know if I should take her seriously or not, after all, one must be very lonely to start thinking of paintings as friends, but then again, Anna was locked in her house her entire life, so it may be possible. I hope it's not.

After that, we ate meat and vegetables and then we went outside to build a snowman very similar to the first one, and had a snowball fight. I insisted Anna to wear a jacket, but she refused saying that she wasn't cold at all, even if she was shivering the whole time. The sweater she put on covered her cleavage, though, and I didn't know if I should've been be happy about it, since that way I didn't get _too_ distracted with her body. But… well, let's be honest, I really enjoy admiring her beauty, even if I feel bad about it later.

Right now we're trying to get rid of the snow at the entrance. We're both wet and extremely cold, so I have to take off my sweater while Anna changes into warmer clothes that consist on a pair of blue jeans and a light-magenta and purple striped sweater that make her look very cute in my opinion. Once were both somewhat warm, she tells me to follow her downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Anna, why are we on the kitchen?" I am very confused right now.

"Because you're going to help me bake some cookies." She answers grinning.

"Am I now?" I ask amused.

"Yes, you are." She says crossing her arms over her chest and pouting adorably.

"Alright." I give in chuckling. "Care to show me how?"

"Uhm… I kinda don't know how to make cookies." She admits, embarrassed. But if she doesn't know how to make cookies, then how is she expecting us to do it? "B-but I have a recipe." She quickly says extracting a paper sheet from her pocket and showing it to me.

"Ginger cookies?" I ask as I read the title. "Very Christmassy of you."

"Well, Christmas Eve is tomorrow, so…"

"Do you have all the ingredients?"

"Of course, I thought of everything." She answers proudly.

"Fine, let's do it." I agree smiling. It sure will be fun. "Though I have to warn you; this is the first time I'm going to bake something."

"Don't worry, this is my first time too. We can learn together."

_F-first time?!... Baking cookies, of course, but my mind wandered somewhere else for a second. _

**Concentrate, you pervert! You can't think of anything but sex, can you?**

"A-alright." I stutter. "Let's do it."

"Fine." She says leaning on my shoulder to look at the recipe from there, but this little action puts my whole being on fire and suddenly every part of my body that came in contact with her seems to be more sensitive. "What about I sift the flour and the other powdery ingredients while you beat the butter?"

_What about you take your head off of me so I can think clearly again?_

"Sounds good." I somehow manage to say without revealing how much her presence is affecting me.

She separates from me, which allows me to think straight again (as straight as I can think anyways), and goes retrieving a bowl and a big spoon for me and another bowl and a sieve for her. Soon we start working side by side, she seems to be enjoying it a little too much; she's giggling uncontrollably just watching the flour fall, and her smile widens to impossible levels. I can't lie, I'm enjoying seeing her so happy and carefree because it makes her even more beautiful, but I know I can't keep staring at her, since I have a task to fulfill, and it's beating this stupid and hard butter.

I've never been an exceptionally strong person, and since I started my self-imposed fasting my muscles have grown even weaker, however I know I have to try with all my will to do what Anna asked me too; I don't want her to think less of me because of this. It would be easier if I had a beater of course, but… I don't want to ask. There must be a reason why she didn't give me one, and it would be impertinent if I ask for it, not to mention I may sound a little too demanding. So I start moving the spoon with more force trying (and failing) to make the beater's job.

"Hey, need some help?" She asks startling me.

"I-I'm fine." I lie. "Just do what you were doing, I can handle this."

"Come on, let me help you." She says gently while practically hugging me from behind to grab the spoon and move it, trying to succeed on what I couldn't. The sensation of her body pressed fully on mine is too much for me, even more when I can feel her perfect breasts on my back. I blush so hard that my body temperature increases considerably and I think I may faint.

"Hold on." She says in that moment and lets go of me to go get something. I breathe relieved and try to calm myself before she returns, but my heart isn't exactly cooperating as all I can hear is it's beating on my ears. Once she comes back, she places a beater on the table, connects it and gives it to me. "There you are." I carefully turn it on and start moving it around the bowl to make the butter softer, however, after several moments I catch Anna staring at me with a dreamy gaze in her features, as if she was zoning off.

"Anna? Weren't you sifting the flour?" I ask and start giggling when she blinks confused and blushes in the most adorable way. "I think you drifted off for a while."

"I-I already finished." She says quickly. "I-I was waiting for the butter to be completely beaten so I can pour the sugar."

"Oh." I feel a pang of pain in my chest, but I don't understand why. Maybe I was hoping she was staring at me? Maybe I wanted her to be day-dreaming about me? About _us_?

**You know that's impossible, why would she want someone like you? You'll never be on her dreams, just accept it before you get hurt even more.**

"Right… uh, I think it's ready, if you want, you can pour the sugar now." I say trying not to show disappointment.

"Right. Sugar. I'll do it." She rushes to get the sugar and slowly pours it into the bowl while I mix them with the beater. Once it's done, she also pours the vanilla and asks me to turn off the beater. I obey and she introduces her finger to the mixture just to take it into her mouth and lick it… seductively, while moaning in such an erotic way that I have to bite my lip in order to keep myself from doing the same. I feel my face burning again and my hands twitching, begging to hold that girl in my arms and never let go, submitting into an endless path of pleasure.

**Hold on! Are you seriously thinking about ****_that_****? Just because she moaned clearly pleased with the taste of the dough? I knew you were a crazy for her, but not to this extent. **

"Oh my God! Elsa, this is delicious." She exclaims while taking another bit of the substance with her finger and repeating the sexy action, this time closing her eyes and making it all more sensual, if that was even possible. "You should seriously try it."

"Oh… okay." I answer, trying to distract myself from the inappropriate thoughts, then taking a portion of the mixture and placing it into my mouth, closing my eyes. To my surprise, it's really so good that I can't help but moan at the amazing taste. "You're right." I say opening my eyes and smiling. "This is wonderful."

"And it's not even finished." She says as she smiles back, an adorable red color showing on her cheeks, probably because it's hot here. "C-come on, let's continue."

I turn on the beater as she starts pouring the flour inside the bowl, the ingredients soon forming a brown dough. Once it's done, she adds the ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon… lots of cinnamon.

"Anna! What are you doing? The recipe says only two and a half spoons!" I exclaim turning off the beater to prevent the cinnamon from mixing with the rest of the ingredients. "You almost poured the whole tin!"

"But I didn't!" She says smiling playfully. This makes me slightly irritated.

"We have to follow the recipe if we want…"

"Oh, come on! Don't be such a killjoy." She cuts me off rolling my eyes. "The recipes are just to guide us, we don't have to follow them word by word."

_Are you kidding me? The recipes are to be followed letter by letter, if not, the results could be disastrous._

"But…"

"Relax. The world is not going to end just because I didn't follow a simple instruction." She chuckles. Her words almost give me a heart attack. Of course the world isn't going to end because she put more cinnamon than necessary, but if there had been some other kind of instruction, one that was really important… I don't even want to think about it. Her attitude is dangerous, for herself and for the others.

"Instructions are important." I say sternly, trying to put some reason into that pretty little brain of hers. "Mostly when they come from someone who knows better than you."

**Like your father? Whose instructions you didn't follow? Remember what happened on that occasion? You got y…**

_Shut up! Not now. Not _ever_. I don't want to remember that._

_"__No one_ knows better than the great Anna Summers… not about cookies anyway." She smirks, but her little joke doesn't amuse me in the slightest. "Oh, c'mon!" She exclaims. "Drop that worried face, it's just a little bit of cinnamon!"

"Why?" I ask and she tilts her head questioningly. "Why did you do it if the recipe said otherwise? Just to prove you could?"

"Of course not." She rolls her eyes. "I did it because I like cinnamon."

"B-but they are supposed to be _ginger_ cookies, not cinnamon cookies!"

"So? Cinnamon tastes better." She answers matter-of-factly.

"I actually prefer gingers…" I say and my eyes widen as I realize which words just escaped from my mouth. "I mean ginger!" I quickly correct myself, blushing badly and completely forgetting about anything else, even our little fight about spices.

"Fine." She sighs. "I'll pour a little more of ginger if you want."

"N-no, they will be too spicy." I say, hastily taking the spices away from her before she manages to ruin the cookies even more. "They'd just have to be cinnamon-ginger cookies." I say smiling, telling myself that not following a simple recipe is not that of a big deal, and that Anna probably didn't mean any harm when she did it.

"Fine, let's get this over with then." She says contently.

* * *

We made the cookies with two molds; one of a female and the other of a male but the dough was too sticky and the cookies sometimes broke when we lifted them to put them on the baking sheet. At first I was worried that they would come out deformed, but then Anna's contagious laughter made me smile and soon we were having lots of fun. At the end, the cookies were safely placed inside the heated oven (which was turn on by a servant, of course) and we just had to wait for them to be ready, so we went sitting on a couch at her living room.

"Sooo…" Anna says turning to look at me. "What should we do while the cookies are in the oven?"

_Could we make out?_

"I-I don't know." I answer looking away. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, I was thinking… maybe we could listen to some music?"

_Anything you want._

"Sounds good." I give her a tiny smile and she gets up to turn on the stereo while turning off the lights at the same time so it's completely dark except for the fake fireplace and the Christmas-tree lights. If I didn't know better, I'd think she's making a romantic atmosphere on purpose.

**Ha! Just listen to yourself. Why would she make a romantic atmosphere for ****_you_****? Stupid piece of trash.**

I'm getting tired of that voice on my head, but as much as I try to get rid of it, it always returns with full force. I have to concentrate. I can't seem unhappy in Anna's presence; she'd think it's her fault, when I'm the one to blame.

Just as I'm able to conceal my feelings properly, Anna turns to me, and starts walking _very_ sexily in my direction, smiling seductively with her eyes half-lidded. I gulp at the sight. I've never seen her looking so intimidating and enrapturing at the same time, and the way she's biting her lip! I just want to jump over her! I mean, could that flushed face look more adorable?!

"Doyouwannadance?" She says.

"Uh… What?" I ask not understanding a single word because of how distracted I was with her attractiveness.

"I said…" She takes a deep breath. "Do you want to dance? With me?" She bites her lip nervously, waiting for my answer.

_Are you asking me if__I want to dance with you? Really? This must be the best day of my life! Please tell me I'm not dreaming._

**Wait a minute! Aren't you forgetting a little detail? You haven't danced in years, you'd make a fool of yourself.**

I really don't want to decline her offer, but the voice in my head is right… as always. However, I don't show how disappointed I really am and answer politely, still smiling:

"I-I… I don't dance."

"But…" She protests.

"Please, don't insist." I say, and she pouts so cutely that it's difficult for me to say no, so instead I just partially give in. "Maybe next time?"

"Fine." She sighs, looking almost disappointed for a moment, but then a mischievous smile appears on my face, which makes goosebumps appear on my skin in anticipation. "Then you can just sit and enjoy the show." She winks at me, a little action that gets me completely stunned, almost unable to breathe, but she turns around, as if nothing happened, starts the song and begins to dance… clumsily.

Since the first moment it's evident that she's never danced before, much less to someone; she isn't quite aware of her moves, or the position of every limb of her body, and her dance doesn't quite fit the song… which as far as I know, isn't a song made for dancing, but a pop song meant to be listened and sang, but nothing more.

Despite all this… or maybe even _because_ of this, I find her attempt endearing. She really looks very cute trying to look sexy moving her body the way she is, and not to mention that the not-quite-mature clothes she's wearing make her look more like a child trying to imitate a professional dancer. And I _love_ it. I even blush and a smile appears on my lips.

When the song reaches the chorus, however, something happens. Anna starts singing along, softly at first but becoming louder each second, and at the same time her movements become more confident, fluid, natural, as if she had suddenly found an innate talent deeply buried inside her. In that moment, her movements stop being an adorable attempt to look sexy to become a coordinated "human mating call" that could draw instantly to her even the coldest of hearts. _Of course_ it works with me. Now I'm really turned on and my whole body is literally on fire, I've never felt this kind of heat. It's like a spell. It's torture and heaven. It's magic.

I want to freeze this moment and stay on it forever.

"Shake it off, shake it off." She sings the last part of the second chorus, her voice now even louder than the artist. The music suddenly changes and her movements stop abruptly. I'm confused for a moment, but then she starts walking seductively towards me with one hand on my hips. "Hey, hey, hey! just think while you've been getting down and out about the liars and dirty, dirty cheats in the world you could have been getting down to this sick beat." As she sings the last part, she leans so she's now eye level with me. The closeness leaves me ever more stunned than I already was, if that's actually possible. However, that's nothing compared to what happens next. She sits on my lap, her right arm around my shoulders as she continues singing. It's like someone had sent a bolt of electricity through my whole body. The contact is too intimate, so much that my cheeks seem to be literally boiling with blood. For a moment I'm pretty sure I'm about to spontaneously combust or, at least, faint. It's right then when she leans towards me caressing my face with her left hand in a seductive way, and a new wave of heat surges on my core.

_F***! Is she doing this on purpose? How is she capable of having this effect on me?_

"And to the fella over there with the hella good hair, won't you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake." She continues, half-lidding her eyes and biting her lip while getting even closer, until I feel her breath on my mouth. It would be too easy to just lean in an inch and close the distance between our lips. I desperately want to do it. I _need_ to do it.

Just as I'm about to give in to my impulsive desires, the rhythm becomes faster all of a sudden and Anna gets up from me, taking my hand, and pulling me along. I'm so stunned that I don't even try to resist. At first I don't know what to do, not quite having processed what just happened, but I soon understand the situation and try to catch the beat, taking Anna's waist with my left hand (yeah, I don't have any idea of how did I get the confidence to do that; my body just acted on its own accord) and her hand with the other, as my brother used to do with me.

Surprisingly, my body remembers what to do and soon I'm dancing pretty well, even while holding this striking beauty in my arms. It's like I've been doing it my whole life, and soon I even start enjoying it. And how could I have not liked it, if Anna keeps staring at me with that dreaming expression and flushed cheeks?

Our gazes meet and I don't look away, as I'd normally do due to my shy nature. I like the feeling of losing myself in those turquoise pools full of happiness, kindness and, maybe I even dare to say, love. Yes, maybe it isn't the romantic love that I'd like to see, but it's there no doubt, and a little doubt surges within my heart. What if I do have a chance? What if she could actually like me the way I like her? What if I can be happy for once after all?

I can sense my inner demon trying to fight against the little hope that was just born inside me, but I don't let it. For now, there's just Anna and me.

The song soon comes to an end, but none of us care as we continue dancing. I stop hearing the songs, I stop seeing the world, I stop sensing anything; all that matters is Anna's laughter, Anna's face, Anna's body so wonderfully close to mine, Anna's delicious perfume… Anna, just Anna. I don't care of anything else right now, and, for some blissful moments I allow myself to think that maybe she feels the same.

* * *

After approximately fifteen minutes of dancing, I hit the couch with back of my knees and we collapse laughing. I can't even remember the last time I've been this happy… actually I don't think I have ever been this happy before, not even as a kid, because the feeling of being so close to my loved one, not only physically, but also emotionally, is overwhelming. I can feel free, careless, and connected with the world around me, specifically with the laughing girl on top of me.

The moment of bliss, however, doesn't last too long. Suddenly, I feel a wet tongue touching my neck's skin. We both freeze, our laughter dying instantly. Every coherent thought is instantly erased from my mind. I even lost the ability of so much as breathe. The world seems to stop as I wait for something to happen.

When her reaction comes, it's not exactly the one I was expecting.

"Ewwww!" She exclaims as she pulls away while wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Ugh, you are salty!"

**She's disgusted of****you. She didn't want to lick you, it was all a mistake and she's grossed out by it. She may have said that you're beautiful, that she likes you and that you're her friend, but those are just words. In reality she thinks of you as a revolting monster which she'd never wished to even touch!**

_N-no. No, i-it can't be. I-it was just the sweat that disgusted her… right?_

"S-sorry." I say, my voice coming out weaker than I intended, clearly showing my hurtful thoughts. "I'm sweating." I look to the side ashamed. I just wanted to have a good time, and I was enjoying this so much… I didn't pay attention to the position of her mouth. I could've prevented all of this; prevented her to taste my unworthy and salty skin.

"Look, I-I didn't… I mean…" She starts stammering. "It's not like I didn't like to lick you…" I look up, wide eyed. Did I hear her well? "Wait, let me rephrase that." She continues, blushing. "What I mean is that I don't blame you for being sweaty, after all we both are!" She giggles and gives me a reassuring smile that I deeply appreciate. At least I know our blossoming friendship wasn't ruined because of this little incident, even though I'm disappointed that she didn't mean what she said moments ago. "If it was someone's fault it was mine for licking you… but it was an accident, really! A-and I over reacted, I mean, the taste was unexpected and it caught me out of ward, but it was not _that _bad, I mean, all sweat tastes the same… n-not that I've been tasting people's sweat because that would be weird and disgusting; I just assume they taste the same and… I'm rambling again. "She sighs. "Sorry."

"It's alright." I smile. Her rambling always makes me smile. "I like it when you ramble. I think it's adorable." my mouth speaks without my permission and I blush deeply, instantly regretting what I said. I'm about to give her an apology, or at least explain myself when she leans in and softly kisses my cheek, remaining there for a little longer than what I would've considered normal. However, I don't get my hopes up; maybe it just seemed to last longer for me because I'm not used to this kind of contact.

"Thank you." She says softly as she pulls back.

Her eyes are loving, and her cheeks are flushed, and that smile of hers is just so… I don't even have words to describe it. My mouth opens, probably to say something that I'll regret again, but in that moment the alarm sounds and Anna exclaims:

"They're ready!" She gets off of me and goes to extract the cookies from the oven.

I slowly get up, trying to clear my head, and I realize that, I'm not just a little dizzy, but also incredibly hot. As if I had fever. I'd like to attribute it to the dancing, or the warm provided by the heated oven, but there's no point on denying the truth to myself; the cause was Anna, her closeness and that little mistake that made her lick my neck.

I walk towards the kitchen uncomfortably pulling the neck of my shirt, desperately wanting to take off the tie, but not actually doing it because my father always said that a shirt without tie wasn't a decent thing to wear.

"Shouldn't you take off your tie?" Anna suddenly asks.

I turn to look at her and quickly hide my hands behind my back, pretending that I'm not hot at all.

"What? Why do you say that?" I ask. She rolls her eyes.

"Fine, I'll do it if you don't want to." She says and, before I can stop her, she walks towards me and takes my tie, even though I did try to prevent her from doing it. She starts loosening the knot and taking the black garment away from my neck, making me even more flushed and nervous than I already was. Then, it all gets worst; she starts unbuttoning my shirt! I feel like she's undressing me, and this time I can even feel my heart thumping on my chest as if it wanted to get out, and the blood pounding on my fingers, head and ears. Butterflies appear on my stomach and goosebumps on my skin. I start sweating even more profusely and my legs feel so weak that for a terrible moment I'm sure they're gonna give in and I'll crumble to the floor.

"There you are." She says finally stepping back and handing the tie to me.

"Thanks." I manage to squeak looking to the ground and trying to cool down so I don't faint.

**You're pathetic. How can she affect you so much? You're supposed to repress your feelings, to be an Ice Queen, not a blushing mess. You're weak.**

_Love isn't weakness._

**It is, and you know it.**

_No, it's n…_

"Come on, leave your tie somewhere and follow me." She snaps me out of my personal discussion with myself. "It's time to make the glace."

I gratefully do as she says while she goes to get the beater, the recipe and the ingredients. Then, she returns to the table and says:

"The glace is very easy so I think only one of us would be enough to make it. The problem will be choosing the colors."

"If you want, I can make it." I answer. "I'll let you choose the colors."

"Yes!" She says jumping enthusiastically and very childishly, which makes me giggle behind my hand at her antics. She then goes to see the dyes and I also get hands to work.

First, I pour the water on the bowl and then, slowly, the sugar. I start the beater and, as I mix the ingredients with said machine, my thoughts drift off. I start remembering every moment I've spent with Anna, since the first day I saw her, and I can't help thinking how much things have changed. We went from being strangers to be… _cordial strangers_, then to Anna purposely bullying me and me trying to ignore her, and now finally to friends. I just hope that this stage will be longer than the previous ones, since I don't think I could resist going back to anything else, really. The only change I could bear would be if she became my girlfriend, but that's downright impossible, so…

In that moment Anna approaches to me and I stop my reflections to ask:

"Did you choose the colors?"

"Yes. We'll do all of them." She answers beaming.

"All of them?!" I exclaim surprised. What? Are we going to make a painting with the glace?

"We have more than enough glace." She shrugs.

"Uhm… b-but that would be a little too messy." I object, not really wanting to contradict the redhead, but not wanting her to get in trouble because of this.

"The servants can clean it latter." She answers rolling her eyes as if it was the most natural thing on the world… which probably is for her. "_Believe me_, they've cleaned worse things." She shivers and wonder what is she remembering.

I don't want to be the killjoy, even though I don't think it's fair to give the servants more work than they already have, so I say:

"Well… I-If you say it's fine, then let's do it."

"Good." She says running to get the mugs where we'd mix the glace with the dyes. She places two in front of me and keeps two for herself, then she gives me the blue and green dyes and she takes the red and yellow. Then she distributes the glace on our mugs as she speaks." Just a few drops; we don't want to paint our brains, do we?

"Paint our brains?" I ask amused. I've never heard of that.

"Yeah, you know; some artificial colors paint the grey matter, or at least that's what they say. I don't know you, but I don't want to have a rainbow brain." She giggles, but her words are like a stab on my heart.

I try to calm down concentrating on dyeing the glace, telling myself that she's probably just taking about real colors painting our brains, not about our brains becoming gay, but another part of me says that she meant it both ways, as an innocent joke that, nonetheless expresses her aversion for homosexuals... Which, if true, would kill any chance I could have to be Anna's lover.

**Any chance to be Anna's lover? You never had a chance. She's not like you. She's not an abomination. She doesn't like monsters. You aren't worthy. Return when you're a handsome man with a charming personality and a warm heart, and then she ****_might_**** look at you.**

_Stop. Please. Stop._

I want to cover my ears, but I resist the impulse, not only because I know it would be useless, but also because I don't want to look crazy in front of her.

**You are already crazy. No matter what you do, you aren't normal, and she knows it. She's****just with you****because she pities you, and because Christmas is a time to be nice and help people, but once you return to school she won't even remember you exist except when she wants someone to humiliate.**

_Please, please. No more. I don't want to hear you._

**It hurts, doesn't it? That's because deep inside you know it is the tru…**

Suddenly, I feel something wet touching my cheek and quickly turn around just to see a certain redhead giggling uncontrollably. It takes me a few seconds to realize what happened, but once I do, I smirk, ready to play this game. I take blue glace and run after her. When she arrives to the kitchen door I'm able to catch her and return the favor by smearing the glace on the tip of her little nose. She blinks cutely stunned and trying to see the sugary substance by squinting, and I can't help but laugh at her comic gesture, almost bending over. Suddenly, however, she wipes the glace from her nose with her fingers and smears it all over my face before I can react, covering a good part of my cheeks and nose with it. With that, she escapes, this time running towards the table, but I quickly recover and chase after her to catch the laughing girl by her waist, so now I'm hugging her from behind. The feeling of her perfect body against mine is, again, downright amazing, but I force myself to concentrate on my current task: taking revenge. I take a good quantity of green glace between my fingers and daube her face with it. I can feel her frowning and struggling, but her body language doesn't really says that she's upset for my actions, so I keep laughing and doing it, feeling really happy and carefree for the second time of the afternoon. Suddenly, she takes blue glace with her hand and reaches back to my face, which successfully makes me pull away to avoid being covering by it. Once she's free, she runs around the table laughing and wipes her face, licking her fingers clean afterwards in a very child-like way, getting her mouth covered by the substance. I want to go after her, I really do, but I can't help laughing at how ridiculous (in the best way) she looks with a glace-made blue labial and the large spot she has on her forehead making her look very comical, even more with that cute 'I won' face.

"Do you surrender?" She asks crossing her arms over her chest.

"Y-y… ye…hahahah." I try to say I do, but the laugher doesn't lets me. This is definitely the most I've laughed in all my life and, even if my stomach and lungs hurt, it feels really good. I try to stop, though, because I don't want to die from laughter, but each time I see Anna's face, it returns with full force.

At some point, Anna walks to me and takes my face with her hands, wiping the glace off it, a simple action that makes me blush and my laughter die, even if I still keep smiling. I take my hand off my mouth and return the favor, wiping the glace off that beautiful face of hers, taking advantage of it and caressing carefully the cute freckles from her cheeks and softly grazing at those delicious-looking lips I've been wanting to kiss for so long.

_We are so close. I could do it. I could finally kiss her._

**And ruin the only thing that's good in your pathetic life? You're screwed.**

I internally sigh and take my hands off of her face, not wanting to do something I'll regret, but just as I do, the most unbelievable and most wonderful things happens. I feel soft lips pressed on mine… and a tongue caressing the corner of my mouth.

Then, they're gone.

It all happens so quickly that, if I didn't have a wet spot where Anna's mouth touched mine, I'd think I imagined it all.

_Oh my god! Anna kissed me! _Anna_ freaking kissed me!_

**Wait, she didn't. Pay attention. Her lips weren't fully on yours; they were just touching the corner of your mouth. And that tongue you felt? You had glace in that zone. She just wiped it out, probably wanting to taste it; you know how much she loves sweets. It was an innocent action, completely natural between friends, not the romantic first kiss you're thinking. **

_I don't care what you think. I will consider it my first kiss._

**You're an idiot, you…**

I don't pay any mind to the voices fighting on my head as I stare at the girl in front of me, who's adorably biting her lip and blushing. I can't quite process what happened. I don't have any idea of what it was or what her intentions were, but I know it felt wonderful, and I can't even move a muscle because my brain doesn't seem to be working quite well.

Suddenly, a female voice pulls me out of a trance.

"Anna dear, who is she?" Says a brown-haired woman, around fifty years old, very similar to Anna except that her eyes are deep blue, instead of teal. I suppose she's her mother.

"Mom! What are you doing here?" Anna exclaims turning around, confirming my supposition.

"Well, I live here." She says amused.

"I mean, what are you doing here so _early_?" She corrects her question.

_Early? She seems to be upset by her mother's presence. If I had a mother I'd be glad to see her coming home._

"What are you talking about? It's already eight." Her mom giggles, and Anna turns to see the clock, then blushing realizing that she's right. So she wasn't really upset because of her mother's arrival, but surprised because she thought it was earlier. Well, that makes more sense. They seem cordial with each other, so I suppose they have a good relationship.

In that moment a tall man wearing a suit, with strawberry-blonde hair, a shade lighter than Anna's, and green eyes walks through the door smiling.

"Do I smell cookies?" He asks, however he then looks at me and frowns. "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"

His voice is so strong, so powerful and intimidating, that I flinch. And his stare is so severe, his posture so stiff… that I'm reminded of my father, which makes me tremble and want to run hiding.

"This is Elsa, a friend of mine." Anna says with a cheery voice (very odd given the situation, if you ask me) as she turns to see me, taking my hand and giving me a reassuring squeeze, probably noticing my fearful state. I just manage to look up at her eyes for a second before returning my gaze to the floor. "It's alright, Elsa. My father may seem a bit rude, but it's not about you; he's a little overprotective." She gently tries to put me at ease and, even though I appreciate her efforts, I don't think I'll be able to calm down as long as he is here.

"No, I'm not." I hear her father's voice.

"Yes, honey, you are." Her mother says playfully and laughs together with Anna.

"Well, Elsa, I think I haven't introduced my parents to you." Anna says. "This is Miriam, my mother." I look up to see her pointing to the woman. I may be a coward, but I know how to ignore my fears when the approval of someone important (like my crush's mother) is at stake, so I take a step forward and grab her hand briefly, but without being impolite.

"I-It's nice to meet you Mrs. Summers." I say still looking down.

"Nice to meet you too, but please just call me Miriam." She answers smiling. "It was about time we got to meet one of Anna's friends." I nod in understanding and step back. I do wonder though, hasn't Anna ever brought anyone here before? Not even Hans or Meg?

"Elsa, this is my father, Karl." Anna says.

"But you shall call me Dr. Summers." He says with his frightening voice while stepping forward and taking my hand hastily, not letting it go even when I ty to pull away. "And just so you know, I work with dangerous viruses that I could use to kill you if you harm my baby in any way. Understood?" I nod vehemently, swallowing hard.

_Please don't kill me. I swear I'd never hurt her! I love her!... Wait, maybe that's also a bad thing. _

"Come on, don't be rude with her." Anna defends me. "She's completely harmless."

"She seems so." Her mother agrees. "Actually she looks so sweet that I'd be more concerned about Anna hurting her." She starts giggling and I look up to see Anna's father smiling as he releases my hand to start laughing just a second later.

I'm left stunned for a moment before turning to see Anna, who is currently biting her lip and has her head low in shame, or is it remorse? Does she regrets what she did to me? But it wasn't her fault! It was her friends', since they made her do it.

I touch her shoulder to reassure her and she turns to see me. She smiles gratefully and we keep staring into each other's eyes for a while in silence, however, this silence isn't awkward, but comfortable, as if we were saying with our eyes that we understand each other, that we both care for one another. It just feels so right, not in a lustful way like out previous interactions, but rather in a peaceful, sweet, platonic loving kind of way… and it's equally great.

The sound of her mother clearing her throat makes us both come back to reality.

"Well, we have some things to do." She says. "See you later girls."

She and her father start walking away, but when he passes by my side he touches my shoulder, making me flinch as goosebumps (and not precisely the pleasant ones) appear through my whole body. I just want to disappear.

**Keep it cool. Conceal, don't feel.**

The voice in my head's words succeed to calm me down this time, and I'm able to cover my reaction.

"It was nice to meet you Elsa. Sorry if I scared you, but it was necessary; I just don't want anything happening to Anna." He says.

"I-I understand. Don't worry." I try to say it normally but it comes out as a whisper. It's like even my voice is scared to face this man who reminds me so much of my own father… though I have to admit Anna's is a lot nicer.

"Aright. We'll come back for dinner." He lets go of my shoulder and takes one step before turning to see Anna. "Oh, and Anna? Please don't make a mess."

"Dad!" She exclaims blushing and pouting adorably, which actually almost gets a smile out of me. He just giggles and walks away with Anna's mother. We both watch them until they disappear upstairs. "Well, now that the glace is ready and you know my parents, let's decorate the cookies!" Anna exclaims excitedly. And finally, I feel the playful atmosphere returning.

* * *

We spent the next hour or so putting glace on the cookies. We made ourselves (even if I put more effort on Anna, which came out to be the cutest cookie ever), characters from books and movies, standard ginger cookies, people we know, like Hans with his ugly sideburns… and I may say I really got worried when I saw him, but then Anna started ripping his limbs apart and putting red glace on the "wounds" to simulate blood, and I couldn't help but laugh. She also made Snow and the rest of the girls except Meg (who I know to be her best friend), to which she painted mustaches… with a little bit of help, I may add. I regret nothing though. She also made a cookie of Meg, while I made one of mine and Anna's snowman, and then we made some other snowmen until at least half of the cookies were decorated as snow creatures. It was all very enjoyable, and at the end we almost didn't want to eat any of those cookies, but that's what they're made for after all, so we went to sit on a couch with a mug of hot chocolate and started eating the ginger cookies.

Her parents joined us when Anna called them, and, even if I felt a little uneasy at first, her father stopped being rude with me I was able to relax… just a little, trough. And now Anna's mother keeps asking me questions, and I have to answer politely, but honestly this whole thing is really awkward for me. And Anna isn't helping.

"How long do you say you've been friends with Anna?" She asks.

"J-just recently. Before we teamed up to make that pirates' schoolwork we didn't really talk to each other."

_Except when Anna bullied me, but if I tell them that, she's gonna be in trouble._

"I see. But you seem very close to only have known each other for a week."

"I-I…" I swallow, trying to think on a good answer. I turn to look at Anna, silently asking for help, but she's too concentrated stuffing cookies on her face. "I-it was friendship at first sight."

**Really? Couldn't you think of something less stupid and that doesn't reveal your unnatural feelings for their daughter?**

"I see." Her father says narrowing his eyes, which makes me sink on the couch. "Say, Elsa, you seem like an honest person, so I trust you to tell me the truth. Does my daughter have a boyfriend? Because if she does…" He starts rising his voice but Anna's mother places a hand on his arm, notoriously calming him down. I guess he's the jealous father type. I bet he'd want to kill me if I were Anna's girlfriend.

"Anna is fifteen now, and she does has the right to have boyfriend." His wife says, but then turns to me, expecting me to answer nonetheless.

"Oh… Uhm…" I trail off. Does Hans count as boyfriend? No, he's just the jerk who wants to get in Anna's pants… but it may not be a good idea to tell them that without Anna's permission. "No, she doesn't." Her father sighs in relief.

"And you, dear?" Her mother asks. "Do _you_ have a boyfriend?" I blink, processing her question.

"Me? No!" I exclaim. "No, absolutely not I am le…" I shut my mouth in time, before revealing my sexual orientation just because I let my guard down for a moment and felt almost… offended that she thought I could have a boyfriend. I mean, I got nothing against men, but the mere thought of being with one in a romantic ways is… ugh. I clear my throat awkwardly. "I-I mean… I am… _less _than what most guys want, you know? I-In beauty and… all." I say lowering my face. It's true, even if it's not the reason why I don't have a boyfriend. I'm just not good enough for love. And it hurts.

"That's not true." She says firmly, and I look up to see that even her husband has a sympathetic expression directed to me. "You're _beautiful_ Elsa, and nice. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." I nod, but my arms come automatically around my waist in a pathetic attempt to give myself comfort.

"Thank you, but… I-I know what I am. And I know… that I'm not pretty enough." I feel sadness wanting to take over my body, and I'm only barely able to stop a knot from forming on my throat.

"That's not true!" She says. "You're _very _beautiful, right honey?" She asks her husband and he just nods. She smiles and turns to see the cookie-devouring machine that is her daughter right now. "What do you think Anna?"

"Uhm… what?" She asks looking up.

"I said, don't you think Elsa is too beautiful for not having a boyfriend?" She repeats.

"Are you kidding me? She's gorgeous!" Anna exclaims making her mother giggle, and the smile returns to my face. She can be very kind sometimes, enough to make me forget my insecurities and fears.

"Thanks, but you're more beautiful." I mutter shyly, blushing.

"Nonsense!" She answers vehemently, so much that I almost believe her. Almost. "However, I don't think she needs a boyfriend when she already has me, right Elsa?" She places a kiss on me cheek and I blush even more. I'm pretty sure there was a secret meaning on what she just said, but my love-filled brain can't quite decipher it.

"O-of course." I stutter and we both smile.

"Darling, didn't you have to do something in your studio?" Her mother suddenly asks, startling me a little; for a moment I forgot they were there. He frowns, thinking.

"No. Not that I remember."

"Yes you have, and I was going to help you. Come on." She stands up, pulling him with her and starts walking away, suddenly turning her head and winking at Anna.

_That seemed like she knows something about us not even _we a_re aware of. I wonder why she did it._

**That doesn't matter. Don't you have something to ask her?**

_No, I don't think so._

**It's already pretty late, and Kai is supposed to come for you.**

_Oh! Holy…!_

"M-Mrs. Summ... I-I mean Miriam." I call for her, just before she reaches the stairs, making her stop and turn. "D-do you mind if I use you phone? I promised Kai I'd call him when I was ready to go, and it's pretty late now. I'm sure he and Gerda are quite worried about me." I use their names, even if they don't know who they are, because I don't have time to explain it. Hopefully, they'll just assume they're my parents.

"Well of course, sweetheart." Anna's mother answers. "Feel free to use it anytime in your future visits." She then follows her husband upstairs.

_My future visits? Why does she think Anna will invite me again? I hope she does though._

"So it's time for you to go?" The girl of my dreams asks sadly.

"Yes. Sorry, I don't want to, but it's late." I answer with an apologetic smile. "Don't worry though; it'll still take another half an hour before Kai arrives."

"Okay." She sighs. "Go ahead."

I stand up and walk to the phone. Then I call Kai and tell him that I'm ready to go, to which he answers saying that he'll be on his way. When I go back to Anna I see her holding a small box wrapped in blue paper on her hands, something totally unexpected since she's already given me a present. I sit at her side and stare at her quizzically.

"I have a present for you." She says while handing me said gift.

"But you already gave me one." I protest, not taking it.

"Yes, but that was a _birthday_ present, this is a _Christmas_ present." She answers stubbornly. "Besides, it's part of the plan I made so we can be friends even during school time."

"Anna." I sigh. "We've already talked about this. It's impossible." I say, even if it pains me to admit the truth.

"It's not." She retorts clearly upset. "And I didn't break my scull trying to think on a solution just for you to toss it aside as garbage when you haven't even heard it." She pouts and crosses her arms over her chest, so cutely and scarily at the same time that I can't bring myself to protest further.

"Fine." I sigh taking the present. "What's your plan?"

"I can't tell you, silly." She answers with a teasing smile. "You're supposed to open you gift until Christmas, and telling you now would ruin the surprise."

"Then how am I supposed to know?"

"I wrote a letter explaining it all. It's inside the box."

"Alright." I answer with a tiny smile, but I suddenly remember something: I didn't bring her a present. It's not that I hadn't thought of it, of course, but I don't have the money to buy anything… besides I never thought she'd give me something.

My sadness must've showed in my face because she asks concerned:

"What is it?"

"I-It's just..." I sigh. "I didn't bring you a present."

"Don't worry." She answers. "As you can see, you couldn't have given me something I didn't have already, after all my parents buy me anything I ask."

_Yeah… and my father doesn't even give the money I need to eat or have a place to live, much less to buy something that could've impressed you._

"Hey." She says softly touching my shoulder, trying to reassure me. "It doesn't matter because you've already given me the best present of all." I stare at her confused. What is she talking about? I didn't bring her anything. "Your company." My eyes widen at her words, and how sweetly she says them, looking at me as if I meant the world for her. My heart stops, only to resume it's beating a moment latter, filled with a warmth I've never felt before.

"Thanks Anna. I enjoyed this day spent with you as well." I say.

She smiles and, wrapping her arms around my waist, places her head on my chest leaning into me completely. I smile lovingly at her and put an arm around her shoulders, enjoying how good it feels to have her soft body this close to mine. Even as I breathe it feels different, pleasurable, but not quite in a sexual way. If our previous intimate moments were like searing lava running through my body, this is just like sitting next to a fire on a winter day. It's so nice I don't want it to end.

"Do you mind if we stay like this until you go?" She asks, her breath passing through my shirt and reaching my skin, sending pleasurable chills through my spine.

"No. Go ahead." I answer.

"Thanks." She responds closing her eyes in a way her face seems quite peaceful.

Not even five minutes later she falls asleep as I watch her completely amazed. The feeling of having her sleeping on me is just… it's like she trusted me a lot, and I feel quite honored. I can't help it when I lean in and tenderly kiss her temple, lingering there for quite some time, inhaling her strawberry delicious scent.

_I don't want this to end._


	10. Worse than before

**Chapter 10. Worse than before.**

Christmas day was a week and a half ago, and I got to open the present Anna gave me. Just as she said, the gift included the instructions for her plan, which is very cleaver I may add. It's a cellphone, not too expensive but not cheap either, and her plan is to keep texting each other at school while pretending everything is as always between us, so there's little to no chance to get caught.

I was hoping to see her again on vacation, but she said she was going with her parents to New York, to visit her grandmother and relatives, and wouldn't be coming back until the end of winter break. Anyways, at least I'm seeing her again today… even if I won't be able to directly talk to her.

Also, for Christmas I received an extraordinary large chocolate bar from Gerda, which was so good that, even if I didn't admit it to her, I finished it in less than a week, and I also got driving lessons from Kai. I opposed, not only because it'd mean unnecessary gasoline wasting, but also because I was quite nervous about accidentally crashing the car, which in the best of cases would provoke damage to the automobile and, in the worst, some injures to Kai. Kai was, however, very persistent and I couldn't bring myself to refuse, but fortunately, it all went well and now I can even get it moving without freaking out to much.

So here I am, driving the first and "easy" part of the road to school. I'm not gonna lie, my palms are sweating and my stomach is twisting in anxiety, but at least I know we'll soon be arriving to where Kai will take the wheel and I'll be able to relax.

When we finally switch, I can breathe again and even talk normally with Kai, who tells me about how he taught his son to drive many years ago, and how he was just as nervous as me… just with a lot more of enthusiasm. I apologize, of course, but he says that it's alright and that he understands that cars aren't the first thing on my mind right now. I nod politely and move to get out of the car, not before saying goodbye to him.

As I'm getting some stuff from my locker I get a text message from Anna.

'Are you already at school? I fell asleep XD'

I smile at this and answer:

'Yes, I am responsible you know?'

I kind of feel bad for teasing her, but I know she won't mind. I add a smiling face at the end to make it clear that I am just playing with her, though.

'Oh, stop it. I swear it's inhuman to wake someone up before eleven. I bet it was invented as a way of torture by the inquisition.'

I giggle softly, hiding my smile behind my hand and looking around to make sure no one noticed. Sometimes Anna can be over dramatic, but I like that of her… actually I like all of her, and she's the only one who's capable of making me smile, so that's another point.

I'm about to answer her when she sends me another text:

'Snow came. See you.'

I sigh. This is the part of her plan I won't be liking, but, I tell myself, it's only for a few more months, until summer break. Besides, I still get to see her on English, so that's good. And she won't bully me anymore. What else could I ask for?

It's gonna be a long day waiting to see Anna at English tomorrow, but I'm sure everything will be fine. It's already better than before anyways.

During classes I'm able to somewhat pay attention and even learn something, which I was unable to do before winter break, and I hope that it'll be enough to improve my grades a little bit before the school year end. It's probably because I'm not dwelling in self-hatred and utter sorrow anymore… at least not all the time. But when I'm not taking notes or berating myself over something, I'm mostly thinking about Anna, daydreaming about our future together, though most of the time my fantasies start with just a friendly relationship and end on a bed, with me blushing badly.

I can't help it when my pen starts drawing something at a loose paper sheet of my notebook, or maybe I should say someone. It's been a long time since the last time I draw because I wanted to, and not because I had to, perhaps seven years, but I'm not surprised when I manage to do my best work of art by the time my free hour finally comes: A beaming Anna, twin braids an all, even her adorable freckles captured with utmost detail, dressed like she was on our winter date… I mean… uh… friendly date?

**More like an ****appointment****. Why'd you call it a date? She's not even your friend, much less your date, and will never be. Why Anna, one of the most beautiful girls here, would ever want your depressing company?**

_Stop it. She says she's my friend and she even gave a cellphone so we can stay in touch. You don't have any arguments to say she doesn't like me, at least as a friend, so shut up._

**I know I am right. You just wait.**

_Whatever, the point is that she's _so_ beautiful and I'm glad I was able capture her in my drawing. I think I may have a natural talent._

**Talent? You call that pathetic way of wasting your time a ****_talent_****? Drawing is useless, just like you, pathetic excuse of a human.**

I close my eyes as I try to get rid of that voice. I try to ignore it, but it's really hurtful, and it seems like my feelings were unlocked because of the time I spent with Anna, so the pain is worse. I sigh and open my eyes, still walking towards the cafeteria where I was hoping to find Anna and, at least, stare at her from the distance, but when I arrive and don't see her I take out my cellphone to text her. However, I stare at the screen not knowing what to say.

'Hey. I have one free hour, and I know you too. Where are you?'

I erase the whole text, frowning. It seems like something a stalker would say, and that I'm demanding her to see me. I fight to think on something better.

'Hi. I was thinking about you, but I wanted to see you in person. Where are you?'

Again, I erase it. It reveals my true feelings for her rather obviously, and to say that I want to see her like that could also be interpreted as something bad or serious happened, and I don't want to scare her.

'Hey, I just got some free time and thought about texting you. What are you doing?'

I still have my doubts, but I force myself to just press the send button and anxiously wait for her answer. After just a few seconds (that for me seem like minutes) I get her response.

'I was with Rapunzel, but she has class now.'

Another text comes just after the last one.

'Do you wanna meet me at the schoolyard? It's pretty cold outside, so I don't think anyone would be in there.'

I know that the original plan is to only text each other while at school, with no other interactions, but can't help to smile at the prospect of seeing her, and she's right about the schoolyard, so I answer her, typing furiously at the phone's keyboard, not wanting to wait even a second to see her.

'Sounds great. See you there.'

I put my phone back into my backpack and walk as fast as I can towards the meeting place without running, so I don't attract attention. When I arrive I see the whole surface completely covered by snow, without many footprints and totally empty of people. As Anna said, it's really cold, but I don't care so I stay in the middle of it waiting for Anna, trying to keep myself from trembling too much and rubbing my arms like crazy.

After less than one minute being there, however, I hear paces coming in my direction and I turn smiling, thinking it's Anna, but it's not her: it's Snow, and her wicked friends. Chills run though my spin, but I'm sure they're not from the cold. I quickly conceal my fear and pretend to realize I shouldn't be there and walk to the other exit, however, as I do it, one of them throws a snowball at the back of my head with so much strength that it makes me trip. I quickly regain my balance and rub the sore spot.

"Hey Ice Queen." I hear Snow's voice as I turn around. "After two weeks of winter break, aren't you going to say hi? Well, that's rude."

"Really rude." Ariel emphasizes.

"Didn't you miss us?" Aurora asks with that sweet voice of her that makes me want to throw up.

"No." I say before I can stop myself. I regret it a moment later when their expressions turn wicked, and I just want to run. Actually, why not running? Sure, I'd look like a coward, but does it matter? Whatever they want to do with me I'm sure it's not good.

"No?" Snow asks, apparently offended. "That hurts, Elsa, because we did miss you." She fakes a pained expression and her friends do the same. Seconds later, however, she smirks devilishly. "Who else could we torment, after all?" Another shudder, together with a dreading feeling, travels through my body.

_Well, screw it! I won't stay here for them to bully me._

I turn around and start running, but before I'm able to take even five steps, another snowball hits my head, this time at my left side, making me stumble as my ear hurts badly. I however, know that if I stop it'll only be worse, so I keep trying to get out of here, but as another snowball hits me, this time on my back, I don't notice the snow-covered steps and fell on the ground. Of course, the powdery substance absorbs most of the impact, but I don't have gloves and my clothes are not appropriate for such weather, so the snow literally feels like thousands of needles piercing my skin. I try to get up, but instantly more snowballs are thrown towards me and, since there are four tormenters, they keep hitting me continuously and harder each time (I suspect because they're coming nearer) and all I can do is to curl up in the grown trying to protect my head from their attacks and close my eyes tightly, waiting for this torture to end.

I can hear their loud laughs, and the evil comments they make, like "What is it, Ice Queen? You can't take a little snow?" or "She's gonna be now as cold in the exterior as she in in the interior", as I feel the pain of the snow hitting my back and sides. I feel so terrified and vulnerable that I'm literally paralyzed, even if I don't want to admit it. I just wanna cry.

I don't understand why they're doing this, I mean, I know they love to bully me, but they'd never before gotten to this extreme… But not because they didn't want to; they couldn't because there was always too much people around, and I put myself in this vulnerable situation by voluntarily coming to this deserted place.

**You deserve what they're doing to you if you didn't see this coming. You're stupid, how did you not know this was a dangerous situation?**

_I'm sorry, I just didn't think. _

**Of course, you never think, much less when Anna is involved.**

"What are you doing?" I hear the concerned voice of the girl I was just thinking about. Instantly the snowballs stop hitting me and I'm able to look up just enough to see Anna standing in front of me, dressed in a brownish jacket that suits her nicely, holding two cups of coffee, one on each hand, and looking utterly shocked.

"Oh, Anna. Hi." Snow says relieved. Probably she'd thought they had been caught. "We were just having a little fun with the Ice Queen, care to join us?"

"Uh… I… actually I…" She stammers, unsure of what to answer.

I want to beg her to help me, to save me from her wicked "friends", but I know it'd be selfish, considering that, if I do so, we'd both be in a dangerous position, since our friendship would be discovered. She should just leave before something really bad happens.

**Why don't you follow your own advice? You really should run now that they're distracted.**

I try to stand up, but I feel a sharp pain on my ribs as I do so and hiss, falling to the ground again.

"Stay still." Cinderella says, and I assume she was the one who kicked me when I tried to escape. I don't dare to disobey, not when she presses the sharp tip of her heel against my back, making me bite my tongue to keep myself from whimpering.

"Uhm… I-I don't know, girls." Anna says. "I didn't bring my gloves and my hands would freeze. Actually, it's pretty cold here. Why don't you just leave Elsa alone and go inside with me?" She tries to keep them from hurting me further, which warms my heart, but I know it'll be useless.

"You became soft on vacation." Snow notices. "That's why I've always hated Christmas; so many good wishes and friendly intentions make me sick."

"I-I know, right?" Anna laughs nervously. "Uhm… But seriously, this cold is dangerous. You don't want to freeze Elsa to death, do you?" She half jokes.

"She's the Ice Queen. I bet that cold doesn't bother her." Aurora says, making them all laugh.

"Well, then if the cold doesn't bother her, what's the point on throwing her snowballs?" Anna, again, tries to convince them to leave me alone.

**Endearing. And brave. It's useless, though.**

"You're right." Snow says with a voice so evil that I'm pretty sure she's planning to murder me in the most painful way possible. "But _hot_ must bother her, right?"

"Uh…"

"Anna, who are those coffees for?"

"I was searching for… _Meg_ to drink them with her." I know she was really searching for me and that the coffee was for me. In other circumstances, I'd be very glad and thankful, but I this very moment, I wish she hadn't bought it, because now Snow has a villainous plan that involves coffee.

"Well, I'm sure she won't mind if we use it on the Ice Queen. And you can buy some more latter." She takes a step towards Anna and grabs one cup, even if the redhead took a little step back, which didn't prevent the wicked girl to get what she wanted.

"B-but…" Anna weakly tries to protest.

"What? Are you on this loser's side now?" Snow asks dangerously mad.

"Of course not." Anna tries to sound offended. "I was just hesitant about the coffee because I really need a hot beverage right now, but you're right; I can buy another one." Her voice sounds so cold and impersonal that for a moment I think her heart had literally frozen in an instant.

"Very well." Snow smirks and then turns to the others. "Sit her up."

In that moment the heel over my back disappears and three pairs of arms try to grab me, however, I still oppose in one last pathetic attempt to escape a fate that has already been sealed. My weak limbs, numbed by the cold, can do nothing against them, and I don't dare to ask for help because there's a knot on my throat, and the moment I open my mouth I'll end up crying pathetically. After a few seconds of pointless resistance, they manage to get me on my knees, facing Anna and Snow, who somehow manages to make a simple cup of coffee look incredibly threating. Resigned to what will happen, I cast down my eyes and fight to keep a neutral expression, not showing the fear, the sadness and the anger that's consuming my interior.

"Take this as our Christmas gift." Snow says. "Hopefully it will make you warm up a bit, _Ice Queen_."

As she says the last part, she takes a couple of steps towards me and, once she's close enough, she holds the cup just above my head. I'm breathing hard, my heat thumping in anticipation and my stomach twisting in a painful way; I'm really anxious and all I want to do is disappear, since I know exactly what she's going to do even before the hot drops of dark liquid land on my head.

I fight back a scream when the burning sensation, intensified by the coldness of my skin, spreads all over my scalp, face, back and shoulders. It's too hot, so much that I'm sure no one would've even dared to drink it, and it hurts pretty badly; it's actually the worst physical pain I've experienced so far, and if it's very difficult to keep my tears from falling and my mouth from screaming in agony, it's impossible to remain expressionless, and my face clearly shows the pain I'm going through, even though I did my greatest effort.

What hurts most, though, is that Anna isn't moving a single finger to help me. She is just standing there, watching how I am humiliated and hurt without even saying a word in my defense. I know it's selfish to want her to do it but… we're supposed to be friends, right? Doesn't friends normally stand up for each other?

**She isn't your friend. She doesn't care about you.**

_No, I can't believe that. We're friends, she just is too afraid of Snow to defend me... I guess._

When the cup is finally completely poured over me and only drops are falling from my hair, I can't help the sigh of relief that makes its way through my lips, and even my tensed muscles, still unconsciously fighting against my captors, loosen up a bit. I'm glad they don't have another one… wait.

"Your turn." Snow says turning to Anna.

"Wait what?!" Anna exclaims taking a step back. "But I…"

"Come on Anna, do it! It'll be fun." Aurora says.

"Yes, don't be a killjoy!" Ariel agrees and soon all of her friends are insisting her to do it.

It was doomed to happen the moment she arrived with those cups of coffee. It couldn't have been otherwise. It doesn't really surprises me when, walking towards me, she says with the most unlike-Anna voice I've ever heard:

"Alright, I missed bulling her after all."

It doesn't hurt any less to hear it though. And this time, the anxiety, the fear and the pain, combined with the betrayal, are tens… no… _thousands_ of times worse than before. This time, as the drops slowly soak my hair, my face and clothes, they feel like acid, and not because there's real pain (the first cup felt a lot hotter because my skin was terribly cold, and now it's warm because of the previous torture). No, what hurts me isn't _per say_ the beverage, but rather who is pouring it on me.

Sadness and betrayal have won the battle against pain and fury, and it's all so much that a tear falls from one of my eyes before I can regain composure again, but it thankfully mixes with the coffee and no one notices. It all is just too much… I love Anna as I've never loved anyone before, and after what happened during winter break I thought she really cared for me too. Now I know I was wrong; whatever the circumstances were, I know for sure I could never make something like that to Anna because my love for her keeps me from harming her in any way; I'd better sacrifice myself in order to spare her from any kind of suffering, but apparently she just doesn't care enough.

**You're just saying that because you're selfish and you know it. Anna didn't have a choice; it was either you or her, and let's be honest, why would she sacrifice herself for you?**

My heart breaks at the hurtful words of the other voice and I wish for it all to end soon, before I can't contain my sobs anymore.

Finally, they release me and I land in the cold floor with a thump, not caring for the cold or the pain I feel as I lay on the ground. My body doesn't answer me and my eyes remain fixed on the snow. Suddenly I find that I don't care anymore about what's happening around me; the only thing on my mind is that my dreams were broken. I thought I could have a perfect friendship with Anna, that she'd always be kind to me, just like she was during vacation, that we could make this work and that, eventually, she'd even fall for me, just as I'd fell for her. But no. My wishes just don't _ever_ come true, and my plans _never_ go as planned. The best idea turns into the worst decision.

I thought I was at the bottom of the well and that I could only go up, so I took the chance when Anna offered it to me, but now I see that, what I believed was the bottom, was really just a ledge, and I was barely holding into it. When she showed me a way out, it only gave me false hope, and I could barely see the light of the wellhead when I thought I saw the sun. It turns out, now that I've fallen because of her failed attempts to pull me out, the darkness seems a whole lot deeper and scarier, and I can barely bear being down here, not when I've seen the possibility of something better so close that it was practically within the reach of my hand… or at least it seemed so. Now I know such happiness was never meant for me.

Finally, my body gets over the shock and pained whines scape from my throat as I shake because of the sobs, not the cold. It feels just so bad, terrible, horrible, like one of the worst things that have ever happened to me, and I find out that I don't care if someone is seeing me in this state. I don't fucking care about anything anymore.

In that moment, I hear my cellphone ringing, and I force myself to reach for it, since I know it's from Anna and, despite what she just did to me, I can't bring myself to ignore her. I open her message and read it.

'OMG! Elsa, I'm so sorry, I know that was really wrong, but I didn't know what else to do. Please forgive me? I swear I didn't want to hurt you.'

I read it a few times before finally understanding the words despite my tears and sobs and I force myself to calm down in order to text her a response, even if it's one of the most difficult things I've done.

I then think on my answer and sigh. I couldn't be mad at her even if I wanted to, so I find myself writing:

'Don't worry. It's fine'

I press the send button and hurriedly toss my phone back into the backpack before a new incontrollable wave of sobs hits me again. And I stay there, lying on the snow, over a puddle of half-frozen coffee, crying my lungs out. The definition of pathetic. No wonder why no one could never love me enough.


	11. Break down

**Warning: Suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt at the end of the chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 11. Break down.**

Two weeks have passed… The two worst weeks of my entire life, and that's saying something. Anna can't decide between being my friend and being my torturer, and I'm starting to believe she doesn't care about me anymore. Lately we haven't even texted each other… well, more like I haven't had the courage to even see her messages after I didn't answer the one she sent saying she was sorry about writing 'whore' on my forehead the other day. I haven't sit with her in English since that day either.

It hurt even more to forgive her via SMS every time she bullied me that to just be apart from her, so I don't even carry the cellphone with me anymore. Even if I still want to be her friend, I know it's just mindless dreaming. She prefers her "friends" over me anyways, and I don't blame her. Plus, even if she wanted to be with me for some unknown reason, it'd be detrimental for her… not more than being apart from her is being for me, but who cares? I know I don't. I'm just a piece of trash. I'm worthless.

If, during winter break, I thought my life wasn't so bad and that, after all, things could get better, now I know I was wrong. Getting up from bed is becoming more difficult each time; as I wake up, all I think is of an excuse for skipping school; in classes, I don't care about what teachers are saying, nor do I understand a single word; and each time I see Anna I feel and unbearable fear and sadness, so much that all I can think is that dying would be a blessing.

Some would think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. It's not just about the bulling, the humiliation, or the whispers. No. It's not even the fact that I feel a burden when I'm in my house and an outcast at the school. Nor it is that a girl I thought I loved is being so mean to me that's made me seriously think about not going to school anymore. Those are just additions to the pain that was already present inside me. The pain I've been trying to ignore for more than eight years now. The phantom pain that followed me from Norway. The pain that surges full force each time my broken heart is beaten.

I'm not really talking about the pain I felt when my mother abandoned me, or when my father wouldn't even look at me when I was just a child, or the pain when he said I was no good enough and sent me here. I'm talking about the pain of losing my brother, a pain so strong that left me so damaged I know I could never again be completely happy.

My brother.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, wondering what'd he said, how would he act. Would he defend me from my bullies? Would he shed my tears every night when I cry for Anna? Of course he would. He was too good not to. I'd kill jut to hear his voice again, to look at his eyes, or feel his embrace. I need him now more than ever.

When I'm in math class, not really paying attention to the useless equations that I don't understand anyways, I get an Idea. It's been a while since I've done it, but I think it may help me feel a little better. It always works. So, I start writing in a blank page of my notebook.

_Dear Jack:_

_I'm sorry, I know it's been a while since I wrote, and that I only write when I have problems, but I don't have anyone else to talk to._

_I'm in the United States, that's why I'm writing in English; because I've got used to it and I know you'll understand anyways. I've been here for three years now, almost four, and I really miss home. I know what you're thinking: "You miss home? Why? Agdar is _so_ strict and he doesn't even care about you." But believe me; father is a lot better than an entire school hating me and doing bad things to me._

_I know you'd want to defend me, but I wouldn't let you. Even if there's a girl named Anna that's really making my life a living hell. Sometimes I get really mad at her and I'm tempted to beat some sense into her… but I can't. You know what father said about hitting people, even if it's in self-defense. Besides, I care too much about her. _

_I miss you, Jack. You're the only real friend I've ever had, and losing you was the worst experience of my entire life. I wished you could be with me now, reassuring me, telling me that it's gonna be alright, that there is hope. Without you… without your love, life is just meaningless, and I can't believe in the possibility of a better future._

_You were my life, Jack. Still are. I promised I'd try and I did it. For you. But I can't do this alone, and there's no one here to help me. I tried and I failed. As always._

I put down my pen with trembling hands and bury my face on my arms. I can feel my entire body shaking, my throat burning painfully and my eyes wetting with tears. I'm about to cry.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to do this in class.

I try to control it, to keep my feelings at bay, but it's nearly impossible.

"Elsa? Elsa, are you alright?" I hear the concerned voice of the teacher at my side.

This time, at hearing her voice and knowing she'd be concerned if I don't answer and just keep shaking, I'm able to control myself enough to lift my head, look her and squeak:

"I-I'm not feeling very well. C-can I… retire?"

"Of course!" She exclaims, worrying as she sees my expression. "Please, go to the infirmary. Will you?" I nod, grab my belongings and run out of the classroom as soon as possible. Tears are already falling when I finally reach the nearest bathroom and get into a stall, crying desperately.

As I do, lots of images flow through my mind. All of them, about my brother.

The first memory I have of him is from when I was three and he was nine, and he was pushing me on the swing. We were having lots of fun. Then, I remember father pushing me aside, ignoring me, and Jack coming to comfort me, making up funny stories in order to distract me from my pain. I remember when I got to school and the kids bothered me because I didn't like playing the games they liked, and how Jack went to my school one day and talked some sense into them, so I wasn't excluded anymore. I remember every snowman, every snowball fight and every ice-skating session we had, even though father always said that we shouldn't be playing pointless games.

I remember everything about my brother, hoping to get some comfort from the now bittersweet memories. But I can't. Because he isn't here anymore and I'll never hear his laugh again, never listen to her silly stories again, and I don't even have the right to cry about it. Because it is my fault that it all ended. It's my fault that he can't be with me anymore.

A memory fights to get to the surface, but I push it back to where it belongs; buried in the depths of my head. It cost me a big deal to seal it and I'm not going to let it out so easily. No matter if it kills me, I won't allow it to come haunting me. I know it'll make it all worse.

_Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. _

I repeat my mantra as I try to get rid of my feelings. My sobs nearly stop one moment only to surge full force next second. It's horrible, but not as bad as it was years ago. Besides, now I have more experience burying my emotions and locking them away. So, in less than half an hour, I'm finally able to stop crying.

After making sure no one's out there in the restroom, I get out of the stall and splash some water on my face to get rid of any signs that I've been crying. Then, I straighten my clothes and blow my nose. I look at myself briefly in the mirror just to see the Ice Queen everyone else knows. A little shaken, perhaps. And if you look carefully, my eyes express sadness, but aside from that, everything is normal, and I can get back out to the real world.

I sigh. I don't feel strong enough to endure the rest of the day, but I'll have to. I always have to, sooner or later.

* * *

During my free hour, I walk to the library, hoping to spend the rest of the day peacefully studying and attending class, but as I see Hans and the others rounding a corner and smirking as they see me, I know I'm screwed. I lower my head and walk fast, hoping to get lost in the crowd and escape, but when a rough hand grabs my backpack and pulls it forcefully, all hope dissipates.

"Where are you going so fast, Ice Queen?" Hans asks with his usual wicked tone. I am too afraid to answer and just keep staring to the front, ignoring him. "Are you deaf?" He asks chuckling. When I don't answer, he pulls the backpack from my shoulder so hard that I stumble and fell to the ground on my rear. "Let's see what we have here." He says as he opens it. I keep staring to the ground, trying not to panic too much; he'd never dare stealing something, would he? "Do you seriously only have books?" He says with disgust as he turns my backpack upside down, shaking it to empty its contents at his feet.

I sigh, resigned to my fate as my belongings land on the floor in front of me. None of this matter; it's just school stuff, but I still don't like how he's treating my things. I don't protest or do anything to stop him, though… until a paper sheet falls from my notebook and land in front of Hans, who eyes at it curiously. I quickly crawl to get it, recognizing what it is, but the moment I move, Hans grabs me from my sweater and forces me up, pining my arms against the wall and keeping me from moving.

"That thing is important to you, isn't it?" He asks with a dreadful smirk in that stupid face of him. I fearfully shake my head, but _of course_ he doesn't believe me. Instead, he turns to Anna, who's been watching from afar all this time. "Take it." She hesitantly does as he says and unfolds it. "Read it. Out loud." He commands.

A dreading feeling goes through my body as I hear it. I know I would break down if Anna reads it for everyone to know, and that all of them will laugh at me, I'll feel extremely humiliated, and my pain will be even worse because one of my deepest secrets would be out. I have to stop her; that letter is too personal.

"W-wait Anna." I say with a shaky voice, making her look at me, confused. "P-please don't." I plead. "Please, if… if I mean something for you, don't read that." I know I'm kind of testing how much she really cares about me, and it isn't wise because she'll most likely obey Hans, but I can't help it. Somewhere, deep inside, I hope she does feel something for me, anything, that'll save me from the worst humiliation I'm yet to experience. I'm desperate to know there's still some good in this world.

"She doesn't care about you." Snow interferes. "Don't be ridiculous. Come on Anna, read it."

And Anna starts reading, just not out loud. It is clear that she's scanning the page, probably curious about its contents, but even if I'd have preferred it if no one knew what it says, only Anna seeing it, it's far better than the entire school. Besides, I can trust Anna, right? She'd never ignore my pleas would she?

In that moment she looks at me with a killer stare and says with a mocking tone:

"Look at what the Ice Queen wrote. It's for her 'Dear Jack'." Everyone laughs.

_What? B-but… I thought she cared about me! She said she wanted to be my friend, and I begged her not to read it! Why?_

**Why? I told you you couldn't trust her. She's only been playing with you all this time. She has been hurting you since before the winter break. She's bad.**

_No, she's not, she likes me!_

**Really? Then why is he reading that letter?**

"'I miss you, Jack. You're the only real friend I've ever had, and losing you was the worst experience of my entire life.'" My heart literally hurts as I hear her expose my deepest feelings for everyone to make fun of them.

"Ha! A friend? You?" Snow says, laughing. "I'm surprised you could found a single one. I bet he was blind!" Everyone laughs and I feel even more pain. "Or that he didn't mind the cold." She feigned to be trembling, making them all laugh even harder. I clench my teeth, fighting to suppress my sorrow and anger at her words. How dare she laugh about Jack? I'm not gonna tolerate it! Jack was far better than anyone in this school.

"'I wished you could be with me now, reassuring me, telling me that it's gonna be alright, that there is hope.'" Anna continues.

"There's not hope for you, useless piece of trash!" Aurora says. "Why would anyone ever bother in telling you otherwise?"

_Because he loved me! He loved me and he didn't want anything bad happening to me._

"'Without your love, life is just meaningless, and I can't believe in the possibility of a better future.'" Anna laughs of something that causes me an indescribable pain every day since nine years ago. How can she be so cruel? Is she even the same Anna I fell in love with?

"'Without your love'?" Snow cites. "What was he? Your boyfriend?… wait, of course he wasn't; no one could be that blind, but surely you liked him. A one-sided love as it's always with the ones like you."

_Of course he wasn't my boyfriend! He was my brother and besides I'm _lesbian_!_

**But certainly your love for Anna it's one-sided.**

_But Jack loved me! _

**Yes, that's right: He ****_loved_**** you. Past tense.**

"No! He loved me!" I shout without thinking. Anger has consumed me. I can take people saying bad things about my brother anymore.

"This ice bitch's mind is more screwed than I thought if she thinks some could ever care for her! Let alone love her back!" Ariel states with a malicious voice.

"You know nothing!" I say trough gritted teeth as I struggle against Hans. "Let me go!" I want to hit Ariel… I want to kill them all. It's a disgusting feeling, but it's not the first time I've experienced it.

"Looks like the Ice Queen is heating up." Hans laughs. "Anger is the only thing you can feel, is it not?"

**It is. Remember those days at elementary school? When you'd hit your classmates at the smallest provocation? Only because they teased you about Jack. You can't even control your feelings. Pathetic.**

_No, I… I don't only feel anger. I can also feel love! I swear._

"Of course it is." Anna says. "Despite what it says in this letter, she's incapable of loving someone, of feeling anything good. Not that it matters; no one could ever have feelings for her. I know I don't."

At her words, I see red. Literally. No one has ever before made me this angry. Not only because she said she doesn't care about me when, during winter break, she said otherwise, but also because she's seen the real me. She knows I'm not an Ice Queen. In her house I opened up to her. I showed her my feelings and still she… she dares saying that I can't feel anything good?

Without knowing what I'm doing, I kick Hans' balls and, as soon as I'm released, I run towards Anna without sparing him a second glance. I can't see anything else, just Anna, but this time I don't feel love or even sympathy towards her; I only want to kill her. I want to destroy her, to make her suffer until she kneels before me and says she's sorry.

As I catch her against a wall (I think we're in the bathroom, but I'm not sure), I press my left arm firmly against her throat and prepare my right fist to punch that pretty face of her. Maybe if she ends up being disfigured, I won't like her anymore.

Just as I'm about to hit her, however, I look at her eyes and I see… fear. Utter fear and confusion, before she closes them, to avoid seeing it when I hurt her. And I can't bring myself to do it, so in the last second, I deviate my blow and end up hitting the wall.

My hand's hurting but I don't care. I only care that I almost hit Anna. The one I claimed I love. I almost hit her. I wanted to murder her, I… she didn't deserve that. Even if she did read the letter, it was Hans who started it all; if someone deserved to be punished it was him… But I picked Anna. Why? Because she was weaker. Because it was _easier_.

**You are a monster! Can you imagine how much damage you could've done to her? Remember what happened to that kid you hit once? What would your father said about you? You're a failure! You deserve all the pain you receive! No one should ever show compassion towards you, because you've never showed compassion to anyone.**

I start crying, ashamed and angry at myself. I remember everything I wished to do to her; every nasty punishment that crossed to my mind, and I hate myself for it. I'm really a monster. I deserve to die.

"E-Elsa?" Anna asks. I had almost forgotten about her.

I briefly look at the redhead, berating myself for what I was going to do, before stepping away, putting my hands on my face and sitting on the floor, crying pathetically as I recount every single time I lost control in the past. Every time a hit a kid because my soul was so full of resentment towards the world, even at such a young age. Because I couldn't accept that life is not fair for all. Because I didn't listen to my father when he told me not to feel.

"Uh… Are you Okay?" Anna asks, but I don't dare answering. "Do you need something?" I look up briefly to tell her that she shouldn't be with a monster like me, but I can't because the guilt I feel as I see her worried face makes me weep harder. I even pull my hair in a pathetic attempt to dull my emotional pain by inflicting myself physical pain.

More memories assault my mind. How I was forced by my father to get rid of my emotions and how I was too week to do that. Until I learned to conceal them, to bury them in the depths of my heart. I had been successful with that until Anna showed up, and I didn't only start feeling love again, but also sadness, fear, loneliness, anger… I thought I could control the anger, the most dangerous of all, even if the others flew freely out of me, but… I couldn't. Years of self-control were tossed at the trash can in less than a second, just because I've been remembering my brother too much, and Anna, the one with who my feelings are always more intense, got involved in a sick joke they decided to play me.

I don't have a purpose in life if I can't control myself, if I'm destined to be a monster. I did my best and still, I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the good girl I always had to be.

Suddenly, something cold and wet pressing to my right knuckles startles me out of my reflections. I flinch and try to get away, but a hand grabs mine, preventing me from doing so. I figure out it is Anna, and, as I glance at my hand, I see she's cleaning the blood off it. I suppose I got hurt when I hit the wall. Good. I deserve it. I deserve all the pain in the world. I'm a despicable person.

I still don't want Anna cleaning my wounds, not when I was going to inflict some on her, but I don't find the energy to fight, or even protest, and I just keep crying, angry with myself.

Finally, after an eternity, she gets up and leaves, only to return a moment later, offering me toilet paper. I eye at it for a moment, trying to calm herself down in order to be able to take it, because I really need it. After repeating my mantra several times in my head, I'm composed enough to reach for it, blow my nose and wipe my tears, trying to get rid of all trace that could tell someone that I've been crying, at the same time as I swallow all my pain and fury, which is not an easy task, keeping them in a secure box that's really just a time bomb.

"Are you okay?" Anna asks, concerned.

"Jeg vil dra hjem." I say with great difficulty because my throat hurts. Several seconds after I've spoken, I notice that she isn't saying anything, and I realize it's because I spoke in Norwegian, as I always do when my barriers are down. Besides, I was probably unconsciously referring to my home in Oslo… several years ago, when it was still my home. "I wanna go home." I repeat, this time in English, so Anna can understand.

"Oh? Of course!" She says as she grabs my arms and helps her stand up. I feel so weak, even my legs are trembling, and I know it's not physical weakness; I just don't have the will to stand up. "I…" Anna starts. I'll take you home, don't worry. You'll be fine." I nod slowly, wishing for the privacy of my room, where I can cry freely, and she leads me out of the bathroom.

* * *

Fortunately, the hallway was already empty, so I didn't have to go through even more humiliation, which I don't think I could've been able to endure. My belongings were nowhere to be seen, but at that point I didn't care… I just didn't care about anything anymore, so I left the school that day without my backpack.

As I didn't have any money, she paid the bus for the both of us, even if I told her that she really didn't have to come with me, but she insisted and I didn't have the energy to argue. We sat in awkward silence after she tried to ask for forgiveness. It's not like I didn't want to forgive her; it's just that I was so sad I knew that I'd cry as soon as I opened my mouth.

All the ride, I kept hearing that voice in my head, telling me awful things, berating me for what I've done, and I suffered through it, knowing that I deserved it. I had tossed away all what I achieved this past years after all, turning into a monster.

After twenty minutes, the bus comes to a stop and we get down of it, starting to walk, also in silence, until Anna asks:

"So… Who is Jack?" I stop dead in my tracks, not expecting the question, and feeling the pain that it brings.

"I…" I'm not sure if I want to answer, but as I dulled all my emotions and even my rationality, my mouth speaks automatically. It could also be that I really want to tell someone, no matter who, about him. For the first time in forever. "He was… my friend." I answer continuing walking.

"For what I read on the letter, I take it he meant a lot to you." She comments.

"He… does." I say, trying to keep my feelings from overwhelming me.

_You have no idea how much._

"Oh. Do you… love him?"

"Yes." I answer, my voice shaking slightly as my barriers crack a little.

"Does he love you back?" I nod, not daring to say it out loud, afraid that I may break down again. "T-then… what… what's keeping you from being happy together?"

"He's… not here." I say, using all my self-control so I don't burst into pathetic and pained sobs.

_He's far gone, and he'll never come back._

**Yes. And it's all your fault.**

"Were you happy with him?" She asks and I almost burst out laughing. Of course I was! And I'd do anything to be with him once again.

"Yes." I simply answer.

"Then, why don't you go with him?"

_Why? Because he's dead! I can't see him even if I want to,_

"I can't." I say as a few tears fall from my eyes. It pains me to admit the truth out loud.

"Why not?" She asks confused.

"Because… If I go with him, I'll never come back."

_There's no way back from death._

"Come back to what, exactly? I know here you're bullied, you're unhappy and don't even eat well. And the only friend you have betrays you at the first opportunity." _And then I almost hit her and kill her and become a monster_. "I don't think that's a life worth living."

_It's not. I'd better be dead._

"You really don't want to see me again." I mumble when I realize she's making a rather good job at convincing me. Especially because, if she doesn't want me around, I don't have anything to look for. I don't have any chance to be happy.

"What?!" She exclaims. "No! I… I'd never want you to leave, you're my friend! But… If I can't make you happy and Jack c-can, then I... I'll be happy if you are, even if I know I'll miss you."

_Oh Anna! You're so sweet. Even if you don't know what you're talking about._

"You mean it?" I ask, hopeful for the first time in weeks, as I turn to see her.

"I do." She answers and there's no doubt on her voice or her face. Maybe she does care about me after all. She cares enough to let me go.

I nod.

"Thanks Anna." I return my gaze to the pavement to think this trough.

"You're welcome." She says and we keep walking in silence.

She did have some good points. No matter if there's such a thing as life after death or not, I know it'd be better than my current life. If there is, I could finally be happy with Jack, and if not… well, at least it'd put an end to my suffering, I wouldn't be a burden to Kai and Gerda anymore, father wouldn't have to deal with such a terrible daughter, Anna won't have to worry about me, and the best part is no one will miss me, so I won't hurt anyone. Sounds like a plan.

_Wait. Am I seriously considering suicide?_

**It's for the best.**

And, for the first time in quite a few months… or years? I feel free, with hope, _truly_ liberated. It seems I only needed to let it go. All of it. Even my life.

After a few blocks, we arrive to my house… well Kai and Gerda's house actually, and I stop.

"I'll… see you on Monday?" Anna asks, unsure. I just nod as an answer. I'm not going to tell her we'll never see again, after all. "Right, then… goodbye." She tends me her hand and I look at it for a moment before getting a sudden impulse and hugging her instead. I hug her tightly, not wanting to let go, because I know this will be the last time I touch her. But I can't keep hugging her, because I will break down, so I let go.

"Goodbye Anna." I say, getting my keys out of her pocket. "It was… nice to meet you."

_The good moments were nice, at least. I hope_ _everything goes nicely in your life and that you find someone who can love you as much as I do. Someone who appreciates your true-self; the one that's kind and funny and would never do something bad. Please don't let Hans and Snow turn you into something you're not._

I, however, can't bring myself to say that and, instead, as I stand at the doorway, I say:

"Anna I… I forgive you." I force myself to give her a little smile, even if I feel sad on the inside, and then turn around and close the door.

* * *

The house is empty, which is not really a surprise, since I arrived early and Gerda probably went grocery shopping. I glance at the little notebook lying on the table and wonder if I should leave a suicide note. I decide against it; I don't want to make a big deal out of my death.

I slowly walk upstairs to my bedroom, open the door and close it behind me.

Suddenly, my heart is thumping fast and hard, as if it wanted to get out of my chest, because I'm honestly a little scared about what I'm going to do. True; I don't have any reason to live anymore, as I'm just a monster, a burden and the worst daughter ever. I'm not that perfect girl I ought to be, and, therefore, I deserve to die. But there's still the issue of _how_ to commit suicide.

Pills? Too expensive. A rope around my neck? Too much of a spectacle, and I really don't want Gerda or Kai to deal with the horrendous sight. A dagger to the heart? I don't think I'd have the courage to do it, and the same goes to cutting my wrists open.

Defeated, I sink into my bed with a sigh. I know I'm just making excuses to avoid taking my own life… maybe I'm too much of a coward to do it.

_Well, if I can't see my brother in the afterlife, at least I should get to see him in this life… even if it's only a picture. _

Without getting up, I reach to my closet and, inside a drawer at be base, I find a picture of my family inside a picture frame made of glass.

There's my father, of course, strict and poised as always, dressed with a black suit. Father. The one I always longed for his love, but never obtained it. I was never worth it.

A few tears fall from my eyes.

Then, there's a space that should've been occupied by my mother… who I don't even know how she looked like because as soon as I was born she left, not caring about me in the slightest. Father always said it was my fault that she left. I guess he was right.

I cry even more, to the point I'm shaking completely, but I wipe my tears in order to be able to see the only important person to me in this picture: my brother.

My brother as his thirteen-year-old-self, just one year before his death.

My gentle, funny, kind, passionate and loving brother, who made the first eight years of my life happy, no matter if I was ignored by everyone and treated like trash since the moment I was born.

He never cared about who I was supposed to be, or if I wasn't all rigid and cold as father said I should. He never saw me as the useless spare, the girl who wasn't good enough to be considered a Frost. He just saw _me_. And he accepted and liked what he saw. But how did I repay him? By leading him to his death.

Father always said that ice was a dangerous thing, that we shouldn't play with it, especially close to spring, and that we should behave as responsible people. As the rebellious kid I was, I didn't listen.

I remember perfectly that spring morning. Even, if I've desperately tried to erase the memory, I do. I woke Jack up and urged him to go ice-skating with me, because it wasn't fun to go alone and I couldn't carry my own ice-skates. He refused, saying that at that time of the year, the lake would most likely be thawing, but I insisted until he gave up.

We sneaked out of the house and arrived at the lake. I put on my skates and Jack did the same with his. Then, we started skating and I wanted to make a race to the other shore, as we always did, but he said we didn't know how thin the ice was and couldn't risk to step far from the shore we currently were at. I was so stubborn back then, and I didn't like to be told what to do; I was sick of that. So, when he was distracted, I skated to the center of the lake and called for him, saying he was a coward when he turned pale and an utterly fearful expression appeared on his face.

He told me to go back immediately, but I kept laughing until the ice cracked under my feet and I got really scared. He quickly grabbed a branch and skated towards me, only stopping when the ice also cracked beneath his feet. "I'm scared" I told him, but he said I should stay calm, suppress my fear and, slowly, skate towards him. I tried, I really did, but the fear had me paralyzed, and my brother was forced to take off his skates, step cautiously towards me and hook my waist with the branch before pulling me to safety.

I landed a few feet away from my previous position, but when I turned back to look at my brother, there was just a whole in the ice from where his face, full of fear and despair, emerged for moments, asking for help. I tried to go help him, maybe grab the branch and pull him out, but I was afraid of falling and, again, the fear made me suppress all rationality and I ran to our vacation-house, asking for help at the servants I found at the entrance.

Now I understand that, as fast as I could've ran, the minimum time it could have taken me was twenty minutes. _Of course_, when they get to my brother it was already too late.

His blood is in my hands.

If only I hadn't ask him to go skating that day. If only I had obeyed his orders of staying at the shore, or about moving towards him instead of letting the fear paralyze me. If only I had had the courage of taking that branch and help him… then he may still be alive. But no. I wasn't good enough. Still am not. I still feel too much.

I throw the picture to the floor, not caring about the cracking sound it makes as the picture frame breaks, and pressing my hands desperately on my face in an attempt to control my tears and sobs, but it's useless. I always end up hurting or disappointing the ones that care for me. Just look at what I wanted to do Anna today. I'm a monster. I should've died that day instead of my brother. Everything would be better that way.

**You can still fix that.**

_How? Jack is dead and nothing will change that!_

**No, but you're alive and you ****_can_**** change that.**

I stop my sobs briefly to look down at the base of my bed, where the broken glass has spread in sharp fragments. I automatically reach down and grab one, eyeing at it, knowing it can give me relief and peace. I only need to do one simple thing. Suddenly dying doesn't seem difficult at all. Or scary.

I glance at the blue veins that run through my forearm, knowing they contain the red liquid that keeps me alive. Suddenly, I despise them. I just want to tear them apart, to rip them off me. So, without wasting one more second, I bring the sharp tip of the glass down on my left arm and smile satisficed as I see blood flowing out of it and feel the pain that comes with it, much more welcomed than the pain of my heart.


	12. Only a monster

**Chapter 12. Only a monster.**

I don't know which time of the day it is, or which day for that matter, but I don't care. I'm just lying on my bed, feeling as if some weight above me was keeping me from moving, or breathing, or doing anything except dwelling in my sorrow, feeling all the pain, the anger and the frustration that were awoken on me the day I almost died, and that, as much as I try, won't go away; they run too deep, so deep that they are a part of who I am, after all, they have been with me since the day I was born.

Yes, knowing that my mother didn't care about me was hard, but at least I wasn't alone, I had my brother and father. However, when I realized father didn't love me… that's when all those nasty feelings really started to develop in me. Having Jack at my side helped me control them, of course, mostly the anger, which was the most destructive emotion, but when he died… when I _killed_ him, it was like a locked door was opened, and all the negative feelings I was trying to conceal, came out at once.

Well, that's exactly what's happening right now.

I was doing a great job keeping my feelings at bay when Anna came. After the death of my brother, I had to lock in all my emotions, good and bad, and Anna… she had the key to both. I don't know exactly why it was, perhaps the obvious attraction I felt for her, or maybe the fact that she was the only person who could somehow thaw my frozen heart due to her warm smile and charming attitude, but the fact is, she made me feel again. At first I didn't think much of it, I thought I still had the control, but when she betrayed me… when she hurt me by demonstrating she didn't care about me… I lost every ounce of control I had left. I lost myself.

It's exactly as nine years ago. Now I'm just a monster full of rage, fear, pain, and every other negative emotion to ever exist on the human race, and I know I won't ever be able to be human again; the road back is too hard, no one knows it better than me. After all, father locked me in a room for over a week before I was finally able to control myself.

* * *

_I am running as fast as I can, not caring if my little feet are hurting because I'm not wearing shoes, or if my legs are begging me to stop, or if the cold air is hurting my throat. I only care about the mission I've imposed on myself: saving my brother. _

_Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I reach my house, and get in screaming, crying for help. Many servants come and I tell them that my brother fell into the frozen lake. Some of them leave the house as fast as they can, as my nanny takes me to see my father. When we arrive to his study, however, he tells us to go away, without letting me explain anything. He says he is busy, and that, whatever I have to say, would have to wait. _

_Knowing arguing with my father is useless when he has things to do, I go to my room and sit on my bed, waiting for news of my brother. I'm scared. Oh so scared! I don't want him to die; he's my only friend, I could never live without him. The mere thought makes a few tears fall from my eyes, but I quickly wipe them. I have to think positive. I know he'll be saved._

_A few hours pass, and I'm still in my room. I tried doing something, but I'm too nervous to even think coherently, so I'm just rocking back and forth. Suddenly, the door opens and I look up hoping to find my brother, or at least someone with news about his state, but it's my father… with an angered expression._

_Before I can say a word, he grabs my wrist, so tight that it hurts, and drags me down the halls to his study. I try asking what's going on, but he doesn't even turn to look at me; he just keeps walking._

_As we both enter his study, he practically throws me to a chair and stands in front of me, glaring at me with so much anger and hate that I genuinely fear for my life. I don't understand what did I do, but I know I'm in trouble and that the punishment won't be nice._

_"__Why did you kill him, Elsa?" He yells and I shrink in fear._

_"__K-kill?" I ask, trembling. "I-I didn't kill anyone."_

_Suddenly, I hear a loud hit and, a second latter, register the pain on my cheek and taste a metallic substance on my mouth. Blood. He hit me. He's never hit me before. I honestly wasn't expecting this, and so I rub the sore area soothingly as I try to control my tears while staring at my father in shock._

_"__Don't lie to me!" He exclaims. "Jack is dead and you were the last person he was seen with."_

_"__D-dead?" I ask, and suddenly the physical pain is nothing compared with the one on my heart. This time I can't keep my tears in and I start crying and whining uncontrollably, feeling such sorrow that no one could ever possibly describe it with words. It is as if someone had turned off the lights, leaving only darkness. It's so terrifying, so horrible, that I feel hopeless. I know my father has been yelling at me as I cry, but honestly I don't care. All I care about is that the only person I've ever loved, is now gone, and I'll never be able to see him again. We'll never get to laugh together again, to play, to build another snowman, to go ice-skating again, he won't help me with my homework anymore, he won't comfort me when the kids laugh of me at school… we won't get to grow up together because now he's gone._

_I barely register when my father slaps me again and again and again, telling me to calm down, or when he throws me to the floor and starts insulting me, saying that I'm a monster for killing his son. He thinks I did it because I wanted to be the heir, but the truth is, I didn't kill him. I'd never want him dead, but no matter how much I yell at him, trying to explain what happened, he won't listen._

_I get desperate and charge towards him, kicking him, hitting him, trying to hurt him, even if I have to bite him. What angers me the most is that he doesn't seem to care about Jack's death, but about how much time and money he'd spend raising an heir, now having to start anew with someone as inept as me. It doesn't matter to him that his son died, or that I am hurting so much that the sobs won't let me breathe. No, he only cares about how would this affect _him_. He's so selfish._

_Despite my aggression and struggle, he somehow manages to grab my hair and drag me back to my room, where he throws me to the ground and briefly glares at me before locking the door._

_Then, I barely hear his orders to one of the maids trough my rather loud whines._

_"__She'll be staying there until she stops crying. No food until she's calmed down, only water, understood?"_

_I don't care. If he's gonna starve me to death, then fine! I don't want to live without my brother._

* * *

I was inside my room for around two weeks, maybe a week and a half, I'm not sure; I didn't even go to the funeral. When about three days had passed the huger finally started bothering me, but it wasn't until the fifth day that it truly became unbearable and I actually started trying to bury my pain. It was difficult, but I'm quite proud to say that, at eight years, I learned quite quickly about self-control.

Of course I didn't completely locked my feelings until I came here, but after a few lessons my father gave me, I became an example of composure by practically ripping my heart out of my chest. But it took time, and it was hard. And painful. So no, I prefer to die rather than to experience it again.

Suddenly, someone clearing their throat interrupts the ever-present silence and brings me out of my thoughts. I look up to find the person I want to see the less now: Anna.

All that happened since the day I met her, and especially the last time I saw her, comes back as I stare into those teal eyes that I once believed to be beautiful, and now I just see as treacherous and dangerous.

What is she doing in my house? In my _room_? I want her out of here, so I glare at her and she takes a step back, but this doesn't satisfy me; I want her gone. I can't deal with her right now.

"You." I say, even if my throat is so sore that it hurts as if I had been eating burning iron. She swallows loudly.

"H-hi." She casts me a little smile that promptly disappear.

I don't answer. I literally can't answer; as I listen to my inner demons, I get more and more pissed off with her, to the point that, if I had the energy to get up, I'd probably be beating the shit out of her. This only confirms what I already suspected: I'm now a heartless monster

"Y-you haven't gone to school." She suddenly says nervously, and the apparent innocence of her voice annoys me to no end, because it has nothing to do with the person that Anna truly is, and it just serves to mask her nastiness.

"Congratulations, captain obvious." I say sarcastically, because right now talking is the only weapon I have to hurt her.

"Uhm… I… Gerda told me about what happened." She starts fidgeting, clearly trying to ignore the hostility on my voice. "And I want to say I'm sorry. I-I didn't know Jack was dead and that you'd try to commit suicide, and I didn't…"

"You didn't." I interrupt her. "Yes, that's the problem with you: you never do anything. It's never you fault, is it?" This instantly shuts her mouth. "You always think everything you do can be erased with a single apology." I make pause to remark my next word. "Idiot." I can see she's struggling to keep calm, which is a shame, I honestly wanted her to start hurting me as she always do, but anyways. I know she won't keep her composure much longer; it's who she is. "I don't believe you anymore, so _go away_."

She backs up until her back hits the wall and she winces. In other circumstances, in which I was just angry, I would've been glad to inflict such fear in her, but not now. My negative emotions are so strong, that not even revenge could make me happy, or at least calm down my resentment.

"Y-you… I-I… I brought your belongings." She suddenly says holding up my backpack. Oh, do that's the real reason why she came to see me, just to bring me my belongings? Of course she wasn't worried about me. If I didn't want her here before, now despise her presence even more.

"Go away. I don't care about the earthly things anymore. I will be leaving soon anyways." Can't she see all I want is to end my suffering? Does she even know why I tried to commit suicide?

"Y-you will… attempt it again? Suicide?" She asks.

"Of course, since last time it didn't work…" I sigh remembering how, after letting darkness take me, I woke up in a hospital bed after being "saved" by Gerda. If I liked that woman before, now I hater her; she's made me face life again, a life I don't want to have anymore. "As soon as Gerda stops interfering with my death, I know I will succeed. "

"P-please don't! Please… death is not the answer." She frantically says. In the past I would have believed her act, but not now; I know she's just saying what anyone else would say to someone who wants to end her life, because it's the socially acceptable thing to do.

"Curious. That's not what you said the other day." I pretend to be thinking even if I remember it as if it had happened yesterday. "Which were your words? Oh! Now I remember: 'I don't think that's a life worth living'."

"Yeah, but I thought you were just going to move to Norway!" She exclaims as her eyes have become wet with tears and her voice turns swallow. "I'd never want you dead. I couldn't live without you." I know I should be touched that she's in the edge of tears because of the mere thought of losing me, but I can't believe it is for the right reasons.

"Oh no, that'd be terrible." I say sarcastically. "Who would be your punching bag if I die? How inconsiderate of me!" My words make her close her eyes as she drops my backpack and clenches her teeth and fists while more tears come out. I take this opportunity to keep up with my verbal attack, maybe this way she'll finally leave me alone. "You are a hypocrite, you know that? You said you wanted to be my friend, but you'd never sacrifice anything for me, not even your social status, no matter if I was being humiliated or hurt. I don't know how I could ever think good of you. You. Are. Disgusting." She cries even harder and I press on, feeling no mercy for the girl that's made me suffer the most. "It hurts doesn't it?" I say. "Imagine going through that every day of your life. Now you understand why I have to die?" She looks up trying to say something, but the trembling keeps her from doing so. "Besides, if I die, I know you'd feel so guilty that you'd want to kill yourself just to stop the pain."

**Or maybe you won't, since you're so cruel, stupid and heartless.**

"H-how can you be so cruel?" She whines softly between sobs. "I just want to help."

**A little too late for that, don't you think?**

"But you always ruin everything. Why don't you go bother someone else with your presence?" I say instead.

"Elsa… please… I… I can help you." She insist, annoying me even more.

"Help me?" I raise an eyebrow. "How will you do that if you don't even know me? If you can't even help yourself? If you're such a fool?"

"B-but…" She sobs a little before she's able to speak again. "But I love you."

_Wait what? L-love me? Love me like… like…?_

Suddenly some of the clouds that are darkening my sight of the world, go away, and I can see a tiny ray of hope. I can feel a little spark of good again. But then it's gone.

"Love? What do you know about love?" I say, hurting myself as realize the truth that I'm telling, not only to her, but also for me. "Love is about wanting the other person to be happy even if you are not, and you… you do the exact opposite."

"T-that's not…" She weakly tries to defend herself.

"You are selfish and stupid, and I wish I never had to be in the same room… in the same _planet_ as someone as despicable as you." I interrupt her.

Finally this works; a pained and broken expression appears on her face as I've never seen before, but unlike my past self, I don't care about her feelings and all I wish is for her to leave. She quickly does so, getting up and running away faster than one'd think it's humanly possible, and I can finally breathe, relieved that the calm returned and that I can keep dwelling on my misery and planning my death.

However, as the silence impose itself again in the room, I feel some kind of hole just where my heart used to be. It's almost like melancholy… for the redhead? I don't think so, that can't be, right? I mean, I know she won't ever come back after how bad I treated her, but… I don't miss her. I don't care about her. At all. Or at least, that's what I want to believe.

What's true, though, is that for the first time since my suicide attempt, I've felt something that's not ugly and destructive, but rather like a small candle fire in the middle of a snowstorm.


	13. A little spark of hope

**Chapter 13: A little spark of hope.**

Damn that fucking redhead! Who does she think she is? Breaking into my life of solitude and depression like that. I just want to get lost in the void of my thoughts again, plan my death, revisit my painful past, berate myself… all what I've been doing these past days. But since she left about an eternity ago, there's something distracting me in the back of my mind, something really annoying that doesn't seem to go away as much as I try. And I know that Anna is responsible in some way. Oh, how much I hate her.

**Oh, well, at least she's not returning now. Not after what you did. **

In that very moment, as if the universe wanted to prove me wrong, the door opens and the devil itself comes through it; Anna.

I don't know how, but I gather enough strength to turn to glare at her and make her leave, even if that small irritating part of me wants her to stay.

_She returned… She actually returned…_

**STOP! She's here because she wants revenge, so shut up! We need to make her leave as soon as possible.**

"You again? I thought I had finally gotten rid of you." I say with even more hostility than when she came here first.

"S-sorry, not yet." She laughs nervously.

"What the fuck do I have to do to make you leave? Beat you, perhaps?" I spat out. I'd sure like to beat her right now… if I could. She swallows. Good, now she'll be leaving again, and this time she won't come back. I'm only safe when I'm alone.

"Look, I came in peace…" She starts, but I don't give her the opportunity to tell more lies that, at the end will only end up hurting me further.

"As if I were going to believe that."

"I want to help you. I'm sorry I ran out like that earlier, but I've returned and that's what matters. I was a coward for running away and I was a coward all this time. But not anymore, I promise." She casts me an apparent sincere remorseful gaze, but I know it's just fake.

**True, you are a coward. You are not worth my time. Just ****_go away_****!**

_But what if she actually…?_

**And you SHUT UP! She's here to hurt me. She's nothing good. She will never be.**

"People can't change that quickly." I say instead.

"True, but they can try. And that's a start." She stubbornly insists. Oh how I hate that part about her. She's so damn persistent.

"Only if they have a good reason. And you don't."

**I'm not worth saving and you know that. Why bother to even try?**

"Seeing you in this state has opened my eyes." She walks towards my bed and kneels in front of me, searching for my gaze, but I avoid her. I can't bear to look at those deadly eyes. "This is not who you are Elsa, you are sweet and loving and… a-and the most amazing person I've ever known." For some strange reason, this words actually hurt me, like they were insults or something. Maybe they are. I bet she's just laughing of me.

"You don't know me. Deep inside I've always been a monster. I just used to hide it; all this anger, aggression, sad…" I cut myself off. She must not know I'm week; she'd only take advantage of that. As always. "But no more. I'm tired of hiding my true self."

**Now, I'll only let it go. This is who I am, and you can't change it. No one can.**

She seems shocked for a moment, like she doesn't believe that I'm actually admitting it, but there's no point on denying it. I've known it all my life, I just tried to conceal it and it hurt. Now that she's heard the truth she will probably leave, right?

"Y-you really think you are a monster?" She sobs as tears fall from her eyes. Not exactly the reaction I was expecting. And it annoys me to no end. It's like she actually cared about me or something, and I know it's fake.

_You hate to be proven wrong, don't you? No matter what you do, she'll stay here. She actually wants to help…_

**STOP FUCKING TALKING! She may have stayed here, but that doesn't mean it's for a good reason.**

"Stop crying." I order, but she doesn't obey, which makes me angry enough to actually act on it and sit up on the edge of the bed (something I haven't done since before my suicidal attempt), to look at her from above. "Stop pitying me!" I shout, and she actually seems scared of me. "I'm fine being a monster; it's better than being that pathetic excuse of human being I was. Always crying, always wishing for a better life. I can't cry anymore, and now I only want to die."

"Feelings aren't weakness." She keeps contradicting me. "Not even sadness or pain, and definitely not happiness and love. They make us human, they make us who we are. And without them, we are not even alive."

**What do you know? You haven't shown any real feelings since I met you. All have been fake.**

"Good." I spat. "I'm already dead inside. I don't want to be alive. "

"No." She whines as she shakes her head and takes my hand against my will and ignoring my struggle to free it from her grip. "I know you can still feel, you're just… you're afraid of it." Oh, so now I suppose you know what I feel better than I, right? How much more preposterous can you be? "And I don't blame you." At this, I meet her gaze, trying to figure out what exactly is she thinking. "Your life has been _so_ unfair." She continues, taking my other hand. "Your brother died, your father blamed you, you ended up here, in a strange country with no one to fall back on, a-and your classmates bullied you without mercy." Well, thanks a lot for recounting my whole sad life. That truly made me feel better. "A-and when you t-thought you had finally found a friend… you discovered it was all fake." She looks down, obviously being incapable of holding my gaze when she's just trying to hurt me as always. I mean, why bother to mention her past actions if not? "I wasn't good enough for you and I'm sorry for any harm my stupidity and selfishness brought to you." Apology not accepted. "I-If I could take it all back or-or make it up for you somehow, I would, but I know there's nothing I could do or say to just erase my actions from our past." True, you've already hurt me too much, so why don't you just leave? "I'm not asking for forgiveness…" She continues, looking up into my eyes again. "Because I know I don't deserve it; I am here, now, asking you for yet one more chance to be in your life. As a friend, as an acquaintance, as a slave, as… as anything you want me to be… as long as you let me be here to help you."

**_Help me? _****You'd only make things worse. If you really want to help me, please hand me a sharp knife to end my life with.**

_No, we need help. We… we need her. She's ready to do anything for us, maybe we should listen?_

**No! I'm not falling for her tricks again. Don't believe her, it's just your feelings talking.**

_Feelings are not a bad thing. Not always. I think she's _actually_ regretful, and this could be a good opportunity to…_

**No. No! We are not trusting her.**

_Yes. _

**No.**

_Ye…_

**N…**

"Why are you doing this?" I whisper, more to myself than Anna, wondering if I should accept her help or not. "After I told you I'm a monster, after you've seen it yourself… Why still bother with me?" I look at her eyes, a tiny hope surging within me that maybe she actually thinks I'm worth saving, that I'm not a monster. Even if I don't believe it myself.

"Because I know you're not a monster." She squishes my hands trying to reassure me. "You're just hurt and scared, and in this moment not even you can see the good in yourself." Because there's no good left. "But I _know_ it's there, and I'm going to help you be your old self again.

_*Flashback*_

_"__I'll help you being your old self again, Elsa." I hear his voice. "I'll help you being yourself."_

_Suddenly, I'm seated on a wooden chair, looking up at my father, who is smiling wickedly at me._

_"__You are in serious trouble, Elsa." He says angrily._

_"__B-but…" I stutter._

_"__Silence!" He screams making me flinch. "Don't argue, and tell me why did you beat that boy?" I just deviate my gaze, knowing that, no matter what I say, he'll still punish me. "Answer me!"_

_"__H-he deserved it! He was saying I killed Jack and I-I…"_

_"__Well, you did! You are a murderer and a monster!" I just close my eyes and retreat further into the chair._

_"__I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."_

_"__A simple apology is not enough. Nothing will _ever_ be enough until you get rid of those useless feelings that just cloud your mind." I start sobbing, but he goes in. "Do you have any idea how much I had to pay to the parents _and _the school for their silence?! If the press knows about it…" He sighs closing his eyes and exasperatedly rubbing his temple with his fingers. "What am I going to do with you?_

_"__I-I'm sorry." I say again, opening my eyes. "I never meant to cause you any trouble. I-I's just…" I swallow. "I'm still sad because of Jack's death and…"_

_"__That's it!" He suddenly exclaims. "You were not _such_ a bad daughter before. You just have to be your old self." He suddenly grabs my shoulders, making me recoil at the contact, but he doesn't seem to notice. "I'll help you be your old self again, Elsa. It will be hard, that's for sure, but I'm sure it'll work. How about I start… with this." He suddenly grabs a rope she had placed on top of his desktop before (I guess he'd already planned to punish me like this anyway) and wraps it around me, tying me to the chair. I'd protest… If I didn't know it's useless. Finally, after making sure I can't move, he speaks again." Now, I remember you've done a few drawings of you and Jack together. They are just keeping you from letting him go, and I'm not gonna tolerate it._

_"__W-What…?" I try to ask what is he going to do, but in that moment he takes my backpack and picks out my sketchbook, eying it with despise as he turns the pages full of drawings of my dead sibling._

_"__You are weak, Elsa, and I can't allow that. Today, I'll make you forget about Jack." He goes around his desktop and grabs a bottle of some kind of alcohol, as well as his lighter. I suddenly know what he's going to do._

_"__No!" I scream. "No, please, no! Don't do it." I beg._

_"__You left me no choice." He says with an almost regretful face. I know it's fake though. "I'm sorry." With that, he throws my sketchbook to the floor and wets it with alcohol before using the lighter to set it on fire. All this, while I beg him to stop, struggling against my bindings._

_I am helplessly forced to watch as the flames consume every one of my drawings. Every memory I recreated with pencil, wanting to live it again, wanting to portray the moment in paper with absolute accuracy so I can't ever forget about those little moments of happiness I had with Jack… Every. Single. One. Of. Them. They are now just ashes. A year worth of work wiped out in a matter of seconds as if it was nothing. _

_I can't hold back my sobs or my tears. My heart hurts way too much. _

_My father seems to notice this because, softening his gaze and his tone, he says, as he holds my shoulders:_

_"__It's for your own good. I'll help you be yourself again, I promise."_

"N-no." I shake my head desperately. "No, I can't… I won't g-go through that again. I'd rather die!" I scream, utterly terrified. "Go away!" I mindlessly throw the person that's holding my shoulders off of me and, once there are no longer in my personal space, I can finally breathe, but I don't turn down the aggressiveness, fearing that they'll return and hurt me if I do. "N-no, not again. No… No more, please…" I beg, no longer being able to conceal the fear, since it's way too overwhelming. "No more." As I notice the strength leaving me, the terror paralyzing me, I know that I won't be able to fight, to defend myself, so I close my eyes and hang my head low, accepting defeat… accepting that my life will always be an endless path of suffering and despair.

What I wasn't expecting though, was a pair of strong arms suddenly holding me tightly, scaring the shit out of me. But I can't do anything. I'm trembling with fear, and my limbs feel so weak I can't even move a finger on my own, so I just resign to whatever this person hugging me wants to do with me. Fighting is useless.

After a few minutes pass with nothing happening (no damage being inflicted on me), a certain fog that was clouding my mind clears off, and I now remember the person who is with me is Anna, not my father, and I notice she's crying as she holds my body as if her life depended on it. It's weird. But at least it doesn't totally feel bad… actually it doesn't feel bad at all.

"Anna?" I ask softly.

"Y-yes?" She asks between sobs, not breaking the embrace.

"Why are you crying?" She stops a little her sobs at my words.

"I-I'm crying f-for you."

_See what you did? You made her cry. You are a monster; you only bring suffering. _

**Well, she deserved it…**

_Did she?_

"Then why are you still here?" I say, not having the will to hurt her further, and wanting her to leave already. I think she's already learned her lesson. She won't hurt me anymore but, if her desperate sobs are any indication, she isn't coming back either.

"I-I'm crying _for_ you. N-not b-_because_ of you." What is that supposed to mean? "I'm crying b-because it p-pains me to know you went t-through such t-terrible things, to know y-you a-are still s-suffering because of that, and to k-know some of that pain… I-I inflicted to you." She pauses and swallows. "I wished I c-could feel it for you, t-to spare you from it."

**So you're pitying me?**

_No, she's feeling bad for us._

**It's the same.**

_It's not._

"Why are you hugging me?" I ask.

"Because a warm hug can somewhat mend a broken heart." She whispers. "Two, sometimes. "

_Your heart is also broken? Did I broke it as you broke mine? Can you really mend them both?_

"Really?" As I ask this, I detect a tiny bit of hope expressing on my tone of voice. It's just a spark, but it's there anyways, and this time I don't immediately try to push it down. On the contrary, I lean towards it, searching for its light to guide me out of the dark prison that I'm currently in.

Anna nods.

It's all I need to press my head on my shoulder, searching for more comfort in the form of physical contact… and, despite what the dark thoughts on my head may say, it actually works. I don't feel so helpless anymore, so lonely. I feel like I may actually have a chance, if not of being happy again, at least of experiencing happiness one more time before I leave this world.


	14. There's always sunrise

**Chapter 14: There's always sunrise.**

Anna actually kept her word. She came every day for one week, even if at first I tried to scare her away. I don't do it anymore though, maybe because she said the truth for once and endured every insult and cold shoulder I gave her and this made me think that perhaps she's really trying to change and help me. I've even trusted her enough to tell her a couple of my sad memories. I think I just wanted to get them off of my chest.

Maybe seeing Anna is really helping me, I don't know, what I know though is that I don't feel so… helpless. That spark of hope has not died thanks to the fuel Anna gives it every day. It hasn't grown either though.

Suddenly Gerda opens the door carrying a tray with broth and I know Anna will be arriving soon (she's forced me to eat a couple of times). She places it on the nightstand and eyes me with a severe gaze.

"Elsa, will you be a good girl today?" She asks.

**I'm never a good girl. I'm a monster.**

I just see the broth and smell it. It smells pretty good and my stomach growls in anticipation. However…

**I don't deserve to eat; I should die.**

"Elsa, come on, get up. I won't let you starve to death." She says as she takes a spoonful of broth and approaches it to my face. "Open your mouth."

I see the spoon for a moment before deciding I won't take it and turning around, hiding under the sheets.

"I'm not hungry." I say.

"Elsa, we both know that's not true. You also refused to have breakfast." She has a concerned tone and it makes me feel somewhat guilty, but I just hope she'll realize with time that I'm not worth the efforts she makes.

"I wasn't hungry." I just answer.

A few seconds pass in silence before she finally sighs and says:

"Alright then, I'll leave the broth here and by the time I come back you better have eaten it, understood?" I don't answer and she just leaves the room, leaving me to dwell on my depression as I always do. Then, after a few seconds… minutes? The door opens again, but I don't turn around figuring it's just Gerda coming again to insist that I eat, but then I hear a familiar voice.

"Hi." I turn to see it's not Gerda, but Anna. "Uhm… Guess what?" She continues when I don't answer her greeting. "Remember the other day I told you I had made your homework for you and gave it to the teacher saying you had done it? Well, he gave it to me today and you got a 100!" She pulls the homework out of her backpack and shows it to me, clearly hoping to get a positive reaction, but for me that's just a useless piece of paper.

"Yay." I say unenthusiastically.

_Really?! The girl did your homework for you and that's all you say?_

**She did it because she wanted to; I didn't ask her. **

_Still, it's very impolite not to thank someone who made you a favor._

**Maybe if she realizes how horrible I am she'll stop doing useless things for me.**

"Oh, come on, smile! I did your homework for you _and_ got you a good grade. You owe me one."

"No, I don't. Good notes don't serve when you are going to die soon."

"True, but you're not dying. I won't let you." She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a severe gaze.

**Gosh, why can't they just let me die?**

"You're too stubborn." I complain turning around so now my back is facing her, just as I did with Gerda.

"I am, and I made a promise to you; that I'll help you get better, and I plan on fulfilling it." Saying this, she takes a step forward and grabs my arm (she's very touchy so it doesn't surprises me and I don't flinch too much), pulling me, clearly trying to get me out of bed. I, of course, try to resist. "Come on, I planned something for today."

_She planned something? I wonder what it is._

**It doesn't matter, we're not going anywhere.**

"I did too. My plan is to stay here and do nothing." I say, but it doesn't matter. She's too strong for me and more motivated too, so I know it's only a matter of time before she accomplish what she intends, and this makes me feel hopeless, which I don't like.

"Well, sorry. Not happening." In that moment she manages to turn me around and sit me on the edge of the bed. I glare at her. "I'm doing this for your own good."

"Right." I roll my eyes.

**The only thing that you could do for my own good is kill me.**

_Yeah… or, you know, helping us get over our depression?_

She ignores my comment and goes search for something, returning a minute later with a hair brush in her hand with the clear intention of brushing my hair. At first I wasn't going to do anything about it, resigned that I'm in her hands, but then, as her hand approaches me, something makes me retreat in fear and say:

"No. Don't."

_What was that? Why'd you be afraid of Anna brushing your hair?_

"I have to brush it, or else you'll scare everyone in the streets with your crazy witch-like mane of hair."

"I really don't trust you near my hair." I raise my hand in front of my head in a defensive gesture. Suddenly, the memory that prompted this reaction slowly surges within my mind.

"Really? I mean, the day we met you didn't have a problem with it."

**Don't you think it's a little cynical on your part to mention that?**

"Yes, but that day I learned an important lesson." I remember how she tricked me, making me think she wanted to be my friend and how then she stabbed me in the back, breaking my heart into a million pieces. I may want to die, but I don't want to suffer anymore; I won't go through that again.

Anna's eyes widens when she realizes what my words mean.

"Wait what? You know about…?"

"I'm not stupid." I roll my eyes. "Of course I noticed what you were doing." She's way too innocent (a bad innocent) if she thinks otherwise. "You wanted to impress Hans."

_To be fair, you made her think you didn't notice to avoid a direct confrontation. Coward._

"Oh shit!" She exclaims, clearly surprised and angry with herself. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I think I was just naïve and…"

"Stop apologizing." It really annoys me when she does that. "I know you were naïve and fell in Hans' trap. It doesn't change the facts though."

"I know." She sighs. "But I won't do it again. Never. I won't hurt you anymore."

"You've already said that. A hundred and twenty three times these past seven days." I cross my arms and look away, unable to hold her gaze. Maybe I'm afraid to find in her eyes that she's not really sorry, that she hasn't changed… that she's just waiting for the right opportunity to hurt me.

"And I'll keep saying it until you believe me." She replies. "Now, come on, let me brush your hair."

She gives me a stubborn stare and I know she's not gonna leave me alone until she's brushed my hair, so when she approaches to me again, I fight against my fears so I don't put so much resistance, even if the way she pulls the knots is really painful.

After several minutes the torture is over and I have my hair in my characteristic braid that I haven't had the energy or will to do since my suicidal attempt.

"Okay, so now we just have to change your clothes and then we can go to the park." She says.

_"__We_?!" I exclaim. "I don't think so. I'm not letting you see me naked." I glare at her to make my point clear. The truth is I wouldn't mind her seeing me naked (I don't care about decency anymore) if I didn't know she'd get worried and crazy about the current state of my body, and I'm not willing to have an argument about how I'm starving myself to death.

"Okay." She concedes. "It was only an expression." She goes to my closet to try to find something for me to wear, but I know it's useless; these are the only not-wrinkled clothes I have. She promptly realizes this and just hands me my blue sweater. "Just… put this on, alright?"

"You found nothing for me to wear?" I ask even though I know the answer, just to see what she says, as I put on the sweater.

"When was the last time you bought clothes?" She asks.

"Around October." I shrug. "I found you at the mall, remember?"

"Oh, that's right!" She nods, but then she gives a confused glance at my closet. "Where are the clothes you bought that time?" At her words I feel that my heart clenches and cold sweat descends through my spine. I don't want to answer, but I do so anyway. I can't hold it in anymore.

"Snow asked me to stay with them." I clench my hands around the edge of the mattress until my knuckles turn white, as images of their cruel smiles appear on my mind, as well as Anna's innocent face. "And I said yes because I knew they'd hurt you if I didn't." She gasps, but I continue. "They told me to stay away from you, and to prove their point they ruined my new shirt." I pause and close my eyes, remembering how they took the first new shirt I was able to buy in years and painted it with gooseberry ice-cream, and I wasn't capable of doing anything about it. I remember the pain, the impotence and, most of all, the fury that I felt, how I wanted to kill Snow. "You know what happened next." I continue, remembering how much it hurt me to turn Anna down, time after time, and how she then took revenge without compassion… How my life turned into hell after that day.

If I only had been stronger, if I had faced them, told them they couldn't mess with me… if I hadn't listened to my father's voice in my head telling me to "Conceal, don't feel". He never cared about me, so why should I care about a word he says? Why can't I just beat those bullies? To hurt them until they are not recognizable? To kill them? To kill Snow, who is now holding my shirt, ready to ruin it with that damn ice-cream.

I lunge forward and grab her neck with my hands, squishing with all my might and relishing at how _her_ eyes are full of fear, how _she_'s the one who's desperate, helpless. How _she_ can't defend herself from _me_.

Bu then…

"E-El…sa." A voice reaches my ears, and it's not Snow's.

I blink and see that I'm not at the mall, but in my room, and that my hands are not around my tormenter's neck, but around Anna's and that she's about to pass out. Horrified, I let go of her and stare at my hands. The hands that almost killed the girl who's been trying to change for me the past week.

**That's why my father always said "Conceal, don't feel". I'm dangerous, I'm a monster… I'm a killer. I killed my brother and I tried to kill Anna. I don't deserve to live.**

"Elsa?" Anna asks with difficulty because of the pain I caused on her throat.

"I'm a monster." I say.

**That's right. And monsters deserve to be punished. Monsters deserve to feel pain. **

How can I inflict pain on myself? Which punishment is big enough for what I've done? I look at the walls and instantly know it.

I start punching the nearest wall with all the strength I'm capable of, not caring about the pain I feel or the blood that soon starts leaving red spots on the gray paint; it's my punishment. I deserve this.

"Elsa!" I hear Anna's voice calling for me, but I don't answer; I don't think I'd be able to see her in the eyes after what I did. I just keep hitting the wall.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms hold me from behind, keeping me from moving and, therefore, from completing my punishment. I try to fight them off, but I'm still very weak and I can't.

**This is not right. I have to suffer. It's the only way justice can be made.**

I quickly search for something to hurt myself, but I find nothing… until I see my forearms and an idea starts forming in my mind. I pull down my sleeves and tear apart the now revealed bandages with the intention of scratching my wounds until they open again.

"Elsa no!" I hear Anna scream as she releases me, only to turn me around and grab my hands the next instant, keeping me from hurting myself. I frenetically try to continue opening my wounds, but she doesn't let me and, after a few seconds of fighting, the adrenaline dies and I sink into the floor, defeated and exhausted.

I don't understand. Why did she stopped me? I tried to kill her, I deserved this, so…

"Why?" I ask looking to the ground, and even to me my voice sounds hopeless and desperate. "Why did you stop me? I'm a monster, I should die, everyone would be better off without me."

"Elsa that's not…" She swallows. "You are not a mons…"

"I almost killed you!" I interrupt her, and my scream makes her release my arms, taking a step back with a terrified expression. She's afraid of me.

**Of course she's afraid; I almost killed her. It'd be better if she went away and never returned. That way she'd be safe from me.**

I don't know why, but the thought of never seeing her again because of my stupid impulses makes my heart hurt. Badly. Maybe because if she did that, she'd confirm I'm a monster. I'm not able to contain my tears or my sobs. It's the first time I feel such sadness since my suicidal attempt.

**And now I'm crying even though she was the one who got hurt. I don't deserve to cry… I don't have that luxury.**

I slam my fists against the floor once, but this time it's not to hurt myself; it's to express the anger and frustration I feel. I should be dead. Anna should leave. She's in danger. I'm dangerous.

"I almost killed you a-and…. and I know you're just trying to help." I say, rotting in guilt. It's true, even if I haven't admitted it out loud before, I know she _actually _wants to help me this time. Her continuous support even after I tried to kill her is proof enough.

"Okay Elsa, first of, you didn't know it was me; you were lost in horrible memories. And second, you didn't kill me. You stopped yourself in time." She assures me, but they're only pathetic attempts to excuse the inexcusable. I don't answer though; I have not energy left. I'm emotionally drained.

Seconds pass and Anna finally takes my arms and helps me up to then start fixing my bandages. I want to tell her that it's not necessary, that I don't deserve it, but I don't have the will or the strength to do it. While she's fixing them though, she grimaces and shudders, putting the same horrified face Gerda does every time she sees my wounds.

"You're horrified of this." I comment. "Of what I did to myself."

It actually shames me when other people see the remains of my failure, of the time I wasn't even good enough to take my own life.

"I am." She admits. "But… I mostly feel sadness. Just thinking you could've died that day, and what you should have been feeling…" Anna's lip trembles and she quickly wipes the tears that had started falling from her eyes. "Sorry." She says giggling in a bitter way, clearly having been about to cry just seconds ago. "I just get too emotional about this."

**Why? You didn't even feel them yourself… the pain when they were made… it's all mine.**

_It may hurt less if you just shared it, you know?_

**But that'd be selfish.**

In that moment she finishes wrapping my bandages and quickly pulls down my sweater to conceal them. Her expression relaxes when the horrendous view is no longer on sight.

"Come on, let's go." She says and takes my hand, leading me out of the room.

* * *

After Anna assured Gerda a million times that I'll be fine and they both ignored me each time I tried to protest, she agreed to let the redhead take me whenever she wants, so here we are, walking to Anna-knows-where when I would've preferred to stay at home. I can't help wondering where she's taking me though.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's a surprise." She replies.

"Do you even know where the place you want to go is? You don't know this part of the town very well." I point out, not wanting to get lost.

"I've gotten lost a couple of times." She admits. "But that's what made me discover certain ice-… uh… I mean, the place we're heading to."

"So you're just getting lost and hope we'll end up there?" I say sarcastically.

"That's certainly an option." Okay, now I'm worried. "But thankfully there's Google maps so…" She produces a piece of paper out of her pocket and reads it, only to turn it upside down a second later blushing. She then looks up to see the street's name and back to the map. "Uhm… hehe." She laughs nervously as she rubs her nape. "Okay. I _did _get a little lost. But don't worry, now I know where it is."

I sigh and roll my eyes and she pulls me back to where we came from.

We walked for several minutes before arriving to our destination. Anna didn't say anything during the entire journey, which was rather strange, but I didn't comment on it. Actually, I didn't say anything at all. I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier, but I didn't have the courage to bring it up, since I was afraid of her reaction. What if she didn't want to remember it? What if she didn't want to forgive me?

We suddenly come to a stop and Anna lets go of my hand, raising her hands in an exaggerated way and exclaiming in front of the place she's led me:

"Here we are!" She smiles and I look up to see the old sign hanging above the entrance. It reads: 'Ice-cream shop'. "Do you like it?" Anna asks, nervously waiting for my approval.

"Kind of." I shrug. Actually I do like ice-cream, but I don't have the money to buy it, so it was a bad decision on Anna's part to bring me here.

"We could go somewhere else… if you want." She says tentatively, already looking slightly hurt and disappointed. I sigh internally. I can't do this to her… not after I tried to kill her. I owe her.

"We're already here." I push past her and enter the shop pretending it's not a big deal. Anna follows me inside.

Once we're both inside the ice-cream shop, she starts looking at the flavors but I keep standing awkwardly at the entrance, trying to ignore the vendor's curious gaze, which is thankfully directed towards Anna once she approaches the counter.

"Hi! I want a chocolate ice-cream, please." She says cheerfully.

_Chocolate ice-cream. Our favorite._

**And we can't get some.**

"Of course, something else?" He asks.

"Elsa?" Anna turns to ask me and I deviate my gaze to the floor.

"I don't have money." I simply answer, ignoring the pain I feel at the prospect of not enjoying the delicious treat.

**It's not like I deserve to eat it anyways. **

"I'll pay." She states.

"No thanks. I don't want ice-cream." I quickly reply. I won't let her buy anything for the person who almost strangled her to death just minutes ago. That wouldn't be right.

"Okay then." She says and then turns to the vendor. "Make it double, please."

_Double… oh if we could only ask her a small bite._

**Forget it. We aren't asking her ****_anything_****.**

"Alright." He answers and then tells her the price. She pays, he then goes get the ice-cream, hands it to her and she thanks him before exiting the shop. I follow her out.

I thought she'd start eating it as soon as she got it, but we walk a few paces and it doesn't seem like she has the intention of taking even one lick. This worries me. The last person to exhibit a similar behavior was Snow, and she used the ice-cream to torture me. I wonder if Anna will do the same, just with the slight difference of making me watch until it is a puddle of brown liquid on the pavement, wishing I could have had a little taste. I wouldn't blame her if she does; I totally deserve it… I better ask her though, the waiting is killing me.

"A-aren't you gonna eat it?" I ask after speeding up my pace and reaching her side.

"Not until we arrive at our destination." She says.

"You mean it wasn't the ice-cream shop?"

"Of course not." She rolls her eyes. "Oh, there it is!" She grabs my hand and pulls me towards the park in front of us at an almost running speed, not even caring to check if there are cars passing the street. Fortunately, we arrive at a bench in one piece (even if I want to die, I don't think it'd be good for Anna if both of us get run over by a car) and she motions me to sit down. I do so gladly since I haven't walked at all these past two weeks and my muscles are already begging me to have some rest, not being used to so much effort. Anna sits at my side and takes the first lick of her ice-cream, moaning at the flavor. "Oh Elsa, this is great!" She exclaims.

"Really?" I ask and my voice sounds harsher than I intended, but I can't help it; hearing her enjoying the sweet so much makes me resentful to life.

**Life's fair though. I guess I get what I deserve.**

"You could have some if you asked." She says, and a part of me wants to beg her for some… but no. It's my new punishment, since I couldn't finish the other. "I can't eat a double ice-cream alone… well actually I _can_, but I _shouldn't_ because my brain would freeze and, on top of that, I'd get a cold and all that stuff, but I'd really like to eat it all… if I wasn't with you because I totally want to give it to you. Not all. Half. You know what I…

"Stop talking!" I shout without being able to contain myself. I don't want her to beg me to taste the dessert because it only makes it harder for me to say no. "You are giving me a headache."

"Sorry." She says, looking to the ground blushing. "It only happens when I'm nervous. I really hate that part of myself."

**You hate that part of yourself? Your rambling? That's not even bad. Not as bad as being a monster and trying to kill someone. I hate all about myself.**

_Can you at least be more empathetic? You just yelled at her for no reason except that she was making it more difficult to you to refuse some ice-cream. Say you're sorry. _

"No. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." I say, trying to calm down. The other voice is right; I was unfair. It only makes me feel worse about myself though.

"It's okay. Everyone says it's an awful bad habit…" She gives a long sigh and then pauses, apparently lost in thought, before speaking gain. "Anyways. Do you want ice-cream or not?"

**Can't we just drop the subject?**

"It's _your_ ice-cream. You eat it." I say avoiding staring longingly at said ice-cream.

"I bought it for both of us, so half is yours. Here." She tends it to me and I can't help turning to see it before using all my strength to avert my eyes from it. However, I don't understand what she meant saying it's for both of us… did she requested it double so we could share? The thought makes some kind of warmth to appear on my heart… and then it is consumed by the coldness.

**No, that's not what happened. She says she'd like to eat it by herself, so it wasn't for both of us. She just feels bad eating it in front of me while I don't have one.**

"Come on, my arm is getting tired and my mouth is salivating." Her words almost make me feel guilty, but I don't concede… I can't take it from her.

"You. Eat. It." I repeat, clenching my teeth.

"Okay, if you say so." She finally agrees, understanding I'm not giving in, and I almost sigh in relief… until I hear her rather loud and exaggerated moans that really make me want some… almost to the point of taking it from her and eat it all. "Can't you be quiet?!" I snap. Can't she see how this is affecting me? I just want to do what's right, meaning not stealing even a lick of ice-cream from the girl I almost chocked to death.

"I'm sorry, but this is so good I can't help it." She says with her mouth still full of ice-cream. "It's the best ice-cream _ever_. Are you sure you don't want some?"

"No." I answer hugging myself and trying not to look at it.

"Really? Don't you think you deserve to have a taste of the most wonderful ice-cream on the entire planet?"

The moment those words leave her mouth I feel pain because, somehow, hearing it out loud and from another person makes it more awful. True, I don't' deserve to have ice-cream, whether it's the best or the worst… I just don't deserve anything that makes me feel good.

Suddenly, something cold and wet is pressed upon my lips, and I flinch, realizing a moment later that it's the ice-cream Anna put directly on my mouth… I know it's a trick to make me ask for more, but I can't stop myself when my tongue licks the remains, surprising me with the amazing taste and making me crave for more.

"Elsa, you deserve it. You deserve to have everything you want, to have fun, to be happy." Anna insists with a concerned expression.

"I don't. I'm a monster, Anna." I try to make her understand.

"No, you're not." She retorts. "You're only a very broken person."

"Still. I'm a danger to the others."

**I almost killed you today for fuck's sake! If****that doesn't make me undeserving of happiness I don't know what does.**

"Only because you deprive yourself of feeling good things, because you hate yourself." How can I not? "Because you're not happy, you only feel aggression."

_Well… that actually makes sense. I mean, if you don't know the light, if you _deprive _yourself from it… how can you be anything but dark? Bad?_

**Yeah, but… precisely because I'm a bad person I don't deserve to see the light.**

_Then how will you ever change? How will you ever become good? How will you stop being a danger to the others? How will you stop being a monster?_

**…**

I look at the ice-cream and then at Anna, trying to decide what to do, which voice to listen.

"Elsa, it's true you've hurt me, but I've also hurt you, so we're even." She keeps insisting me, and now I'm more inclined to give in. "It's not a reason to beat yourself up and… to turn the aggression you feel towards me o-or the others against yourself."

**Then what should I do?! Kill them all?**

_No, but if you keep it in yourself, it'll only destroy you. You have to let it out. At least a part of it._

**I can't! It's dangerous!**

_But if you store it inside you it becomes bigger and bigger as time passes. One day it doesn't fit in anymore, it explodes and bad things happen, both to you and the ones around you. Like today. _

_It's more dangerous to house a whole bunch of bombs and hope that they don't explode than to light a little match every day._

What should I do? Which one of the voices is right? I always thought it was better to conceal, to keep everything in, but… it hasn't worked. Maybe I should let it go?

"Come on, if _I_ deserve ice-cream, so do you." Anna intervenes, handing me the ice-cream, but I still haven't come up with a decision so I hesitate. "The first step to stop being a monster, is being happy. Monsters are not happy." She insists and I can't hold myself back anymore. She's right; monsters are not happy and I want to be happy, I don't want to be a monster. Without thinking it twice, I take the ice-cream in one quick movement and start licking it frantically, enjoying how wonderful it tastes. Also, my stomach thanks me for the first food given in almost 24 hours. "Hey, leave something for me, will you?" Anna interrupts my little taste of paradise and I reluctantly hand it to her (It's still her ice-cream after all, I can't eat it all). Fortunately, she just takes a couple of licks and then returns it to me. I do the same not to seem desperate and rude and we continue like this while we hear the calming sound of the wind passing through the threes and enjoy the delicious dessert.

For a moment it all seems so normal… we're just two friends eating some ice-cream in the park after school.

Normal for me is a luxury, so I memorize every second of it, hoping it'll last because this is the first time I've stopped being miserable in what feels like an eternity.

* * *

After finishing the ice-cream, Anna insisted to have a walk around the park and I agreed since she was so generous to let me eat some of her ice-cream. I don't know why she wanted to do it though. There's nothing interesting; the benches are old, the threes don't have leaves, the snow is dirty, the path is slippery and the only people at this hour are tramps. It's an old and neglected park, surrounded by houses just as old and neglected. She shouldn't be here. She grew up in a wealthy neighborhood surrounded by pretty things. I bet she can't wait to leave and is just doing this out of courtesy.

I don't say anything though. Even if I don't want to admit it out loud, walking here is calming… even more with Anna's warm hand holding mine.

Suddenly, we arrive to the disserted playground, and Anna lets go of my hand, to run towards the nearest slide and start climbing the stair.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused as to why she would suddenly start climbing a slide. Isn't it supposed to be for the kids?

"I'm climbing the stair, of course." She just answers giggling. "Come on, you should do the same."

"Why?" I ask. It's not like I totally dislike the idea but I think I'd look like a fool or someone who hasn't been able to get over their childhood. Anna doesn't answer though; she just stays still at the top of the stair looking to the horizon and for a moment I'm worried, but then she speaks.

"Elsa, come on! You have to see this!" She exclaims turning to look at me. "The view! It's amazing!"

"We're in a park. What's amazing about that?" I raise an eyebrow and she rolls her eyes.

"Why don't you come here and see by yourself?"

"I think I'll just stay here until you stop acting like some over-exited child."

**Gosh, her behavior is so annoying. Why can't she act the age she is?**

_Oh come on, just because you act like an adult since you were twelve doesn't mean she can't have some fun! Besides, it's actually endearing… and funny._

"Well, if you don't come by yourself, I'm afraid I'll have to go down there and make you climb." She giggles and slides down at full speed to them run towards me with a huge smile. "So, are you doing it willingly or do I have to force you?"

**Sorry, I'm not climbing that thing. It'd be childish, bored and tiring, so no thank you.**

I cast a bored look at her and then at the slide, only to then shake my head, hoping to make the message clear with this, but she pouts and gives me a stubborn gaze, holding my stare until I have to give up, realizing it's useless to put resistance or to argue with the redhead.

_Not that I mind though. I'm glad she's gonna make you have some fun for once._

**It ****_won't _****be funny.**

I sigh in defeat and exclaim with a tone of resignation:

"Fine! I'll go."

"Great!" She jumps with a happy smile and I roll my eyes at her exaggerated enthusiasm to then start climbing, while she does so right after me. "Wait for me up there!" She says when I arrive to the top.

"It's too small for both of us." I notice. I barely fit here standing!

"I know." She answers as she reaches the top of the stairs. "Sit down just at the verge of the slide, with your legs on it." I turn to see her, confused. Why'd she want me to do that? Is she gonna push me or something as pay back of what I did earlier? "Relax, I won't push you, I just wanna try something." She says, noticing my distrust.

I hesitate. It's true that Anna hasn't been nothing but good to me during this past week, but… there are months of humiliation, insults and betrayal from her part stopping me from completely trusting her. I'd like to, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but the truth is… I don't want to get hurt again. I don't think I could manage one more betrayal… I'd feel so much fury that I'd destroy her and then… then that'd destroy me.

"Please Elsa." Anna begs with a desperate expression. "I know this is difficult for you, and I know I don't deserve your trust but… If you just gave me a chance to prove you I've changed, or at least am changing, that you can trust me, that I'll never betray you again… otherwise you'll be alone, even if I'm with you." I look down, considering what she just said.

_Maybe you should listen. She's right; if you don't give her a chance you'll never know if she's being honest with you. Sometimes you need to fall in order to fly. It's a little leap of faith._

**Yes, but…**

_Besides, what's the worse she could do? Push you? So what? Are you afraid of slides? It'd be totally harmless. _

**But I don't understand. Why do I have to do this? To trust Anna? I don't need to…**

_Because every relationship is based on trust. If you don't trust her it'd be like hanging around with the enemy and she'll never be able to help you._

**I don't want to be helped. I want to die.**

_Do you? Or are you just too coward to face reality?_

After having a debate in my head, I come to a decision, so when Anna speaks again, the choice has been made.

"Please, just…"

"Okay." I say softly and do as she told me, almost trembling on fear and anticipation, because of the uncertainty I feel. But I don't chicken out.

Then, Anna climbs the last steps and sits right behind me. I close my eyes in anticipation, fearing the worst, but she just puts her legs around mine, while she also hugs my waist from behind. All this physical contact is too foreign for me, not having been hugged in one week (and it doesn't help that I'm a little jumpy because of the fear of betrayal), so I automatically flinch and try to escape from the embrace, but the only escape route right now is forward, down the slide, so I manage to keep myself still, realizing I could fall.

"Anna what are you…?"

"Relax." She says with a soothing tone, placing her chin on my shoulder, which also makes me want to run away; It's too much contact for me. "I figured you needed a hug; they say it's good for depression." She pauses, taking a deep breath. "And look at the horizon. Sunsets are one of the most relaxing scenarios I know. They give me a sense of calm, stability, because they're the last sunrays before the world is enveloped in darkness and people go to sleep. They tell you the day is over and you have to move on. If you did something good, they tell you you can rest now and celebrate your accomplishment. If you failed or did something bad, they tell you there's always tomorrow to try again."

I look at the sunset, trying to understand what she said. She said they give her a sense of calm… because they are the end of the day? The closing event? Because you can leave that day behind whether you did it good or not? It seems odd to me. I mean, the day may have ended, but there's always the day after and your actions have repercussions on your future.

_True, but with the future come new opportunities to do it right if you screwed it up. Like now. You almost killed Anna today, but you can make it up for her tomorrow or the day after, or the day after that… that's what's beautiful about sunsets._

I don't know why, but this words actually give me hope and, without realizing, I find myself relaxing in Anna's embrace, really looking at the sunset for the first time since I came up here. It's beautiful, all that orange and yellow light that's not bright enough to hurt but that doesn't suffice to light up things, all that warmth that makes you feel not so cold (so dead) inside… it's perfect. And Anna is right; it's also calming, comforting… but… There's something keeping me from enjoying it completely.

"I… never saw it that way." I tell Anna, softly. "Sunsets always gave me a feeling of… melancholy." I pause hesitating a moment before continuing, deciding I have to let it out of my chest. "My brother used to say sunsets are a portal that connect us to the ones we lost. Whether they died or left…"

**Like my mother, like Jack, like my father… like every person I met in Norway.**

I take a deep breath, trying to dissipate the pain I feel as I continue.

"I don't know if it's true. I just know that… they make me feel like I lost something." I swallow, noticing the knot on my throat and that I'm suddenly at the verge of tears; it just hurts so much having lost too many things throughout my life… but Anna's voice saves me from crying.

"Sometimes we have to leave things on our way." She says softly with certain tone of nostalgia. "Whether they are people or experiences, opportunities… we have to do it to move forward. Otherwise, we become stagnant. It hurts, and we miss them… sometimes we repent but… that's what the sunset is about; we may have left one day behind to submerge into darkness, but there'll always be a sunrise."

There'll always be a sunrise. Those words hit me like a tsunami. I thought I had lost hope, but… the little spark I had within my chest took this as a fuel and lightened up like a huge and sudden blaze. It's so warm and bright that it blinds me, it scares me, and I want to kill it or just run away… but as a part of me does so, another approaches it, encouraged by Anna's comforting touch and the calming view of the sun slowly going down on the horizon. I try to resist, but I feel like I'm falling and then…

I close my eyes and when I open them again the world is much brighter than before. Nothing has really changed; the park is still abandoned, the neighborhood is still old, the threes are still black… the pain on my chest isn't even a bit smaller and yet… I can't explain it, but life doesn't seem so pointless anymore, I don't feel so hopeless… I feel…. like myself. I am not some faceless monster now; I'm Elsa. I've found myself again.

Suddenly I notice some wetness coating my face and I realize I'm crying, but those are not bitter tears, sad and desperate as always. Those are tears of relief.

I'm so relieved that I can't help it when I turn around and wrap my arms around Anna's neck tightly, surprised to see how good a hug can truly be. How it really helps scaring the bad feelings away.

I'm so engrossed enjoying the moment that I almost don't notice when we start falling down the slide. Fast. Actually we go so fast that I end up falling with my back at the cold snow with Anna on top of me.

"Ooof!" I exclaim as the air is knocked out of my lungs.

"S-sorry." She says, trying to get up and falling again because of the slippery ground. She is about to try it again but I know she'll fail so I stop her, grabbing her arms.

"It's okay." I give her a tiny smile of reassurance. "It was time to go home anyways." I add as I see the dark night sky. "Help me up."

"Of course." She answers and, more carefully this time, tries to stand up, taking my hands and pulling me up, however, the momentum make us stagger a little before I grab firmly her arms and both of us regain balance. Then, we step into a drier spot and start walking towards the road as I wipe the remaining of my tears.

It was an interesting adventure, I have to admit. It was good that she took me to the park. Now even my steps feel lighter, like I've got some weight off of my shoulders.

* * *

We soon get out of the park and, after walking a few blocks, arrive to my house, where I turn to say goodbye to Anna.

"That was… fun." I say, looking at the ground shyly.

"The slide thing?" She asks.

"The fact that you suddenly became a poet looking at the sunset." I tease.

Anna laughs as a small blush coats her cheeks in a very endearing manner. I think she could be really sweet if she tried.

"Yeah… I'm normally pretty bad at metaphors."

"I've noticed." I answer remembering how she didn't get the meaning of poems during English class, and fighting a growing beam that threatens to appear on my face.

"Well… see you tomorrow then." She says tending me her hand. I look at it for a moment before taking it.

"I must admit this little idea of yours exceeded my expectations." I say, though I use a polite tone to hide the fact that it was something very amazing a reveling for me; I don't want her to know just yet… unless until I figure out exactly what happened. She rolls her eyes. "Thank you." I add giving her a thankful smile and then I release her hand and turn around to enter my house.

**You think she made you a great favor taking you there and saying beautiful things to you while watching the sunset, but you are a monster and you know it! You'd be better dead.**

_Maybe you're right, _you _are a monster. But _I_ am not. And I'm in charge now. And I'm not sure I want to die anymore. I have hope that things will get better._


	15. The stray dog

**Chapter 15: The stray dog.**

It's been a week since Anna took me out to the park, and I've been feeling a lot better… Well, not really, but at least I feel more like myself; I'm more aware of things, my senses aren't numb anymore, the emotions are stronger, more intense, but… it's both a blessing and a curse. The pain is also more real, more intense. And so is the sadness and despair. But also the happiness and joy.

I'm gonna be honest, the first few days it all overwhelmed me. It was too much and I had some kind of relapse; I started crying because something triggered a painful memory and suddenly I has clutching my heart, gasping for air. Then, _she_ took control one more time. You know, the _other_ Elsa. And she hit me, she hurt me, she punished me, she made me suffer and she fed off that. The next days we kept fighting and sometimes she'd win… but then I remembered what my father told me, the words I had promised myself I'd never say again: Conceal, don't feel.

It was the perfect solution; to conceal the other Elsa, to not feel the pain. Even though this war is killing me.

I'm emotionally exhausted, but I don't let it show. I knew Kai, Gerda and, most of all, Anna, had been waiting for progress a long time, and that my relapses disappointed them, so now I procure to feel happy, to show them I'm almost completely cured, that I have the other Elsa under control… even if it's not completely true, I must do it, if I don't want them to get tired of me.

Anyways. Yesterday Anna told me she wouldn't be coming today because she has homework, and I said it was fine, after all, I can't ask her to sacrifice her school life for me. Besides, I still had Gerda and Kai to make me company… or so I thought, until they received a call early this morning. A call from their son.

It turned out, he'd came to the city yesterday because of his job, and he would be leaving tomorrow, so he asked them to meet him at his hotel so they could spend the day together. After all, it's been more than a year since the last time they saw each other. However, there was a problem, and that problem was me.

Gerda didn't want to leave me alone, fearing that I'd try to commit suicide again if they did, but she didn't want to miss an opportunity to see her son either. Kai offered himself to stay and take care of me, but I knew he didn't want to. I assured them I was fine, even though an irrational part of me was extremely anxious and afraid of being left alone, perhaps forever. What if they suffered a car accident? What if their son was sick and they needed to go take care of him? What if they finally realized I wasn't really their daughter, that I'd never be, and they decided to better go with their _real _son to New York? There were too many possibilities, and I didn't like any of them, even if I knew it was the other Elsa whispering things into my ear hoping I lost control.

Fortunately I was able to conceal it, or they wouldn't have left. Of course, first they called Anna a thousand times (Unsuccessfully) and then offered to bring me with them, but I assured them I was fine and eventually they agreed to leave me alone as long as I sent Kai a message at least every two hours. Then, they left… and I couldn't keep my feelings in anymore.

I didn't exactly know why, but I had a strong sensation of loneliness. I felt abandoned, alone. I felt pain and sadness. And fear. It was just like when I came first to this country, and deep down I knew it was a rather exaggerated response, but I could do nothing to contain my tears or to keep my hands from taking that knife and perforating the skin of my arm. It wasn't deep, and only a few drops of blood got out, but I still felt horrible about myself. However, the other Elsa was in control now, and she felt relief when the crimson liquid dripped down my arm. She was punishing me for crying, for being weak. For being a burden.

Fortunately, I was able to regain control and stop her just when she was about to make another perforation. But the damage was done, and I'm not talking about the physical damage; it was only a scratch, I'm talking about the other Elsa being stronger… or rather, _I_ being weaker. Fighting against her left me drained, with almost no energy, and I had to go to bed and sleep for a while. Sleep always helps.

I remained asleep until the bell rang.

* * *

I wake up and go to wash my face first, hoping to erase all traces of having been crying, before answering the door. To my surprise, it's Anna, and I feel utter relief and happiness when I look at her bright smile and innocent gaze. She came to save me from my loneliness.

She suddenly pulls me in for a hug and I smile as I hug her back. I really needed that; it helps me forget about the painful thoughts I was having just a while ago.

As she pulls back and stare at my eyes, I greet her with the most sincere smile I can muster, even though I'm still conscious of the pain that hasn't completely disappeared.

"Hi." I say. "I thought you wouldn't come."

_It's a very nice surprise._

"I can leave if you want." She says and suddenly I panic, thinking she took bad what I said. I don't feel good enough to be left by myself; _she_ could take control and make me do something I'd regret.

"No!" I scream. "Please, don't leave me." I plead, almost at the edge of tears, which, again, in the back of my mind I know is an exaggerated reaction, but I can't help it; I'm so scared.

**You are pathetic, you're weak. If she wasn't going to leave, now she surely will.**

"It's okay." Anna efficiently shuts the other Elsa's mouth when she takes my hands. "I was kidding." I swallow and nod, now feeling stupid. Of course it was a joke, why couldn't I see it?

**Because you're socially inept, that's why. You will never be able to properly interact with other human beings.**

"Where's Gerda?" Anna suddenly asks, making me remember the reason I was feeling a little down before she came, and the pain returns full force.

"She and Kai went to see their son…" I sigh. "Apparently he came to visit them and is only here for today."

"… that was irresponsible."

"I'm fine being alone." I retort feeling offended, but I know she's right; I haven't been alone more than a couple of hours and I have already had a break down and cut myself. But still, I couldn't have asked them to stay; that would've been selfish. "And they deserve to live their lives." I add, trying to convince myself as well as Anna, but it obviously doesn't work.

"Right." I know she doesn't agree with me, but decides to drop the subject, which is a good thing, or else I would've had another break down. "Well, then I guess we have the rest of the day for ourselves." She says cheerily, and I can't help it when I find myself smiling back despite the pain.

"Do you have something in mind?" I ask, trying to forget about everything but this beautiful girl who is willing to spend her precious time with someone like me.

"Well… I was hoping you would come with me to the museum. It's not very large, and I thought you may be interested? And then we could go to have dinner in a restaurant nearby."

_A restaurant? It almost seems like a date._

**A date? Right. Why would someone take you out on a date? Besides, the main thing you'll do is go to the museum, obviously because some teacher sent Anna there but she didn't deem safe to leave you alone. There's nothing romantic about that; she's just babysitting you.**

_Shut up. No matter which are her reasons, I will enjoy all the time I'm allowed to spend with her._

"Sounds good." I answer procuring not to show my inner turmoil. "Let me go find my sweater.

**It's a sunny day, will you put on your sweater just to conceal your wounds?**

I hate the mocking tone the other Elsa is using, but I still run upstairs, take my t-shirt off and put on a white shirt and my sweater, that way my new wounds and my scars can't be seen. After sending Kai a message telling him that I'm going out with Anna, I descend, close the door and follow Anna through the street.

* * *

The museum isn't big but the design and architecture are quite interesting, since it's placed inside an ancient building near our school. I've already been here once, when the history teacher asked us to do an essay about it (It was a lot more crowded then, though), and I haven't thought much of it since then, but I have a feeling that I'll never see this place the same way again after today.

It's a history museum, containing several objects that date from before the Middle Ages (Greeks, Romans, etc.) to present day, and Anna starts looking at the expositions in chronological order. I follow close behind, sometimes watching the pieces but most of the time looking at her. I find her fascinating, maybe because I have never seen her so concentrated and serious, going from one object to another, until she stays still looking at a miniature model of the Parthenon for too long and her expression tells me she's not in this room anymore.

"What are you thinking?" I ask.

"N-nothing." She says as she turns to look at me and I notice a beautiful blush adorning her cheeks. "I was just thinking how amazing you are." Her words take me aback. Amazing? Me? Why was she even thinking about _me_? Her blush becomes more intense before she explains herself. "I-I didn't… mean… that." My heart hurts at her words because, unwillingly, a certain hope had been rising between me that she really thinks I'm amazing. Because I need someone to tell me that I'm not the worst human being in history. "I mean… I did, but…" She tries to correct herself, obviously nothing how down casted I suddenly became, but I know anything she says now will be a lie destined to comfort me.

"I'm not amazing, I know." I cut her before she gives me false hope again. "You couldn't have meant that." Suddenly, I know I'm not in control anymore; I didn't say that, it was the other Elsa. She hurt me. She is hurting me right now.

**That's right, you're horrible, you're the exact opposite of amazing. You're ugly, you're…**

"I did." Anna lies again trying to take my hand but I pull it away because it doesn't seem right at this moment.

"No… you didn't." As I say it again, I convince myself even more that it's true, I feel _her_ trying to take control of me once again. And she's succeeding, even though my best efforts to push her back. Right now, I can't tell who is who, after all, we're the same person. We have the same voice.

"Yes, I did." Anna blatantly lies to my face again and, even if I know it's with good intention, this makes me lose control.

"No, you didn't!" I scream, and my voice echoes trough the room, but I don't care as I start sobbing uncontrollably and tears start falling through my cheeks. But in that moment, just when the urge to hurt myself is overwhelming, Anna takes my shoulders and makes me face her.

"Elsa, look at me." She commands and fortunately a part of me has enough presence of mind to obey. "I didn't mean to say _out loud_ that you are amazing, but I do think so." I search for any hint of doubt or hesitation in her eyes, any sign that she's lying, but I just find sincerity, and this leaves me so perplexed that I can't bring myself to even think. "I mean… you are as beautiful as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena, as strong as Hercules and as gentle as…" She makes a thoughtful face, like she doesn't know what to say next. "As gentle as… uh… yourself?" As gentle as myself? What kind of compliment is that? Still, her words almost make an amused smile appear on my face, if not for the pain, result of my self-loathing, that I'm still feeling. "The point is…" She continues. "That I really think you're awesome, I've never met someone as perfect as you, and I feel honored to be right now by your side."

"But… I'm not perfect." I protest trying to wipe her tears with my sleeve. However, a part of me wishes to be contradicted. "My skin is too pale, my hair is too white and my eyes are… unnatural." I feel intense pain on my chest just before the awful remarks start flowing inside my head like a torrent.

**I must be the ugliest girl in the entire planet. No, the ugliest ****_human_****, or rather, the ugliest ****_creature._**** I don't understand how Anna can even bear to be seen with someone like me.**

Now I don't know if I want to start crying like there's no tomorrow or hit myself against the wall as punishment for not being beautiful, but fortunately, Anna's voice keeps me from doing either.

"Well yes, but I like those parts of you." She retorts with a gentle voice like no other, and suddenly I feel unworthy of such gentleness and almost wish she starts bulling me again, telling me how inferior I am. However, she doesn't. "Your looks are certainly different, but they're a good different." She gives me the most precious smile, and I get desperate trying to make her see again my horrendous true self.

"And I'm not as smart as you say." I protest. "I'm doing poorly at school." That's something no one can deny.

"Only because you are depressed." She sighs, saying this as if were _her_ fault when truly it's mine. I should've been stronger. "As far as I know, you only ever got perfect grades before this year."

_Well… she's right. Maybe you don't have perfect notes right now, but you're certainly not stupid._

**Not stupid?! Remember what father said; if you're not perfect, you're mediocre, there's no gray zone. If you're not wise, you're stupid.**

_That's stupid._

**How dare you?!**

"… Alright." I say, wanting to drop the subject before the voices in my head give me a headache. "Let's assume I'm beautiful and smart for a moment, even though I'm not…" Anna rolls her eyes, but I still continue. "I'm still depressed, broken, complicated… I-I even tried to kill you. You can't argue with that." That's my strongest argument, and it's so final that a new wave of pain crushes my heart knowing Anna can't say anything against it; she can't reassure me, she can't fix my damaged self-esteem.

"Yes. That's true." She admits and I almost feel like throwing myself to the nearest train rails for a second. "But you know what?" When she says this, a new ray of hope surges within me, wishing that, against all odds, she will prove that I can be amazing, at least in her eyes. That'd be more than enough for me. "You had every right to feel sad, to feel like there's no hope, to feel angry, frustrated… and yet here you are; trying to get better, to _be_ better, even though a lot of people would've given up a long time ago." She pauses to give me a smile and I'm left perplexed. "You're strong. That's what I admire of you." She completely changed the perspective, coming from my description of someone weak, pitiable and dangerous that no one would want to have around, to someone strong and admirable. Someone I never thought myself to be.

Suddenly a torrent of tears start coming from my eyes before I can stop them, because I'm _so_ grateful. She made me see myself not from the perspective of someone who hates me and despises me, but from someone who actually cares about me and likes my company. No one ever had done something like this for me, except perhaps my brother, and I had almost forgotten what it is like. I had started despising and hating myself. But now, at this very moment, I've finally started looking at myself with good eyes.

"Thank you." I say as I hug her, really grateful of what she's done for me, and she hugs me back. The moment is just perfect.

* * *

After I calmed down and assured Anna that I was fine and we didn't have to cancel our trip to the museum and go back to my rather depressive house, we kept walking. Of course, there were still some negative thoughts and emotions trying to take control over me, but at least they hadn't regrouped in a single voice inside my head and so, weren't as strong, which meant I was able to somewhat enjoy the visit.

A particular section in the Renaissance room caught my attention; a collection of drawings made by Leonardo Da Vinci. They were just sketches made quickly with pencil, some of machines that never came to reality, and some of very ugly people that made me truly believe I was extremely beautiful. I've always liked his work. Every individual trace is just where it's supposed to be, harmonizing perfectly with the others to create the most flawless drawings. I particularly like his sketches of machines, because of how much imagination and science he should've applied on them. They remember me about the times I wanted to be an engineer and make powerful robots or breathtaking flying machines. Then, when I read about the romans and their magnificent constructions, I had started wanting to be an architect and make the most beautiful buildings the world has seen, and be remembered for eternity…

But there's no point building castles in the sky (Pun intended). I'll never be more than a businesswoman and take my father's place as CEO of his company. That is, if he still considers me his daughter.

Suddenly, Anna's voice interrupts my thoughts about the future.

"Hey Elsa." I turn around to look at her, a few feet away from me in the Modern era section. "You have to see this." She enthusiastically points to a portrait of a woman that's almost identical to me (seriously, the resembling is almost scary), except that she's wearing a teal dress, a magenta cape and a golden tiara. I know why she wants me to see it, but I still decide to play a little with her (just because I'm in the mood and I love hearing her laugh), so I conceal my awe, approach to said portrait and read out loud the inscription beneath it.

"Queen Astrid Olafsdottir. Norway. 1819-1878." I should've known it; she's from Norway, just like me. That explains the resemblance. I still decide to keep playing dumb and put a thoughtful expression before turning to look at Anna. "What about her?" I ask.

"Don't you see it? She's identical to you!" She exclaims. I internally smile before adopting the same posture the queen has and, using my Ice Queen voice, answer.

"Anna… she's from Norway; even at that time, it wasn't rare to find blonde, blue-eyed people in my natal country." Anna, of course, raises an eyebrow at my (I hope) believable impression of the queen, and I can't help it when I start giggling with my hand covering my mouth. "Alright." I say. "You caught me. I'm a queen from the XIX century who somehow managed to travel in time just to meet you." My words have the desired effect: Anna blushes adorably and gives me a wonderful and sweet smile that, for some reason, almost makes my heart stop. Then, I see a hint of mischievousness on eyes.

"Oh, really? And what's so special about me?" She says approaching to me with a certain sway of her hips I've never seen before. "Your majesty?" She adds touching lightly my arm. I look down to her hand and gulp. Suddenly my hands are sweating and my stomach is turning, but it's not an unpleasant sensation. I know I'm nervous, _extremely_ nervous, but it's a good nervous.

_I thought I was over my crush on Anna._

"Uh… I-I…" I take a step back clumsily before deciding it's safer to keep pretending I am a queen and resuming my regal posture and looking at Anna with the most serious expression I can make. I clear my throat and continue with my best queenly voice, trying to give this game a more innocent (and safer) turn. "I was sent to find the lost princess."

"Oh." She pauses. "So we're like… sisters?" She gives me a confused gaze.

"Exactly." I smile, but then I see her frown. "You don't seem to be very happy about it." I comment, worried that I said something I shouldn't.

"Uhm… No." She makes a face of disgust. "I don't want to be your sister."

"Oh." I feel like she just stabbed me in the heart, but I conceal it before she thinks less of me. "But then you wouldn't be princess." I hope that at this, she'll stop rejecting a closer relationship with me… as sisters, of course. In this little game.

"I can be princess consort. " She retorts, giving me a flirtatious smile. I keep staring at her for more than five seconds before finally processing what she just said.

"P-princess consort?" I exclaim, wondering if I'm interpreting this correctly and not sure what to think about it if I am.

"Yeah, you know… the consort of the quee… the consort of the prince! "She explains herself. "Yep, your younger brother. I bet he'd be as gorgeous as you." She puts her hands on her mouth and blush. It takes me a moment to realize what she meant; she'd marry my brother if I had one because she thinks he'd be as gorgeous as me. Even when I'm not gorgeous I still find her words very sweet and endearing… But I still feel somewhat disappointed?

Before I can start wondering why I feel disappointed, her embarrassed voice, muffled by her hands still on her mouth, draws my attention.

"Earth, please, swallow me."

Her face is so red, her expression so embarrassed and her overall posture so funny, I can't help it when I burst laughing as I've never done before. I'm pretty sure this didn't merit such a spontaneous show of amusement, but I can't contain myself. Maybe I'm doing it because I'm relieved that she wasn't trying to flirt with me because I currently don't feel emotionally prepared for that kind of relationship. Or maybe I'm doing it just because I _can_. Just this morning, I was so overwhelmed by grief and worry that laughing seemed something ridiculously impossible, but now, thanks to Anna, I'm able to laugh again, and but it just feels _wonderful._

After a few minutes I am almost out of breath, and finally the laughter recedes and I'm able to look at Anna, just to find her lying on the floor, clutching her sides and having a laugh-attack. It almost make me want to keep laughing, but I control my giggles (with great difficulty) and offer her a hand to help her up saying:

"Well, I'm sorry. I don't have a younger brother, so you can't be princess consort." I give her my best apologetic look. She takes my hand and gets up, her laughter finally dying, but a bright smile remaining on her face.

"Well, then I guess I'll be a knight in shining armor." She retorts. "Saving princesses, slaying ferocious beasts and protecting my beautiful Queen." She winks, and my heart skips a beat as a wonderful sensation of warmth extends through my body. However, I'm not able to enjoy it for long.

**Having feelings you shouldn't have again, Elsa? **

I feel a chill running down my spine. She's back.

**Remember what father said; it's unnatural, it's monstrous, you'll go to hell for it. You're not better than a serial killer or a burglar; this is a crime to humanity.**

_But I don't…_

**You can't lie to me! We're the same person.**

In that moment I wish that Anna, my brave knight, could get inside my head and slay down the other Elsa, but I know she can't. I feel so vulnerable, I need protection.

"Even from herself?" I ask, even if I know it's a stupid question.

_"__Specially_ from herself." Anna answers taking my hands between hers and giving me a reassuring smile that I hesitantly return. I thought she'd call me crazy, but apparently she's really trying to help me. She's truly a brave knight. "I'll be here for you, don't worry." She assures me. "Until you don't need me anymore."

Those words are like a stab to my severely damaged heart, because they say an ugly truth: she'll be with me until I get better, then, she'll leave me and I'll be on my own again. And I already knew that, if I don't ever get better, she'll get tired of me and leave anyways, so there's not really an alternative; I'll end up losing Anna, sooner or later.

**Sooner or later, I'll be alone again. Everyone will abandon me.**

"Let's continue." I say and walk away, not daring to look at Anna. I can't bear seeing her now that I know our break up is fast approaching.

* * *

I keep quiet the rest of the time we're in the museum, but she doesn't, and by 'she' I don't mean Anna. The other Elsa tries to take over again, and she keeps saying horrible things about me to the point that I start to believe they're my ideas. I try to fight, but I'm exhausted. It's only a matter of time.

I'm so immersed on the battle inside my head that I almost don't notice when, following Anna, I've arrived to a small garden and I'm now walking on grass instead of the stone floor. I see Anna sit down on a bench in front of a fountain and I follow suit. I know I should say something but I don't have enough will power to do it. I'm too busy keeping _her_ on check.

"So… What did you think?" Anna asks, obviously trying to break the awkward silence, but I'm really not in the mood to do small talk.

"Nothing." I shrug. "It was like every other museum."

"Uhm… the weather is very nice, right?" Another pathetic attempt to make me speak.

"… I guess." I say feeling bad because I know she's just trying to be nice, but I can't help it. The prospect of losing her ruined the whole day for me.

Suddenly she stands up and I'm afraid she'll leave, but then I see she's searching for something behind a bush and let out a relieved sigh.

**Why are you so relieved? She's not leaving now, but she ****_will_**** leave soon, this time forever. You'll never see her again.**

_That's not true. I will still see her at school… from the distance._

**You will be apart. She won't be your friend. She won't even speak to you.**

I feel a pang of pain starting in my heart and quickly spreading through my whole body, crushing every last bit of hope and happiness I had and, slowly, I start agreeing with her. It's too painful for it's the reality of my future.

**A future you don't have to live.**

_Is there an alternative?_

**Death.**

The thought is so final and disturbing that I find myself shivering in fear, recoiling from that voice, wanting to run away from her. I don't want to die. Really, I don't. Life's worth living, Anna showed me that… Anna, with whom I won't be anymore. Is a life without Anna worth living?

**It's not.**

_Stop! You're not helping. I hate you!_

"Hey Elsa!" I look up to find the beaming face of the girl I was just thinking about. "Look what I found." She shows me a German shepherd puppy covered by leaves and mud and panting. This successfully distracts me from my dark thoughts.

"A… dog?" I frown. Last time I checked, dogs weren't allowed inside the museum. "What is a dog doing here?"

"He must be lost." She shrugs and then checks for a name plate, but it only has a collar. "What do you think we should do with him?" She smiles and rubs affectionately his head.

In that moment, a sudden wave of negative emotions floods my mind against my will and takes control. I don't even know where it came from, but I can't do anything about it. My mouth speaks at its own accord.

"Kill him."

"W-what?" Anna's face is now pale, looking at me with horrified eyes. I want to explain to her that it's not really me talking, but when _she _speaks again, the pain is so real that I'm literally immobilized.

"We should kill him." _She_ repeats louder, looking up into the puppy's innocent eyes. "That way he won't have to suffer this… _life_." I feel my eyes burning with contained tears and my heart breaking. I feel _her_ suffering.

Anna sits down at my side and places the pup down, to then face the broken me. The part of me I wished she would never see again. The part of me that will disgust her and make her leave.

_This is when she'll reject me._

"Elsa… what are you talking about?" She says, obviously disgusted for what _she_ just said. "Why do you say such terrible things? Life is worth living, it's…"

"No!" _She_ suddenly screams, even though I wanted to just hear her explanation and be comforted. This obviously makes Anna back away a little before the other Elsa continues. "No, it is not! It must seem like it sometimes, but the happy days… are just there to tease us, to make the suffering much more unbearable since you now know there is something better. But life is just suffering." Now the tears are falling freely down my cheeks and my throat feels swollen. "That puppy…" _She_ points at him, who was now trying to catch a bee. "He seems happy now, he surely has someone who takes care of him, who apparently loves him… But you know what?" _She_ turns to see Anna. "If he does something his owner doesn't like… o-or if his owner suddenly discovers he's something he shouldn't be… he'll be out on the streets all of a sudden, alone, at the mercy of bad people who don't care about him at all, who may try to hurt him just for fun, who'll watch him suffer and do nothing about it…" Her pain when _she_ says all this is just too real, and too familiar. I recognize this pain, the pain I felt when my brother died, when my father didn't care about me, but most of all, the pain I felt when I came to this country. When I was just a stray and lonely puppy.

_… __Wait a minute. The pain _I_ felt? _My_ pain?_

"That could happen." Anna answers before I can dwell on the thought too much. "But even if it did, maybe he could find a home somewhere else, with people who actually love him and try to help him. They'll heal his injuries, help him forget his hurtful past… Take care of him." She's trying to reassure _her_, but I know it's useless. The other Elsa won't listen; she doesn't appreciate Anna as I do.

"M-maybe." _She_ says hesitantly. To my surprise, Anna's words are having an effect on her. But still, her sorrow and fear are way too strong and she keeps talking. "But then they'd realize he's too damaged to be healed, that he's just a burden that's keeping them from living their lives, that he'll never be the perfect puppy he always has to be." A strong sob interrupts _her_, and _she_ feels hopeless because she knows that _she_ can't be good enough, that _she_ has to disappear. I feel _her _resentment and it's directed towards me, because I've never accepted _her_. Because I chose to deny _she_ was a part of me. Because I left _her_ too. "And when that happens, he'll be alone again, and he won't be able to go on anymore, because he loved them so much… and they left him again. And it wasn't even their fault. It was his. He wasn't good enough to be loved." The other Elsa breaks down crying hysterically.

In that moment I realize something life-changing. When _she_ first started talking about the puppy, I thought _she_ was actually talking about me, but now I know _she_ was talking about _herself_. And yet… _she_ was still talking about me, or rather, _I_ was talking about myself. _Her_ suffering is _my _suffering, _her_ pain is _my _pain, _her_ thoughts are _my_ thoughts. As well as _my_ happiness is also _hers_, so is _my_ will to live and _my_ feelings for Anna, because _she_'s part of me, we're the same person. I just chose to pretend that part of me didn't exist, but it was still there saying what I thought but didn't want to accept as my own thoughts. Eventually that part took over, but only because, by ignoring it, I made her stronger, until she was so powerful I started to call it the 'other Elsa', as if it were another person, separated from me, when she wasn't, and by doing this, I just gave _her_ (gave _me_) more pain, because, if not even I can love the most damaged part of myself, who could?

Just in that moment Anna starts crying and hugs me tightly as she whispers to my ear:

"I don't care if you're not perfect. So what? Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper." She tries to control her sobs enough to speak. "Yes, you've been hurt, you're broken to the point that a full recovery doesn't seem possible… But I'll be there to help you get better. I'll heal the wounds I can heal, and comfort you when you suffer from the ones I can't. You'll be left with scars, a lot of scars that will mar your otherwise beautiful heart… a-and maybe sometimes it'll seem like it's too much, that you can't live like that anymore. But I'll be there… always. You won't be alone."

The other Elsa doesn't say anything. This is clearly not the reaction _she_ was expecting. Someone is finally accepting _her_ just as _she_ is, with flaws and all; weak and broken, and for the first time, _she_ feels happiness. _She_ is so grateful that _she_ hugs Anna with all the strength _she_ can muster and, for once, it seems like the wounds of _her_ heart are finally healing. Deep down _she_ knows that _she_'ll always feel pain, that the horrors of _her_ past will haunt _her_ until the day she dies, but that's what makes the good days worth it, after all. And, as long as _she_ has Anna by her side, _she_ knows there will be lots of good days.

The moment is so beautiful that I start crying bittersweet tears that meld with the other Elsa's tears of relief and sorrow. I'm glad there's someone who finally accepted _her_, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to do the same. I hope that in the future we'll be together again of course, but I don't know if that's possible now, after all we've been through.

However, despite all my doubts, in that moment there's not much difference between us, since we're both feeling the same. We're both happy and relieved that Anna won't leave, that she has accept that part of me that's broken, and we know she's being completely honest, more so when she says with the most sweet tone I've ever heard:

"I love you."

And it just feels so right, so natural, that my sobs turn into laughter and I melt in her, relishing her touch, her closeness. I don't know if she meant it as friends or as something more, but I don't care; love is love, and I'm happy with what I can get.

However, the warmth she's transmitting me is so delicious, and her body so comfortable that my tired body leans in and my heavy eyelids start to shut, as the other Elsa and I, both incredibly exhausted, decide we need some rest and let the slumber take over.


	16. Wrong but so right

**Chapter 16. Wrong but so right.**

I wake up when I heard someone yelling. At first it's distant yelling, but then it becomes more intense and I can't continue sleeping anymore. It's a shame because I'm pretty sure it was a good dream, though as soon as I open my eyes I can't remember it anymore.

The first thing I notice is the blinding sunlight and the heat. I'm not used to it, being from Norway, so I need to get rid of whatever is making me warm. I try to move to take off my sweater, but there's someone keeping me from moving. When I look down, shielding my eyes from the sun, I see it's Anna holding me tightly.

Suddenly, memories come back to me and I remember I fell asleep on a bench at the small garden inside the museum… after crying like crazy and saying horrible things that were clearly referring to my past. And Anna stood by my side all that time, trying to make me feel better about myself. She's very sweet. I even manage a smile as I see her still snoring lightly as she holds into my body.

The moment would have been perfect if not for the guy who was yelling. He suddenly appeared in my field of vision and started yelling again, this time louder. He's tall, blonde and muscular, dressed in sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, and seems to be looking for someone apparently called "Sven". I don't know what he's doing here but I doubt he came to see the pieces at the museum. I wouldn't have minded him, however, if his yelling hadn't caused Anna to wake up.

Anna stirs and frowns, her eyes still closed, before leaning on me more, placing her head on the crook of my neck and nuzzling me. This makes goosebumps appear on my skin, but I didn't dare move, fearing I would wake her up. That's when the blonde man gets just in front of us and yells again, so loudly that Anna jumps and almost falls, except that I somehow manage to catch her. However, before she can completely wake up, the man approaches us and asks:

"Excuse me, have either of you seen my dog?" I'm about to tell him that dogs aren't allowed here and that he can go look for it somewhere else when Anna (who has a lot more consideration and social skills than the recently-rudely-awaken me) answers, still half-asleep.

"Dog? Uhmmm…" She blinks, trying to fully rid herself of sleep's gentle embrace. "Yeah… dog… found… over the…" Before she can finish the sentence, she closes her eyes and starts snoring again on my shoulder, which is really cute, but the rude man doesn't seem to enjoy the sight as much as I do.

"Where?!" He yells, desperately trying to reach Anna's shoulders (probably to shake her awake), but a glare from me makes him reconsider that course of action. It doesn't matter, though, since Anna is finally awake.

"Oh, right, dog!" She exclaims opening her eyes. "Uhm… there was a puppy over there." She signals the bushes where she found the animal a few… minutes ago? Hours ago? How long have we been asleep? "It was a… German shepherd." She smiles to him and he runs away to where the puppy was, not even thanking her first.

"How rude." I comment once he's out of earshot.

"Nah, he was just worried because of his puppy, I saw it in his eyes; he is nice deep inside.

_"__Very_ deep inside." I mumble, which makes her giggle. I see her laughing and suddenly I don't remember why I was grumpy, and I feel myself relax, smiling to her… until that blonde guy appears again, this time tightly hugging a muddy puppy that doesn't stop licking his face… an action that his owner reciprocates, making me cringe in disgust. That must be the most unhygienic thing I've ever seen.

"Thank you." He says to Anna, finally stopping his show of affection towards the animal. "Seriously, Sven is my best friend and I don't know what I would've done if I couldn't have find him."

"It was nothing." Anna says politely, but obviously as disgusted as I was at how he just _licked_ his dog's face.

"I'm Kristoff." He offers his hand for Anna to take, but it's muddy and she obviously doesn't accept it. He seems to realize this and quickly tries to wipe it on his pants, only managing to make a mess, his hand still not being clean enough for anyone to hold.

"I'm Anna." She answers carefully placing her hands behind her legs, as if to subtly say she really doesn't want to touch him. I can't blame her; he smells like sweat and wet dog.

"Well… uhm… thanks again." He says awkwardly after such a blatant rejection and turns to leave. I sigh in relief at his departure, but he suddenly stops and turns around. "I work near here, at Pabbie's Auto shop if you ever… you know… need anything?" A hopeful smile forms on his face and I almost feel bad for him (_almost_ being the key word), because I'm quite sure Anna's never going to visit him… maybe she'll visit his _dog_, but I seriously doubt she has any kind of interest in that guy.

"Thanks, I'll take that on count." Anna answers, chuckling when he blushes then turns to leave. He almost trips on his way out since he tried to walk away while watching Anna.

"He's kinda…" Anna lets the sentence hang there obviously trying not to sound mean, but I quickly provide her with some words.

"Smelly? Gross? Awkward?" She chuckles but still shakes her head.

"I was going to say rude." This answer actually surprises me; true, he didn't say as much as a say "thank you" when Anna told him where his dog was, but he did later. Anna said it herself; he was in a hurry! He was trying to find Sven, who's apparently his best friend, so… why to say rude out of the other many defects he has?

"Why?" I ask confused.

"Because you're here with me and he basically ignored you. I mean, he didn't even spare you a glance! That's incredibly impolite." I giggle because her interest in me is very cute, but seriously, at her side… who would ever see me? She's a goddess and I'm… "Elsa, stop right there." Anna's stern voice cuts my line of thought and I look at her, confused as to what was she referring to; I wasn't doing anything. "I know you're thinking you don't deserve even the smallest attention, but you do. It may seem like a small thing to you, something that can't even be taken as an offense, but…" She swallows and fixes her eyes intensely on mine, so I can't bring myself to look away. "Looking at someone… is acknowledging they exist, that they are human beings." The way she says this is so… intense that I literally feel that if she looks away I will disappear. I almost feel bad for not caring about if that Kristoff guy saw me or not, and about wanting to be invisible half of the time I'm on school… but with how close she's to me right now… every negative emotion just fades away, like it didn't matter; I'm not ignoring it, it's just being overwhelmed by the positive emotions she's transmitting to me.

"Thank you." I say smiling, a gesture that she reciprocates before taking my hands and getting us both up from the bench.

"Well, I think we've spent too much time in here and I still plan on having dinner with you. Come on!" She prompts me as she tugs my hand to drag me towards the exit. I happily follow her, almost beaming knowing I will spend the next few hours with this girl. I can't believe just a few hours ago I was feeling like shit and almost wanted to die.

* * *

When we arrive to the restaurant it's almost sunset, and not because it was far from the museum, but because we were asleep for too long. I don't regret it though; sleeping helped me improving my mood so now I feel fresh and relaxed.

The restaurant is very nice, but not too fancy, which I appreciate, because otherwise it would've reminded me of the boring dinners I used to have with my father and his business partners. I was always afraid of committing some mistake, because he'd get mad and punish me after we got home, so I had to be very conscious of every movement. This eventually made me stress to the point of almost having a panic attack. But whatever; as I said this restaurant isn't like the ones my father always took me to, so I'm good.

The waitress leads us to our seats and asks us if we want something to drink. Anna says she wants hot chocolate, but as I'm still feeling too hot because of the time we spent under the sun, I ask for a chocolate milkshake (Only after Anna assured me that she'd be paying because, after all, she invited me. I still feel like I'm taking advantage of her kindness though, so I promise myself I will order something cheap).

As we wait for our drinks to arrive, we decide on what we want to eat. Anna can't decide between ordering a sandwich or pancakes with Nutella… or the big chocolate cake, or the Oreo cheesecake, or every other thing with chocolate. Despite my insistences that those are not real meals but mere desserts with like zero nutritional value. At the end she decides to order one huge sandwich filled with bacon, cheese, jam, lettuce and a lot more things, and a big chocolate cake as dessert (Seriously, how can she eat that much?), while I just order chicken with salad. The waitress says she'd bring us our orders as soon as possible.

Now, there's only the two of us in complete silence and I don't know what to say.

Anna's the first to break the silence.

"So…"She starts.

"So?" I say.

"So… you… uhm…" She bites her lower lip and looks around. "Uh… this is a nice restaurant."

"It is." I agree, not knowing how else to respond. She just nods and continues thinking about what to say next. I wish I could start talking, but I'm just not very good at it.

Suddenly, she laughs nervously.

"What?" I ask confused, but smiling.

"Nothing." She shrugs. "I was just thinking this kinda seems like a date."

"A-a… a date?" I can't help it when my voice sounds panicked and I start sweating cold. It's not like I wouldn't want to be on a date with Anna, but… I've never been in a date before, with a girl, no less! A girl that I like _way_ too much.

**You should be on a date with a man, the son of a successful businessman, someone your father would approve. Not her. **

_But I could never like a man. I love Anna! _

**But it's wrong and you know it! Besides, it's not even a date; she could never reciprocate your unnatural feelings. It may seem like she does but it's not true, forget it!**

"I was just kidding!" Anna suddenly screams frantically, startling the people on the table next to ours. She blushes and continues in a more normal tone. "I mean… it's not a _date_, come on, that's just…" She chuckles a little to show how absurd the mere thought was, but then her expression turns sad and her laughter dies. "… Yeah." She finishes awkwardly lowering her head. I may not be an expert reading people but… that display actually tells me pretty clearly that she is lying; she wasn't kidding, she wants this to be a date. But she was too nervous to admit it right away and the way I responded to it didn't exactly help her.

**You're not reading her right. If she says she's kidding, then she is. Why would she share your monstrous feelings?**

_She did say she loves me earlier. Actually, she said it to _you_, if I recall correctly… or was it to us? The point is, I think I may have a chance with her._

Before I can decide the best course of action, however, Anna changes the subject.

"You know? I actually took you out to dinner because I wanted to talk to you in a nicer settling than usual. I was hoping that way you'd… I don't know… be more open?" I'm about to protest that I've been quite open, but I guess she is right, since I rarely speak when we are together, letting her make all the conversation.

"Well, I guess it's a good strategy." I admit, after all, I would feel bad not talking to her after she went to so much trouble to bring me here. "What would you like to talk about?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Whatever you want. I just want to know you better, as in, know what you like, what you don't, which movie is your favorite, if you prefer dark or milk chocolate… you know, the usual stuff you learn about someone before helping them overcome an emotional crisis." She chuckles and I can't help giggling a little too; our relationship has been anything but normal since the very beginning.

"You're right." I agree. "Okay, let's see." I think for a moment what I'm going to say. "I like drawing, usually buildings because I want to become an architect, but I can also draw people."

_But as much as I like it, I've only made one drawing since I was nine._

"You're very good at it!" She exclaims, which surprises me. Surely she hasn't seen any of my drawings, right? "The other day I saw a drawing you made of me, and it was very well detailed."

"Y-you saw it?" I blush averting my gaze, but smiling at her compliments.

"Yeah, it was totally an accident, but I'm glad I did. You'll be a great architect."

"I won't." I answer sadly.

"W-why not?" She seems taken aback by me answer.

"Because…" I sigh, not wanting to tell her more of my problems and ruin the mood, but I guess she'd want an honest answer. "Father." It's not a lie, but short enough so I can avoid losing myself in sad memories. I hope it suffices her.

"Oh." It's her only response. "I see, well…" _Please don't ask more. _"I still think you have amazing skills." I internally sigh in relief when she doesn't pry for answers. "Maybe one day you could make me a drawing of you?"

"Of me?" I ask in disbelief. Truly, I've never tried to draw myself, not without being with someone, and I'm not sure it would turn out well. "Uh… what about I make a drawing of us instead?" I counter.

"Sounds good to me." She says beaming, and I smile. Just when I'm about to say something else, however, our meal arrives and we start eating.

Anna practically stuffs her mouth with that enormous sandwich of hers, so talking is out of question if she doesn't want to choke, but she still looks at me as if prompting me to talk (I almost laugh at how funny and cute she looks with her puffed cheeks), since I am calmly and composedly cutting my chicken. I roll my eyes and start talking. It feels weird at first since I'm not used to be the one leading the conversation, but then it starts to feel quite nice. It's like someone is finally showing interest in me, in who I am, and not only on my problems and tragic past, but also on the good stuff, the small mundane things I enjoy.

After a while I'm afraid that I bored her, but when I pause to see if she's still paying attention, I find her smiling at me affectionately, having already finished her sandwich and leaning into the table to listen more closely. She then asks me some questions that I gladly answer. After a few minutes, when I finish my chicken breast, she gets up from her side of the booth and sits on my side of the table, placing the chocolate cake between us. I shot her a questioning gaze and she only smiles wider.

"I think you've earned half of my cake." She says. "After all, you answered all of my questions and talked for over an hour almost uninterrupted."

"I didn't do it to win a prize. "

"Oh? So then can I have it all for myself?" She says teasingly as she cuts a forkful and places it right under my nose, where the amazing smell is so clear I just want to devour it on one single bite. But before I can, she takes it into her mouth, humming in delight and closing her eyes as she savors it.

That's playing dirty. I just told her I can resist chocolate in any of its delicious forms!

"Okay, I do want my prize." I say extending my hand so she passes me the untouched fork that's beside her. She smiles in triumph and she reaches for the fork, but since it was at the edge of the table, as soon as Anna touches it, it falls to the ground.—Well, I guess I can ask the waitress for another. "I say, even if I want to have it _now_. I'm addicted to chocolate, I know."

"Yes, we could do that." Anna states nonchalantly before her expression turns into a mischievous one that actually makes me gulp. "Or, we could just…" She pauses, cutting another piece with her fork and then approaching it to my face. "Share." My face turns bright read as I stare at the chocolaty threat placed in the fork Anna has already used and being given to me by said girl. Anna's half-lidded eyes aren't helping either. I'm not an expert when it comes to human relationships, but I'm pretty sure normal friends don't do this.

When the tip of the fork presses lightly into my lips, I know I will faint any moment because of the sheer amount of blood that's rushing to my face, and I give her a pleading look so she will stop with this amazing torture. Anna, however, presses the fork harder, prompting me to take it in, and I don't have enough will power to resist.

I give her a timid look as I take the piece of cutlery in my mouth, taking the small amount of cake with my lips before she extracts the fork from my mouth, smiling triumphantly. She then proceeds to cut a piece for herself and, once she's eaten it, another one for me. We continue like this until the cake is gone, me blushing all the time and Anna smiling mischievously. I swear that girl enjoys seeing me all flustered and embarrassed… but I can't complain; I actually enjoyed it a lot too, not only because the cake was delicious, but because there's something about being mouth-fed by someone. It makes you feel connected to that person in an intimate way that's very different from anything you've experienced before.

* * *

Once the dinner was over, we take a bus to my house and, when we arrive to the bus stop, we descend and start walking the few blocks that separate it from the place where I live. The silence is a comfortable silence, just listening to our footsteps and enjoying the fresh, crisp night air. Then, too soon for my liking, we arrive to my house and it's time to say goodbye and end this wonderful date. Day. This wonderful day with her. Not date, definitely not a date.

I turn to look at her when we get to the door, and she gives me a tiny smile.

"I guess it's time for me to go home." She says.

"Yeah…" I sigh. I don't want this to end just yet, but it's getting late and I wouldn't want her to get in some kind of trouble. "I-I really had a good time with you." I say in thanks.

"Yes, it was pretty amazing." She smiles wider and suddenly I feel like she's too close. Did she took a step forward or did I imagine it? "I'd never seen you more happy and relaxed. And the cake part was really good!" She giggles and I follow suit. "It really was what a first date should be." Her words are followed by death silence as we both process what she said. Her eyes widen and she blushes badly, but she doesn't try to deny her previous statement, she just looks at me shyly as if waiting for my reaction.

I like her, of course, I accepted that a long time ago. But having an impossible crush is one thing and seeing the possibility of it becoming something real suddenly lay out in the open… is scary. I want this to be a date. I want to date Anna, I want her to say that she's in love with me and to say I love her in return… but something is holding me back. The other Elsa is holding me back.

I'm having a fight with myself, trying to suppress her, because I think I deserve to be happy, even if she says I shouldn't be having these feelings… and even if I know she's right.

**You shouldn't love her that way. It's wrong. It's horrible. It's monstrous. It's an abomination. It's immoral. You probably forced those feelings into her. She's probably telling you this out of pity. She doesn't love us! She's not a monster like we are!**

I close my eyes as I'm overwhelmed by that voice that suddenly isn't my own voice at all. It sounds surprisingly similar to my father's. It sounds exactly like that time…

* * *

_I walk into my father's study, the terror building. I'm shaking. I just want to run, to disappear… but I can't. I have to remain calm. Conceal, don't feel. If I show my fear it will be worse._

_I clear my throat to make my presence known, but even if it was _he_ who requested my presence, he doesn't seem to notice my arrival. I'm tempted to just confront him and get this over with… but at the same time I want time to stop so he will never look up from his paperwork and see me._

_For better or worse, he looks up at me, as if finally realizing I'm here and gives me a cold stare. I swallow my fear and speak._

_"__You requested my presence? Father?" I'm almost proud of how calm and composed I sounded, but there's not time for rejoice as his face turns stern… sterner actually._

_"__Indeed." His voice is like venom, and I can literally feel my body being pierced by the daggers he's throwing me with his eyes. I swallow. "I received a rather interesting call earlier. From Mr. Fafnerson." I clench my hands to stop them from shaking; this is exactly about what I feared it would be. "Do you know what he told me?" He studies my expression as if calculating my reactions, trying to know how much this is affecting me. I can just try to control my shaking before answering._

_"__No, I don't." I lie._

_"__Really?" He raises an eyebrow. "He seemed so sure about what he said."_

_"__I-I really don't know what you're talking about." I insist, but his penetrating gaze makes me look down, being unable to lie while I'm looking at his eyes._

_"__Lies!" He yells startling me as he gets up from his chair. I jump a little but stay still, not wanting to upset him more. "I always know when you are lying Elsa, and right now you are. I suggest you to tell me the truth before I get even angrier than I already am. Did you molest his daughter?!" I shrank at his outburst and actually take a step back, but that's all I let my emotions show._

_"__I didn't really _molest_ her…" I try to explain, but he cuts me._

_"__He said today his daughter came home traumatized because a filthy dyke named _Elsa_ told her she wanted to do naughty things with her!"_

_I close my eyes to prevent tears from falling. Today was a horrible day; I had been planning for quite some time to confess my feelings for Anrid, the beautiful daughter of Mr. Fafnerson, and everything had been so perfect! I even brought her flowers! And she… she rejected me. She called me names. She said that was disgusting and she and her friends made fun of me. I spent the rest of the day crying at the bathroom, and then I came home and my father requested to see me._

_As I said, today was a horrible day, but I suspected the worst part was still about to come._

_"__I just told her I love her!" I scream, sick of being treated like shit. I can feel tears running down my cheeks, but I don't care as I stare defiantly to my father's eyes full of hatred. _

_My bravery, though, doesn't last long._

_"__You… _what?!_" The tone he uses… I've never hear it before. It's so full of disdain, as if I was the worst kind of trash and I was sitting on his most expensive chair. It's a tone that would make you think I had just admitted having killed someone and eaten the corpse. _

_I take a step back and then another and another until my back hits the wall. Then, I look one more time at his eyes so full of contained rage, before closing my eyes expecting the worse. I just hope that when he kills me, he makes it quick. _

_I don't resist when he takes my collar, pulls me towards him and then slams me against the wall, hitting my head. I just let out a faint squeak of pain as I'm too terrified to even make the smallest sound. I can feel his hot breath on my face, and I know he's too close. I still don't dare opening my eyes; I just shrink even more, trying to appear smaller and more vulnerable, as if hopping he'll take pity of my and let me go._

_Of course, he doesn't._

_"__You _love_ a _woman_?!" He yells, which makes me shake harder in fear. "You admit to have such… _monstrous_ feelings?!" I shake my head in fear, but he continues regardless. "Listen well, Elsa: You are a _woman_, you are supposed to be attracted to a _man_; that's how things work in nature, that's how God ordered it to be. Everything else is nothing but an abomination_. _It's wrong. It's horrible. It's monstrous. It's _immoral_. It's an offense against society. Do you understand?" He pushes me against the wall, harder than before, and I frantically nod, but then he releases me and my legs give in, making me fall into the ground still trembling. _

_I finally dare opening my eyes and I see him taking the phone and calling someone._

_"__Yes." He says in English using a formal tone. "Kai, it's Adgar. It's been a long time." He pauses, apparently listening to the other person, but getting exasperated really quickly. "Look, I didn't call to catch up; I need a favor." He pauses again. "It's about my daughter, Elsa. I will send her to the USA, and I was wondering if you could take her into your house. I'd pay, of course."_

_I freeze at his words and suddenly I'm unable to process the rest of the conversation. He's sending me far away, to the other end of the world, to live with a complete stranger. He's abandoning me. He's getting rid of me. He can't stand having a daughter who is not "normal". I failed him and he's leaving me to my fate._

_When my father finally hangs up, I'm curled up in the floor crying uncontrollably. I want to rip my heart out to stop the pain. My father is sending me away. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He doesn't…_

_Suddenly all my thoughts are interrupted as I feel intense pain on my head. It takes me a few seconds to realize that my father is pulling my hair in order to get me up. I can barely stand on my shaky legs, but I somehow manage to do it under the threatening gaze of my father and his harsh voice._

_"__Listen to me, this is what you're going to do: You will wipe those tears, go to your room, pack three changes of clothes, no more, no less, get into the car and stay quiet as the driver takes you to my personal jet. Then you'll get in there, go to the USA, search for Kai and Gerda and live with them. Your new life is a punishment to your crime, is that clear?" I nod. "Good. And by the time I decide you've earned your ticket back, _if _I actually decide you _deserve_ to return, I want you to be a respectable daughter, understood? No feelings, no crying, and certainly _no_ homosexuality. If I ever hear that you as much as looked a girl in less than appropriate ways, I swear to god that you _will _regret it. Your punishment will be much worse than this." I nod again and, when he releases me, I almost sigh in relief. Almost, because I know the next few years of my life will probably be the worst, and that's saying something._

* * *

When I open my eyes and come back from the flashback, I notice not more than a few seconds have passed, but I'm sweating profusely and shaking, and Anna is leaning in as if to kiss me. I automatically turn my head to the side so her lips land on my cheek. I feel horrible about it, but I can't just indulge into my naughty urges after promising my father that I wouldn't; he's already proven he can do me a lot of wrong, and I don't want to see what'd happen if he knew about me breaking my promise.

"I'm sorry." I choke out as I close my eyes to avoid looking at Anna's probably hurt expression. At the same time, tears fall from my eyes. "I-I can't… it's… w-wrong." Those words, when they come from my mouth, hurt me more than when my father said them. It's like denying an important part of myself. It's like I'm hurting myself, like I hate myself. Even the other Elsa doesn't like this. Saying it out loud is not the same as saying it on my head; it's ten times more painful.

"Wrong?" Anna's voice is sad and confused. "How? Don't you love me?" I'm tempted to lie, but I know I can't just blatantly deny my feelings for her without consequence, so instead I try to explain to her why this can't be.

"Anna, of course I love you." As I say it, I open my eyes and stare right at her, so she can see how serous I am about it. "But…" I sigh. "We're both girls. This isn't natural." A new torrent of tears escapes from my eyes and now I'm sobbing quietly. The pain is just too real.

"Not natural?" She exclaims. "How can you say it is not natural? It sure feels natural to me!" She says. "You can't say it's wrong just because we're both women! It's still love." She pauses as she takes my arms. "You know what _is_ wrong and unnatural? To force yourself to be with a man, just because that's what society expects from you, when you really are in love with a girl, but you're too scared to admit it and you end up hurting her instead." I look at her through teary eyes, surprised by her confession. So she never loved Hans? Did she always feel attracted to me? "True love is never wrong." She continues after she wipes some tears that had also started falling down her cheeks. "It doesn't matter if it's between a man and a woman, or two women or two men; if it's love, it can't be wrong."

"I-I don't know Anna…" The other Elsa tries to protest, but I can feel her hesitation. I can see that she's as sick as I am of denying herself happiness just because of what father, who never really cared about our wellbeing, said a long time ago. However, _she_ still needs a little push, one that Anna gladly gives to her.

Suddenly, I feel a pair of soft lips gently being pressed over mine, taking me by surprise, but despite everything, despite all the doubts I still had, my body responds, automatically closing my eyes to savor better this moment.

The first thing I notice is that there's a wave of electricity emanating from where her lips are in contact with mine and expanding throughout the rest of my being, sending pleasurable shudders that are so overwhelming that I have to lay my back on the door to avoid crumbling to the ground. Then, I notice the warmth; that sense of being safe, of being home, of being _loved,_ that makes happy tears appear on my eyes while every thought that's not about the girl kissing me simply disappears as they're not important anymore.

It's a wonderful feeling, but one that ends up too soon.

As Anna pulls back, a sense of loss and yearning appears on my heart, and all I want is to feel those pink lips on mine again.

"Did that feel wrong?" She asks looking at me as if daring me to say yes, threatening to wipe any doubt I may have with intense kissing treatment. But, as much as I'd enjoy that, I have to say the truth.

"No, no at all." I answer breathing heavily as I take her nape and crash our lips together one more time, because no, it didn't feel wrong, quite the opposite; nothing in my life has ever feel so right.


	17. Struggling with old fears

**Chapter 17: Struggling with old fears.**

Today I'm going back to school. Not that I really want to, of course, but I've missed far too many classes and, besides, I'm not going to leave Anna alone, not now that we're, you know… girlfriends? Wow, even in my head that sounds weird. Wonderful, but weird. I know from what she's told me, that being with Hans and the others when she doesn't want to is literal torture for her, but she's very afraid of being alone (and of what Hans would do if she leaves him) and she won't do something unless she feels she's safe. So that's when I come into play; I've decided I won't hide in my house anymore and step up for her… even if the sole thought of facing my bullies gives me chills.

I decided all this soon after my first date with Anna and yesterday I actually called her to inform her of my decision. Since then, I haven't been able to sleep and I've been worried and stressed all day, and it's not only because I fear my bullies, or the dispute about Anna that will undoubtedly happen. It's mostly because I'm afraid of two things that may be completely opposite; that Anna abandons me like the last time, denying we're girlfriends and crushing my heart, _or_ that, well… she actually doesn't; that she embraces me as her girlfriend and tries to initiate something with me in public and then something bad happens. And honestly I'm not sure which one would be worse.

But well… there's nothing I can do about it right now, since Kai is already waiting for me to give me a ride to school. Actually Anna wanted to come early today so we could make our way to school together, but I refused, not only because I know Anna hates waking up early and coming here for me would make her get up even earlier than usual, but also because I don't want her to kiss me or something in front of Kai and Gerda, in case they're homophobic.

When I arrive to school, however, Anna's already waiting for me and waving happily, an action that I promptly reciprocate as I start (nervously) making my way towards her. Anna looks gorgeous today, even more than usual, since she's wearing her twin braids and dressed with wonderfully looking black skinny jeans that really adhere well to her toned legs, and a really nice pink jacket. She looks cute and sexy at the same time, so much so that a large part of me wants to just kiss her senselessly for the rest of the day… And another part of me doesn't.

"Hey Elsa." Anna says as I approach. However, before I can think on the best way to say hi to my new girlfriend (I don't think kissing her at the entrance of the school is a good idea, but I guess maybe Anna would want me to, and a simple 'hi' may be too awkward), Anna steps towards me and tries to kiss me. Suddenly, I'm not in control of my body anymore, it's just like that time that guy named Olaf tried to give me a 'warm hug'; I don't want to reject her, I don't want to hurt her feelings, I may even want to kiss her… but I don't. I just step back, feeling my heart beating rapidly, almost having a panic attack. It's like my body is afraid of her contact, of her closeness, but it's weird, since it had never happened before. Not with Anna.

I look back at her and she has a hurt expression. A _very_ hurt expression, like I just broke her heart. I want to say anything, or to hug her or something, but I'm petrified and confused. My head is a mess.

"Uh… Is everything alright?" She asks.

"I-I…" I honestly don't know what to say, I mean, even _I _don't understand why I stepped back, and everything I tell her now may sound as an excuse. But I don't want her to be sad, I should at least apologize. "I'm sorry." I gulp, looking to the ground to avoid Anna's sad gaze. "I w-wanted to kiss you, really, I-it's just…" I pause and take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. Why didn't I kiss her? Was it because I don't want anyone seeing us in public? That sounds bad. I can't say that. "It's nothing." I say giving her a reassuring smile and hoping it doesn't look too fake. "Really, I'm just tired."

"Elsa… I know you're lying." She berates me and for a second I'm afraid she got even more upset with me (with good reason), but then she takes my hands as she continues to speak. "And I really don't think that's a good way to start the first day of our relationship. Come on, tell me." She insists, and she's being so gentle and understanding that everything I can think of right now is "I don't deserve such a wonderful girlfriend".

"I'm sorry." I sigh. I wish I could tell her the truth, but it'd probably make her angrier, and I'm not even sure what's really the truth, so instead, I tell her something that _could _be true, but probably isn't. "I think I'm still not used to have a girlfriend and the physical contact it implies… since I've been alone all my life." I feel bad for having to lie to her, especially after all she's done for me. It's just… I don't want to lose her, not now that we're finally together. As selfish as this may sound.

"That's okay, I understand." She assures me, before quickly kissing me on the lips, and I'm so relieved that she believed me that I don't even think on pulling back this time. Of course I don't kiss her back either, but that's because we really should go inside school now. As much as I'm enjoying the feeling of her lips over mine. "Come on, let's go." She says after also realizing this fact and pulling back. Then, she takes my hand and we start walking towards the entrance "So…" She starts. "Why the sudden change to your look?" She asks, referring to my new hairstyle.

"I woke up late. I didn't have time to braid it." I shrug. It's not that of a big deal, really. It just felt more fitting; I didn't want to wear my headband anymore because it makes me look childish, and after all I've been through, it just doesn't feel right, so I decided a tight bun would be better. It makes me look more mature after all. However, I'm not sure why but I can't make me tell her this, not here, not now. Maybe some other day, even if it feels bad to lie to my girlfriend for the second time today. And it's not even midday.

"Well, it looks good, though I still prefer your braid." She says and I give her a tiny smile without commenting anything. I'm not sure how to answer to that. Does she want me to wear a braid again?

We keep walking in silence (not as awkward as it could be, but still not quite comfortable) and, as we enter the school, we see Hans at the distance and my first instinct is to separate from Anna, because I know he'll be very, _very_ mad if he sees her with me, but Anna stops me tightening her grip around my hand.

"We're together. He can't separate us." She says in an almost challenging tone, as if she _wants_ him to see us.

"A-are you sure?" I ask nervously. "He'll be pissed when he sees us." I remind her.

"Good." She just answers with a low tone and a determined look, and I don't know if I should admire her for her bravery or roll my eyes at her innocence (I mean, does she really thinks she can just scare Hans away or something?).

Fortunately, he doesn't see us, and we're able to collect our belongings and part to our respective classes without incident. However, the rest of the day is hell. Well, not really, but in classes I don't really understand much, partially because I lost two weeks of classes, and partially because I can't stop thinking about Anna, and I don't mean only daydreaming, but also worrying about what will Hans do with her, what would happen if someone found out we're girlfriends, what my bullies will do with me when they see me again…

However, at the end I'm able to take some notes and ask the teachers for the opportunity to raise my grades; fortunately I have a justifier from Gerda and the hospital, so they'll let me deliver the homework I didn't do, and besides Anna has been apparently giving them homework as if I had done it. I really have to thank her latter for that.

_Yeah, with a kiss._

I blush at my words as I walk to the cafeteria, where I told Anna I'd meet her on our free period, and decide to read a book I got from the library to pass the time until Anna arrives. Not too much time passes before I hear the most wonderful voice in the world.

"Elsa!" I look up to see the beautiful redhead coming towards me and smile at her… and then I see she's not alone. She brought friends apparently; two brunettes, one is Belle, the girl who always is reading something (much like myself), and the other one is very similar to Anna, not only physically, but she also has that mischievous glint in her eyes (Ruby was her name? No…but it definitely started with 'R'). I don't have anything against them, of course, but I still can't help feeling anxious. I'm not ready to talk to anyone who isn't Anna.

"Anna." I say trying to give her a smile, but I'm so nervous it probably looked like I have to go to the bathroom.

"Elsa?" Belle asks clearly surprised. "Is that really you? I thought you had left school."

"Yeah… uh… well…" I stammer wondering how I should answer to that. I don't really like lying, but I don't think I could calmly talk about what happened and I don't believe she wants to hear about my problems either. She has better things to worry about.

Fortunately, I don't have to decide.

"She was sick." Anna answers for me. "But I've been taking care of her and now she's better." Her friends nod in understanding and I internally sigh in relief.

"I thought you two didn't really get along?" Belle asks.

"Uh… It's kind of a long story." Anna answers clearly ashamed about what she's done. It always happens when someone brings up the subject, even if I always remember her it wasn't completely her fault. "Wait, do you know each other?" She asks.

"We're together in math class." Belle nods. "We had to make a project for last week, but when she didn't show up I made it on my own."

_Oh, that's right! The project! Damn, now she probably hates me._

"Sorry." I apologize truly ashamed. "It wasn't my intention."

"You were sick." Anna says with a soothing voice as she places her hand on my shoulder. "I don't think Belle blames you for that."

"No, of course not. "The girl rushes to say." Maybe you could even talk to the teacher and see if she can count the project as if you had made it with me?

"That's very generous. But I don't think it'd be correct on my part." I answer actually feeling awkward for her spontaneous show of generosity. I mean, she doesn't even _know_ me, and I left her to make the project on her own just because I was feeling sad. This offering can't be from the heart; she only said it because I'm Anna's friend now.

"Uhm… Okay." Belle says. Then an awkward silence settles on the table and remains this way until Anna decides to speak.

"Uh… anyways." She breaks the silence. "I actually wanted you to meet Elsa because well… she's my girlfriend now." I tense at her words. Did she really just said what I think she said? Is she crazy? What if one of them is homophobic? What if someone else heard her?

"Wow! Congratulations!" The other brunette (Rapunzel I think it is) says enthusiastically, and my racing heart diminishes considerably. My hands also stop sweating so much. "Though I must admit I wasn't expecting this."

_Honestly? Me neither._

"I know." Anna sighs. "We have a rather complicated story, but we're together now, and that's what really matters."

"I thought you were with Hans?" Belle says more as a question than a statement.

"Yeah, Anna. I thought you were with _me_." Hans says, suddenly appearing behind Belle, and I wish I could blend with the chair, or become invisible. I mean, his face is so sinister! And no doubt he heard that Anna and I are girlfriends. I bet he wants to kill us both.

"You used me as your toy, but I was never your girlfriend." Anna boldly answers, making his expression turn even more murderous, if possible. I can't help but start trembling.

"You're my toy, indeed; _my_ property. And I specifically told you to stay away from plagues like these." He answers gesturing to me and Anna's friends.

_"__These_ are my friends." She points to the brunettes. "And this is my girlfriend." Now she puts both of her hands in my shoulders, but I only tense further. "And each one of them is worth a thousand times more than you will ever be." I can see the anger and disgust growing inside him, festering and making him more dangerous. I wish Anna had just kept her mouth close. Not that I'm not glad she's finally confronting them, but… in this case it would've been wiser to just run and hide.

"Your girlfriend?" Snow interferes (yes, he came with all his brainless minions).—You're a lesbian?!" She screams, making all the people at the cafeteria turn to look at us

. I sink even further in my chair, because now many dozens of people know the secret I've been trying to hide ever since I got here. This is a real nightmare. Please, just kill me now.

"Calm down Snow." Meg intercedes. "Don't be overly dramatic. It's completely natural."

"Completely natural?!" Hans exclaims turning to look at Meg with barely contained anger. "You disgusting freak! You turned Anna into _this_!"

"Homosexuality is not a cult, you know?" Meg mocks him, and he's now so angry I can see he's about to explode. And I really don't want Anna to get hurt.

It's only the fear I feel for my girlfriend what makes me get up and speak, hoping this way, if Hans attempts something, it'd be against me.

"W-wait." I say, but my voice trembles from fear. I make a pause to calm down and gather my thoughts before speaking again. "Anna and I…" I sigh, already forming a plan on my head but knowing it'd hurt Anna if she doesn't get it's just a lie, so I turn to look at her for a moment and silently ask for forgiveness and understanding before turning again towards Hans. "We're not really girlfriends." It feels _so_ wrong to say those words, to lie about the only thing I've ever been glad to say it's true, but I know it's necessary.

Silence soon fills our table, and I can feel all eyes pointed towards me. This makes me so nervous that, as much as I try to say something else, I just can't. I'm not very good talking with so many people at the same time.

"Explain yourself. And I swear if you're not telling me the truth, you'll regret it." Hans suddenly prompts, startling me and making me flinch. However, I tell myself that I have to be strong, for Anna, so I raise my barriers, not letting my feelings get out, so I can say what I have to say without the emotions getting on the way.

"Anna said that just to get rid of you, and I helped her because I actually love her; we're friends." This last part may be a lie, but everything else is truth, and surprisingly comes from my heart, even if I'm trying to suppress it. "And I will protect her from you if it's the last thing I do. I won't let you hurt her anymore, or use her. As long as I live, you won't get close to her. Ever again." Now I'm about to lose control. I don't even know what happened; it all occurred so soon. I feel rage and anger, suddenly remembering all they have done to me and Anna, and I just want to make them pay. "And you." I now turn to Snow and the others. "Don't you dare do anything bad to Anna. Thanks to you I have nothing to lose now, so I won't hesitate to do _anything_ to protect her, am I clear?" I almost snarl, feeling satisfaction when I see their surprised and scared faces. I'm about to keep attacking them when Anna steps by my side and speaks.

"And if you ever touch Elsa, you'll have to deal with me too. I'm not being part of your disgusting practices ever again; hurting people is wrong, and there are not 'winners and losers'; we're all the same… until we abuse someone and we become monsters." I'm very proud of Anna, of how she just stepped up for me, but at the same time I feel fear. Because if she hadn't had spoken, I would've exploded in rage, I would have become a monster in front of her, in front of _everyone_, the same thing I've been trying to avoid by becoming the Ice Queen. I'm quite unstable right now, I can sense it. I can't control myself.

"Fine." Hans sneers. "Stay with your new friends if you so want to, but just know now that I don't believe your empty treats. I'll make you regret your words, and soon you'll be begging to be with me again." At this he turns around and Snow, Ariel, Cinderella and Aurora follow him, but Meg stays behind. Ariel notices and calls for her, but she only answers:

"It's pretty clear that a war just started, and we have to decide our side. I don't know you, but I choose Anna." Ariel just stares at her confused for a few seconds before realizing the others left her behind and quickly following their steps.

As soon as they're out of sight, I sigh and collapse on my chair. Rapunzel and Belle look at each other for a moment before deciding to also sit but in the opposite side of the table, as Anna sits at my side and Meg between her and Rapunzel. For a few tense seconds no one says anything, since we're all processing what just happened, but then Meg speaks.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" She asks me, and I can only fidget with my hands and swallow, trying to calm myself but failing, and figuring I should first speak to Anna, explain to her what I did and why, and then we can figure a plan of action to solve this situation.

"Well, I… uh…" I briefly look at Anna, who seems to be utterly confused and devastated, no doubt because of what I said. Great, when trying to protect her I end up hurting her. Still, it was the right thing to do. "I'd prefer to talk to Anna first, if you don't mind."

They all seem to understand, so I get up from the table and, after making sure Anna is following me, I exit the cafeteria and keep walking through the halls filled with students without saying a word; this is definitely a conversation that I'd prefer to have in private, especially since I have to explain to Anna my reasons for keeping our relationship secret. So I wait until we arrive to a deserted hall before stopping, making sure there really isn't anyone around, and turning to Anna, who seems to be quite anxious, probably imagining the worst.

"I'm sorry about that." I say regretfully. "I know my words hurt you, but I want you to understand that it was necessary."

"H-how…? Elsa, please, explain it to me, because I honestly don't understand what happened." Anna's voice is trembling slightly, which makes me realize I hurt her even more than I anticipated. "A-are we still… girlfriends?" She asks hesitantly as her eyes fill with tears, and my heart breaks knowing it's my fault she's about to cry.

"Of course!" I exclaim, placing my hand over her cheek and tenderly caressing her amazingly warm and smooth skin, hoping to comfort her. "I-I thought you'd figure that I only said that to placate Hans' rage. I love being with you, I love you!" I assure her with as much passion I can muster, to show her I'm not breaking up with her, to show her she has nothing to worry about. It seems to work, since a little grin appears on her lips.

"Good, because I'm not letting you go anytime soon." She answers as she gently places her left hand over my right one. I'm tempted to just let the subject slip for now and just kiss her and enjoy her company, but I know if I don't tell her, I will keep hurting her and lying to her, and I don't want that, so I reluctantly start speaking.

"But Anna… as much as I like being your girlfriend… we can't tell anyone about this.

"What? Why?!" She asks with an expression that shows utter confusion, as well as disappointment.

"Because…" I sigh and look to the side to avoid seeing her eyes; I have to remain firm about it, and Anna's sad gaze could convince me of anything. "Because most people won't understand. And they will hurt you." I explain. I know she's been sheltered from the world her entire life, so it's understandable she doesn't know about homophobia, but I do. I've experienced it myself, and I don't want her to go through that, not if I can protect her. "And I don't want you to get hurt… I don't want you to suffer like I did." I say, voicing my thoughts, but the problem with saying something out loud is that it makes it much more real. That's why I never talked to anyone about my father, about the real reason he sent me here, because even the smallest mention of what happened would make me cry just like I cried that day. Just like now.

"Elsa… w-what are you talking about?" Anna asks, obviously confused about my words.

"I-I…" I swallow, trying to speak, but the pain has taken my breath away, and a part of me is resisting to tell Anna about the last time I saw my father, afraid of reviving the pain of the past that I've been struggling to forget. But I know Anna deserves to know the truth; otherwise she won't understand, so I force myself to speak, even if pronouncing the words is as hard as walking through quicksand with iron shoes. "Father sent me here because…" My lower lip trembles as I try to contain the sobs, as I try to just say it without evoking the memory, but I fail and soon I'm seeing my father's disgusted gaze and feeling the fear and the despair. Still, I somehow find the strength within me to admit out loud what I've been so afraid to even admit on my head. "Because I'm gay." They are three words, only three common words, but oh, how much they hurt! How much struggle I had to went through to say them! But now that I have, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, or rather, that I don't have to carry it alone anymore.

And so I cry, and I don't know _why_ I'm crying anymore, is it from the pain brought on by the memory? Is it because it shames me to appear so vulnerable in front of the one person I swore to protect at all costs? Or are those tears of relief for finally sharing my most well-kept and painful secret? I don't know, and it doesn't really matter, because I'm crying on Anna's shoulder, clutching tightly to her waist, letting her heal my wounds as she's done so many times before, and feeling somewhat happy that now I don't have to cry alone in my room trying not be heard by Kai and Gerda, as I did when I first arrived to this country.

"Elsa." I hear her whisper into my ear. "Calm down, please. Maybe your father hated you because of it, but… not everyone will." At her soothing words, I feel my trembling subsiding and my sobs getting quieter so I can hear her beautiful voice better. "For example, Meg is bisexual, so I don't think she'd judge us, Rapunzel is a good person who would never hate someone just because of who they choose to love; she even forgave me after I became a total bitch with her. And Belle… I don't really know her much, but she seems to be quite nice, and I don't think she'd hurt us either." She pauses. "We don't have to hide our love. Maybe Hans will get mad and try to hurt us, maybe some others will frown upon seeing us, but what we feel isn't wrong, and if they don't understand it, then they could go fuck themselves. Sorry for the language." She adds, but couldn't care less about her choose of words. Her voice is effectively calming me down; it's almost as if it took the pain away (not completely, of course, but still). "We have each other, we'll protect each other, and as long as we are together, nothing will harm us."

"You really think so?" I ask, desperate to stick to any little spark of hope that she can give me. I want to believe that, together, we'll be able to overcome this.

"I do." She doesn't hesitate when she answers.

"Then I'll trust you in this." I say as I separate slightly just so I can stare in her beautiful eyes, and at the same time, I wipe my tears. At least I know I'll try to trust her, but only time will say if this was a good decision. I still have some doubts, but I know I will do anything in my hands to protect her and she will also protect me. "Thank you, Anna."

"Anytime." She gives me that gentle smile of hers that always makes me feel a lot better, and for a moment, I truly believe that nothing can harm us… until I remember we now should come back to the cafeteria, where Anna's friends should be waiting for an explanation, and butterflies appear on my stomach.

"So… I guess you'll want to tell your friends the truth." I say anxiously.

"Of course, but you have nothing to worry about, really." She assures me.

"Okay." I sigh, trying to give her a tiny smile. However, I didn't expect her to suddenly lean in and kiss me on the lips. My first instinct is to push her away, but I remind myself that is just the part of me that wants to please father, and honestly, why should I please a man who's hated my guts ever since I was born? No, not anymore; I won't let him ruin my life again, not when things are finally getting better for me. Not when I have the most wonderful girl between my arms kissing me like she's been waiting to do it all day. So I kiss her back, feeling way better than I did just seconds ago.

Then, the kiss ends, leaving me yearning for more.

"Come on." Anna says taking my hand. "They're waiting for us."

* * *

And I follow her, still wary about what will her friends think, but feeling much more confident than before.

The way back is still silent, but more comfortable, even if it's still strange to me to walk with Anna holding my hand, claiming me as hers. I know some people must be staring, but Anna's touch is quite calming. When we arrive to our table, Rapunzel is animatedly talking with Meg while Belle is reading some book, but as they notice us, the three of them turn to see us.

"Great, you're here." Meg says sarcastically, and I notice her eying our joined hands with an unamused expression. It's almost as if she were angry at our show of affection, and for a moment I just want to hide under the table in fear… but Anna said she's bisexual, so she can't be homophobic, right? So then, why…? Wait, she also seems somewhat sad, can she be jealous? Maybe she likes Anna? Well, that'd make sense. It'd certainly explain how Anna knows about her sexuality.

"Yeah." Anna answers.

"So, did you work out… whatever you had to work out?" Rapunzel asks.

"Yes." Anna states proudly. "And I just want to tell you that, despite what Elsa said to Hans, we _are_ girlfriends." At this, she turn to look at me with that tender gaze always succeeds to melt me, and to make me admit what I was so afraid to say. I can't deny my love for her anymore; it's not healthy, for anyone.

"Yes." I answer without doubt. "We are."


	18. Let me help you

**Chapter 18: Let me help you.**

It's been two weeks, and apparently everything has been perfect for Anna and I lately. I mean, we see each other every day, we're not afraid to show our feelings anymore, we have a group of supporting friends (yes, even Meg has been nice to me, despite my doubts), we've improved our grades and, most importantly, Hans' group doesn't bother me anymore. Yes, I didn't say "us". They've been bulling Anna instead, but she's too damn proud to tell me, or maybe she doesn't want to worry me, but anyways it's stupid and reckless on her part.

Of course, once Hans found out that Anna and I are indeed girlfriends, he and his friends made sure to make my life a living hell for one day; they made me trip, they painted hurtful words on my locker, they threw food to me at the cafeteria… you know, the usual stuff. But they soon realized that I'm too used to their methods and that, at this point, I don't care anymore, because I now have friends, and most importantly, I have Anna.

At first, when they stopped bulling me, I was relieved, and Anna was happy about it too; we just assumed they had gotten tired and that they'd move on soon enough. But we were wrong. They stopped picking up on me, but they started doing it with Anna. At first I didn't notice, but then it was too obvious; Anna's gaze became sadder, it lost that beautiful spark it used to have, she got easily distracted, as if something worried her, she stopped wearing skirts and shirts with too much cleavage and, when she started showing up with bruises on her arms or dirt on her clothes, I knew they were bothering her, even if she always said she had fell. I tried prying answers out of her many times, but she always said I was just being paranoid, and, if I didn't drop it, she'd just kiss me until I forgot about it, and then she'd smile at me, like nothing was wrong.

But everything was wrong, and it wasn't until yesterday that things just got too serious and I decided this couldn't wait anymore, that I couldn't just sit and hope that Anna would soon realize she needs help, because she's so damn stubborn she'd never admit it.

Yesterday I told Anna I'd see her at the cafeteria on our free period and she said she'd be there, but when I arrived I didn't see her, but since I had gotten out early from my class, I just thought that maybe she was still at her classroom, so I decided to go wait for her there, in order to spend as much time as possible with my girlfriend. However, when I was in my way there, I saw a commotion; there were a group of students surrounding something at the base of the stairs I needed to climb in order to get to Anna's classroom. They were watching it intently, whispering. I was curious, so I got close instead of walking to the other stairs. I tried to see what they were seeing, but they were taller and they wouldn't let me get close. I was about to give up and just go find Anna, when I heard one of them.

"Hey, isn't she Hans' girlfriend?"

"No, I heard she just broke up with him a few weeks ago." Her friend answered.

That's all I needed to hear in order to realize that what they were staring at; that person who was lying on the ground at the base of the stairs, was my girlfriend. I panicked and, finding strength I didn't know I had, I started pushing them, trying to get close to my loved one, who was probably hurt, and no one was doing a damn thing!

Ignoring the protest of those dumb students, I was finally able to reach the center of the circle, and I saw her lying on the ground, clutching her arm with an expression of pure suffering, crying silently, probably because the pain was so strong it didn't even let her breathe.

"Anna!" I screamed as I ran to her and kneel at her side, touching her shoulder carefully, not wanting to cause her more discomfort. She opened her eyes briefly, and I was able to see her tears, her pain, and at that moment I just wanted to make the one that had made her suffer like this pay. "Who did this to you?" I asked, fury surging between my heart, even though I already knew the answer; it had been Hans, to me there was no doubt about it.

"I-I fell." She answered weakly. "Please… i-infirmary." Her words got me out of my furious state and I realized I should first take care of her and make sure she was alright, before beating Hans to a bloody pulp. That is, in case it had been Hans, she could've really fell after all, but that didn't matter in that moment.

I helped her get up and the crowd dispersed to give us some space. Apparently someone had gone call the prefect to tell him about what happened, because he arrived in that moment and guided us to the infirmary, even though I already knew the way quite well (yes, I usually went there when Hans' aggressions became more physical).

When we arrived, the prefect left and then we walked in to find the nurse, who greeted me with a smile, which faded as soon as she saw Anna.

"Please, sit her down." She exclaimed pointing to one of the three white beds that were there. I did as she told me and soon she was at our side. "What happened?"

"I fell." Anna said trough gritted teeth. "I think I broke my arm."

"Oh, poor thing." The nurse said compassionately. "It must hurt a lot. However, I'll have to make sure that you broke your arm. I need you to move it, and it'll probably hurt, but I need you to stay calm. Okay?" Anna nodded and extended her broken arm towards the woman as she pressed her head against my shoulder, clearly searching for support. I held her as tightly as I could, but still taking care of not hurting her. "Good, please try moving your fingers, can you do it?" I saw Anna's fingers move slightly before a strangled cry got out of her mouth and she stopped. I caressed her back hoping I could ease her pain. "Okay, now I need you to move your hand; up and down, left to right and in circles." Again, Anna tried, but after another cry she stopped.

"I-I can't." She choked out. "T-too m-much pain."

"It's okay." The nurse answered. "Now I'll see your arm. Please don't move." At this, she lifted the sleeve of Anna's jacket revealing a horrible sight; her arm was _way_ too swollen and it's color was a sick combination of red and purple, but it was a relief that at least her bone wasn't sticking out. "Now, tell me if you can bear this." She said as she started cautiously touching Anna's fingers to then move a little more towards her wrist, which made her grit her teeth, but when the nurse asked her if it was too much, she shook her head, so she continued until almost reaching the center of her forearm, and that was when Anna cried and hugged me tighter.

"S-stop." She said and the nurse obeyed.

"Yes, you probably have a broken arm." She said. "I'll call the hospital, please stay here."

The woman went to call for an ambulance, as she had said and I stayed with Anna, comforting her, my heart breaking when I heard her soft whimpers and felt her hot tears staining my shirt. I wanted to ask her if she had really just fell, but I knew that wasn't the moment, so I just kept quiet, only whispering soft words of support.

Then, we both got into the ambulance. They only let me go with her because Anna refused to leave my side. They immobilized her arm, put an ice package on it and gave her some pain killers, but I could see it was still too much, and I couldn't do a damn thing to help her. I've never felt more useless in my life.

However, at the hospital we had to part, as she was taken to the X-ray room and then to the emergency department so they could fix her arm. All that time I waited sitting on a chair, just hoping she was fine and wanting to be there for her. It wasn't long before her mother arrived though, and, at her insistence, they let us both enter. She knew I care about Anna, that I was her friend, and that's probably why she didn't want me to stay outside.

Anna was wearing a white cast and was probably in painkillers, since her face looked way better; she wasn't pale anymore, or sweating, and her expression didn't reflect pain anymore, as it was supposed to be. And I was very relieved.

Her mother ran to hug her and ask her if she was okay, and honestly a part of me was jealous, because I never got to have a mother like that; no, my mother left as soon as I was born, and now I'll never know what it feels to be in your mother's arms. But that doesn't matter; this wasn't about me, it was about Anna.

"Anna, what happened?" She asked clearly worried.

"I fell from the stairs." Anna shrugged, faking a smile. "You know I'm really clumsy."

"Please be more careful. You've been getting home with a lot of bruises lately. I don't want you to get hurt." I put a worried expression as I heard her words.

_So her mother has also noticed the increment on Anna's injuries?_

"Don't worry." Anna laughed it off. "It's really nothing. The nurse said it's a simple breakage."

"Hello again, Anna." The doctor said as he entered the consulting room. "And you must be her mother… and her sister?" He asked eying me.

"No, just a friend." I answered quickly.

"Alright. So, Anna, here I have you X-ray." He said putting said thing in the lamp he had to examine it. Instantly, I noticed one of her bones had broken in a half, near the wrist. I cringed; that must have hurt a lot. "As you can see, you have a simple breakage, which is a relief because otherwise we'd have had to intervene it surgically, but now you'll just have to wear a cast for about four to six weeks. I guess the nurses already told you how to take care of it?" Anna nodded and the doctor continued. "Alright, now tell me, does it hurt much?"

"Well, the painkillers they gave me helped a lot, even though it still hurt like hell when you aligned the bones."

"I could tell. Alright, now, are you allergic to something…?"

After that, he prescribed her some painkillers and gave her some instructions about her cast and everything, and then I went to lunch with Anna and her mother at Anna's house. Once we finished eating, I went help her with her homework (or at least _tried,_ since Anna was more interested on kissing and cuddling). I also tried to get answers out of her, but she insisted it was just a fall so, after a while, I dropped the subject and then left.

* * *

The problem is that earlier today, as I exited my first class, Ariel came to me. I tried to pretend I didn't see her and hope she'd just ignore me, but to my surprise she actually spoke to me, and in a very concerned way.

"Elsa, may I speak to you?" She asked. I gave her a confused look.

"Here?" I raised an eyebrow, conscious that some of my classmates were looking at us.

"Well, I'd actually prefer somewhere more private." She admitted. I frowned, knowing that this could be a trick. "Please, it's about Anna." She pleaded desperately, and, when I looked into her eyes, I knew this was serious, and if this was about Anna, I couldn't just turn my back.

"Alright." I sighed. "Lead the way. But I warn you, if this is just a trick, I won't hesitate defending myself."

Ariel only nodded and quickly guided me to a secluded area of the building, where she spoke in a hushed voice.

"Listen, I really shouldn't be telling you this, because Hans would kill me if he knew, so you have to promise me you won't tell anyone I told you.

"

"I promise." I accepted, my curiosity growing with every word spoken.

"Alright, look, he has been very angry because Anna decided to leave him for you. Actually we've all have, but he and Snow are constantly bulling her and making plans to make her "pay" and I didn't mind much before because they were just harmless pranks, like the ones we used to play on you."

_So my suspicions were true. You fucking bitches! I'm gonna burn you all in stakes._

"What?" She asked, when she caught me mumbling.

"Nothing, continue." I answered as calmly as possible while feeling my rage burn like fire under my skin.

"Okay. So, it all changed yesterday when Hans said we should make Anna fall from the stairs."

"So it was you?!" I asked furious, barely keeping myself from hitting her.

"Calm down!" She took a step back, clearly afraid of my outburst. "I tried to argue with him, to tell him this wasn't right, and Aurora felt the same; Anna was one of us after all. It's not right to do such a thing to an ex-friend." She paused and took a deep breath. "But he didn't listen, and Snow was eager to put the plan into practice. She was the one to distract her when he pushed her, but they never expected her to break an arm. This is obviously getting out of control, please, you have to do something! I know you're the only one who can save Anna."

* * *

Now, after hours fighting to control my rage, I'm finally going to speak with Anna. I don't like to fight, but I can't help feeling hurt because Anna didn't tell me about what really happened. I know this won't be easy, but I have to convince her that she needs help, that she can't just suffer in silence like I did. I just hope neither of us loses control; she's been kinda explosive later.

I see her at the school yard, where I told her I'd meet her, and she's actually with her friends, Rapunzel, Belle and Meg, as I also requested; I'm hoping we all can put some sense into that head of hers.

"Anna." I call her as I approach and, as she sees me, she practically jumps towards me and captures my lips within hers. I hum in delight as I kiss her back, savoring her delicious flavor and enjoying the soft caress of her mouth only for a moment before we separate. After all, we wouldn't want things to get a little too heated in front of everyone.

"Hey Els, how was your day?" She asks.

"Oh, you know, the usual." I shrug. "Well, except for my little talk with Ariel."

"You talked with Ariel?" Meg says in disbelief.

"She didn't bothered you, did she?" Anna asks frowning, as if she was going to search for the girl in question and beat her at any moment.

"No, no." I assure her. "But she told me something rather interesting." I pause, take a deep breath and look at her beautiful eyes. "Why didn't you tell me Hans pushed you yesterday?"

"What?!" Rapunzel exclaims. "He did? I n-never thought he'd go that far."

"Oh, believe me, Hans is capable of _anything_ when he's mad." Meg intervenes.

"But why did he do it? What does he get from hurting you?" Belle asks, though I don't know if she is asking us or just thinking out loud.

"It doesn't matter." I say firmly. "We have to make him pay."

"Wait, Elsa." Anna interrupted me placing her left hand on my shoulder. "Ariel was lying; he didn't push me. She just wants you to lose control. I just fell, really." The way she says this is rather convincing, but I don't buy it. She's nervous, I can see it in her eyes, she desperately wants us to believe her, but I know the truth.

"Why do you keep lying to me, Anna?" My voice sounds sadder than I intended when I ask. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do." Anna rushes to say, before stopping and biting her lip while deviating her gaze to the side. "But he didn't push me, I'm telling the truth." Now it's painfully obvious that she's lying.

"Anna, please. I just want to protect you."

"You don't have to protect me, I'm not afraid." She insists stubbornly, though I can see she deep inside wants to just fall into my arms and let me take care of her. Because she _is_ afraid, terrified probably, but she doesn't want us to see that.

"Yes, you are." I contradict her.

"And you _should_ be." Meg supports me. "Anna, Hans is dangerous. We both know that."

"But what can we do, what can _I_ do?" Anna suddenly yells turning to the left to face her, her eyes shining with contained tears. I just want to hold her and assure her everything will be okay, but I don't think she'd appreciate that in this moment. "He won't leave me alone as long as we're both in the same school and you know it." She pauses, probably to prevent herself from crying. "The only solution is to wait until this year is over. Then he'll go to the university and we'll never see him again."

"And let him get away unpunished?" Rapunzel asks in disbelief. "I don't think that's a great plan."

"I agree." Belle speaks up. "If he really pushed you, then you should tell the principal. He broke your arm after all!"

"But he didn't…" Anna is about to deny it again, but I shoot her a stern look that effectively shuts her mouth. "Okay." She sighs. "He _did _push me, but…"

"But what?" Meg says angrily. "There's nothing to argue about this. You're gonna tell the principal."

"No, I'm not!" Anna yells at her. At all of us actually. "I'm not telling anyone, and neither are you! You have no idea what that would do to me!" Now she is really crying, shaking, her face is red in anger, but her expression is one of desperation. I sense her suffering and this time I don't hesitate pulling her close to me, feeling relieved when she leans into my neck and lets me hold her. "W-we can't tell him." She almost pleads. "W-we can't. P-please."

"Shhh." I try soothing her. "Please calm down. We won't tell anyone if you don't want to, just… please, tell me why."

"I-I…" She swallows. "I don't want to be locked up again. I don't want my parents to be concerned about my safety. I-I don't want to be apart from you." Her voice is so vulnerable it breaks my heart, and I just want to assure her that this isn't going to happen, but I can't; I don't know if I'd be telling a lie.

"Anna… what happened that made your parents lock you up for ten years?" Rapunzel asked, curious but also concerned. When Anna just shakes her head, she insists. "Please, you can tell us anything. We are your friends."

"I-I just… it was nothing, really. My parents only got all paranoid." She says in an attempt to avoid the topic.

"Anna, come on, we're here for you, remember?" Belle says with a soft voice and Meg nods in agreement.

"Please Anna, we want to know." I add as I pull her even closer against me, hoping this will be enough to calm her down.

"O-okay." She agrees with a shaky voice before taking a deep breath, preparing herself to tell the secret she hasn't told anybody. "A-as you know, it happened when I was five. In winter, I loved to play with the snow at a nearby park, and in summer I loved going there with my parents to get some ice cream. I also liked making new friends. But my parents were never there and I felt _so_ alone." I can feel her grip tightening, as if she was preparing herself to tell the most painful part of the memory. "One day I escaped and went to the park, and I met a man who was very friendly with me. He bought me ice-cream and then he led me to my house. This repeated every day for a short period of time…until one day he…" A sob erupted from her throat and her shaking intensified. I rested my chin on the crown of her head and caressed softly her back, hoping this will calm her down enough to let her continue. "O-one day he… He didn't brought me home. He put me into a van and drove away. When we were far enough he tied my arms and he put a gag on me… and when I resisted he hit me." 2Anna paused, finally calming down. "Then he called my parents and asked for money. They gave it to him and saved me, but after that they were too fearful to let me get out of the house…" A new wave of sobs shakes her. "I'm afraid something like that will happen again if they knew about Hans."

We all stay in shock for a few seconds, trying to process what Anna just said, after all, seeing her cheerful and optimistic personality you wouldn't think she went through such a traumatic experience as a child. But I do believe what she said, and I wished I could've been there then to prevent it, that way, she wouldn't be crying in my arms right now.

"But Anna, an abduction is a lot more serious than bulling." Rapunzel points out, breaking the silence. "I don't think your parents would lock you this time."

"Yes, and besides, you have all of us to support you." Belle adds.

"If you want, I could go to your house today after school and be by your side as you inform your parents about it." I offer. "I'm sure I could convince them of not locking you again. And then, tomorrow, we could tell the principal."

"Y-you think that would work?" Anna asks with a small voice, obviously wanting to believe what I just said.

"Yes, please, don't give up."

"Okay, as long as you are by my side." She agrees, relaxing into my arms.

We're walking towards the bust station as we always do, just this time I'm going to go with Anna to her house. I'm sure my plan will work; her parents seem like very reasonable people after all. Paranoid maybe, but also reasonable. Anna looks a little more relaxed now, and she's been happily chatting and trying to be optimistic. I'm glad we were able to make her feel better, but I don't allow myself to relax completely yet; I need to be focused and prepared for when I confront her parents… though I wouldn't oppose to have a little make out season first. I think I'm becoming addicted to her kisses, but you really can't blame me; they're sweeter than chocolate.

* * *

We are about to get into the bus when I open my bag to retrieve the money and I notice that I forgot my notebook at my locker, and I really need it because I need to make some homework for tomorrow.

"Uh, Anna. I forgot my notebook." I say.

"Oh! That's okay, don't worry. Go, I'll wait for you here." She assures me.

"Alright. I'll be right back." I say before turning around and running like there's no tomorrow towards the school. I get tired pretty fast, but I keep going in order to not keep Anna waiting for me. When I finally arrive to my locker, I open it and find that my notebook isn't there. For a moment I fear that I somehow managed to lose it, but then I hear a rather cruel and malicious voice at my back.

"Searching for this?" Snow asks and, as I turn, I see that she somehow has my notebook. I sigh; I don't have time for this.

"Look, I'm sick of your stupid games." I say exasperated. "Just give it to me and I won't tell the director."

"That wouldn't be fun, would it?" She says as a wicked grin forms in that ugly face of hers.

"I don't care!" I exclaim getting angrier. "Just give it to me." I try to reach for it but she suddenly tosses it to the side and, when I turn I find the others are also here. I know this is a lost cause, so I decide to just let them win for now, return to Anna and explain to my teacher what happened tomorrow. "Alright, don't. It's just a stupid notebook." I say as I turn to run towards the exit, but Snow stands in front of me not letting me pass. "Hey! Move!" I say exasperated.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why?" I say, trying to kip myself from just punching that ugly face.

"Because Hans told me not to let you out." I raise my eyebrow, wondering why would he want that. "You see, he has something to do with that disgusting dyke you call your girlfriend, and he doesn't want interferences." A sense of dread installs into my heart and all I want is to go in her aid, but I know they are faster than me. I don't have a chance against all of them.

"What is he going to do to Anna?" I ask, my voice trembling, but I don't know if it's from fear or anger.

"Something very bad. Something I wouldn't even wish to you, but she's a traitor, so she deserves it. Besides, it may even make her turn to the good side again." I'm left confused by her words, but the fear grows within me and now my heart is beating so hard and so fast I'm afraid it'll get out of my chest any second now. I try thinking on a plan to escape, to go to Anna, and in that moment I remember what Ariel told me; she and Aurora don't like hurting Anna because she was their friend, maybe I could make them help me.

"Ariel. Aurora… Cinderella." I say turning to face them. "Anna was your friend, she always cared about you, and you know deep inside you care about her. Please, help me save her. I don't know what Hans will do to her, but I'm sure it won't be pleasant. Are you really going to stay here and do nothing while she gets hurt? She already has a broken arm, who knows what Hans will do next? Kill her maybe? Please, do it for your friend. She needs you." As I finish my speech, I turn to Snow, and seeing her attention is now focused on her hesitating friends, I'm able to push her by surprise, making her land on the ground as I run away hoping they listened to me. I hear a commotion at my back, but I don't stop to see what's going on; I just have one thing in mind, Anna, and I know I'm not going to let Hans hurt her. I won't fail her, I'll save her, I know I will.

_Please be safe. I'm on my way. Don't worry, I won't let him hurt you._


	19. I'll protect you

**Warning: Violence, blood and mentions of attempted rape.**

* * *

**Chapter 19: I'll protect you.**

When I arrive to where I left Anna, my legs are burning and I can barely breathe. Still, I don't care about this as I frantically search for Anna, only to find her discarded backpack where she was before. I chill ran down my spine as I get out my cellphone with shaky hands, barely being able to hold it, much less dial her number, in my panicked state.

After a few seconds, I'm able to collect myself enough to call my girlfriend. However, she doesn't answer, even after the phone rang twice, then trice… Finally, I'm sent to her voicemail and I hang up. It's not normal that she isn't answering. Hans has had to get to her before me. It's exactly how it happened with my brother; no matter how fast I run, how much I try to save my loved ones… I can't. And now Anna will die because of my incompetence.

_No, this isn't the time to indulge in self-pity. I can still save her. I have to find her. _

With that hopeful thought in mind (because hope should always be the last thing to die, not the _first_), I take a deep breath and look around to see where he could have possibly taken her. I walk to the closest street that I can see and look at it. It's too crowded; he wouldn't have risked taking her there, so I search in the next one. This one is empty and dark because of the tall buildings that surround it. It's a long shot, but maybe he led her though this street.

I hesitate a moment before entering, because what if Anna isn't here? What if I'm getting further away from her? I'm risking a lot here, but I decide there are probably the same odds of Anna being over here or not, so I take the risk and run down the street. At the same time, I dial Anna's number again, hoping for her to answer or, at least, for her cellphone tone to be loud enough for me to hear it from where I am. Unfortunately, none of those possibilities happen. I clench my teeth and keep running, thinking about which of these streets I would turn at I was going to murder someone. Finally, I stop in a creepy-looking street and enter it without a second thought. Here, the houses look poor and dirty, and there's no one around. And that's the problem; if Hans passed through here, he must then have taken her somewhere else, but all of the streets this one leads to are ugly-looking and empty, so any of them could be a good option.

Desperately, I dial Anna's number once more, this time not putting my cellphone to my ear, but looking around hoping to catch the sound of Anna's. Again, nothing, so I take one random street and start running to where it looks more awful, dialing Anna's number again as I do so. At first, I don't hear anything, but then I stop. There's a quiet sound that I don't quite recognize as Anna's cellphone tone, but it's better than running around blindly, so I take another street in the direction of that sound. After a while, it starts to fade, so I turn another corner, hoping to get closer to it, and now I'm close enough to hear that, indeed, it's Anna's cellphone.

I keep running, trying to find it, getting a little lost with all the streets I turn, but soon enough I reach it; it's laying on the floor. Its screen is broken, but somehow it still rings. However, Anna isn't here, and that worries me because how am I going to find her now? I don't even know where I am anymore, just that this place seems to have been taken out of a horror movie.

Suddenly, I hear a scream, not too far away where I am.

"Help!" It's Anna's voice, and it sounds desperate. I feel my legs tremble in fear, but I still force them to move in the direction of the voice as my girlfriend asks for help again. Then, the screams stop, but I've memorized where the voice was coming, so I turn a corner to find myself in an empty alley, but Anna isn't there.

"Fuck!" I curse out loud as I kick an empty can, because without Anna's screams to guide me, this will be more difficult than I thought. I was so sure she was here!

Suddenly, I hear a pained cry, coming from somewhere quite near to where I'm standing and, without giving it a second thought, I run towards it, finally coming to a dirty alley full of trash, where Hans is repeatedly smashing Anna's head against the wall.

"Anna!" I scream, making Hans let go of her and turn around as Anna collapses on the ground, unconscious.

"Oh, Elsa. You arrive just in time." He smirks wickedly. "I was just about to finish with Anna."

Suddenly, a rush of anger surges within me. I feel my body tense and prepare to attack, I see red, I hear the blood in my ears. I've never been so angry. I'm not afraid anymore; I can only think about ripping Hans' head off his body.

Without thinking it twice, I lunge towards him, trying to land a punch in his ugly face, but he sidesteps me and I don't even touch him. However, before he can register what's happening, I turn around and this time I'm able to hit him, having caught him by surprise. My hand hurts, but it was worth it. He recovers quickly though, and tries to punch me too, but I jump back and barely avoid his fist. At the same time, I aim to kick his balls but he stops my leg with his hands, then pushing it and making me lose my balance. I land on the ground and feel pain on my rear, but whatever; it's not that bad.

I get up again, just as he's walking towards me, and try to give him a good hook to his ribs. Unfortunately, I don't know a thing about fights and he's _way _stronger. He easily grabs my fist and twists it, and I scream in pain as I fight to get free of his clench, only managing to do it after hitting his head with mine with all my strength. It hurts a lot, but at least now I'm free.

I'm panting now, as I notice the effects of the adrenaline wear off. It's been keeping me up all this time, since I found that Anna wasn't where I left her, but I guess even it has its limits. I have to end this soon, before he overpowers me too much.

Unfortunately, my hit made him very angry, since it drew blood out of his forehead. He's furious now, and I'm getting scared, but I know there's nothing to do now, except fight for my life.

He charges towards me, and I'm lucky enough to barely dodge his punch, but unfortunately he lands a powerful hit with his knee at my stomach, knocking all the air out of my lungs. Before I can recover, he also punches my face and I'm thrown to the ground with the force of the impact, and then he starts kicking me repeatedly at my stomach. I try to protect myself with my arms, but it's useless; if I cover my face, he kicks my belly and back, and I don't want to risk him kicking my head. I've never felt so much pain before… except maybe when I tried to commit suicide, but that was different. This is a pain that doesn't subside, that doesn't slowly make me drift to slumber; it's a pain that intensifies every moment.

Just when I think I may pass out, he finally stops, panting, to then kneel beside me and looking at me with amusement.

"That's what happens when you try to ruin my plans." He says, an evil smile appearing on that ugly face of him. I want to punch him so badly! But I can't even move a finger without feeling unbearable pain. "And now, so you don't forget the lesson, what about watching me have fun with that whore you call your girlfriend?" I clench my teeth. How dares he?!

"L-leave her… a-alone." I'm barely able to utter. "O-or…"

"Or what?" He asks with a smug expression. "You'll glare at me till I die? I don't think you can do much more in your current state."

I hate to admit it, but he's right, I mean, what can I do?! Even talking is painful! Even _breathing _for fuck's sake! He hurt me badly. So I stare helplessly as he approaches Anna and squats at her side, taking her chin with his hand.

"She's quite pretty, don't you think?" He asks as he examines her face. "It'd be a shame if her face got marred." He pauses, as an evil grin appears on his face and gives me chills. "However, I don't really care about it anymore, since she chose _you_ over me. So, let's have some fun." As he says this, he pulls an object out of his pocket, one that, after a few moments, I recognize as a clasp-knife. Fear takes hold of my entire body as I see him approaching said object to her face. I try to get up, but I collapse whimpering in pain.

"N-no… s-stop." I weakly protest, tears of impotence falling from my eyes.

"What's the fun on that?" He says as I try to get up again with equally unsatisfactory results, and I scream in desperation. "Just relax and enjoy the show. And while you're lying there, just think about the fact that, when Anna looks at her face on the mirror again, when she sees how much of an abomination she's become, when she doesn't want to go out of her house anymore, afraid of what people will say… it'll be all your fault. Because you weren't strong enough to stop me, because, despite all, I'm better than you." He lets out a chuckle. "And then Anna won't be able to look at your face again, because she'd also know that if she's now deformed, it's because of you!" His expression is that of a mad man, and his smile more wicked than the ones of all the movie villains, and for a moment, a part of me wants to give up. Because, what chance do I have against someone like him? I can't save Anna, he was right; I'm not good enough, I've never been. I couldn't even save my brother, why should it be different this time?

_Because you've gone through the pain of losing someone you love. You know how it feels, like you've lost a part of yourself. You know you won't be able to live with this,_ _because__it was Anna the one who made you want to experience life again. She didn't give up on you even when you pushed her away, now don't give up on her, or you'd truly be a failure._

Suddenly, it's like a burst of energy surged within my veins, and despite the pain, despite the fatigue… I'm able to get up, stumble a few steps and charge against Hans with all my strength. He turns around, but it's too late; I'm able to stop him from hurting Anna, and we both fall to the ground. We quickly separate from each other and I shakily stand up… only to notice a sharp pain in my abdomen. I look down and find a quickly growing red stain in my shirt. Hans also notices this and looks at his bloody blade. He seems agitated, nervous, like he just realized I'm surely gonna die, and he will go to jail for the rest of his life. I smirk, satisfied that at least my death will do something good.

A sound is heard in the distance and Hans, panicked, runs away with all his might. At the same time, my legs give in and I fall, hitting my head in the process. I can't decide what hurts more, if my stomach, that I'm currently clutching with my hands, trying to stop the pain, or my head. Either way, I'm sure it'll be over soon. I just wish I could talk to Anna again before dying… And that thought actually saddens me, because I don't want to die, not now that I finally found a purpose, but… I guess there's nothing to do about it now, so I allow myself to relax. I guess there's no point in dying stressed.

The minutes pass and, instead of incrementing, the pain starts to fade, as well as my senses. It'll be over soon. Too soon. And I'm nervous, because I don't' know what'll happen when I die. Will it be like a dreamless sleep? Or will there be an after-life? In that case, will all my memories be erased? Will I reincarnate? It's a funny thing that when I attempted suicide this questions didn't cross my mind.

"Elsa!" A scream pulls me out of my thoughts, just before Anna's beautiful face appears above me. "Elsa, are you okay?!" She asks frantically, her face showing utter fear. I hate to make her feel like this, but I guess it can't be helped. At least I was able to see her once more before leaving.

"Ah… A-an… A-Anna." I say with the last of my strength, my voice sounding hoarse and weak, before darkness engulfs me completely, effectively making the pain banish, but also the sight of Anna's beautiful face, of Anna's wonderful freckles, and the sound of her gorgeous voice.

_That's the only bad thing about death; Anna isn't there. _

And with that final thought, I'm submerged in darkness.

* * *

Well, apparently death isn't like a dreamless sleep, because I do feel something. I can tell up from down, I can feel that I'm lying on something rough, though somewhat soft, and a hear a sound like… beeping? Wait, why do I hear a beeping? And why do I feel sore? Shouldn't death have ended with my pain? I wonder if I can move…

I try moving my fingers and, surprisingly, I find myself clutching a rough cloth. Then I move my toes, again getting positive results.

_Well, it seems I'm not dead._

I open my eyes and blink a few times trying to adjust to the white light coming from a lamp above me. Once I manage to do it, I turn to look at the thing that's doing the beeping sound; a heart rate machine that's apparently registering my heart's activity. I then look at my arms and find that I'm attached to a blood dispenser. In that moment I realize I should've been taken to a hospital.

I turn to my right and discover that Anna's sitting at my side, looking to the ceiling like she's deep in thought. I notice she has a bandage wrapped around her head.

"Anna?" I call her, my voice thankfully sounding normal and not like I'm dying.

"Elsa!" Anna exclaims noticing that I woke up, and a moment later my lips are furiously attacked by hers, as she kisses me desperately, like she thought she wouldn't have the opportunity to do it again. At first I'm caught off guard, but then I try to reciprocate, however, I don't really have time to do so as Anna suddenly starts shaking as tears fall from her eyes. "Elsa." She says trying to contain her sobs, and I'm not sure what's happening here, or why is she crying, but I still hug her, hoping to calm her down.

"A-are you alright?" I ask concerned, but my question only makes her laugh.

"You're asking if _I'm_ alright?" She asks in disbelief. "I wasn't the one who spent an hour unconscious! Don't ever do that again, you hear me? Don't do that again." She leans in and rests her head on my shoulder as she keeps crying, and now I'm even more confused, so I just say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you idiot." She answers, separating slightly from me so she can look me in the eye. "You saved me, and I'm eternally grateful for that." She pauses, swallowing, and I look at her intently, noticing the truth on her words. "But nothing in this world is worth losing you."

"Well, I feel the same way about you." I say blushing, and this makes Anna smile before giving me a small peck on my lips, which makes butterflies appear on my stomach, but I still manage to continue. "And there's no way I was going to let Hans kill you."

"He wasn't going to kill me." She says, only to mentally berate herself for it the next second. I wonder what she's trying to hide

"But I thought…" I pause, taking a deep breath, preparing myself to ask the next question, even though I fear the answer. "What was he trying to do?"

"H-he…" She starts but pauses, deviating her gaze. "Nothing, he was just trying to scare me."

"Really?" I frown. "Because to do that he didn't need to smash your head against the wall until you fell unconscious." I shudder; that memory is going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

"Uhm… yeah… Well, maybe he _was_ trying to do something bad." She answers with nervousness. "He probably wanted to beat me and that's all." By her tone of voice, I can say without doubt that she's lying, but why?

"Anna…" I sat looking her intently, hoping to make her talk. After only a few moments, it works.

"Okay, _maybe_ he wanted to rape me." She admits, but her words take time to sink in, I mean, I know Hans is a pretty horrible person, but to try to rape someone?! That's entirely another thing. Now all the pain I feel is more worth it, if I was able to save Anna from such a terrible agony.

However, in that moment, my lovely girlfriend starts to cry again, this time probably because I made her remember that traumatic experience.

"Anna?" I ask worried as I gently wipe her tears, my heart breaking when I see her devastated expression. "Don't cry. It didn't happen. You're safe now." I attempt to comfort her.

"Yes, but because of my stupidity you got hurt." She answers, and suddenly it's quite obvious she's blaming herself for all of this, when really she was the victim.

"It wasn't your fault. It was Hans'." I reassure her.

"Yes, but if I had figured out he was a bad guy since the beginning, then…

"Anna, you weren't the first to be tricked by Hans' charm." I cut her, because I know how much it hurts when you think bad things about yourself, and I don't want her to suffer like I did. "You can ask anyone at school, and they'll all tell you that he had many lovers the past few years, and each one of them was left alone and emotionally destroyed."

"Yeah, but I bet he didn't rape any of them." She argues.

"You don't know that." I answer, because really, knowing what he was planning to do to Anna, I wouldn't be surprised if he had raped some of them too. "But even if he didn't, that'd be only because they all submitted themselves to him, only to be tossed in his 'trash can' as soon as he'd used them. You weren't stupid; you were smart. If you had continued in that sick relationship any longer, you'd be more damaged than you are now." I pause, swallowing, because that scenario is too painful to be considered. "And so would I. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. I can't stand seeing you suffering." At this, tears start falling from my eyes, and I can only pull Anna closer and hold her, trying to reassure myself that she is with me, that I managed to save her and that we're both safe now. But then she reassumes her sobbing and we stay like that, crying in each other's arms for a few moments (I don't know if we're crying from happiness or sadness or whatever), until we finally feel good enough to calm down a little.

That's when the door opens and the doctor enters.

* * *

The doctor chastises Anna for not calling him immediately after I woke up, even though I tell him that it's alright and I'm feeling well enough, considering the circumstances. However, he still insists on examining me and Anna excuses herself and leaves us alone as she goes search for her parents, who apparently came to see her.

After the doctor is done (he concludes that I still need rest but I'll probably be alright), Anna returns… with four more people. Gerda practically crushes me into a hug as soon as she enters the room, and it hurts a lot, but I don't tell her anything, because I'm actually grateful that she came (surprised, mostly, but also grateful). Kai also greats me kindly, though he's more careful than Gerda and decides not to touch me. I'm not going to lie, I still feel a little uncomfortable when they express so much concern about me, but I'm getting used to it, I guess.

The next ones to talk to me are my in-laws… okay, Anna's parents, and they thank me profusely for saving their daughter and also ask me to testify against Hans when we go to trial (they also informed me that the police have already captured him, and I can't help letting out a sigh of relief at the news). I would love for him to get a life-long sentence, but I wonder if "attempted rape" is a crime big enough for that.

However, they then start asking questions.

"So, Elsa, how did you find Anna?" Anna's father asks.

"Well… first I called her, after some girls from high school told me Hans was going to do something bad to her, but she didn't answer. I kept calling her though, and it turned out to be a good thing, since I was able to hear her cellphone when I started to search for her in those dark streets. Then I heard screams and ran into that direction until I finally found her." I explain. "When I found her…" I swallow, trying not to remember the scene too vividly. "Hans was smashing her head against a wall…" I feel my throat start getting swollen and my eyes burning with barely contained tears as I visualize the image of my loved one being so brutally hurt.

"It's okay." Anna says reassuringly. "You don't have to describe it." I sigh in relief when her father agrees, nodding as he places a hand on my shoulder. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.

"Anna is right. All that matters is that you saved our baby and we're eternally in debt to you." He says with a gentle smile.

"It was nothing." I answer politely. "I couldn't just let him ra…" I stop there, because I almost spilled the truth without knowing if Anna has told her parents about it and if she even wants to tell them. I turn to look at her to see what I should do.

"It's alright. You can tell them." She says resigned and I sigh, because I kinda was hoping for her to say no, since it's already difficult enough for me to know about this, and to think what her parents will say… it worries me, but I know it has to be done.

"From what Anna told me… he was going to rape her." I say quietly.

"WHAT?!" he scream so loudly that I have to cover my ears.

"But he didn't. And he's surely going to jail, so…" Anna attempts to brush it off, but they aren't going to let this drop so easily.

"But why would he try to rape you?!" Her mother exclaims with an overly concerned tone.

"I don't know." She shrugs, looking to the ground. "Maybe because I was the first one who didn't want to have sex with him."

_Technically the second one, but at least I was never friends with benefits with him._

"We have to make him pay." Her father says rather angrily. His face is now red with rage and his veins are protruding. He's also clenching his fists, like he wants to beat Hans into a bloody pulp. I can relate all too well with that feeling.

"We will." Anna's mother says, trying to placate him. "At the trial." She remarks with that stern voice and an overly cold glare that I'm sure could make anyone obey her instantly.

"Alright." He agrees, clearly fighting to calm down. "Meanwhile, Anna will stay at home all the time. I don't want another incident."

"WHAT?!" This time Anna's scream is the one that almost makes me jump. "You can't do that! I'm about to finish this year!"

"I won't let you be in danger again." He argues, and suddenly tears are falling down Anna's cheeks and her jaw and firsts are clenched tightly. I can tell she's utterly angry, sad and frustrated at the same time. I want to interfere, but her furious voice cuts me.

"Well, I don't care what you say, I'm not spending another decade talking to paintings just because you don't deem the world to be safe enough for me! I can take care of myself! If was ever in danger it was because I didn't know anything about the world thanks to your stupid actions!" She spats fearlessly. I bet if I ever talked like that to my father, he'd sent me with a one-way ticket to Antarctica (In winter).

"We will discuss it later." Anna's mother tries to intervene, but this time her commanding attitude doesn't give any results.

"No!" Anna and her father yell. "We'll solve this now!" I can tell they both have the same fiery personality.

I know I should intervene, after all Anna asked me to go to her place today to convince her parents not to lock her in her house again… but I'm afraid of what they'll say. I'm afraid to put myself on their bad side, and I'm not even sure they'll listen to me… But I have to try it. I promised Anna I would save her from imprisonment and I will. I don't want anyone to make her suffer, even if they are her own parents and only want the best for her.

"Uhm… excuse me." I say, my voice much shyer than I wanted, but still all heads turn to me. "If I could give you my opinion…"

"Look, I appreciate that you saved Anna." Anna's father interrupts me. "But this is a decision that we…"

"Let her talk." Her mother cuts him off, raising her hand. He looks at her for one moment before sighing and turning to me. Now they're all waiting for me to talk. I've never been good talking in public, and I feel very nervous, but Anna's hopeful face gives me enough courage to continue. She trusts me and I'm not going to disappoint her.

"Uh…" I fidget, wondering where to start, because I really don't want to sound like I think I know better than them how to raise their daughter, but I still need to make my point clear. "Well, I know you probably already know this, but I still want to point it out." I breathe, trying to relax a little. "The reason Anna doesn't want to stay at home is not only that she _likes_ being outside, but that she's _afraid_ of being alone. Not only afraid." I correct myself. "She's _terrified_. Being locked in again would destroy her, and I'm sure none of us want that." I look at them with pleading eyes, remembering how distressed Anna looked earlier this day when she was pleading me not to tell her parents about the bullying, fearing that they'd lock her up again. "You don't want her to get hurt, and I get that… but by locking her up again, you'd hurt her more than anything Hans could ever do." I pause, swallowing and taking a deep breath, gathering my thoughts as I make my most convincing argument. "Besides, she wouldn't be alone. She has friends now, who will look out for her and keep her out of trouble, and…" I hesitate before saying my next words, because there's a possibility they'd interpret them as if I was in love with her (which I am, but still), but decide to say it anyways. I don't think they'll immediately think that I'm a pervert who's trying to get into their daughter's pants. "She has _me_. And I will protect her with my life if necessary; she helped me when I needed her most, and now I'm forever in debt to her. I won't let any harm come to her if it's within my power to stop it, I promise." Suddenly, Anna starts to tear up and, before I can ask what's wrong she throws herself into my arms and starts sobbing as she hugs me tightly and says "thank you" over and over again, and in that moment I understand that she is utterly touched by my words. I smile fondly at her before pulling her close and caressing softly her back.

It totally catches me by surprise when two more people join our embrace, making me flinch a little (though I refrain myself good enough) and I hear Anna's father saying:

"Thank you, Elsa. I'm happy to see that Anna is now in good hands. I trust you."


	20. Caught

**Chapter 20: Caught.**

Today was Hans' trial, and as you may assume, he's going to jail for at least 24 years, as he's been charged with sexual harassment to a minor, attempted rape and attempted homicide with aggravated assault. But of course, in order for that to happen, both Anna and I had to testify against him, as if the blood in his clothes and knife and the injuries on our bodies weren't evidence enough.

I told the jury about what Snow had told me that day (she had to pay a settlement for conspiracy to commit a crime so she didn't make it to jail, but I heard her stepmother is going to send her to live with her seven uncles as punishment), how I found Anna and saw Hans attack her and then tried to defend her only to end up with a knife stabbed in my abdomen. It was hard, of course, but believe me, it wasn't nearly as hard for me as it was for Anna.

Anna told the jury everything about her relationship with Hans. And by that, I really mean _everything_, even some things I really didn't want to know. She narrated how he forced their first kiss on her, and how subsequently he kept making her do sexual things against her will, like touching his genitals, until eventually he even forced her to give him oral sex, threatening to take her virginity if she didn't accept. She cried through all of it, and I almost cried too, but I tried to be strong for her and held her when she finished testifying and returned to my side. She was broken emotionally, and kept asking if we thought less of her after what she'd narrated, but both her parents and I assured her that no, we didn't love her any less nor think of her as filthy just because of what she'd done and we were more concerned about her well-being. Eventually she calmed down, especially when the judge pronounced his verdict.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you… Ariel, Cinderella and Aurora also testified against Hans, narrating how it wasn't the first time he'd done something like that (though he'd never raped someone) and how he told them he'd do something bad to Anna that day, even if he didn't give them any details (except to Snow, of course). I think they're truly regretful of what they've done to Anna and finally are starting to try and make things right, which is a good thing. Hopefully no one will be bullying either of us in the near future.

Anyways, now we're arriving to Anna's house, since her parents invited me for lunch after the trial and, after telling Kai and Gerda where I was going, I accepted. Her father, however, went to quickly fix something at his lab (he's a biologist and he works in Pathology research, as well as his wife) and so Anna's mom was the one who drove us to her home. My girlfriend, however, pretty much fell asleep as soon as she got in, and left me on my own to talk with her mother… which surprisingly wasn't a bad thing, I mean, she's really nice and has that motherly aura that I had only previously seen in Gerda, and since we only talked about school stuff, I wasn't in real danger of spelling out the truth about my relationship with Anna. The only bad thing about that is… it kinda left me wondering (for the billionth time in my life) what would it feel like to have a mother, one that doesn't abandon you as soon as you're born, but who cares about you and loves you and makes you feel good. Honestly, by the time we arrived at Anna's home I was already about to start crying, but thankfully in that moment her mother parked the car and went to wake Anna up, effectively distracting me from my thoughts and allowing me to remain composed.

Anyways, so we all exit the car, get in the house and then Anna's mom turns and tells us:

"I'll just buy a pizza, is that alright?" We both nod (I honestly would eat anything they offer me right now; I'm starving). "I'll order your favorite."

"Thanks mom." Anna smiles at her before taking my hand (much to my surprise) and leading me upstairs to her room before I can protest. As soon as we arrive, the redhead practically launches herself to the bed and sighs in content, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them again and patting the bed at her side. I know she wants me to lay beside her so we can cuddle and relax before the pizza arrives, but as much as I'd like that, there's something I've been meaning to talk to her about ever since the end of the trial. So I just sit at the edge of the bed and stare at her. "What?" She asks, confused when she realizes I didn't comply to her silent request.

"Was what you said true? The things Hans forced you to do?" I ask, remembering how shaken she was before, and not believing for a second that all that sadness and desperation just suddenly disappeared in the span of a few hours.

"Well… I wouldn't say that he _forced_ me..." She sits up as she says this, biting her lip as if not wanting to talk about it. "More like _coerced_ me. But hey, it's all in the past." She chuckles, probably to brush it off and make me forget all about it, but I'm not letting it go until I'm completely sure Anna is aware of the seriousness of the situation and also admits (at least to herself) that it's not something to be easily forgotten.

"It's the same!" I practically yell, slightly upset as the way she talked about it, like it didn't matter at all. "He made you do something you didn't want to and you still let him continue until things went too far."

"So what? Now it's _my_ fault that he tried to rape me?" She retorts with an angry expression.

"No, that's not…" I pause, trying to calm down, because I really don't want her to think I'm blaming her for what happened. "I just… don't you care about yourself?" I ask, because really, she could've have stopped Hans from the very beginning, but she didn't because… why exactly? I want to understand.

"I… Elsa look, I appreciate what you're trying to do." She starts, and I instantly know she's gonna refuse my help. "But I really want to leave it all in the past." However, even if I understand why she doesn't want to talk about this, I also know that it's better not to keep the things that hurt us inside us, so I keep looking at her, unfazed… until she starts pouting and making puppy-dog eyes. "Please? Forget about it and let's just make out."

_Damn! That _is_ tempting, how can I resist her? No, I need to stay focus! Even if her lips look so delicious… _

I bit my lip and close my eyes to avoid giving in to temptation, but I still give in a little to her request.

"Look, I'll tell you what." I say opening my eyes. "If you talk to me about that, we'll make out."

"Ugh, fine." She sighs. "What do you want to know? I already narrated it all to the jury."

"I don't want to know the facts… obviously. I want to know…" I pause. What_ do_ I want to know? Nothing, really, I just want her to talk to me about what's hurting her. "What made you submit yourself to that? What was happening in your head when you agreed to do everything Hans said even if you didn't want to?"

"Well…" She closes her eyes and gulps. "At first it was because… I really thought he loved me." She sighs. "And he was so handsome and nice that I just… I guess I tried to force myself to love him, hoping he'd someday love me back and… m-make me his girlfriend." Her voice cracks at the end and tears instantly fall out of her eyes.

"Oh, Anna." I say as I rush to wrap my arms around her tightly, hoping it'll give her some comfort. I was going to tell her that it's alright, she doesn't have to say anymore, at least for now, when she keeps talking.

"And then…" She continues. "Then he started calling me a whore and some other n-n-nasty things." She visibly tenses and starts trembling in rage, and all I can do is try to sooth her by caressing her back. "And I…!" She pauses, holding me tighter until my wound hurts, but I don't dare to protest, not when she's overwhelmed by despair. "I believed them!" She finally screams, and at her words my heart breaks, and I want to comfort her, but she keeps going on. "I believed them and I thought no one would ever want someone as filthy as me, so I-I just…" She clenches her fists in rage and shakes even more, and suddenly I'm a little afraid she may explode on me, but I keep holding her. "I-I just thought I might as well d-d-do as Hans told me, as he was the only one who wanted me."

"Anna…" I start to say, wanting to reassure her, but before I can say anything more, Anna's lips on mine silence me. She's kissing me so desperately and messy that our teeth end up clashing, but I don't even have time to protest before she pushes me into the mattress and climbs on top of me, not pulling away for a second. This, unlike our other kisses, doesn't feel right at all, partially because she's still crying and so tense that her muscles feel like rocks, but also because is obvious this didn't came out of love, but of despair, and I don't like it one bit. It scares me.

"Tell me that you want me, Elsa!" Anna says, finally pulling away slightly to look at my eyes with a crazy stare. "Tell me that…" I take the opportunity to push her away. When I asked her about Hans, I never imagined it'll all end up like this, even if I didn't think everything was fine with her after what I'd seen and heard at the trial.

"Anna, listen…" I start, but Anna is far too gone to listen to me.

"Do you want me or not?!" She yells hysterically. "Am I not pretty enough? Am I not good enough? Am I not worthy of being your girlfriend?!"

"Of course I want you!" I yell back, grabbing her shoulders and making her look at me, hoping this will pull her out of her insane state. It seems to work, because Anna blinks a few times before her breath comes back to normal and her muscles relax a little. "I want you, Anna." I repeat, and given the circumstances I shouldn't feel embarrassed to admit it out loud, but it still makes my cheeks turn warm. "And I also love you. I'm your girlfriend." I assure her, placing a hand on her cheek and making her look at me, but she closes her eyes with an ashamed expression before collapsing on top of me (which again makes my wound hurt), sobbing and whimpering while I try to calm her down with tender words and soft caresses.

"Shhh… It's alright. I understand where you were coming from." I say. "Sometimes it's very easy to believe what others tell us, and I'm sorry to have made you remember it. I-I thought it'd help you." I add regretfully; I never thought she'd get into that state of madness just remembering what happened, after all it hadn't been _that_ bad in the trial.

"It did." She assures me between strangled sobs and hiccups.

"Good." I say, a little relieved that Anna didn't blame me for making her relive such pain. "But it still hurt to see how much his words still affect you."

"I know." She mumbles nuzzling on my neck, giving me pleasurable chills and making me realize just how intimately _close_ our bodies are.—Even when he's in prison he still hurts me.

"He won't anymore." I assure her. "As you said, he's in prison now, and we're here, alive and together, with all our lives ahead of us." I try to sound optimistic for her sake, and it seems to work because after a few moments she calms down and sighs in content, and tries to get even closer to me, her lips touching my neck in the process and making my breath hitch.

After a few seconds of Anna just peacefully lying above me, however, I start getting used to the sensation, and I'm about to close my eyes and maybe relax a little until the pizza arrives, when suddenly I feel Anna kissing my neck. My eyes shoot open and I let out a gasp of surprise since I didn't expect Anna to initiate intimate contact just a minute after her breakdown… but apparently I underestimated the desire she feels for me.

In that moment, I feel her wet hot tongue licking me, and pleasure shoots from the spot to my lower regions as Anna moans into my neck. My cheeks feel warm and my heart is racing, but even if we've done something like this before, this somehow feels more intimate, probably because we're in her bed and Anna is literally lying on top of me, and our bodies are so close I can feel the beating of her heart, and a nervous feeling starts to make its way into my stomach before I'm distracted from it by Anna softly biting me. It doesn't hurt at all, but oh how well it feels! I can't help it when a little pleasured whimper escapes my throat. This seems to encourage Anna, because soon she's biting me harder and then sucking, this time causing me slight pain, but it's the good kind of pain; it actually makes me tremble in arousal.

Suddenly, however, Anna slightly separates herself from me so we stare at each other's eyes. Hers are red and a little puffy, but still clearly reflect the lust she undoubtedly feels for me, and her cheeks are so red! And her breath is ragged, and I just want to devour those deliciously pink lips!

And so I do; I kiss her hard, but still with as much love I can muster, even daring to use my tongue to explore her mouth (gods, it feels good), feeling more and more pleasure accumulate throughout my whole body until I realize I need to breathe and I pull away, panting heavily.

Anna stares at me like a predator would stare at its prey and groans in arousal before leaning in and capturing my lips with her own again. After a moment she breaks contact and moves to kiss my jaw, my neck and finally my ear, biting it and making me melt under her touch. I'm pretty sure I'd never felt pleasure so intense before in my life.

I'm so lost in pleasure, in fact, that I almost miss it when Anna sits up and starts unbuttoning my shirt. She's already undone two bottoms when I realize exactly what's going on.

"W-wait." I say, utterly nervous, because honestly I never expected Anna to start undressing me. "W-what are you doing?"

"Uh… undressing you?" She says like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and of course it is, but she surely isn't thinking about having sex now, is she? I mean we've only been dating for a couple of weeks.

"But… you want…?" I gulp, fearing the answer, but Anna just smiles at me and nods. "_Now?!_" I ask in disbelief, the feeling in my stomach intensifying tenfold. Anna, however, just nods again, and I gulp before giving her a nervous smile. "D-do you at least know _how_?"

"Pffft, it can't be that difficult." She brushes it off. "I mean, I've never done it before, but…" She pauses, looking at me expectantly and I take a few moments to think about it. On one hand, I'm utterly nervous, since I've never done it before and also, no one has actually seen me naked since I was a small child. Besides, the reason Anna wants to do it right now, may be because of her breakdown earlier when she asked me if I wanted her, and I really wouldn't want our first time to happen because of that reason… but then again I kinda owe her for making her reminiscence the time she was with Hans, and this would surely make her feel better, right? But it's not romantic enough for our first time, and I'd like to be more prepared... maybe watch some videos and read about it first or something… But she's so hot and so close, and she's looking at me with such desire! It's so tempting!

"Alright… we'll learn together." I say before I can stop myself, and the second those words fall out of my mouth, Anna reaches down and quickly unbuttons my shirt… only to then stare intently at my gauze pad, which now is stained with blood, no doubt because of how Anna was lying on top of me.

_Maybe having sex right now isn't the best idea. I mean, we're both injured and bruised, not to mention Anna's broken arm…_

However, before I can tell her we better stop right now before we get hurt, the door opens and her mother comes in.

"Girls, the pizza is…" She pauses, seeing us in such a compromising position, before I realize what's going on and quickly try to cover my body with my shirt, while Anna just remains motionless like a deer caught in headlights. Still, I know it's too late and her mother already saw us when her expression hardens and she speaks again in a much more authoritarian (and scary) voice. "Downstairs. Now." That said, she leaves the room.

Instantly, I get up from bed and start buttoning my shirt, panic rising inside me.

_We're so damned! They're gonna kill me, and then Anna, and then burn us and throw our ashes into the toilet… Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but damn she looked mad! What if they kick Anna out? What if they send her away all because of me?! God, I'd never forgive__myself if that happened._

"Relax." Anna's hand suddenly touches my shoulder, startling me out of my panicked thoughts. "She's not going to kill us." She chuckles.

"Well… she seemed pretty mad to me." I answer, my voice shaking in fear.

"That's because you haven't seen her _really_ mad." She states before taking my hand and starting to walk out of the room. Honestly, her words are not very comforting. "Come on, let's go before she comes and drags us downstairs."

* * *

I am literally shaking from fear when we sit at the table in front of her parents, especially when her father eyes at Anna's hand in mine and my girlfriend only tightens her hold. Doesn't she know how serious this is? Why is she trying to provoke them?

Fortunately, however, after a few seconds she seems to understand the message and releases my hand, and I internally sigh in relief.

"So…" Her father begins with a tone that gives me chills. "Your mother told me she found you in a very… _compromising_ position." Anna and I gulp at how he says compromising, but I gather the courage and somehow manage to speak before Anna can.

"Please don't be mad at Anna." I plead, hoping to be able to save her by redirecting her parents' anger towards me. "It was my fault, I-I…"

"Really?" Her mother raises an eyebrow, clearly unbelieving. "Because to me it seemed like _she_ was trying to ravish you."

"Mom!" Anna protests, her cheeks burning bright red, but before I can interfere again, assuring Anna's mother it wasn't her daughter's fault, her father laughs.

"It does sound like Anna." He says and at this her mother joins him in his laughter.

To say I'm surprised that they aren't kicking us both out of their house would be an understatement.

"You are not… mad?" I ask, regretting having opened my mouth a second later, when Anna's parents' faces become stern and serious again.

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't have… ehem… _intimate_ relations in this house." Her father answers, surprising me once again.

"No, I meant…" I pause, taking a deep breath in order to calm down a little before continuing. After all, my following question could remind them of the reason they should be mad at us. "Are you really okay with us being… well… women?"

"We're not homophobic, if that's what worries you." Anna's mother assures me and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, much more relaxed now that I know Anna's parents doesn't have anything against same-sex couples.

"Though I must admit I was surprised at first." Her father adds. "I always thought Anna liked boys, I mean, after all she was always dreaming about princes in shining armor and all that stuff."

"I'm bisexual." My girlfriend interferes. "… I think." Her father nods at this, as if it all suddenly made sense.

"However, I'm a little hurt that you didn't tell us sooner." Anna's mother tells her. "Especially since we met her that time before Christmas when you brought her home. It's been a few months."

_When I came here before Christmas? Wait, but back then we weren't…_

"What? Oh, no, no, no! We weren't girlfriends at that time." Anna beats me to correct her.

"Y-you weren't?" She asks, truly surprised.

"We've just been dating for couple of weeks or so."

"And you were already going to have sex?!" Her father practically yells, and I flinch at this. If he wasn't mad before, now he certainly is.

"No, we…" I start, trying to make up some excuse to having been found in such position, but Anna cuts me off.

"It wasn't planned." Anna assures him, like that was going to make it all better. "It was in the heat of the moment, you know?" She chuckles, but everything is still _so_ awkward. "But hey, at least neither of us can get pregnant." She tries to joke, but her parents (and I) remain unamused and she sighs. "Okay, I'm sorry. I admit it wasn't the best time to do it, alright? Let's just eat, the pizza is getting cold."

"You're right." Her mother agrees to my relief. "Just promise you'll wait a little more before you... uhm… have sex." She's clearly the one who is the most uncomfortable about this topic, but I have the feeling all of us would rather talk about _anything_ else than when and where Anna and I are going to have sex.

"And that it won't happen in this house." Anna's father adds and they both stare at us waiting for an answer.

"I promise." My girlfriend says.

"I promise too." I second her, and mentally swear to myself that I won't let anything like what happened today happen in the future; our first time has to be romantic and, definitely, planned.

"Very well, now let's eat." Her father says satisfied, before opening the pizza box and getting out a slice, before Anna does the same and quickly starts to devour it, while her mother and I grab out one for ourselves, just not as desperately.

We keep munching at the pepperoni pizza for a while until Anna's father finishes his first slice and decides to break the silence.

"So…" He starts, looking at me in a way I know he's going to interrogate me in order to see if I'm good enough for his daughter. Of course, I instantly tense up. "What do your parents do for living?" I swallow the food that's in my mouth, take a gulp of water and carefully clean my lips with a napkin before answering, hoping to gain a few more seconds to prepare my response. It has to be as short as possible, because I really don't like talking about my father (it brings back bad memories).

"M-my father…" I start, hesitating a little before calling him 'father', because really, he doesn't deserve that title. Anna, however, seems to notice this and takes my hand under the table to comfort me. "H-he is the CEO of a Norwegian enterprise."

"You're from Norway?" Anna's father asks raising an eyebrow, even more surprised when I answer with a nod. "How long have you been living here?"

"A little more than three years."

"Oh." He blinks, confused. "But if he's the CEO of an enterprise, then how can he leave his country for so long?"

"He didn't. He sent me here alone." I answer, my heart clenching at my own words. He abandoned me, he punished me, he sent me here to live miserably… only because of who I am.

"And what about your mother?" Anna's mother asks concerned, only adding salt to the wound. I feel like I'm about to start crying at any second, but I manage to collect myself before answering.

"She left when I was little. I never met her." I say curtly, hoping they'll get it and stop prying.

"I-I'm sorry to hear that." She says and I just nod before quickly taking another slice of pizza and distracting myself with the food, since I really don't want to start crying now; it'd only raise more questions. Anna's parents seem to get the message though, because they don't ask me more personal questions during the rest of the meal.

* * *

After lunch Anna and I hang out a little in her room (door opened, of course) as her parents watch the TV downstairs. We are playing Mario Kart on her Wii console, and surprisingly enough, even though I'd never played videogames before, I'm quite good at it, and have won three races now (by the way, Anna is a sore loser and she keeps challenging me to another and another race, saying the next time she'll win). We're both having fun and laughing until Anna asks:

"Hey, Els. Did you really never meet your mother?" I tense at this, I mean, Anna knows I don't like to talk about the subject, and after the little interrogation with her parents she must have an idea how much it affects me, so I get a little upset with her for bringing it up.

"No, she left as soon as I was born. I told you that." I curtly answer, hoping she'll drop the subject.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." She apologizes and gets back to playing, and for a moment I think she will just forget about it… but of course I'm wrong and before we even finish that lap she asks again. "But seriously, have you never tried to contact her?"

"No, Anna." I sigh in exasperation, but this time I elaborate, hoping that a little more information will leave her satisfied. "She left me, she clearly didn't want anything to do with me, and so I don't see any reason to search her. Plus, father said she's not a good person, so…" As I explain all of this, I attempt to not be affected by the memories, but it still seems to get my mood down a little.

"But your father has lied to you before." She insists. "I mean, what if she wants to talk to you but she can't, or what if…?"

"Anna, enough." I warn her, because I've thought of all those possibilities before, but they are always too painful, and they make me sad and angry, because I'm only making excuses for a woman that never loved me, never even gave me a _chance_, and just left me like I was some kind of trash. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"But… don't you even have a picture of her? Don't you at least know what she looks like?"

_Can't she keep quiet for five seconds? Doesn't__she__understand how much this hurts me?_

**She's probably taking revenge on you because of how you made her talk about Hans earlier.**

_She wouldn't do that, she loves me._

**If your own mother couldn't love you, what makes you think other people will?**

Great, now the voices in my head are back. Wonderful.

"Father burned all her pictures when she left, alright?" I answer angrily as I drop a banana in front of her cart, making her fall down the bridge, hoping that'll keep her distracted. And it does… for like ten seconds.

"Do you even know her name?" She asks and I sigh, putting down the Wii remote, since the race is over anyways, before turning to look at her, figuring it'd be better to just to answer her questions and hope she'll leave me alone.

"You're not dropping the subject, are you?" I ask exasperated, and to my dismay, Anna only shakes her head. "Father never wanted me to know her name, but my brother told me once." I pause, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, remembering that bittersweet memory of me insisting my brother to talk me about mother or at least tell me her name, and he refusing, saying father had forbidden him to tell me, until he had finally relented. After that, it was only harder not to wonder about my mother. "Idunn." I almost whisper, pronouncing her name out loud for the first time in my life, my heart aching at how _right_ it sounded, and how she never gave me the privilege to see the face this name belonged to. "Her name was Idunn."

"That's a beautiful name." She compliments.

"For a horrible person." I scrunch my nose, reminding herself of why I shouldn't be thinking about my mother and _definitely_ shouldn't feel this longing at the sound of her name, and shouldn't be trying to imagine what would her arms would feel wrapped around me.

"Would you mind if I search her picture on the internet?" Anna asks cautiously. "Just to see if you look like her at all." I tense at her request and for a moment think of telling her to leave me alone, since I'm about to break down crying, but I figure what she searches or not on the internet is none of my business, and doesn't affect me as long as she doesn't tell me about it. Besides, she'd probably do it anyways even if I told her not to.

"I guess if you want to do it, I can't stop you. Just… know I don't want to know anything about her." I answer, barely holding back my emotions.

"I understand, but…"

"It's getting late." I cut her off before she can keep pushing the subject as I get up from her bed. "I better get going."

"I could walk you to the bus station if you…"

"No. It's fine." I assure her, since I know she'd only use it as an excuse to keep prying answers out of me, and honestly I've already had enough talk about my mother today for my entire life. "Goodbye Anna." As I say this, I approach her and quickly peck her on the lips (more for obligation than anything) before heading to the door. "See you tomorrow." I say practically fleeing from her room, only taking a few seconds to say goodbye to her parents before exiting the house and running away.

**Coward.**

_It's better to be a coward than keep talking about mother. I just hope Anna doesn't keep pressing on the subject. I don't think I would be able to resist that… I'd just break down again._


	21. The truth about the past

**Chapter 21: The truth about the past.**

Yesterday, as soon as I arrived home, I got a call from Anna, who asked me to meet with her in a coffee shop today. Thanks to it being Saturday we won't see each other at school, so I had to agree. I don't want her to think that I'm mad with her because she tried to talk to me about my mother, but… I just hope she doesn't bring up the subject again.

However, right now I have bigger problems.

You see, Anna gave me a hickey yesterday and I didn't notice, so right now I'm facing an interrogation from Kai and Gerda who are trying to make me confess who I was with yesterday. I don't want to lie to them, but I don't want to tell them the true either. So I've been giving them elusive answers for a while, until I realize I'm it's almost time for me to leave for my date with Anna, and start thinking that I should maybe tell them the truth. After all, Anna's parents already know and they didn't react badly, so maybe (hopefully) Kai and Gerda won't mind either right?

_I really hope so._

**Well, your hopes are about to be crushed.**

_Ugh, you again. Why don't you just disappear?_

**I'm a part of you, remember? I can't disappear.**

"Elsa, please, we won't get mad if you tell us you were with a boy." Gerda's voice saves me from my internal fight.

"I would." Kai contradicts her.

"But only because that'd mean you lied to us." Gerda clarifies, even though I'm pretty sure that wasn't what Kai had meant. "We want you to be honest with us." I bite my lip at her words, because really, I want to tell them the truth, but… I'm scared.

"Even if you don't like the truth?" I find myself asking in a shy voice.

"Of course." Gerda assures me, giving Kai a jab on his ribs when he just frowns.

"Of course." He quickly says, and I have to take a deep breath and close my eyes, preparing myself to speak. I inhale twice, calming my racing heart and, in an almost inaudible voice, pretending that I'm alone in my room where no one can hear me, finally admit it.

"I was with Anna."

"What?" Gerda asks, confused, and I sigh, knowing I have to clarify myself, even when I really don't want to.

"Yesterday, after the trial… I-I was with Anna." I repeat, and now my whole body is shaking in fear, and my shoulders feel extremely tense. I really just want to run away right now, or better yet, disappear. I don't want to confront their horrified faces.

"Then who gave you the hickey?" Kai asks, clearly confused. I just stare at him with a guilty face, hoping he isn't going to tell me to get out of his house once he realizes what it means, and as the silence stretches, my hope grows thinner and thinner until I just want to break in tears. I mean, after all I've been through, I'd hoped I could just have some peace for a while, but their reaction is not precisely accepting… I don't think I could handle their rejection right now; I need them to support me, I need…

"Elsa?" Gerda's tender voice helps me from panicking. "Are you… gay?"

"I-I…" I try to answer, but my throat is swollen, and I realize I'm mere moments away from crying. Before I can do just that, Gerda walks towards me and gives me a crushing hug that, while quite unexpected, was really appreciated. It comforts me; she's not mad at me, she doesn't hate me. Numbly I feel myself hug her back.

"Oh, Elsa." She says. "I don't care if you like women instead of men. I still love you." Instantly relieved tears fall from my eyes, because really, that's something no one that I really cared about has told me before, something I wished my father would've said to me.

"She's right." Kai says as he puts his hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture, and I force myself to let go of Gerda to look at his accepting eyes. His gaze is filled with so much love, that it's almost impossible to believe. "I was surprised, that's all, but I'm okay with you being Anna's girlfriend. Actually, I think it's better than you having a boyfriend, since you can't get pregnant."

"Thank you." I say with a huge smile, wiping my tears. "I really needed to hear that."

"Anytime, Elsa." He reassures me, and I quickly hug him before glancing at the clock and realizing I'm going to be late to my date.

* * *

"Sorry for being late." I apologize as I reach the table where Anna is and sit down. "I-I couldn't find the place." I lie, not because I don't want to tell her what happened with Kai and Gerda, but because I still can't believe they accepted me as I am. I'll tell her later, once it feels more real.

"Hey, it's fine." Anna shrugs it off, not seeming upset at all. "What's important is that you're here."

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask confused. Why would I miss a date with my beautiful girlfriend after all?

"Well… yesterday you were pretty mad…" She trails off, looking down at the table with a guilty expression that makes me feel bad at how I treated her yesterday.

"I wasn't mad." I quickly reply. "Not at you, at least." I add, taking her hand between mine in a reassuring gesture. "I know you were just trying to help me, but…" I sigh. "I'm just not ready to talk about my mother."

**You're a coward.**

"Oh." Anna says and coughs awkwardly before blatantly changing the subject. "Uh… why don't I go get our coffees?" She gets up. "Is mocha okay with you?"

"Yes, perfect." I smile, trying to pretend I'm not confused at her reaction of me mentioning I don't want to talk about my mother. Was she just about to ask me about her again? Was that the reason she brought me here? I hope not, because then I'll probably run away. It's what I do best after all; running from my problems and hope that is enough to make them disappear… gosh, I think I _really_ am a coward.

When Anna comes back with our coffees and a piece of chocolate cake, she tries making small talk, you know, the weather, homework, exams… but she's quite distracted and nervous, like she really wants to talk about something else, but doesn't because she thinks I'll get upset with her. I don't know what it is what she wants to tell me, but I bet it's about my mom, and even if I don't want to talk about her, I don't want this to ruin my date with Anna either. So I sigh, because I know that we can't avoid the subject anymore.

"Okay, spill it." I prompt her.

"S-spill what?" Anna stammers nervously in a poor attempt to pretend she doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's kind of cute actually, but I still raise an eyebrow at this and she sighs in defeat. Slowly she pulls out her cellphone and starts searching for something as she explains me. "Remember I asked you yesterday if I could search for a picture of your mother just to see if you look like her? Well, I did and..."

"Anna." I interrupt her before she can continue, because now I know what she is trying to do. "I told you I didn't want to see a picture of my mother, so..."

"That's not it." Anna quickly clarifies. "It's just..." She bites her lip and brings the cellphone to her chest in a protecting gesture, like she's hesitating about showing to me whatever she found, fearing it'll hurt me. Even though I know that's certainly a risk… I'm quite curious. I mean, she could've found something important. What if my mother's name isn't Idunn, but something completely different? Or what if she now knows where she is? What if she's been searching for me all this time, or…?

**Stop. Stop right there. When are you ever going to understand that she doesn't love you, she'd never did and never will? Wanna know what she found? Ask her. You'll see your mother is even a worse person than you have imagined.**

_She's not, you'll see. I'll ask her._

Even in my head I'm quite hesitant, but I somehow find the courage to ask anyway.

"What is it? What did you find?" When Anna hears my voice, she sighs and hands me her cellphone.

"I found this article." She explains as I glance at the screen of her smartphone and find myself staring at a picture of a pale blonde woman with beautiful blue eyes and a kind smile. I can't help thinking she looks a lot like me… or rather, _I_ look a lot like her; while my father and brother both had grayish hair and grey eyes, my mother and I both have the same blue eyes (well, maybe mine are a little lighter) and blonde hair (even if mine is a lot paler). My heart clenches when I think about it. "It's in Norwegian." Anna continues to explain. "So I didn't understand a thing, but I translated the title and..." At this I turn my attention towards said title and… what I find is something that makes my blood run cold.

"Recently divorced woman brutally murdered." I read out loud in English as a sensation of absolute dread settles in my stomach, already knowing what this is all about. A part of me doesn't want to continue reading, but I know I have to; I need to know what happened to that woman who gave me life. "Very early this morning, Idunn Olafrdottir, previously known as Idunn Frost, who recently got divorced from her now ex-husband Adgar Frost, CEO of North Mountain enterprises, was found dead in the living room of her new apartment. The police say that the neighbors reported having heard constant cries of a baby for about a day and, since the owner of the apartment wasn't answering her door, they thought something may have happened. And so the police forced the door open and found the woman lying in a pool of blood and with multiple cuts on her body." I pause, trying not to imagine it, but it's too easy to picture that woman, so similar to me, lying in the ground in a pool of her own blood. That's a vision that'll give me nightmares… it's a good thing that this article didn't have a picture of the crime scene, because I'm already trembling now, unable to continue.

However, in that moment, Anna, as sweet as always, gets up, takes her chair and pulls it until she's sitting right beside me, then wraps one arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards her for comfort. I really appreciate this gesture, because otherwise I doubt I would be able to continue; Anna's presence gives me the support I need in this situation.

"Her hands were tied up with a rope and she had been gaged." I continue with great difficulty. "There were also strangulation marks on her neck and a few bruises on her face. The forensic analysis points that she died from strangulation." I pause, noticing the next words on the text and doubting if I should continue, but then I hear Anna's steady breathing and feel her warmth, and I know she'll be at my side no matter what. I'm not alone in this. I can do this. "T-the baby, on the other hand, was her three-month old daughter, Elsa Frost, who fortunately remained unharmed in her crib until the police found her. She will be given to her father, who will take care of her ..." I pause, looking horrified at the next few lines. What this article says… it's too horrible to even think about it, how am I going to say it out loud?

"There's more?" Anna asks and I know it wouldn't be fair of me to leave her with doubt. Besides, I know she wants to help me, and to do that, she has to know what is going on, so I reluctantly read the last paragraph.

"S-some people think… he was behind his ex-wife's murder. However, this hasn't been confirmed and the police will keep investigating." I say with trembling voice and hands.

"Elsa?" She asks carefully. "Are you okay?"

"No." I say softly. I'm shaking so much that I actually leave the cellphone on the table to avoid dropping it, and instead snuggle closer to Anna.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes with a sad and remorseful voice.

"No, that's not…" I sigh, thinking about how can I explain that I'm not mad at Anna for telling me the truth. "I mean… I'm glad you showed me this, because it makes me feel better about myself, now that I know my mother didn't abandon me, but…" I swallow as I feel my throat begin to swell and my eyes prickle with tears.

"You're sad that she's dead." She completes the phrase for me.

"Yeah…" I admit, almost whispering, realizing that's what I wanted to say. "I mean, I don't miss her, because you can't miss someone you've never met, but… I have a similar feeling, like…"

"A sense of loss?" She suggests.

"Yes, I think that's what it is." I say as I take a deep breath, trying to calm down and not let the feelings overwhelm me. Unfortunately it's quite difficult because, though only now I found out about my mother's death, the sadness of losing her has been there all my life, just now it's a lot worse. "Do you think that's strange?" I ask, separating myself from Anna to look at her in the eye. I really need to know if she thinks my behavior isn't normal in this situation; after all, I never met my mother.

"No, of course not." She assures me, and I can see the sincerity in those teal orbs, which helps me calm down. "Maybe you never met her, but she's your mother; she's an important part of who you are."

"I guess." I shrug confused, because I still haven't figured out who my mother is to me, or what changes now that I know that she's dead. "But it's just… I don't know what to do with this knowledge, you know?" I voice my thoughts as I start nervously fidgeting with my hands. "It's not like I could just erase a lifetime of hating her, but I can't love her either because I never knew her… and if my father really k-…" I swallow, not able to pronounce the word the first time. It's one thing to think your father is a bad person because he treats you poorly, and another, very different one, to know he could be a murderer. "K-k-killed her…" I'm finally able to say with difficulty. "Then I still can do nothing about it; I can't prove it true, but I can't prove it false either." I look at Anna searching for reassurance and support. "How will I ever be able to talk to him… t-to even _look_ at him, knowing he could've murdered my mother?"

"Elsa, calm down." She says, taking my hands and caressing them, which actually helps soothe me a little. "No one is saying that you father killed your mother; that article is very old, and the culprit could've already been captured. There's no need to panic for nothing." She says, trying to be reasonable, but I know the truth. I know my father is a very vengeful man, and that all he cares about is money, and if my mother really got divorced of him, probably taking half of his fortune in the process… well, I think he's very capable of killing someone for that. Maybe not personally, but he probably sent someone to do the dirty work for him and then turned them in to the police, coming out with his hands clean. However, I don't tell this to Anna; I don't want to worry her.

"And about what to do with the knowledge of your mother being dead…" She continues, not noticing my internal struggle. "Well, I think I have an idea." I raise an eyebrow with curiosity, desperate to do anything to make my situation better than it is right now. "Look, you can't change what happened, but you can make the best out of this situation." She pauses, apparently looking for any sign from my part that she should stop, but I don't give her one. "Your mother was a divorced woman when she died, and as such, all of her possessions weren't left to her husband, but to whoever she left them to in her will. However, if she didn't leave a will, then they'll be passed to her children, in this case you."

"Me?" I ask, utterly surprised; I'd never thought of it that way. "But… if that were true then by now I would have inherited everything."

"Yes, but you didn't know she was dead." She reasons. "And as a minor, your father is the one who manages all of your possessions, probably one of the reasons he wanted you to think that your mother was alive and she had just abandoned you." To my dismay, all what Anna said makes _a lot_ of sense; that's just the kind of thing my father would do, but even if it doesn't surprise me, the intense pain in my heart comes rather unexpectedly. I feel a tear falling down my cheek, and I try to wipe it, but more follow and soon enough I'm weeping. Anna's arms wrap themselves around me, giving me the warmth and love that I so desperately need right now.

* * *

I don't know for how long I cried, but I do know Anna held me through all of it, whispering soothing words in my ear and, eventually, making me eat some chocolate cake. At the end, she managed to calm me down and, though I'm still feeling a bit… shaken, I'm much better now than before. Still, when Anna asked me to go to the movies with her, I didn't agree immediately. In reality all I wanted to do was to crawl into my bed and think about what I'd just learned. However, somehow she was able to convince me, probably because a part of me new that being alone in my room at that moment wasn't the best of the ideas, especially with the Other Elsa present in my head.

So that's why I ended up here, about to buy our tickets and arguing with Anna about watching the movie on 3D or 2D. I wanna watch it in 2D because, well… it's a lot cheaper, and I don't have money to pay, so it'd be unfair to take advantage of Anna making her pay more than necessary, but she doesn't seem to get that.

"Anna, please, I don't want to watch it in 3D." I say, subconsciously wrapping my arms around my torso.

"But it's earlier in 3D." She replies stubbornly.

"And more expensive!" I counter.

"So?" She rolls her eyes. "I'll pay, I told you."

"I-I don't want you to pay." I admit, lowering my gaze in shame. "I know I can't buy my own ticket because I don't have money, but I'm not going to take advantage of you and let you pay more than you should just to watch it in 3D." I sigh. "It wouldn't be right."

"Elsa." She says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Look, I understand that you don't want to take advantage of me, but you're not. I want to pay for you, alright? I _want_ it, you're not forcing me to do anything that I can't or am not willing to do."

"But…" I try to protest again, but she silences me by pressing a finger on my lips.

"Look, men do it for their girlfriends all the time, so I don't see why this is any different." I frown, since I think even in heterosexual couples that kind of behavior is a bit unfair. Anna seems to notice that I'm about to argue, because she continues. "But if you _really_ are not okay with it… well, you'll pay next time." She finishes with a playful wink.

"Anna." I sigh, taking a step back. "You know I don't have any money." I remind her.

"Well, I never said anything about money, did I?" She says, checking me out with lust in her eyes.

"Anna!" I almost shriek, blushing and trying to cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. She laughs in my expense and pulls me into an embrace as I bury my reddened face in her neck while she keeps laughing. I must admit, however, that her little joke served to break the tense atmosphere that was forming around us.

"But seriously Elsa…" She says, once she's able to stop laughing. "You _could_ pay next time; if only you put a demand on you father and forced him to give you your inheritance…

"No." I cut her off as I break our embrace without thinking it twice. "That's out of the question."

"But why?" She asks exasperated.

"I just don't want to confront my father, okay?" I lower my gaze to the ground, trying to suppress the panic I feel just thinking about it. "I don't think I have the strength to even face him."

**Coward, as always.**

_Stop calling me a coward!_

**I will when you stop being one.**

"I understand." She says in a reassuring tone. "But you can't let your fear get in the way of your happiness, your freedom..."

"Money doesn't give you freedom." I counter, though remembering all those times I couldn't buy what I wanted or go somewhere, or even stop depending on my father to give me everything… I start to doubt my own statement.

"No." She agrees. "But it sure helps, especially in your situation." I look at her, prompting her to explain what she meant by that and she soon continues. "You have nothing, Elsa; if not for Kai and Gerda you'd live on the streets. Is that what you want? Isn't a better life worth fighting for? Isn't it worth facing your father?"

"I-I guess..." I admit, because really, I've fantasized about getting enough money to forget about my father and leave the past in the past, but fantasies don't come true more often than not. "But I can't pay for a lawyer... Actually I can't even buy my plane ticket to Norway!" I exclaim, frustrated, since I really want to better up my life, but I can't. It's literally impossible. "I don't even see the point of discussing this; it not happening!"

"Are you sure about that?—She raises an eyebrow.

"Of course I'm sure Anna, why do you even ask?" I frown at her; Anna knows firsthand that I have nothing in the world, she said it herself! So then why…?

"Because I can make that happen. I can help you, Elsa... Well, _my parents_ can, but it's the same."

"Are you crazy?!" I scream in disbelief. "I'm not asking them such a favor! That just wouldn't be right!"

_I don't even know them all that well! I bet they would forbid me ever stepping into their house again as soon as I asked them to help me with such a thing._

"Okay, first of, you saved their precious daughter from being raped, and second, you are said daughter's girlfriend. Of course they'll be happy to help you!" She insists, apparently not seeing just how of a big deal it truly is.

"I-I don't know." I answer, not wanting to fight more with my girlfriend, but not wanting to relent either.

"Look, we can talk about that later." 2She suddenly says, glancing at the clock. "Let's go see the movie and enjoy ourselves. It's our second date after all." She gives me a little smile, and I try to reciprocate, but I'm really not in the mood, so I'm pretty sure it looked more like a grimace. She frowns when she notices this and gives me a little peck in my lips, before separating slightly and whispering into my mouth. "Please, I'm sorry about ruining the mood, you know I usually talk before thinking." She apologizes with puppy-dog eyes that I'm unable to resist.

"Alright." I relent pulling away from her slightly so I can see her eyes. "Lets watch the movie." I say, this time smiling for real, glad that she dropped the subject, but also because I know I'm quite lucky to have someone like Anna to look out for me, even if I can't always accept her help.

* * *

At the end it didn't matter if the movie was in 3D or 2D because we didn't even pay attention (but in case you're wondering, yes, we watched it in 3D). Most of the time we spent it stealing glances at each other, holding hands and, eventually, making out, much to the dismay of the people sitting beside us, but let me tell you, I regret nothing… except accepting to go to Anna's house after the movie ended, because as soon as we entered the living room, I noticed her parents were waiting to ambush us, and I already know what this is about.

"Elsa." Anna's father greets me as he stands up and shakes my hand, her mother doing the same after him. "Please take a seat." He motions to the couch in front of him and I reluctantly comply as Anna sits at my side and her parents in front of us. I give my girlfriend a confused look, silently asking what this is all about, but she only answers a reassuring smile, which tells me she knew about this ambush all along. I glare at her briefly before turning my gaze to her parents.

"Elsa." Anna's mother starts. "Our daughter told us about your… situation this morning." I tense up. _Of course_ Anna would do that without asking me first. I'm so mad at her right now that, when she tries to take my hand, I pull it away. "And we'd like to help." She concludes.

_Wow, that's unexpected. I never thought they'd be willing to do such a thing for me. Maybe I underestimated their generosity._

**Or maybe they just don't understand fully what they are getting themselves into. **

_It doesn't matter. We can't accept their help anyways._

"I appreciate it." I answer politely, but still making sure they know their intents are _not_ appreciated. "But I can't accept your help."

"Why not?" Anna's father frowns.

"It wouldn't be right."

"Elsa, you saved our daughter from being _raped_. It's the least we can do." He insists.

"Please, I really don't want to argue." I say, tired of having been discussing about this with Anna all day.

"Well, then accept our help and then you can go."

"I can't! I would never be able to pay back such a debt." I try to make them reason.

"You don't have to." He says, making me realize he's just as (or even more) stubborn than his daughter.

"I said no, and my decision is final." I say, realizing that polite answers just won't do in this case, getting up to make clear that I don't want to talk about this anymore. "Goodbye." I start walking away, trying to escape from even thinking about the possibility of confronting my father in the near future, rather than of Anna's insistent parents, however, a hand in my shoulder stops me.

"Elsa, I understand that you feel us helping you would be taking advantage of us." Anna's mother says, but I don't turn around to look at her, fearing that she'll be able to convince me if I do; after all, yesterday she was so nice to me… she makes me feel so special that I would gladly do anything she asked me. "But that couldn't be farther from the truth. We _want_ to help you. Please, let us do this one little thing for you." She pleads with a tender tone, that makes me feel bad about trying to leave so suddenly and I decide it's better to turn to face her and explain my reasons clearly.

"I can't." I say, distressed. "And it's not only that I can't accept your help, it's…" I look down in shame because of the vulnerability my next words will imply. "I don't want to face my father."

"I understand." She pauses, taking a deep breath, and for a moment I think she'll leave me alone (which I don't know yet if it's a good thing), but she doesn't. "But you have to." I look up, confused and scared and Anna's mother explains herself. "It's not only about the mental peace it'd give you, which is really important by the way, but it's also about your independence, your freedom."

"I-I… I don't know." I bite my lip, thinking about it, considering her words. Of course I want freedom, and independence, but… there's so much fear in me it paralyzes me, always has. I don't think I can get rid of it enough to face my worst nightmare.

"Think about this, Elsa: What do you think your mother would've wanted?" She asks, but as I try to answer her question, I realize that I can't.

"I didn't know her, how can I know that?" I counter.

"Yes, you didn't know her, but you _do_ know that she got divorced from your father before she died. Why do you think that was?"

"Because he's an asshole." Anna says like it's the most obvious thing of the world, earning a glare from my mother that instantly makes her shut her mouth. This almost made me laugh for a moment (almost), but then I remember what her mother asked and try to think about what she wants me to answer.

"Because…" I pause, thinking. "Because she wanted to be free of him?" I say like a question.

"I don't know." Anna's mother shrugs, much to my surprise; I thought that was what she wanted me to say. "I haven't met your father, so I don't know the type of man he is, even though my daughter has clearly expressed her opinion." She glares at my girlfriend again and she sighs, rolling her eyes. "What I do know is that he didn't treat you all that well, and that may be the reason your mother got divorced; she wanted _you_ to be free from him."

"Maybe…" I say unsure, because really, I know nothing about the woman. What if she didn't love me that much? What if she just divorced from my father because of selfish reasons?

_You only say that because you don't want to think of the possibility. Would it really be so terrible to think about someone actually loving you?_

**It would. After all, the things we love most are the ones that destroy us.**

"Please, Elsa. Don't you want to finally get him out of your life?" Her mother insists.

_Of course!_

**Even **_I _**agree with that.**

"Fine." I sigh, finally meeting her gaze, deciding I can't spend the rest of my life fearing my father, too afraid to claim what is mine and suffering because I own nothing. "But I'll pay you back someday." I add, my morals not letting me accept their offer without making sure they realize I'm not about to take advantage from their generosity.

"Of course, when you marry our daughter." Anna's mother jokes, but I still feel my cheeks burn bright red and hear Anna let out a mortified groan. "Just kidding." She says, still giggling a little. "You're still too young to think about that."

"That's true." Anna's father says, getting up from the couch. "But now if you excuse me, I have to go get some plane tickets to Norway."

"Wait… _some_?" I ask, not believing what I'm hearing. "You're going too?"

"Of course, we can't just let you fly all the way to the other end of the world alone. You're a minor after all, what kind of person do that?"

_My father._

A sudden pain settles into my heart, but it's a bittersweet feeling, because sure, my father didn't care one bit about letting me fly to another country where I knew no one... but Anna's father does; he won't leave me alone, even if I'm not his daughter. It's such an overwhelming feeling of joy and sadness combined, that I can't help it when I lung forward and hug him tightly, relishing at the feeling of finally finding someone (a parental figure) that cares so much about me (Well, besides Kai, but… I never really saw him as a father, as awful as that makes me feel).

"I-I… thank you." I choke through my swollen throat. "For everything."

"No problem." Anna's father answers, hugging me back and patting me with affection, before pulling away and looking me at the eye with a proud and happy expression that I've never seen directed to me from an adult before… until he brakes it to look at his wife. "Now I'm gonna go before it gets too late." He says.

"I'll come with you." Anna's mother says. "I have to make sure you don't end up buying tickets for one in the morning."

"Alright." His father chuckles and I can't help wondering what was all that about, however I don't have time to ask, before he refers to his daughter.—By the way, Anna, don't think that just because we're gone you and Elsa can do whatever you want. The servants are warned that, if they see your door is closed, they have to open it.

"Okay, jeez, it's not like we're going to have sex while you're gone."2 She says, rolling her eyes.

"Alright, you've been warned." He answers before heading to the door together with Anna's mother. Soon, they're both gone.

"So… what do you wanna do?" Anna asks me once we're alone.

"Kill you. I _so_ want to kill you." I say playfully, because really, I feel better now that I know this will all be over soon.

"Are you sure that's what you wanted to say? I think the right words in this situation would be: 'Thank you, Anna, you're the best girlfriend in the world.'" She says and I almost smile at her antics. Almost. I still want her to know she can't get away with everything.

"Right." I roll my eyes. "And the most obnoxious too."

"Hey!" She pouts adorably. "But you still love me."

"Yes, I do." I say tenderly, so she knows I'm serious about this. "And right now I want to kiss you so badly." I say, leaning in and eyeing her lips.

"Go ahead." She encourages. "He did say 'no sex', but no one said kissing was forbidden."

"That's true." I hum before pulling her towards me from her waist and pressing my lips with hers in a tender kiss that soon gets heated, until we're both forced to pull away to breathe.

"Let's go to my room." She says with half lidded eyes, full of lust.

"No sex." I remind her (though the advertence is also for myself).

"I never said we were going to have sex, you perv." She teases and I blush in realization that she's right; it was my dirty mind that made her words sound like she was implying something. However, before I can get more mortified, she takes my hand and leads me upstairs enthusiastically.

As I see her, so beautiful, so happy, so… radiant, I confirm that, indeed, just having Anna as my girlfriend is enough compensation for all the horrible things that happened in the past and all the difficult situations that, no doubt, are sure to pass soon.


	22. The trial - Part 1

**Chapter 22: The trial (part 1).**

The school year is over and we're in summer break. Our grades have already been reported to us and I'm happy to say that they were acceptable. Despite how a majority of the time I was unable to attend classes, and the severe depression I had for the better part of the year, I was able to get relatively good grades. The lowest grade was a 71 in math, but it still didn't affect the overall culmination of my grades that much. Anna on the other hand… well, she studied like crazy for the exams and at the end got a weighted average of 87. It wasn't fantastic, but isn't exactly bad either, so her parents decided not to punish her.

Our situation at school, on the other hand, improved considerably during the last two months due to Hans' imprisonment and Snow's expulsion. All their friends finally stopped bothering me and, most importantly, Anna, and no one else dared bully us, not even the most homophobic and hateful students. This, together with the unending support of Anna's (and my, I guess) friends has made my life a lot happier and easier… except for one little detail. Well, actually, two little details.

The first one is, as you may have already guessed, is that each day that passes is one day closer to confronting my father. To face him, to look him in the eye and denounce all the things he did to me in front of an entire courtroom full of people… people that could easily be corrupted by my father's money, even though I hope they're better than that. This usually gives me nightmares, and I keep waking up screaming at night. I haven't told anyone, because I don't want to worry them, but when this happens, it usually brings my mood down all day. The return of the Other Elsa doesn't help much either.

Maybe it would've been better if the trial had been as soon as I accepted to do it, but unfortunately Mr. Summers insisted that we had to plan this carefully. That and we'd already skipped too many classes. And so, he met with numerous Norwegian lawyers before deciding on the one he considered to be the best.

From there we talked a little about my situation, and finally we pressed charges against my father, the objectives being total emancipation and full access to my inheritance. If possible we'd love to get compensation for all the harm he caused me. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it'd be great if we won all of that.

But anyways, aside from that, there's another thing that's been bothering me: Anna wants to have sex with me. That, itself, isn't really a problem, because I want to have sex with her as well, but every time we're about to do it… something stops us. It's either something external (like Kai or Gerda arriving home), or the fact that I remember her parents forbid us from having sex in their house, or that I never feel the situation is romantic enough for our first time and (against my libido) I stop Anna.

Call me hopelessly romantic, but I really don't want our first time to be solely about lust. I want to plan it, to make it perfect and so pleasurable we'll both remember it forever… but Anna's getting impatient, I can feel it despite her multiple assurances and understanding words. I don't want to disappoint her, and many times I've thought about giving in, but… I don't want to do it while my mind is still on the trial with my father; while I still live in fear. And so, I will wait until the trial has passed… even though if my father wins, it'll be too late then.

Right now we're arriving in Norway (Kai and Gerda came too, as they are important witnesses, though they're staying in another hotel), and my stomach is making painful twists, my heart wants to beat itself out of my chest and my legs are literally jelly. I'm practically hyperventilating just thinking about being in the same country as my father. I felt a lot safer when I was at the other end of the world.

Anna seems to notice my panicked state, because she promptly takes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile when I turn to look at her. I try to return it, but I really can't. I'm too nervous to pretend I'm alright, so I just try to seem interested in the clouds outside our window and hope she'll leave me alone. She does, but only because it's like the tenth time she's seen me so nervous since we boarded the plane, and she's probably already realized that there's nothing she can do to make me feel better.

Once we arrive to the hotel, Anna's parents suggest that we go to see the great city of Oslo, but I tell them to go without me; I'm really not in the mood to go sightseeing, much less of playing guide in my natal city. A city that brings back so many memories, some good, some bad, but all make me feel depressed. Anna seems to notice my state because she insists on staying with me despite my protests, and we end up watching kids movies on Netflix all day, even though my mind is in another place.

I feel bad for Anna, having to stay with my depressed and pathetic self instead of going out and seeing new places as she'd obviously love doing, but she won't listen when I tell her she's free to go. Every time I go to the small kitchen in our suite she discreetly peeks and verifies all knives are on their place. I can tell she's afraid I'll hurt myself again, and I don't blame her, because the thought _has_ crossed my mind, but I'd never do it again. Not for me; for Anna. I don't want to hurt _her_, to disappoint _her_.

* * *

The night passes without me getting any sleep, so the next morning I really look like a pale zombie with wide black circles under my eyes. I avoid Anna's concerned gazes and vaguely answer her parents' questions about my health. I just need to get this over with now. I hope the trial ends today. I really don't want it to last more.

The drive to where the trial will take place is pure torture, and by the time we arrive I'm shaking in fear and can only get out of the car with Anna's help. Then, they have to practically physically shove me into the place because I had an almost-panic-attack and tried to run away the moment I saw the court waiting for me.

Finally, however, we meet with my lawyer and we all sit down at our respective places, waiting for my father and his lawyer to arrive.

After a few minutes sweating and shaking anxiously, not even hearing Anna's comforting words or my lawyer's advices, I'm thinking that maybe my father got scared and isn't coming, that hopefully he's just going to give me my inheritance without a fight (as unbelievable as that is) but then, as I see his white hair, perfectly groomed beard and stern grey eyes, I feel like my stomach is being pierced with a thousand knives and I instinctively cower, partially hiding behind Anna, my heart racing at a million miles per hour. I close my eyes and hide my face with my hands, trying to calm down and breathe normally, when I hear my girlfriend's concerned voice.

"Is that your father?" She says, only earning an almost unnoticeable nod from me. "Wow. He _does_ look scary." She giggles, probably hoping to make me smile too, but right now my face is stuck in a panicked expression. "Hey." She gently touches my shoulder to soothe me, but I flinch like it's a burning iron. Anna sighs at this. "Look… he's just a man, and after today you won't have to see him ever again if you don't want to, but right now you have to be brave, okay?"

I internally laugh at her words, because she makes it sound so easy, but for me he's not _just_ a man. He's the man who never loved me, the man I was always trying to make proud, the man whose approval was the only thing I wanted for most of my life… the man who blamed me of my mother's disappearance and my brother's death when I was only a kid. No, he's not _just_ a man. I can't _just_ be brave. But of course, she doesn't understand that.

"Please, Elsa, do it for you. Don't let him win, don't let him see how much he's hurt you." She insists, forcibly taking my hands and removing them from my face, making me stare at her beautiful eyes that are the only thing that could make me stop panicking right now. "Please, just… just look at him, okay? Look at him and show him you're not afraid."

_But I _am_ afraid!_

"A-Anna…" I'm barely able to say, shaking my head in fear. "P-please…"

"No, Elsa, you _have_ to do it." She says firmly and, before I can object anymore, her head disappears from my field of vision and I find myself gazing directly into a pair of gray eyes. The eyes of my nightmares. I want to scream, I want to run, I want to… But I don't do anything. I don't even breathe. I'm completely paralyzed, like my body is afraid that, if I make any movement he'll notice me and he'll hurt me. Even though I don't move, he suddenly looks at me and my heart stops. My breathe stops. Time itself stops as I wait for his reaction, because a stupid part of me still hopes he'll recognize me, still hopes he'll look at me with something other than contempt.

He shakes his head disapprovingly, as he always did when I did something wrong, and then proceeds to stare ahead like he's lost in his thoughts, exactly as he always did when he was trying to think about which punishment would be better for me.

A wave a fear, intense as never before, hits me like a tsunami so suddenly that I can't control myself when I get up and try to run away, saying:

"I can't… I-I'm sorry, I j-just…" But before I can more even three steps, a hand holds tightly my own, so firm that it hurts, but so real that it helps me stay grounded. I turn to look at who grabbed me and, as expected, I find Anna, giving me and stern look.

"Yes, Elsa, you _can_." She says firmly. "You can and you're going to do it." I can't believe how confident she sounds, like she already knows the outcome, like there's nothing to fear, no uncertainties. Just her tone alone is enough to make me stop trying to run away. "You're the same girl… no, the same _woman_ that stood up for me when Hans was trying to rape me, the same one who overcame severe depression and kept going even after a suicide attempt, and I'm not going to stay here and watch you quit now. This is your final step towards happiness. Don't run away from it." She pleads, her voice trembling slightly because of the emotion, and for a moment all I can do is stare at her, at this girl who has more faith in me that I myself have ever had, and in that moment I just _know_ that, as long as I have her by my side, I'm capable of everything. Even of facing my father. I have to be. I can't disappoint her.

"Anna…" I say as a single tear falls from my left eye and is promptly caught by my girlfriend's soft thumb. "I-I'm sorry…" I choke out, closing my eyes. "I-I can be such a coward, a-and I just…"

"Shhhh." She says as she wraps her arms around me. "I understand, you're afraid." She admits. "But you're not a coward, you are a fighter, Elsa. And you're going to get through this; you're going to win this trial."

"B-but… I don't know how." I protest weakly. "I-I can't…"

"Of course you can. I know you can." She cuts me off, squeezing me tightly and making me hum in content as I enjoy her warmth. "He's the one being judged here, not you." At this, she pulls away slightly to look me in the eye, to emphasize her next words. "You don't have to be nervous; you're just trying to get what's yours."

At this, I nod and quickly wipe my tears, conscious that the judge is probably going to arrive at any moment and cannot see me as a mess of tears (at least not until the personal questions about my father start), and also trying to look like the brave woman my girlfriend thinks I am. When I'm composed enough (even if I'm still shaking inside) I give Anna a quick nod to indicate I'm ready and she gives me a huge smile.

"Come on, the trial should start soon." She says as she makes me sit down.

"You can do this, Elsa." Anna's father whispers, making me turn to look at his gentle face.

"We believe in you." Anna's mother adds with a nod. Then I turn to see Kai and Gerda and see their supporting smiles. In that moment I realize, all these people really do have faith in me; they came all the way to Norway to support me, and I'm not going to disappoint them.

* * *

Suddenly, the sound of a hammer startles me and I turn to the front, noticing the judge has already arrived and is in his respecting site, standing above us all. I feel too small and vulnerable when I look at him, the man who will decide my fate.

"Order, please!" His powerful voice sounds throughout the room, and instantly everyone keeps quiet. "The trial about Elsa Frost's emancipation and inheritance is about to begin." He says as he gets out a folder with some documents and scans his eyes trough the papers. "Mr. Gunnarson, please come to the front."

At this, my lawyer quickly gets up and walks to the center of the court before clearing his throat and speaking.

"Your honor." He starts. "During the course of this trial we're going to prove that Adgar Frost is unfit to take care of his daughter, that she'd be better off on her own, and that he's been purposely hiding the truth of Idunn Olafdottir's death in order to keep Elsa Frost's rightful inheritance from her."

"Very well, you can sit." The judge nods and my lawyer returns to his sit. "Now, Mr. Vargson, please come to the front." In that moment, my father's lawyer, who is an old and evil-looking man, gets up and takes his place before talking with a soft but malicious voice.

"Your honor, during the course of this trial we'll prove that Elsa Frost is mentally unstable and would be irresponsible to leave her to fend on her own." I wince at his words, very aware that they have enough material to prove that; after all, I _did_ try to commit suicide. "And that all of the actions of my client were to ensure her safety and health."

"You can sit now." The judge says and the lawyer goes back to his sit. "The accusing part must now present their proof. "

First, my lawyer called me, and I tensed up, knowing I'd have to recount all of what my father had done to me (and in front of _him_, no less), but I take a deep breath, put on a brave face and walk to the front, sitting in the "victim's place", chewing nervously on my lips as I wait for him to start asking me questions.

_We've practiced this. I know what to say. I can do this. _

I keep telling myself encouraging words, trying to pretend this is another simulation of the trial… but without Anna's comforting hand in mine, it's not the same. I don't feel strong enough.

"Elsa Frost." Mr. Gunnarson speaks before I can fully prepare myself. "Your father kept from you the knowledge of your mother's death, is that correct?"

"Y-yes." I choke out and, when he keeps staring at me, I remember I have to say more and so I do with great difficulty. "Ever since I was little child he… h-he always said she'd left us… because of me." I say, my voice trembling without me being able to control it.

**You're weak. You can't do this and you know it. You're a failure.**

I don't even try to argue with myself.

"The way he said she left you, could he have meant that she'd died?" He keeps asking.

"No." I say firmly, swallowing my fear before continuing. "I once asked him if she was dead but he explicitly said she wasn't. He said she had walked away from us."

"You had a brother at that time, correct?" He asks, and I answer with a nod. "Did you ever ask him about your mother?"

"Many times. But my father had forbidden him to talk about her, and so he only once told me her name." I say more confidently this time, the familiarity of the questions and answers putting me at ease, but I still avoid looking to where my father is. "I only knew my mother was dead a few months ago, when my g…" I cut myself off, chickening out at the last second and looking at my father with a fearful gaze as I correct myself. "When my friend searched her name on the internet and found an article about her."

"You never considered doing that yourself?"

"No, by the time using the internet became common, I already thought of my mother as a horrible person who had abandoned me, and wanted to know nothing about her."

"Alright, now tell me, how was your relationship with your father?"

The rest of the questions went on in a similar fashion, the first few being about my early years, then about how my father locked me in my room after my brother died, and how he treated me after that. All of them were easy because we'd practiced them and I kept my eyes glued on Anna's encouraging smile, but then the most difficult question of all came.

"And for the final question, why did your father send you to the USA?" Mr. Gunnarson asked and my whole body tensed. I clenched my fists so hard that I'm pretty sure I pierced my skin with my nails.

"H-he…" I swallow, subconsciously turning to look at him and, noticing his face that clearly says 'If you speak now, you're going to regret it', I quickly close my eyes and try to answer. I don't remember clearly the answer I'm supposed to give, so I just try to remember that day without crumbling. "That day I-I… in school I told a girl that I…" I pause, trying to keep myself from crying, shutting my eyelids to prevent the tears from falling.

"That you…?" The lawyer prompts.

"That I loved her." I whimper, tears now falling freely from my eyes.

"In a romantic way?" He asks me to clarify, but all I can manage is a weak nod. "How old were you then?"

"Thirteen." I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling, but it's a lost cause.

"And what did you father do when he found out?"

"H-he…" Now I'm sobbing badly and too many tears are falling freely through my cheeks. I feel ashamed of my weakness, but I know I have to answer. I _have_ to be brave. "He said it wasn't natural. "I say between whimpers." He said I was filthy a-and h-he immediately called Kai.

"Why did he call Mr. Andersen?" My lawyer prompts when the sobs keep me from continuing talking.

"T-to ask if I could go live with him." I sob, my breathes now coming out quickly, as if I were about to hyperventilate. "H-he said I could only c…" A sob interrupts me. "I could only come back if… if I proved I was a good daughter and…" I'm crying now with so much intensity that I can't keep talking anymore, nor do I care. I'm in his studio again, looking at his eyes filled with hatred, hearing his thundering voice telling me he doesn't want to see me anymore, dictating the sentence to a crime I couldn't control.

"Ms. Frost?" He asks but I don't answer. "Ms. Frost, he said you could only return if you proved you were a good daughter and…?" He prompts, but I only shake my head, sobbing pathetically as I bury my face into my hands. "And if you were not gay anymore?" He suggests, and I find myself nodding as I continue crying.

"Very well, thank you. That will be all."

I don't know how I managed to get up and walk to my place, I just know that as soon as I arrived, I crumbled in my sit and hugged Anna as if my life depended on it, enjoying her comforting caresses and her soothing warmth. I only felt safe in her arms; safe from the world, safe from all that people's eyes… safe from _him_.

* * *

When I calmed down enough, I noticed that Mr. Gunnarson had called Kai and Gerda, to recount all they'd seen ever since I went to live with them (with the help of an interpreter, of course. The trial _was_ in Norwegian, after all), how my father would only contact with me by letters, even though he had an e-mail, how he would barely give me enough money to survive and how, after he stopped sending money at all and I tried to escape, they sent him an e-mail and he answered telling them to kick me out of the house if they wanted, and how they informed him when I tried to commit suicide and he didn't answer. The lawyer also presented the printed e-mails and letters as proof.

Then it was Anna's turn to tell all she'd seen; how I became thinner and thinner because of the lack of food, how I only had three sets of clothing and how she saw me utterly depressed after my suicidal attempt, always emphasizing that I had been able to overcome that only because of her and Kai and Gerda's help, and that right now I was in a much better state of mind.

Finally, the lawyer calls my father to recount everything from his perspective. I know this'll be a little trickier since we don't know how he'll answer the questions and I know he's an expert with words, which is making me a little (okay, maybe a lot) nervous, but I just hope he'll make one mistake, just one, that will undoubtedly turn this trial in our favor, even if I know it's highly improbable.

"Mr. Frost." He starts. "Is it true that you kept secret Idunn Olafdottir's death from your daughter?"

"I did." He says calmly, like it's not a big deal. "I wasn't going to tell the little girl that her mother had been murdered. What kind of parent would I be if I did that?" His innocent face could have fooled me if I didn't know better, but… will it fool the jury?

"But when she grew up, why didn't you tell her?" The lawyer insisted.

"She didn't ask me, and I was honestly so busy that I forgot about it entirely and didn't bring it up during our conversations." At this I clench my teeth in rage. I never brought up the subject, yes, but only because he had forbid me doing so. I hope the judge doesn't believe what my father is saying.

"Alright then, why did you tell her that it was her fault her mother had abandon you?"

"It's just a simple misunderstanding." My father laughs, like it's something funny. "Elsa asked me once why her mother had left, and I told her what Idunn told me when she divorced from me; that she did it because of our daughter. That woman was so mad that she didn't want me to be near my child." Again he laughs and I really want to punch his ugly face. How dare he?!

"And why she wanted to keep Elsa away from you? Maybe because she knew you wouldn't treat her well?—My lawyer asks, making my father's calm face disappear for a second, but it reappears just a moment later.

"She just wanted to punish me. The woman was heartbroken, you know how it is." He answered with a shrug.

"Alright, but then why did you treat Elsa so poorly all her life?"

"She just perceived it that way. I was too busy working to make money and ensure her future that I didn't have time for her, but I _did_ try to connect with her when we were together." He said, sounding offended that I had implied otherwise. "I may not be the best father out there, but I'm not a terrible one either."

_You're the worst father!_

**And you're the worst daughter. I think that balances it.**

"And then why did you lock her up when her brother died?"

"That… was very unfortunate." He says with a theatrical sigh that makes my blood boil. I really do want to kick him where it hurts the most. "Poor thing went crazy when her brother died. She was so mad she started attacking me. I even got a scar where her nails touched me." He said pointing to a little scar in his chin that I may or may not have made. I don't remember. "I just thought it would be better for her to stay in her room until the madness had worn itself out." He paused. "I tried to visit her, of course, and comfort her, but she didn't even want to look at me! I think she blamed me of Jack's death."

"But you didn't allow the servants to bring her food." Mr Gunnarson pointed out.

"No, I didn't do such a thing!" He said, again offended. "She merely refused to eat, depressed as she was. It wasn't the last time she did such a thing either; that's why she became as thin as her friend said."

"Are you trying to deny that you stopped sending her money?"

"Of course I kept sending her money! I just reduced the quantity as a punishment for her bad grades."

_You fucking liar!_

"Then why is the rent more than five months overdue?"

"I don't know, she's probably spending the money in other things." He shrugs. "She's very imprudent and rebellious, that's why I told Kai and Gerda to kick her out; I thought if they threaten her with that, she'd finally give them the money."

"But in a letter you sent her, you specifically said you'd stop sending money."

"What I meant is I'd stop sending _as much_ money as before. That's all. I wasn't going to let my only daughter starve to death." He laughs, and the sound is enough to break practically all my rationality barriers, seriously, if not for Anna's hand firmly clenching mine and her head shaking, I would have jumped out and strangle him. How dare he lie about something like this?! And in front of me, no less!

"Please, forgive my indiscretion, but I still don't think that's a good way to treat your then _sixteen_-year-old daughter, especially when she's at the other end of the world, living with strangers and with no one to turn to, except you."

"My parenting methods are a little _harsh_, I admit, but that's how my father raised me, and I turned out just fine."

_Right, just fine! You hypocrite cold man with no feelings!_

"So your father sent you to the USA too?" Mr. Gunnarson asks, even though he already knows the answer, based on what I've told him.

"Yes. That's correct." My father nods. "That's how I met Kai."

"But the reasons in this case were completely different, as well as the age." He states as a matter of fact. "You were eighteen, while Elsa was only thirteen. And you were sent to learn about independence and international relationships, while Elsa was sent because you wanted to punish her for liking a girl."

"That's not true." He says frowning, kind of angry. "Elsa was thirteen when I sent her because I deemed her ready to face that challenge. And it had nothing to do with her liking a girl; the trip was already planned."

"But Elsa said…" My lawyer starts, but _he_ interrupts him.

"She was lying!" He almost shouts, losing composure for a moment. "She just wants to get my money, don't you see? She'll do everything it takes. She already killed her brother!" I wince at his words, the old wound opening all over again, hurting me, making me feel just like that day nine years ago. I close my eyes trying to calm myself down, but it's not enough to block his words. "Her thirst for money is insane, that's why I tried to give her a lesson by making her live in almost poverty, but it wasn't enough. She still wants to take what she thinks it's hers, she'd kill me to get the inheritance if she could."

"Mr. Frost…" My lawyer starts in a placating tone, but I can't hold myself back anymore. Not even Anna's touch is enough. All the anger, all he frustration, all these claims I've been keeping buried all my life… it just makes me explode. His words were the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Stop lying!" I scream, getting up, looking at him with so much fury that it's making my whole body tremble. "I'm sick of you lying to me all my life! I'm sick of _believing_ your lies! I'm sick…!"

"Ms. Frost…" The judge tries to make me shut up, but there's no stopping me now.

"You're only a lying bastard and that's all you ever be! I HATE YOU!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you…" I keep repeating, tears now falling from my eyes as I bury my face between my hands and crumble into my sit completely, only now registering Anna's firm arms surrounding me, trying to give me some form of comfort, but nothing could comfort me now. I can feel it. My muscles are so tense that they hurt, my teeth are clenching so tightly that they even crick, and I'm pretty sure I bit my tongue because I have a metallic taste on my mouth. But I don't care, because the biggest pain comes from my heart. The pain that's been with me all my life and that won't relent. The pain that I can ignore but never placate.

* * *

I don't even notice when the judge grants us a break, or when Anna gently leads me outside to get some fresh air. But it doesn't matter, practically all the time the break lasts I'm curled up in a chair and trying to somewhat bury the pain again. But I can't. Not with the knowledge that in a few more minutes I'll have to go in there again and face my father.

Still, I try to put on a brave face and, after about an hour, a couple of glasses of soda and a chocolate, I manage to be composed enough to return to the court.

As I feared, now it's my father's lawyer's turn, and his first request is for me to come to the front. I feel nervous because I know he'll try to make me say something to make everyone think that I'm insane, and because I don't know the questions he will ask. But I still try to appear calm (or as calm as I can look with puffy red eyes and slightly messy hair while shaking like a startled deer).

"Alright, Elsa, tell me." The old man starts, making a dramatic pause. "Why did you kill your brother?"


	23. The trial - Part 2

**Chapter 23: The trial – part 2.**

"Tell me, why did you kill your brother?" The lawyer's words pierce my heart, making me remember all the times my father asked me the same thing, sometimes collected but cold, and others screaming at me in anger... However, he'd never let me explain to him how it had really happened. Now it was my chance, but I couldn't do it. Something was holding me back, making me open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. I have to remind myself to take even breathes and try not to hyperventilate.

Unconsciously, I turn to look at my father's piercing grey eyes, and the hatred I see in them leaves me even more paralyzed.

"Objection!" Mr. Gunnarson interferes. "The question is formulated as if Ms. Frost had killed her brother, when there's no evidence about that. Furthermore, that's not what we're discussing today." To my relief, the judge nods at his words.

"Mr. Gunnarson is right. Mr. Vargson, please reformulate your question."

"Alright then." The lawyer agrees like it was not a big deal. "Ms. Frost, did you kill your brother?" He asks instead. This time, thanks to the distraction my lawyer and the judge have provided me, I am able to stutter an answer.

"I-I didn't…" I swallow, trying to keep my voice from shaking, but apparently I can't; it must be a side effect of my almost-panic-attack earlier. "I-It was an a-accident."

"So you're saying that you _did_ kill him, just not intentionally?" He insisted.

"N-no I-I…" I try to clarify my answer, but then suddenly I hear the Other Elsa's voice, clear and loud in my head.

**You didn't kill him? Really? If not for you he'd still be alive.**

_But… the lake, the ice… It wasn't my fault!_

**Who asked him to go to the lake? ****_You_****. Who skated to the center of the lake even though it was dangerous? ****_Yo_****u. And who ran away instead of trying to save him? That's right, ****_you_**** did. You killed him. You… are a monster.**

_I… am a monster?_

Suddenly I fell a hot liquid running down my cheeks, and I know it's because I'm crying. Again. I can't breathe and I'm shaking, and all I want is to find a place to hide, curl up and escape from the Other Elsa, and from the world, especially when Mr. Vargson asks another question.

"You said you are a monster? Why? Are you admitting you willingly murdered him? Because you wanted to be the heir, perhaps?"

In that moment I realize I was talking out loud, at least the last part, and that all is probably going to be worse for me now. They'll never give me the emancipation. I'll never get my inheritance. I'll probably be locked in some mental hospital or thrown in jail. I'll never see Anna again, I…

I can't breathe. I'm gasping for air. My heart is racing inside my chest at a thousand miles per hour. I can hear it in my ears, actually, it's the only thing I can hear. My vision starts to fade. There are black spots. I'm going to pass out. Oh god, I hope I don't wake up in some room full of cushions wearing a straitjacket.

* * *

Turns out, when I wake up I'm lying on the hotel bed and wearing my nightgown, and for a moment I think maybe all of this was a nightmare. But no, the sunset is filtering through the curtains, and the clothes I used for the trial are lying beside my bed, not neatly folded inside my suitcase. Plus, my eyes ache like I cried too much, and my throat feels sore, probably for the same reason. I feel so exhausted; all my muscles hurt.

"Elsa?" I hear Anna's voice coming from my back, so I roll to face her. She's sitting on a chair next to my bed and she looks worried, but at the same time glad that I'm awake. "You finally woke up." She says with a tiny smile.

"Yeah…" I try to answer, but I'm interrupted by an attack of coughs. My throat is too dry for me to speak.

"Oh! Wait, I'll bring you some water." She exclaims before getting up and running to the little kitchen, reappearing a moment later with a glass of water in her hands. I take it carefully before taking a few sips and alleviating a little the pain in my throat. Once that's sorted out, I give her the empty glass and smile at her in thanks. "How are you feeling?" She asks.

"Awful." I answer, because really, I doubt I look a lot better than I feel, so there's no point on lying. "What happened after I passed out?"

"Not much." Anna shrugged. "The judge realized we probably wouldn't be able to continue with the trial today, so he postponed the rest of it to tomorrow. Oh! And he also said you'll have to see a psychologist to evaluate your state of mind, but don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine!" She added when she noticed my concerned face. I wanted to question her further about it, but she soon started speaking again. "Then we brought you here and called a doctor. He said you'd had two panic attacks in a row and that was probably what left you drained, so my mom and I helped you out of your clothes and let you sleep for a few hours."

"That's… quite a lot." I sigh. "After two panic attacks there's no way the court is going to think I can take care of myself. We've already lost." I feel my eyes burn with tears, but apparently I don't have more, because my cheeks remain dry.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Anna frantically says, placing her hand in my shoulder and caressing me. "We have to stay positive, after all, it's common enough for victims to have panic attacks when faced with their aggressor." She reasons.

"But this is not that type of trial." I retort. "Plus… it's also common for criminals to have panic attacks, especially when they're discovered." I don't know why I said that, but something made me. Maybe, deep inside, I still see myself as a murderer.

When I notice Anna has been quiet for way longer than normal and the silence starts to unnerve me, I decide to look up , finding her staring at me with wide eyes. I give her a confused look and she shakes her head as if to clear her thoughts before speaking hesitantly.

"But you didn't… I-I mean…" She gulps. "You're not a… m-murderer, right?" She gives me a nervous smile and, in her eyes I see a pleading look, but also a hint of doubt. She doesn't want to believe I could've killed my brother, but she wants to be sure. It still hurts that she's even considering it though.

**Oh, but you ****_are_**** a murderer. You killed him.**

"No… I d-didn't k-k-kill him." I manage to stutter, but I still feel a part of me protesting at my statement, like I'm saying a lie. "It was an accident."

"Good." She sighs in relief, not doubting my words for even a second. She has more faith in me than I do. "But we should still practice what you're going to say tomorrow. You need to convince them that you're not some cold-blooded psychopath."

"Okay." I sigh in resignation. I really don't have the energy to do something like that right now.

"So… how did your brother die? You've never told me that." She asks, not being able to conceal her curious tone. I close my eyes, trying not to remember that day too vividly.

"We went to the lake, on the first day of spring." I begin, the images of the frozen water filling my mind against my will. "We had brought our ice skates and we were having fun." I sigh, remembering my stupidity. "But the ice was very thin, and when I went to the middle of the lake, despite my brother's warnings…" A sob interrupts me. This is the first time I've told someone since I was eight, and it feels so… real. It's like living it all over again. "The ice started to crack, and I was too afraid to move." I continue, feeling the comforting hand of my girlfriend firmly squeezing my shoulder. "S-so he… he tried to pull me towards the shore using a small branch, but by doing so he ended up where I was before." A whimper interrupts me, but Anna doesn't waste any time getting into the bed with me and pulling me close, letting me snuggle against her and feel a little better this way. It's like she's keeping me from falling apart.

"H-he fell?" She asks with a small voice, like she's afraid if she talks louder I will break completely. I nod. "And… what happened next?"

"He yelled for help." I answer, tightening my hold on Anna as the sobs start coming out more violently. I can still hear Jack's voice as clear as if it was happening right here, right now. "And I-I…" I close my eyes, trying to keep myself from crying too loudly and wincing when I can't. It's so real. The pain, the fear, the angst… The desire to run away.

"And you?" Anna prompts.

"I ran." I choke out.

**That's' right. You ran. You are a coward, if you weren't so pathetic, Jack would still be alive. You don't deserve to live! You should have died instead of him! You…!**

"Elsa! Elsa!" Anna's voice pulls me out of my self-depreciating thoughts, and I notice she's shaking me. When she notices I'm finally looking at her again and not trying to harm myself with words, she relaxes, letting go of my shoulders and allowing me to hug her again. "Elsa, what…? What you just said…" She pauses, probably searching for the right words. "You're not a coward. Even if you did ran away, I don't think that makes you any less brave. You were only a little girl after all, weren't you?"

"I was eight." I nod.

"See? It's not your fault that you brother died. Even if you had stayed, probably all you would've managed was to die while trying to pull him out."

"But… I-I couldn't save him!" I protest. "I tried asking for help, but…" A whimper makes me pause. "I-it was too late." I say with a small voice.

**You're useless. You weren't fast enough. You'd be better off dead.**

"Maybe I should've stayed and died with him instead." I echo the Other Elsa's voice.

"No!" Anna's fearful and, at the same time, angry voice rings out as her hand suddenly presses firmly into my cheek, shaking me out of my gloomy thoughts as I look up into her eyes. "Don't ever say that again, you hear me? _Never_ say that again."

When I look into her tearful blue-green eyes, so full of fear and pain because of the possibility of losing me, I understand I said something I shouldn't have said. I hurt her. I confirmed her suspicions that I'm thinking about death again. But no, I'd never do it. I won't kill myself; I wouldn't hurt her like that.

"I'm sorry." I choke out. "I'm just a little depressed, it's all. "I assure her." Seeing my father didn't help much either, but I promise you, I'd never think of hurting myself ever again.

"You swear?" She asks, pleading, almost desperately.

"I swear." I give her a little smile, before leaning in and giving her peck on the lips.

"Mmmhhh…" She moans, pulling me close and deepening the kiss, but though I'm enjoying it, I really don't feel like making out right now; I'm too exhausted for that, so I stop her gently and pull away slightly.

"Anna." I say. "I'm sorry, but I'm really tired right now. I just want to sleep." I give her an apologetic smile, and though she tries to conceal it, I can see the disappointed look in her eyes.

"I understand. Would you like me to stay with you?" She asks, and though her look is innocent enough, I can't help but blush at her words.

"Y-your parents won't mind?—I ask shyly.

"No, I'm sure they'll just assume I fell asleep while taking care of you." She shrugs.

"… Okay." I find myself agreeing to her request as I snuggle into her neck, because really, the last thing I need now are nightmares, and sleeping in my girlfriend's arms would surely help with that. It'll probably also let me sleep better than last night.

"Alright, just give me a second. —She says as she pulls her cellphone out of her pocket, presses something on the screen (I can't see what from here) and places it on the bedside table before turning the lights off. Then, she turns around to look at me and holds me tightly against her chest. As expected, this position makes me feel safe, protected and comfortable, and soon, after a few minutes of hearing Anna's rhythmic breathing, I feel my eyelids getting heavy.

"Goodnight... Anna." I mumble.

"'night..." Her quiet answer is all I hear before falling asleep.

* * *

The next morning I was very tired, so tired in fact that I didn't even mind my one-hour session with the physiologist the court had called to evaluate me before the trial. Maybe it was partially because she was nice enough and didn't look me like she thought I was crazy, but also because Anna's assurances before the session helped a little.

So the session went well enough, and she just asked questions about how I felt about my father, my brother… Anna. That one I hesitated to answer before she assured me she would keep it all secret, so at the end I told her about my relationship with the redhead and how much I loved her despite what my father thought about homosexuality. I also assured her that I had gotten over that trauma the moment Anna became my girlfriend, and that the only issue I had now had been provoked by the reminder of my brother's death and the continuing absence of even a shred of my father's love. She then said I could retire and so I did.

I couldn't read the woman all that well, but if I had to bet, I'd say she's not going to say that I'm crazy and should be under the constant watch of my father. This'll probably help me with my case. That's what Anna said anyways, and I really want to believe her.

So, now we're sitting at the court room again and the second (and hopefully final) part of the trial is about to start. I'm trembling in fear again, but at least it's not as bad as yesterday. Not because I'm less terrified though, but because all my muscles are too tired to even shake, supposedly a side effect of the panic attack. Oh well, at least it'll help me appear more composed as I go the front and try to explain to all this people that I didn't kill my brother… or not.

However, as I'm anxiously waiting for my father's lawyer to get up and request my presence on the front to continue his interrogations, the judge's voice cut though the room and his words confuse me.

"Silence, please." He says. "Normally I would call Mr. Vargson to continue with his questions, but given the situation that presented itself yesterday I've decided to make an exception and allow Mr. Gunnarson to present a recorded answer to Mr. Vargson's question from the previous part of this trial." My eyes widen and I shoot Anna a questioning glance, but she just gives me a reassuring smile and squeezes my hand before resuming her staring at the front. I decide to do the same and figure out what's happening here.

"Objection…!" The lawyer tried to protest, but was soon shut up by the judge.

"Overruled." He declared. "Please, play the recording."

Soon enough, my conversation with Anna from last night, beginning at the moment when she asked how my brother had died, started playing for all of us to hear. I turned to look at Anna in disbelief. How had she managed to record all that without me noticing? In that moment, said girl turned to me, leaned in and whispered to my ear:

"I thought you would have another panic attack if you had to explain all of that in a room full of strangers, plus your father, without being able to be at my side. So I decided to make things a little easier for you. I hope you don't mind." She adds, smiling radiantly at me, and I can't help it when I give her a crushing hug murmuring 'thank you' into her ear, because she's right; I wouldn't have stood the pressure, so it was very thoughtful of her, and very helpful for me.

"You're the best girlfriend ever, you know that?" I say, almost chuckling as I feel happy tears fall down my cheeks.

"I know." She giggles. "But just so you know, I didn't do it for free; I _do_ expect to have a reward later." I hear her playful and mischievous tone and I instantly know what kind of reward she's talking about, so I just roll my eyes at her antics even if I know I'll end up giving her this 'reward' anyways.

After a few more seconds of enjoying the embrace, I decide we should probably get back to paying attention to the trial, so I reluctantly pull away and look to the front (not before giving Anna one last thankful glance), noticing that the recording has almost come to an end. As soon as it quiets, the judge turns to my father's lawyer and asks:

"Tell me, Mr. Vargson, did that answer your question?"

"I… Yes, it did, you honor." He says with a scowl, clearly upset about having lost the opportunity to make appear like a crazy murderer.

"Very well, do you have more questions for Ms. Frost?"

"I do."

"Ms. Frost, please come to the front." The judge nods and I sigh, knowing I have no choice but to do it, before standing up. Just when I'm walking away, I notice that Anna hasn't let go of my hand, so I turn to look at her as she gives me a little squeeze and an encouraging smile that clearly says "you can do it". I return the smile (even if I'm still feeling nervous) and try to confidently walk to the place where I'll be interrogated. At least I feel a lot better than yesterday.

Once I'm sited, Mr. Vargson speaks.

"Okay, tell me then, Elsa, Why did you attempted suicide?"

I tense up. Another difficult question meant to make me look unstable. I already hate this man.

I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself before responding.

"I-I was depressed." It's my short answer.

"Yes, I know that." He says in a condescending manner, like she's explaining it to a child that's too stupid to understand anyways. "You wanted to die, but _why_?"

"I didn't feel like there was a point on continue living anymore." I shrug, trying to stay calm even though I can feel a certain oppression on my heart that tells me this topic still affects me a little too much. "I had nothing; no home, no family, no friends, no one who loved me…" I trail off, feeling my throat tighten with the upcoming sobs, but then I look at Anna's concerned face and at her parents' and Kai and Gerda's sympathetic ones, and I realize nothing that I believed then was really true. "Or at least that's what I thought then." I add.

"So it had nothing to do with you feeling guilty about your brother's death?" He asks raising an eyebrow. "Because we've heard that your suicidal attempt was made with a piece of glass from a framed picture of Jack Frost."

_How does he even know that?!_

"I-I… well, uh…" I try to put my ideas in place in order to answer as truthfully and calmly as possible. "When I get depressed, I usually write letters to my brother." When Mr. Vargson raises his eyebrow, I elaborate further. "I know that he's dead but... It helps."

"That doesn't answer my question." He says sternly and I swallow.

"T-that day I wrote one and Anna saw it." I say trying to keep my voice from trembling at the memory of my sweet Anna being so mean to me. Even if I know that she'd now never do something like that again, it still hurts. "She asked about my brother and I answered saying that I missed him and that he was no longer here. She asked why didn't I go with him and I said I'd never be able to come back, but then I realized I truly had nothing to come back to and I just... Did it." I finish, my heart heavy with the feelings the sole memory caused me.

"So it had nothing to do with you feeling guilty about your brother's death?" He presses. I'm about to answer when Mr. Gunnarson intervenes.

"Objection! We've already established that didn't kill her brother."

"Mr. Gunnarson, please." I placate him, an answer already in my head, one that'll give us a better possibility of winning. "I'll be happy to respond." I say before turning to Mr. Vargson and answering. "Yes, I did feel guilty." I admit. "I wanted to die because I didn't believe I deserved to live after I failed to save my brother." My jaw tenses at the admission, but I continue regardless. "But I only ever felt that way because father would always say I had killed Jack and never gave me a chance to explain myself. I always thought myself a monster because my father treated me like one." I feel anger rising within me and a scowl forming in my face as I think of all the damage he inflicted on me. I just hope after this trial he gets out of my life for good.

"Are you sure that's why you felt guilty or…?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Get to the next question already." I say curtly, mad that he was still insisting on the subject, like he really thinks that after all the brainwash my father did on me I'll admit at any moment that I killed Jack, and though yesterday I would've probably had, not today. Sleeping in my girlfriend's arms really helped me shut down all my self-depreciating words.

* * *

The rest of the questions were easy enough as I answered with the absolute truth and with no interference of the Other Elsa, but then it was my father's turn, and _of course_ he made himself look like an angel. Even though I wanted more than anything to jump over him and rip her throat out each time he said a blatant lie, I managed to contain myself thanks to Anna's hand in mine (it also helped that, after what happened yesterday, I was already expecting him to say lies as naturally as a normal person would tell the truth).

After that, Mr. Vargson called Anna to the front, which didn't surprised me because she's like the most important witness, but still… I prefer to have her at my side. Anna, however, looked confident and determined enough, and her cute serious face actually managed to pull a smile out of me, so I knew she'd be fine.

"Ms. Summers." The lawyer starts interrogating her with the help of an interpreter. "You met Ms. Frost last year, correct?"

"Yes?" She answers, raising an eyebrow, probably wondering why that was important.

"And what's the first thing you thought when you saw her?"

"Damn, that girl is beautiful!" She says, not skipping a heartbeat, and I blush at her answer before she realizes what she's said and blushes too. "Uh… but that's probably not what you asked." She chuckles. "I thought she seemed lonely and kinda unapproachable. And cold, mostly cold." She sighs. "She has kind of a rough exterior, but the interior is worth it." She says, smiling radiantly at me, making my cheeks burn.

"Yes, but you _did_ noticed something was off about her." He insists.

"Well… not off." She clarifies. "I said she was cold, and she almost never showed her emotions, or reacted to anything. But once I started getting to know her better, I realized she probably wasn't what she seemed."

"But she kept herself isolated, almost like she despised human contact." He keeps on it, making Anna frown.

"You know? That's kind of a rude thing to say about someone you don't know." She chastises. "If she kept herself isolated it was only because she was scared of others, of the damage they might inflict on her like so many others have. People like her father, I might add." The lawyer's eyes widen and I can't help it when a smirk forms in my lips. Anna is quite good at speaking; she managed to turn the question around and make my father look like the bad guy. "I think her father was actually part of the reason she wouldn't speak to me at first." She adds, much to my surprise.

"What do you mean?" Mr. Vargson asks, confused.

"Well, he's homophobic, and he indoctrinated his daughter to believe homosexuality was wrong, so she obviously tried to repress her feelings by having no interaction with the girls she found… _attractive_."

_Anna? What are you doing?! This isn't part of the plan! My father must not find out!_

I turn to see the man and a chill runs through my spine when I see his cold eyes, full of hatred and disgust, directed straight towards me. I start trembling again and shoot Anna a warning glance, but she either doesn't see it or ignores it.

"Ms. Summers, with all due respect I don't think that my client would've taught his daughter such a thing." He says coldly, but I can see he's starting to sweat.

"Really? Because the first time I tried to kiss her she was a trembling and crying mess because she thought she was doing something wrong." The lawyer's eyes widen even more and he's at a loss of what to do as he stares into Anna's wide smile. This, however, doesn't give me any comfort, since I can still feel my father's hateful gaze upon me.

"Even after we became _girlfriends_…" Damn it Anna, stop emphasizing what we are! "She didn't want anyone to know about our relationship because she thought they would all hate her like her father did. Hell, even _now_ she's trembling in fear because she didn't want her father to know about us!" At this all heads in the room turn towards me and I instinctively cower to appear smaller, hoping this way they'll stop staring at me so intently, but apparently this doesn't work… because when everyone finally stops looking at me it's because my father speaks. Or rather, _yells_.

"Is it true, Elsa?!" He says, obviously furious and wanting to rip my head out. I try to speak, but I can't even breathe because of the sheer panic just looking at his angry face is making me feel. "Is it true you're a fucking _lesbian_?!" I instinctively shake my head, but it's no use, the madness in his eyes doesn't diminish.

"Mr. Frost…" The judge tries to interfere, but my father isn't listening to anyone.

"I thought I had made myself clear when I sent you to the States! I don't want a disgusting homosexual in my family!" I flinch at his words and hot tears start falling from my eyes as I break down completely under his stern gaze. I feel so small, so vulnerable. I feel like a failure, like a monster, like someone who doesn't even deserve to be alive… like how I felt before I became Anna's girlfriend.

* * *

I don't even register all the yelling that is going on around me, nor when two police men come into action and placate my father, or when Anna's arms wrap themselves around me as she utters apology after apology. All I know is that, when my girlfriend's soothing voice pulls me back from my panicked state, the jury is ready to pronounce the sentence. I still don't feel quite good though, but at least I guess I'm now used to it, so I'm able to pay attention to what they're saying; after all, I _do_ want to know what they decided to do with me.

"The jury has come to a verdict." The judge announces as he pulls out a paper. "They have decided to concede Ms. Elsa frost total emancipation, granting her full access to her inheritance, which amounts to 50% of the assets and possessions Agdar Frost possessed at the moment of Idunn Frost's death, including half the total value of the company." I chance a look at my father, but when I see him practically fuming in anger, I quickly return my attention to the front. I don't even dare feel happy or relieved yet.

"However, this is only with the stipulation that she attend mandatory psychiatric therapy at least once a week, as per the suggestions of the court psychologist." Well, I think that sounds reasonable.

"Mr. Frost will also be obligated to pay a total of 2,350,000 crowns as compensation for the emotional and psychological damage inflicted on his daughter, as well as his years of neglect." My father was clearly about to get up and start yelling, but the sound of the hammer was so final that he could only clench his hands until his knuckles became white and his face red with anger. "Court is dismissed." At this everyone starts standing up to leave the court room.

"What did he say?" I hear Anna ask to the interpreter, but I don't turn to look at her. I think I'm still in shock and can't believe what just happened.

"You won." It's all he's allowed to say before my girlfriend jumps up in excitement as the other five adults that are with us smile widely and start congratulating me. I, however, am expecting to wake up at any second. How did we win? I thought he'd bribe the jury, and even if that failed I had two panic attacks in the middle of the courtroom! I mean, it surely shouldn't have been this easy?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I see someone standing right in front of me and look up to see it's my father. I instantly cower when I see his angry look.

"You'll regret this." He spits out. "I don't know how, but I will make sure your life is as miserable as it can be." He says it in a hushed tone, probably so no one else can hear him, but it still makes goosebumps appear on my skin.

"Hey, leave her alone!" Anna comes to my rescue. "Don't you think you've already hurt her enough?" Her glare actually manages to match my father's, but instead of giving me fear, it gives me a sense of warmth and security. Adgar only looks angrily at her for a second before turning around and exiting the room. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Are you okay?" My girlfriend asks when he's out of sight, looking at me with a concerned gaze.

"Kind of." I shrug, but it doesn't come out as casual as I'd like. Maybe because my shoulders are tense as hell and my voice is still a little shaky. "I just can't believe that we won." I add so not to worry her more. Her gaze softens at this and she approaches me taking my hands between hers.

"We did win, it's real, I promise." She says with a soothing tone. "But I can understand that it still doesn't feel quite like it for you." She gives me a sad smile as she rubs circles on the back of my hands. "However, we still have a week before we go back to the States. I hope that's enough for you."

"Yes, and we will be relaxing and having fun and visiting places." Anna's father assures me with a smile. "You'll be fine, Elsa."

"Yeah, it may take some time, but you'll get used to be finally free of that man." Gerda adds and I smile gratefully at them. I'm glad they're with me, I'm sure without them I'd have ended up going to a psychiatric hospital instead of getting my inheritance. But still, Anna was the one who helped the most, and really, as I look at those loving teal eyes of her, I know I'll be safe. As long as she is with me.


	24. I'm making today a perfect day

**Chapter 24: I'm making today a perfect day (and night).**

It's only been a week since the trial and, let me tell you, I feel a lot better now. Like the weight of the world… no, _the universe_ has been lifted off my shoulders. It took me a while to take it all in, of course. To accept that I'm now free from that wicked man I used to call my father. Eventually I managed, somehow, partially thanks to the fact that Anna, her parents and I (and sometimes kai and Gerda too) have been sightseeing and visiting new places. Relaxing and having fun, and that appeased me a little. What helped the most though, was the idea Anna had to help me get rid of my father (and no, we didn't throw him off a cliff, as much as she wanted to), even if at first I had my doubts about it.

Her idea was for me to sell my part of the company to my father's most important competitor, which, together with the damage the outcome of the trial caused on his public image, forced the board to remove him and chose another CEO. So now he has no influence or power anymore… and I'm richer than him, which I'm still trying to process. I mean, I was basically poor a week ago, and now I'm a millionaire! It's just… weird. But I'm planning to use all that newly acquired money and freedom wisely. For example, I've already paid Anna's parents the money they spent on me, even if they didn't let me pay for everything, and when I return to the USA, I'm going to reward Kai and Gerda for their generosity… but my biggest plan right now is to take Anna on a date.

I've been planning this all week; everything has been taken care of, down to the smallest detail. Not surprisingly the most difficult part wasn't to rent a limousine and a jeep, or to reserve a table at a luxurious restaurant. No, the most difficult part was to ask permission from her parents, because let's be honest, they're _way_ too over protective of her. Mostly her father. I still feel chills when I remember the glare he sent me when I told him I wouldn't be returning with Anna until the next day… yeah, I'm planning to spend the night with her. And it was pretty obvious. Still, her mother is less strict and with her help I was able to obtain his permission too. And now we're going on a date. I just hope it all goes well.

"Are you ready, Anna?" I ask, entering her room, only to see her fighting with that unruly mane of hers.

"Just… one second." She answers, wincing when a strand of hair gets caught on the brush. I giggle; watching Anna brush her hair is always a spectacle. "Ugh… you know how difficult my hair is in the mornings."

"That's true." I reply smiling as I approach her. "May I?" I gesture to her brush. I really want to run my hands through her soft hair.

"Huh? You wanna brush my hair?" She asks surprised; after all, I've never done that. Still, she hands me the brush.

"Of course! I love your hair!" I answer as I start untangling her hair as gently as possible. I have to admit though, it really looks like a bird's nest right now.

"You say that now. Wait until you're finished with it." She smirks.

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad." I protest even if, as I brush a knot that doesn't want to untangle, I'm starting to think otherwise. "You just need a bit of conditioner."

"I hate that thing." She says grumpily, which in turn makes me laugh. That's _so_ Anna.

Then we fall in a comfortable silence, only interrupted by her occasional grunts and protests whenever her hair rebels against me. I'm enjoying this quite a lot though, partially because Anna's hair, once it's been smoothed, feels like fine silk on my fingers. But also because the sense of closeness I feel while doing this. It's like it connects me to Anna in a whole new level, making my heart flutter and my skin tingle. It's so intimate and romantic… I almost sigh in disappointment when I finish braiding it.

"There, it's done." I announce, finally releasing her.

"Thanks Elsa." She smiles at me. "Now I think it's your turn."

"But Anna, I've already combed my hair." I retort, pointing at my bun.

"Yeah, like you were going to some office meeting, or other serious shit like that." She answers. "I mean, I like your bun, you know? But it makes me feel like you're going to take me to see the kings of Norway or something." I mentally chuckle at her words. I mean, my bun is not so regal… is it?

"Okay… what do you suggest?" I relent, against my better judgement.

"Braid!" She answers enthusiastically.

"But…"

"Aw, come on, it's been _ages_ since I last saw you wearing your usual braid!" She insists, giving me those puppy dog eyes that always melt any resistance I may have.

"Fine." I sigh, handing her the hairbrush. "Just… promise me you won't take long; the driver is already waiting for us."

"Wait… _driver_?" She asks as she gets up and lets me sit in front of the mirror.

"Yeah." I shrug casually, but deep down I'm boiling in excitement. I bet this will impress Anna.

"I already _am_ in love with you, you know? You don't need to woo me." She teases as she starts freeing my hair.

"I know." I chuckle, and then add, knowing she'll be even more mind-blown: "I'm just not confident enough to drive a limo on my own."

"You rented a fucking limo?!" She shrieks, clearly impressed, which makes me smile. "H-how… Whe-… Why?!"

"Because I wanted to woo you, despite the fact that I know you're already in love with me." I shrug, looking at her lovingly through the mirror.

"Does that mean you want to get into my pants?" She asks and, despite the fact she says it like a joke, my face turns scarlet red and I try to stammer some excuse for my actions, but I'm not able to form words, because yeah… that's the plan.

"Relax, I was just kidding." Anna assures me, but I still can see that she's blushing too. Maybe she's thinking about having sex too? Probably, I mean, she's been asking for it for months, so… It wouldn't surprise me. But it scares me a little. If she's really _that_ eager… what if I disappoint her? What it it's not as she imagined and she ends up not wanting to have sex anymore? And what if then she breaks up with me? What if…?

I take a deep breath. I need to relax. It's just… this whole sex thing makes me so anxious. I try to concentrate on Anna's fingers softly caressing my scalp in order to calm down, and thankfully it works, even if it kind of… turns me on. Such a small action. I truly am an unexperienced virgin… but then again, so is she, so maybe this won't be so difficult. I hope.

Soon enough, most of my hair is on a single thick braid, but, as I look at the mirror I notice that my bangs are way larger than I remember.

"I need a haircut." I say, trying to brush them out of my vision field.

"Maybe…" Anna answers as she searches for something on her drawers before pulling out a can of spray gel. "Close your eyes." She instructs me before pulling back my bangs and using the spray to fix them in that position. I soon open my eyes and look at my reflection, and I don't know what to think of it. I mean, it doesn't look bad, and I even like it a little, but… I'm not used to have such a _free_ look. Even when I braided it before, it looked so different, more… _constricted_.

"Wow." Anna breathes in awe, which makes me feel better about my hairstyle.

"You like it?" I ask, running my fingers through my hair, marveling at how it doesn't lose its shape, despite moving when I touch it.

"I love it!" She beams. "What about you?"

"I think I do too." I finally admit smiling. It doesn't look childish like my old braid, nor does it look as regal as my bun. No, it's more… sexy, if I dare say it. For the first time, I think I look sexy, and all because of this simple braid. Maybe it was a good thing after all.

Suddenly, I realize we've already lost too much time, and get up to hurry out of the hotel.

"Come on, we're going late." I say, taking Anna's hand and dragging her with me.

* * *

Thank god the limo has a panel that allows the driver not to see or hear anything that's happening on the back sit, because Anna starts devouring me the moment I close the door. I'm on top of her though, which feels weird since Anna usually prefers to be on top. But she doesn't complain and so neither do I; it's been a while since we were able to make out like this, after all.

The drive to our destination only takes twenty minutes though, but I don't mind since I know this will be great and Anna will love it, even if she doesn't want to get out at first. Which forces me to drag her until we're standing at the docks. Our first destination is the fjord, a calm lake that merges with the ocean with lots and lots of boats, yachts, sailboats and people taking pictures. It's been a while since I've been here, but it's just as beautiful as I remember. I just hope Anna likes it too.

"You like it?" I ask turning to see her smiling face.

"Of course!" She exclaims with such excitement I don't doubt her one second.

"I'm glad, because I thought you'd like an opportunity to see it up close." I reply, taking her hand and walking to where the kayaks are. Yes, kayaks. Originally I wanted a sailboat, but I figured a kayak was a lot easier to manage. Plus, when I was little I always wanted to try one of these, even if father didn't approve.

"Wait… we're going to get into a boat?" Anna asks nervously.

"Not exactly." I reply, stopping in front of our transports.

"Kayaks?" She exclaims, surprised. Now I'm feeling a bit insecure. Maybe she expected something fancier?

"Well… If you want. I could always rent a boat instead…" I say nervously, but she soon rushes to take my hand.

"I love kayaks." She assures me, extinguishing my fears. "I've never been in one though. I'll probably end up drowning." She adds playfully.

"Well then, we'll drown together." I reply with a smile before going to speak with the guy organizing the kayak trips and paying him for one hour (I thought that maybe half an hour would be better to start, but Anna normally has much more energy than I do, so…). Then I gesture to Anna to go put on a lifejacket before the guy instructs us how to get into those things, hold the paddles and row. Let me tell you, I didn't really get a hang of these things, but I still don't protest when he tells us to paddle (each in our own kayak) towards the crystal blue waters.

Not even five minutes later and my arms already feel like they're on fire (I really need to do more exercise), and the paddles feel like they weigh a ton. Combined with my lack of comfort due to this reduced space and my soaking wet jacket, this was already going horribly. Which is probably why I end up going in circles. And Anna does to, which makes me feel better about myself… and worse about the date. It was supposed to be perfect!

I keep trying though. I try with all my might to move forward and not let my exhaustion show, thinking that maybe this will motivate Anna and the date won't be ruined, but instead I soon hear her giggle.

"What?" I ask, looking at her curiously, but glad that she isn't mad or anything.

"Nothing." She shrugs. "You just look so cute when you're trying to row."

"You too." I say, but my concentration never leaves the paddles.

"At least_ I_ can move in a straight line." She answers playfully, splashing a little bit of water towards me and starting rowing at a great speed, obviously trying to show off… only to end up soaked from head to toes because of the splashing, and spitting out water.

"Riiiight." I roll my eyes at her antics as I somehow manage to approach her kayak. "I doubt you can do that without falling in." I tease, to which Anna answers blowing a raspberry at me and trying to row again… with the exact same result. I can't help chuckling and following her. At least she seems to be having fun and, as long as she's happy, so am I.

* * *

When Anna finally admits, half an hour later, that she can't possibly lift her arms anymore (I had given up on rowing long before that), we finally head back to the dock. Then, we go to a coffee shop to rest and relax, otherwise we wouldn't be able to move by the time we arrive at our next destination: an ice rink.

Even if we're both sore and Anna doesn't know how to skate, I insist on it because I really love ice-skating and I haven't done it in ages… nine years actually. Since my brother's death.

_No, I'm not going there. This is supposed to be a happy day. _

We go inside, I pay for the both of us (it's nice to be the one paying for a change), we each take a pair of skates and step into the rink… only for Anna to immediately slip and almost fall, if not for her firm crutch on the railing. She still looks like she'll fall at any moment though. Her terrified expression is kinda comical actually, but maybe that's because skating is just natural to me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, amused.

"I-I'm fine." She lies and I raise a skeptical eyebrow. "Really." She insists, taking one wobbling step to prove her point. "See?" She says proudly before her legs slip in opposite directions, making her tighten her grip on the railing until her knuckles turn white. "Okay, maybe not so fine." She admits smiling as I approach her and help her regain a standing position.

"Don't worry, its normal." I assure her. "It took me a while to learn how to skate too."

"Did you take classes?"

"No… my brother did. He… he taught me." I answer, the mention of Jack making a twinge of pain flash through my heart. I try to shut it down, but it's still quite difficult.

"Oh." She says, clearly noticing how her question affected me. "Well… I hope he taught you well, because you're now dealing with the clumsiest student ever." She giggles, obviously trying to cheer me up. Honestly her smile is so infectious, that it makes the pain in my heart disappear as if it had never been there.

"Aw, come on. You're not _that_ clumsy." I counter.

"Try me." She answers defiantly.

"Very well." I agree to the challenge, taking her hand and trying to explain her how to glide on the ice without falling. I'm actually kind of glad she doesn't know how to skate, because it gives me an excuse to be near her.

Anna's first steps are… well, I've seen better. I think she really is as clumsy as she said; she almost endes up falling like ten times in less than five minutes. If I hadn't been holding her hand and determined not to let go of her, she'd be all wet and cold right now. After a while, however, she was able to let go of the railing and just clutch onto my arm as I dragged her across the rink, but as much as I liked the contact… it still hurt a lot, especially after almost an hour of kayaking.

"Anna, relax. You're going to break my arm." I joke, trying not to make her feel bad about it.

"Sorry." She says sheepishly as she relaxes her grip a little, making me internally sigh in relief. "I really don't want to fall. What if someone skates over my hand and cuts off my fingers?" She asks, making me laugh in amusement.

"You know these blades are not sharp enough to do that, right?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"R-really?" She blushes, clearly ashamed.

"Don't worry, it's usual for people to think that because they indeed were that sharp before."

"Oh." She nods in understanding before looking up at me and getting lost in my eyes as I get lost in hers. We're so close I could kiss her right now, and I really want to, except that I know this would distract her and make her slip… which is exactly what happens a second later when Anna keeps staring at my lips.

Not noticing the guy that was skating in front of her, Anna collides with him, letting go of my arm in the process, freaking out and stumbling desperately trying to regain her equilibrium. I quickly rush to help her, but the momentum she has is enough to send us both crashing to the ground, Anna on top of me. I feel all the air leaving my lungs, but at least nothing more painful than that. I didn't break anything.

Suddenly though, I notice exactly where Anna's head landed, and she seems to notice it too.

"Oh my god! Elsa, I'm sorry." She hastily apologizes, blushing madly as she distances herself from me. I would have believed her apology if her eyes hadn't been glued to the spot where she was before: my breasts. No, she's not sorry. I'm ashamed to admit how little this upsets me.

"I-It's fine." I say blushing too at the intensity of her stare, remembering how good her head felt _there_. "It happens." I try to brush it off for both of our sakes as I stand up and help Anna do so too.

"Oh, gosh, I hope your jacket won't get wet." Anna says once we're both on our feet, eying my ice-covered back.

"Don't worry; it's waterproof." I assure her, to which she nods, but starts cleaning my jacket nonetheless. Everything is fine until I feel her hand touching a little lower than it should and I let out an involuntary squeak. Hearing this, Anna jerks back her hand as if it had been burned.

"Sorry… again." She apologizes noticeably flustered. "I-it's just… you jacket is too low, and so I didn't notice… not like your… ehem… butt isn't noticeable; it is. I mean, I see it all the time. Well, not _all_ the time, that'd be creepy, but…"

"Anna." I interrupt her before this situation gets more awkward. "It's fine, I think I got the point." I smile nervously, hoping she doesn't notice how much I actually liked it.

"Right." She nods quickly, before clearing her throat clearly ashamed of what she'd just said. "Ugh… I think I'll just go sit down for a while." She points to the benches that are just outside the rink.

"O-of course." I agree, glad to get some distance from her so I can calm down my racing heart. "I'll just skate around a few times." Just as I say this, I realize Anna won't be able to get anywhere on her own. "Do you want to me to help you get there?" Anna nods as an answer and I gladly lead her out of the rink.

* * *

So, for half an hour I just kept skating across the ice while Anna watched. Of course I felt guilty about it and insisted her to join me, but she just said she was tired and preferred to see me gliding so gracefully. I blushed at her words and decided to keep skating, this time taking note of how her eyes never left my body. It made my cheeks warm a lot, but it also made me feel a little more confident about myself… and about my plans for tonight.

Finally, after a while, I convinced Anna to return to the rink, and this time she did a lot better. Then we went to the cinema and watched a movie (in Norwegian, of course) that I tried to translate for Anna, but she kept interrupting me via kissing, making it impossible to say a word. After a while I gave up on watching the movie altogether and instead started kissing Anna back. It was a good thing I bought tickets for the back row.

Then I took her to dinner at a very fancy restaurant near the fjord. I was worried at first that the food might have been too exotic for Anna, since everything was Norwegian, but she seemed to like it, so I just smiled and didn't bring it up. We chatted a little about many subjects while listening to the soft music as the sunset light filtered through the windows. Yes, it was very romantic; I chose this restaurant because of that.

Now we're exciting the restaurant, and just in time, since the sun is already settling under the horizon, but as I search the jeep I rented with my eyes, Anna asks:

"Uh, where's the…?"

"The limo?" I say and she nods. "As nice as it is, it won't be able to take us to our next destination."

"Our next destination? I thought we were going back to the hotel now." She says clearly surprised. It worries me that she doesn't want to spend more time with me, but I manage to hide it. "You know my father will kill us if we don't return on time."

_Oh, so _that's_ the problem._

"He would." I agree, remembering his glare. "If I hadn't asked for permission." I add with a little grin.

"How long do we have?" She asks, still concerned.

"Don't worry about it now." I shrug it off, not wanting her to know yet that I'm planning to sleep together. "Come." I guide her to the blue jeep I rented and she eyes it in disbelief.

"Uh… you'll drive?" She asks uneasy. It kinda hurts she doesn't think I can drive it.

"Yeah, I've been practicing for months now, so don't worry; it'll be fine." I assure her with a little happy smile. "Plus, I wanted us to be truly alone for this."

"Why? Where are we going?" I blush, not wanting to tell her yet, but my smile still grows at the thought of what we could be doing tonight. I just hope she likes it.

"It's a surprise." I answer, giggling when I notice her frustrated expression. "Which reminds me…" I open the jeep and pull out a green handkerchief I had prepared for this occasion and hand it to her. "I need you to cover your eyes."

"You're not kidnapping me, are you?" She raises an eyebrow, but I can tell she's not serious.

"Let's face it, even if I was, you wouldn't be opposed." I retort, more confidently than I really feel. I can already feel the excitement growing inside me, but then again, so is the anxiety.

"Fair enough." She admits as she tries to tie the handkerchief around her eyes, before I notice she can't and quickly help her. Once that's taken care of, we both get into the jeep and I start driving towards the mountains.

* * *

After having driven for what feels like an eternity with my hands sweating, my stomach full of butterflies, my heart trying to burst out of my chest and, at the same time, a certain warmth and eagerness at the thought of what we're going to do later, we finally get to our destination: a little deviation from the main road to a clearing, where I park the jeep before helping Anna out of it and leading her along a path that goes a bit deeper into the forest. It's already night though; dark and cold, with the ever present sounds of animals all around, so I walk as fast as possible. The entire time I'm praying no bears or wolves or any other dangerous creatures will attack us, letting out a sigh of relief when we get to the lake safe and sound.

"We're here." I say as we come to a stop.

"Great! Can I remove the blindfold now?" She asks eagerly, already placing her hands on it. She's been asking the same question every five minutes

"Yes, you can." I chuckle amused as she takes it off before staring ahead with the most awe-struck expression I've ever seen on her face… and once I turn to look at the lake, I understand why.

The lake itself is beautiful; a great extension of calm water that reflects all the stars in the sky like a mirror would, surrounded at all sides by tall mountains entirely covered by trees. What takes my breath away, however, is the fact that the northern lights just appeared above our heads.

It's not like I've never seen the northern lights; living most of my life in Norway means I saw them at least once a year, but never like _this_. There's no other light source near this place, which makes the colors more noticeable, and the waves of light reflect on the lake in front of us, making an even bigger spectacle and painting it all in greens, yellows and pinks. Everything looks so beautiful, and given the way Anna's eyes widened, I'm assuming she thinks so too.

"You like it?" I ask, even if I know the answer.

"Are you kidding me?! I love it!" She exclaims happily before jumping over me and kissing me hard. I have to take a step back in order to steady us before enveloping her shoulders and returning the kiss. "How did you know about the northern lights?" She asks, separating only enough for her to talk.

"I didn't." I answer honestly, but she still seems doubtful. "Really, I picked this place only because it's great even without the northern lights. It was just good luck." I shrug, smiling.

"Then we must be the luckiest couple ever." She says with the happiest little grin I've seen all day, her gaze so full of love it makes me tremble. Fortunately though, she soon goes back to stare at the lights, letting my heart rate go back to normal… or at least as normal as it can be when I'm with Anna.

We stay like that for a while, not saying anything and just marveling at the sight before us. I can't help thinking we've come a long path since the day we met. And I'm not just talking about our relationship, even if it sure is a pretty big improvement going from bully and victim to girlfriends so in love with each other we couldn't hide it if we tried. No, I'm also talking about the way Anna went from being a naïve girl that was very easily manipulated by a bunch of jerks to the woman who saved my life twice; one from myself and the other from my father (I mean, yeah, he wasn't going to kill me, but he was very capable of destroying my life).

And of course… I'm also talking about myself. I'm not proud of the Elsa I was before, but at least now I've grown enough and I've gone through so many things that I know better than to hate her. She's still a part of me after all, even if she is a little scared lamb that wouldn't defend herself and was hopelessly in love with her bully. She was partially the reason I'm here now after all, and so I'm learning to accept her, as I'm also learning to accept my destructive side so we won't be so at odds anymore. I'm proud to say it's working; I don't have breakdowns and I almost never want to hurt anyone. But I'm fully aware none of this could have been possible without Anna. That girl is my life in more ways than one. She was the light in my darkness, and even now she's still the sun in my life. I love her so much, and I hope we could stay together forever.

Deep inside, I know we will.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this is the official end of this chapter, the rest is pure smut, so if you want to read it, go ahead, if not… well, you're not missing much. Whatever you decide, thank you so much for reading this story, I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it, and if you haven't checked Anna's POV yet, maybe you could now? Please?**

**Anyways, sorry for the delay, and see you soon. There's still an epilogue left :D**

**Also, if you want to see a drawing I made of this chapter, please check my Deviant art, Tania Hylian :)**

**Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13 :)**

* * *

"Anna." I call her out once the northern lights are gone and I know I need to get the next, and last, part of my plan started, even if the mere thought makes me anxious.

"Hmh?" She asks, turning to look at me.

"There's… something more." I admit blushing

"Another surprise?" She exclaims.

"Uh… kind of, but this one... you don't have to go through it right now if you don't want to." I assure her, not wanting her to feel forced into this.

"What is it, Elsa?" She asks.

"Uhm… come." I say, deducing it's better to just show her rather than to tell her, before dragging her to the small wooden cabin near the lake, opening the door and getting in. Once inside, I avoid eye contact with Anna and instead go and try to light a fire at the chimney. Partially to calm my thoughts and partially to light up this place a bit better.

"Elsa… what is this place?" Anna asks, looking around.

"A cabin." I answer, even if I know that's not what she asked. "I-I… I kinda bought it." I admit against my better judgement. Now she'll just think I'm crazy.

"What? Why would you do that?" She practically yells, making me flinch slightly, but I cover it quickly.

"Because I'm hoping it'll have a sentimental meaning after tonight." I mumble, lowering my gaze. The moment of truth is nearing close, and my heart feels like it's about to get out of my chest. I think I may just faint.

"Why? Why did you bring me here?" I get up after finally having lit the fire (somehow) and face her, but I don't dare looking her at the eyes while answering.

"Uhm... I-I... You've been..." I stammer, so nervous my brain doesn't seem to work.

"Elsa, calm down. Take a deep breath." She instructs, and I do so while she comes closer and takes my hands reassuringly. This is what makes me relax enough to stop hearing my heartbeat in my ears. "Good, now tell me why are we here? I promise whatever your answer is, I won't reject you or laugh or anything, so please don't worry about it."

"Okay." I nod, knowing what she's saying is the truth and trying to convince myself that there's nothing to be nervous about, even if a part of me doesn't agree at all. "Well, you've been insisting for a while to..." I blush even more and I hale deeply before continuing practically forcing the words out of my mouth. "T-to have... To have... Relations." I gulp, cringing at how weird and forward that sounded, but I still continue, trying to assure Anna I was okay with that, and explain her why I never indulged on this before. "A-and I know you said you'd wait until I was ready, but... With my father's trial and all, I postponed this a little too long." I sigh.

"No, it's fine, really. I said I'd wait and I will, if you're not ready yet." She assures me, and seeing the sincerity of her words, makes me relax a little more, knowing she'd be happy to just cuddle with me if I said so, that she cares more about me than about having an orgasm. I mean, I already knew that, but it's good to hear it.

"I'm glad to hear that." I voice my thoughts, and Anna gives me a little smile, obviously trying to conceal her disappointment. In that moment, I know she really wants to have sex as much as I do. I don't have anything to be afraid of now, and maybe that's why I say what I say next. "_But_, I am ready now, and I want to have... T-to have sex. With you. Now." I blush at my own words and look at Anna expectantly for an answer, but instead of saying something, she stares dumbly at me for a few seconds before crashing our lips together in a passionate kiss.

I'm stunned for a moment, but as soon as I realize what's happening, I quickly return the kiss, even if it feels a little strange, more desperate, comparing it with the other times we've kissed before. But maybe I'm just imagining it because it's the kiss that signals the start of our passionate night (that sounds so weird, even in my head, but I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing).

Suddenly , I feel Anna's hand on the bare skin of my back, and I let out a little squeal, realizing she must have shoved one of her hands under my shirt, but she quickly separates and, after looking at me for a brief moment, starts unzipping my jacket before getting it off of me and throwing it away. I won't lie, this is going a little too fast for me and, while a part of me is burning with passion and aching with need, screaming at me to just get undressed already… the other part is still scared and anxious, and feeling far too exposed. The former is the one that takes control though.

"You too." I say tugging at Anna's jacket, to which she responds by quickly getting it off and tossing it to the ground. She's immediately all over me again, kissing me passionately while she unbuttons my shirt. This reminds me of the time we were at her house and she did the same, which in turn makes this feels familiar, slowly melting my worries away as I let out a moan when I feel Anna's lips on my collarbone.

Letting my lust take over me for a moment, I push Anna backwards until she's falling on the bed, quickly straddling her… and then realizing that was not a very good idea because now she's running her eyes over my body and this makes me feel self-conscious.

"Wow, you're so beautiful." She breathes out as she starts caressing my waist. In other circumstances her touch would tickle me, but right now… I only feel lust and nervousness.

"Thanks." I blush, feeling exposed because of Anna's clothed state. "Uhm… I'd like it if you…" I gesture to her shirt, trying to communicate what I want, and Anna seems to understand, because her shirt is soon flying to the other side of the room. I delight in the sight of her now naked torso (except for her bra, of course). Smooth, pale skin covered in cute freckles. She's the definition of perfection. I want to run my hands along every curve and kiss every one of the small dots that adorn her body. A burst of heat surges trough me at the thought, making me lean in and whisper on Anna's ear.

"You're not so bad yourself." I say, smiling when I feel Anna shudder in pleasure, marveling at the fact I'm able to make her feel like this. I want to make her feel more. I want to make her feel good… but _how?_

I start kissing her jaw hesitantly, hoping I'm doing it right, and then traveling down until I reach her collarbone, smiling when she moans at my ministrations. I want to descend even more though, to kiss her chest as my hands massage those lovely breasts of hers… but what if she gets upset? What if she feels raped or something? Maybe I should ask permission first, but… I can't just blatantly ask that, I need to think of a more subtle way.

Suddenly, as I try to think of how exactly I can ask Anna to let me touch her tender mounds of soft flesh, I feel her grabbing my hair. Slowly she starts guiding me towards the objects of my desire, like she'd read my thoughts. I'm still thinking I should first ask, but her pull is so insistent and deliberate, that I soon understand that she wants me to touch her there as much as I want to obey, so… why should I deny her that? And so, I reach to her left breast and start massaging it, marveling at its softness and at how good it fits on my hand.

"Off." She soon groans, signaling me to take off her brassiere, to which I hesitate only for a second before deciding I _really_ want to comply with her request and doing just that. Then, not being able to resist the temptation, I quickly go back to touching her breast, this time enjoying the sensation even more since there's not a bothersome barrier like before. Meanwhile, I also look at her other breast, smiling when I notice it has freckles too. Soon, I decide to also start pinching the nipple until it becomes hard, but… I'm still unsure, because I don't know if this is what she wanted, so I decide to ask.

"Is this… good?"

"More than good." She pants as she pulls me into a searing kiss, making our naked torsos touch in the most amazing way. I can feel her warmth, her softness, the way her heart beats hard against my own chest… all of it. I've never felt closer to anyone else , and it's amazing.

However, my enjoyment is short-lived when I feel Anna unclasp my brassiere and I let out a squeal of surprise. "Sorry, is this okay?" She mumbles into my mouth. I take a few breaths before being able to respond.

"Y-yes. Just… caught me by surprise, is all." I say as I quickly separate from Anna, take off my brassiere before I can think better onf it, and resume our kissing, this time feeling even better because our naked breasts are touching, which in turn makes my nipples harden. The pleasure I feel is almost overwhelming.

Soon enough, Anna starts caressing my lower back, which I'm okay with, but then her hands stray a little lower than they should, and she squeezes my butt cheeks, catching me by surprise. The sensation is so intense though that I can't help it when I thrust my hips forward and moan her name, apparently encouraging her further because now she's massaging my butt more firmly than before.

Wanting her to experience something just as pleasurable, if not more, I gather all the confidence I have and start kissing her collarbone slightly, before descending to her breast… which makes her practically jump in surprise.

"Are you okay?" I ask concerned that I was being a little too forward.

"I'm fine, please don't stop." She begs so needy that I don't think it twice before doing what I been aching to do ever since I saw her pink nipples; take one of them into my mouth. "Elsa!" She screams, pressing our bodies closer together… if that's even possible. I must admit, I have no idea of what I'm doing, but I'm glad to see Anna's liking it nonetheless. She does seem to be aching for more though, given how she keeps trying to thrust her hips up and hold me even tighter. I think it's time to speed things up a little.

So, with shaky fingers I reach down to the hem of her jeans, not before looking at her and silently asking permission. Receiving a nod, I don't waste time before peeling the last layers of clothing off of Anna's body… and what a body! I mean, her torso is, by itself, pretty gorgeous, but this… just wow. Her legs are shapely and long, even considering she's shorter than me, and of course they're covered with freckles. Her hips are wide enough to accentuate the curves of her waist and… I try not to look at it, but she has an adorable bush of red hair down there. She's just like I imagined in my wildest fantasies… not that I usually fantasize about it of course.

"Wow. So gorgeous." I breathe out, to which Anna answers with a small giggle.

"I bet you're gorgeous as well, though I can't be sure until I see you naked." I blush at her words, knowing what she's asking me with them, but still, I'm nervous. However, after somehow calming down my racing heart and trying not to let the fear dominate me, I unbutton my jeans and kick them off my legs, leaving my panties on because I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of those too.

Anna stares at me for like three seconds before ripping them off herself, which makes me want desperately to cover myself; I feel so exposed. I don't do it through; I know there's nothing to be ashamed of. Anna may be more beautiful than me, but… I know she likes me the way I am. I think. Plus, I kinda took a lot of care getting rid of my leg hair (even if it was very scarce), applying cream to make the skin even softer and even trimming my pubic hair a bit so it looks better than usual. So no, I don't have to feel self-conscious, I try to convince myself.

Suddenly, Anna reaches one hand towards my pelvis, distracting me from my thoughts, but I stop her in time. She pouts at this, and I just chuckle, trying to hide my anxiousness at what she was trying to do.

"Don't be so eager." I tease before leaning in and whispering to her ear in the sexiest way I can, so she doesn't have any option but to comply: "I want to make love to you first." Fortunately she doesn't object further after that, and so I start kissing her neck and playing with her nipples again, loving the way she keeps moaning and thrusting her hips up, hoping to gain some friction on her lower parts. I decide to let her have some relief by entwining our legs so my knee presses against her wet center. I wasn't prepared to the heat that's emanating from there though. It feels so good, and to think it was me who made her this wet…

"Fuck! Elsa!" She moans when my knee finds her clit.

"You like it?" I ask, smiling when she nods, my confidence increasing tenfold.

"More… please." She is barely able to say trough the pleasure.

I know what she wants; she wants me to finally start touching her. Like_ really_ touching her… and this delights me to no end. Just now, I realize how much I've been waiting for this. Soon, my hand starts making its way down to her hip, stopping when my fingers touch soft curls. I look up at Anna for confirmation and, when she nods, I swallow my hesitance and press down on her clit.

"Oh, Elsa!" She cries out in pleasure, the sight so hot that I just _have_ to kiss her while I keep rubbing her sensitive spot. "Fingers. Inside… Please." She pleads, making me blush at her bluntness. I still obey though; given how much she's panting, she's probably already nearing her orgasm.

She feels warm and wet inside, just as I thought she'd feel, and her walls are squeezing me slightly, urging me to go deeper and faster. I had only put in one finger at first, not wanting to hurt her or something, but she's so wet that I decide to add a second one, earning yet another moan from my girlfriend. When I start thrusting them in and out though, she suddenly tenses and bites my shoulder. Hard. I bite my lip to keep myself from letting out a pained whimper, because I know that'd only make Anna feel bad, and I'm sure she didn't want to hurt me. Plus… I like it, even if I'm a bit ashamed to admit it. Her nails running on my back don't hurt much, so I don't protest against it either.

"Elsa…" She says once she's released my shoulder and licked it gently, helping to soothe the pain. "Please… bite me." She begs, eyes half lidded and cheeks red. I can practically see the desire painted on her face.

"W-what?" I ask surprised at her for requesting such thing. I've never bitten her before after all.

"Please…" She repeats one more time as she titles her head to the side exposing her neck. A part of me doesn't want to do it because I know I'll hurt her but… I mean she bites me often enough for me to know it's not that bad, plus she's asking me, so… I carefully reach down, position myself and give her skin a tender kiss, as if apologizing for what I'm about to do, before capturing her flesh with my teeth and squishing, trying not to hurt her much. "Harder!" She complains, and sighing internally, I obey, biting down on her neck so hard I'm sure it'll leave a mark. She doesn't complain though, instead, she's soon screaming my name as she comes undone in my hand. I feel her squeezing me, her fluids soaking my fingers, and I help her ride out her orgasm until she's limp and quiet (I swear she almost broke my eardrums while orgasming) below me.

Then, I release her abused skin and lick it as a sort of apology, before extracting my fingers from inside Anna and looking at them. I'm thinking I should just wipe them on the sheets but… I really want to know what she tastes like, so I carefully bring them into my mouth, and savor the fluids. It's as delicious as I thought it'd be, and I can't help moaning at the taste.

"I knew you'd taste delicious." I say once I've finished cleaning my fingers.

"I-I…" Anna stammers, blushing and looking at me with wide eyes. At least she isn't disgusted by what I just did.

"I also knew you'd be loud." I add playfully.

"I-is that why you brought me to a cabin in the middle of the woods?" She asks, obviously still trying to recover from the intensity of her orgasm. An orgasm I just gave to her. I still can't believe what just happened.

"No." I laugh at her question. "But it sure came in handy."

"Hey, I'm not that loud!" She protests pouting.

"Of course you are." I tease, leaning in and kissing her tenderly on the lips, trying to express just how much I enjoyed what we just did, and trying to make sure she knows I made love to her, not just fucked her. She, however, soon deepens the kiss, not caring one bit about the taste of her fluids still in my mouth, and reawakening my lust and need for my own release.

We only separate when we both need some air, and as we do so, she eyes me with a Cheshire-like smile.

"Your turn." She says.

"W-what?" I stammer nervously, my anxiety and fear taking the hold of me again. "I-I mean… you don't have to…"

"But you want me to." She says with a sexy and confident smile. "Do you not?"

"I-I…" I bite my lip, trying to calm down and think clearly. Do I want this? The answer is easy. "Y-yes."

_But… am I ready for it?_

"But?" Anna asks, obviously sensing my hesitation.

"But… I'm nervous." I admit, angry with myself. "This whole physical-contact thing… is still new to me, and, as much as I like it… it makes me anxious." I grimace at how pathetic I just sounded, I mean, we're here already naked and I just made love to her! Why do I keep acting as some scared puppy? "I'm sorry, I know I'm being silly."

"No, I understand." She assures me. "And you're not silly; we all have our own fears." She caresses my back, and I close my eyes to enjoy the soothing feeling, already feeling my tension diminishing. "I want to make love to you… but I want you to feel comfortable about it, so I won't force you if you're not ready yet." She smiles at me and I do so too, feeling myself coming to a resolution, after all, if I don't try this now, I know I never will.

"T-thanks… It's good to know." I pause, shutting down my stupid fears; it's time to be free of them and do what I want to for a change. "But I do want to… t-to feel your touch in me." I blush at the admission. "Just… take it slow, okay?"

"Okay." She agrees, pushing me gently until I'm lying on my back and she's straddling me. I look up into her loving eyes and, for the first time, I feel like I can truly give all of myself to someone. I mean, Anna already has my heart, but _now_… I'm ready to give her my body too.

She kisses me first, in such a tender way I forget how to breathe for a second. She knows of my fears, my insecurities, and my nervousness, and wants to make me feel comfortable by expressing all the love she feels for me in this one kiss. It sure works because soon all the hesitance I felt, leaves me and I'm gasping, wanting more than just kissing.

Noticing this, Anna descends to my neck and kisses it before proceeding to do the same with the back of my ear, a part of me that, we both discovered a while ago, is very sensitive. I moan at the pleasure I'm feeling, but she leaves that spot and finds my collarbone, where she starts sucking and biting, leaving a hickey. I really love when she marks me like that, even if it _does_ hurt a little, and so I cry out her name, drowning in pleasure.

Anna doesn't waste time though, and soon is moving towards my breasts, cupping them with her hands and squeezing, slowly and gently kneading them like dough. I'd be ashamed to admit how much I'm liking this, but I don't care anymore. It's so good! And my body is responding by increasing its temperature until I'm hotter than I've ever been. I think I'm having a fever here. A lust-induced fever.

Anna soon takes one of my nipples into her mouth, sucking it and nibbling it, making stars appear on my vision. I moan her name, begging her for more, wanting her to touch me where no one has before. I ache for it. I need it. Instead, she gives me a hickey on my breast, which only serves to increase my need for release.

When Anna just keeps caressing my body and kissing me here and there, I know I'll have to directly ask her to touch me.

"Anna, please… I need you… please _touch_ me." I pant, smiling when she finally starts making her way down there… but then I feel her breathe on my lower regions and blush when I realize she's staring directly at my intimate parts, inhaling deeply and eying me hungrily.

"A-Anna." I say nervously, not knowing what she's up to. "What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She answers, pressing her nose against my pubic hairs, making my heart beat accelerate considerably. "I'm about to eat you up."

"A-Are you sure you want that? Doesn't it disgust you?" I ask apprehensibly, my insecurities getting the best of me.

"Did it disgust you when you tasted my... Juices?" She counters, running her hands through my thighs, making me shudder in pleasure.

"Well... No, no it didn't." I answer, realizing how silly my question was. I look down at Anna and, when she just keeps staring at me like asking for permission, I gather my courage and give her a nod… to which she answers instantly kissing my lower lips. I don't even have time to prepare myself for the explosion of pleasure that surges trough me.

It gets even better when she starts running her tongue through all my womanhood, even inserting her tongue into my vagina and caressing my insides with it, but… it's still not enough for me, and so I take her hair with one hand and gently lead her up a little, to where my most sensitive spot is.

"Anna... Please." I beg her, internally sighing in relief when she starts sucking my clit, but externally moaning in pleasure… and then she starts stroking it with her tongue making me cry for more. I can't contain myself, and now I kinda understand why Anna was so loud before.

Unexpectedly though, she pushes one finger in… and I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming because of the amazing sensation, which only increases when Anna inserts a second finger and starts thrusting them in an out as she pleasures my clit with her mouth. Truth to be told, I never thought about using more than one finger in myself, but I'm glad Anna did; it feels _so_ good!

It isn't long before my orgasm finally hits me, and it doesn't surprise me that it's so intense I can't keep my eyes opened… or my mouth shut. Even bright spots appear on my vision, something that has never happened, but I guess it's because Anna's fingers are still inside of me and her tongue is still lapping my lower regions.

Unfortunately, orgasms doesn't last forever, and so I soon go limp. Anna extracts herself from down there and comes to cuddle with me. I hug her tightly, waiting for my heart to calm down and my breathing to come back to normal, enjoying how warm her naked body feels against mine.

"Well... That was intense." I pant, when I regain my ability to talk, though I'm thinking my ability to do anything else will need more time to come back; I'm exhausted.

"You liked it?" She asks, smiling up at me.

"More than I'd like to admit." I confess, unable to meet her gaze just a few seconds after our heated love-making session.

"Hey, there's nothing to be ashamed of. After all, who wouldn't like a night of intense love-making with a sexy girl like me?" She says playfully.

"A bit narcissistic, aren't you?" I raise an eyebrow, amused at her antics, but not surprised one bit. This is Anna alright, making jokes about everything just to make me smile.

"Admit it, you loved it." She counters, and she looks so adorable I can't help leaning in and kissing her softly on her lips, trying to communicate all the love I feel for her.

"I love _you_." I say, separating only enough to look her at her eyes, which are now looking at me with the most loving gaze I've ever seen.

"I love you too." She answers, and the way she says it… I just know it's true. I feel it. Of course, I already knew it, but, it never felt so real until now. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I just experienced the most pleasure I've felt in my life, and it was all thanks to Anna, but something tells me that, if we didn't love each other (like truly, _deeply_ love each other), this wouldn't have felt quite as good. Which is a comforting thought, because I know I chose well. I know no one ever will be able to make me feel like Anna does. And I'm okay with that, because I'm certain I'm not going to let her go anytime soon.


	25. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

"Elsa! Elsa, are you ready yet?" Kai's voice sounds through the house. The large house I bought for them. At first they didn't want to accept it, of course, but I insisted that they deserved it and that I didn't want to live alone. The later was the reason why they finally accepted. But that was a year ago, when we came back from Norway; now, I've finally graduated from high school and am starting college in a few weeks (architecture, of course).

"Yeah, just… one minute." I answer as I desperately search for my favorite pencil before finally finding it, putting it with the rest of my belongings before descending, carrying two suitcases with great difficulty.

"Elsa, you should have called me to carry them for you." Kai chastises me when he sees me descending the stairs and rushes to take one of my suitcases from my hands.

"At New York there won't be anyone to carry things for me." I protest, but still let him help me.

"I'm sure Anna will be more than happy to do just that." Gerda points out, and I groan knowing she's right; Anna can be very gentlemanly when she wants to.

"I still can't believe her parents let her go with you though. Especially since she doesn't want to attend college just yet." Kai comments as he opens the door.

"Me neither. It did take a lot of convincing." I say, smiling as I remember how Anna practically threw a tantrum until they relented. I also helped a little, reasoning with them that maybe a year of self-discovery was all Anna needed before deciding what she wanted to do with her life, and that the best way to do so was to get away from her birth place and be more independent. I also promised I wouldn't let her get into trouble… which I bet will be quite difficult.

Just then I notice I'm now in front of the car, so I open the trunk and put in my suitcase as Kai does the same with the other. Then I close it and turn to look at my adoptive parents (because let's be honest, after almost five years taking care of me, they deserve that title), who are looking at me with bittersweet smiles. Gerda is actually about to cry, and I think I might too; for the first time in my life, I had a place I could call home, and now I'm going to go far away…

I bet my new residence will be good enough, and Anna's company will help, but… I'll miss this place, and I'll miss them.

"I-I.. I should go now." I say, noticing that my voice is trembling like I'm about to cry.

"Oh, don't cry, dear." Gerda says as she steps closer to me and wipes a tear I didn't know had fallen from my eye. "We'll see each other soon enough." I nod, trying to contain my tears, but I can't and soon I'm hugging the woman, trying to be closer to her before I go away.

"Yeah, you'll come visit us at thanksgiving, right? And Christmas?" Kai asks, and all I can do is nod, realizing it's true, but… those dates seem very far away. I let go of Gerda to then hug Kai, wishing I didn't have to go.

"Thank you." I say. "Both of you… for everything." At this he pats my back soothingly and separates from me, looking at my eyes.

"You're welcome." He smiles at me. "Now, I think there's a girl waiting for you, and I bet you don't want to arrive late."

"Of course." I say, wiping my tears. "I'm gonna miss you." I look at both of them, wanting them to see that I mean it, that I'm truly going to miss them both and think of them every day.

"And so will we." Gerda smiles and Kai nods, confirming her words. Honestly, I want to stay longer, to say something more, but… I know if I don't go now, it'll be more difficult later.

"Goodbye. I'll come back soon." I answer hesitantly before getting into my car and, as I wave to the couple, swallow my tears and drive away towards Anna's house.

* * *

Anna's house is only fifteen minutes from mine, but I still have time to compose myself and gather a smile before arriving to the door and pressing the doorbell. I wait for a few seconds, expecting the butler to open up, but instead the door suddenly swings open and I'm surrounded by a pair of strong arms that belong to an overexcited redhead.

"Elsa!" She exclaims, making me wince because she just screamed in my ear. "I'm so glad you're here! Should we get going?" She now separates from me and looks me in the eye with an excited expression that makes me chuckle.

"Hold on, Anna." Anna's mother voice sounds from the door and we both turn to see her. "Have you already packed all you need? Your toothbrush? Your sweaters? Your acne cream?"

"Mom!" Anna blushes embarrassed. "I don't use acne cream." She mumbles.

"I know." She chuckles. "I was just teasing you."

"Anna, care to help me with your stuff?" Her father appears behind her mother, carrying like five different suitcases.

"Uh… do you really need that many things?" I ask, doubting they'll all fit into my truck.

"Yes… well, like half of it is food but…" She chuckles nervously as she takes one suitcase from her father and her mother does the same with another one.

"We don't need that much food for the trip. New York is only like six hours from here." I try to reason with her.

"Yeah, but what if we get lost? Or what if we get caught up in a hurricane or a snow storm? Or a zombie apocalypse? Or…"

"Anna." I chastise her.

"Okay, fine" She sighs. "I'll leave one of my food suitcases here, but if a tragedy happens and we don't have food it's your fault." I chuckle and so do her parents, while Anna just pouts as I help her load her other four suitcases into my truck (they barely fitted). Then we turn to her parents.

"I promise I'll take care of Anna." I say, noticing their worried expressions. "And we'll come back to visit soon." Her father just nods, but her mother gives me a hug that I soon reciprocate.

"Please remind her to call us at least once a week. She's quite forgetful." She whispers on my ear and I nod.

"Please don't get in trouble." Anna's father tells us once Miriam has let go of me.

"Trouble is my second name." Anna jokes and her father just rolls his eyes before going and hugging her.

"And please remember to eat healthy." Her mother adds as she goes hug Anna just when her father lets go of her. I'm watching their interaction with a little smile, but then I see Karl turning to look at me for a moment before also hugging me, taking me by surprise. I don't protest though; I don't want to have problems with my "in-laws".

"Just remember… if you hurt my baby I'll make you pay." He jokes.

"I don't think I could hurt her if I wanted to." I answer honestly, and he separates from me nodding approvingly.

"You are a good kid, Elsa. I hope things work out between you and Anna and that you stay together for a long time."

"I hope that too." I smile, glad that I have his approval.

"Well, now I think it's time for you to go." Miriam says, gesturing to the car. "Don't forget to call us when you get there."

"Yes, we will." Anna answers, opening the passenger side and getting inside, before peering back at me and urging me to follow her. "Come on, Elsa, New York awaits." I smile fondly at her before getting in as well and starting the engine.

"Are you ready?" I ask, not yet making the car move forward.

"I was born ready!" She says enthusiastically, making me chuckle, before we both wave her parents goodbye as the car starts driving away from Anna's home.

When we are just a few streets away however, I hear a quiet sniffle and turn to look at my side to see Anna wiping her tears. Concerned, I park where I can and gently place my hand at her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I… I'm fine." She says, trying to stop crying.

"Anna, if you're not ready yet I can…"

"No!" She says hastily, looking at me with pleading eyes. "I want to go… it's just… I'm gonna miss them." She admits, her lower lip trembling slightly as more tears fall from her eyes.

"Come here." I say, opening my arms for her to lean in me, caressing her softly, hoping this will help. "It's not like you aren't going to see them again." I remind her.

"I know, but… I've never been away from home and… it's scary." I tense, hoping she doesn't regret her decision, but her next words put me at ease. "I mean… I know I'll be fine because I'm with you, and you are the person I love most in the word, but… it'll take time to get used to being away from them."

"I know. I'll help you through it." I try to comfort her.

"Really?" She asks hopeful, looking up at me with those adorable puffy red eyes of her.

"Yes, really." I say before leaning in and kissing her. I'll never get tired of the taste of her lips, and I'm glad to know that I'll have plenty of time to kiss them. I can imagine us living together during the time I go to college, then moving in on a greater house when we decide to get married, finally deciding to have kids years later, and spending the rest of our lives together. I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but hey, we just made the first step into the right direction. Let's just hope we don't lose our way. In the meantime, we have a great adventure ahead, and I'm planning to make it great for Anna, because as long as she's happy, so am I.

**THE END.**

* * *

**A/N: Yep, this is the end. Finally, after more than one year of work I've finished this story, and I hope you all enjoyed just as much as I did. I know it's not the best out there, and that maybe some characters are OOC, but that's how I intended it to be, and I don't regret it… though I did cry a few times writing all Elsa was going through.**

**Anyways, I hope you leave a review and, if you want, you could check my other stories. I have two I'm currently updating, and they're kinda good, if I do say so myself.**

**Thanks for reading, I hope to see you soon. And thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13 :)**


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